Could Use A Laugh....

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  • No_Catchy_NicknameNo_Catchy_Nickname Kyushu,_JapanMembers  6173WRX Points: 1,401Handicap: mePosts: 6,173 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  edited Feb 14, 2017 #62
    augustgolf wrote:
    <br />
    One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.<br />
    The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”.<br />
    The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month”.<br />
    The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?<br />
    The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.
    <br />
    <br />
    <br />
    Young guy walks into a bar, sits down and promptly order a double of whisky.<br />
    As soon as the barman puts it down, he downs it and orders another.<br />
    Again, as soon as the barman puts it down, the guy downs it and orders another.<br />
    This goes on until the guy is on his seventh double.<br />
    The barman says, "hey, what's the need for the shots?"<br />
    The young guy says "Had my first bj today."<br />
    Barman says, "Hey, congratulations, the next one's on me."<br />
    Young guy says, "I've had seven already. You think another one is going to get rid of the taste?"
    Posted:
    Driver: Ping G400 Tour 65S
    4w: TaylorMade R9 stock Fujikura Motore X flex
    7w TaylorMade V-steel, Quadra Fire Express RB 6SX
    Hybrid: RomaRo iBrid 23* Attas EZ 85S
    Irons (4i-PW): Mizuno MP4 Attas 115X 4-PW (+0.5")
    Wedges: Cleveland RTX4 Forged 52* and 58*, DGS400 (both at 35.5")
    Putter: Mac Jack Nicklaus Muirfield/Taylormade TPA XVIII/Wilson 8802

    Old stuff: Tons of persimmon and older irons. 
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • No_Catchy_NicknameNo_Catchy_Nickname Kyushu,_JapanMembers  6173WRX Points: 1,401Handicap: mePosts: 6,173 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #63
    Bloke walks into a nice bar on the top storey of a fancy high-rise hotel. He sits down and has a few, then he notices the guy next to him is chugging these really fancy cocktails.<br />
    "Hey, what's that you're drinking?" He asks.<br />
    The other guy says "it's called a Wings. Makes you feel as light as air."<br />
    "No kidding? I'll try one" says the bloke. So he does and knocks one back.<br />
    "I don't feel any different" he says. <br />
    The other guy looks at him funnily and says, "Well I feel light as air; watch this!"<br />
    And he promptly stands up and jumps out of the window of this top-story bar.<br />
    The bloke's gobsmacked. As he's standing there looking out of the window, he feels a tap on his shoulder.<br />
    He turns around, and sees the bloke who just jumped out of the window standing there.<br />
    "See? I told you you'd feel as light as air," he says.<br />
    "Wow!" says the bloke. "How did you do that? You must be having me on."<br />
    "No, says the guy, I'll do it again."<br />
    And he orders another Wing, then hurls himself out of the window only to walk into the bar through the door a few minutes later.<br />
    The bloke's really convinced now, so he orders himself a Wing to try it out himself.<br />
    When it arrives, he downs it in one, then promptly rushes to the window and hurls himself out.<br />
    After 7 or 8 seconds, there's an ominous "splat" and the sound of screaming down below.<br />
    <br />
    The barman turns to the other guy and says, "You know, you're a real a****** when you're drunk, Superman."
    Posted:
    Driver: Ping G400 Tour 65S
    4w: TaylorMade R9 stock Fujikura Motore X flex
    7w TaylorMade V-steel, Quadra Fire Express RB 6SX
    Hybrid: RomaRo iBrid 23* Attas EZ 85S
    Irons (4i-PW): Mizuno MP4 Attas 115X 4-PW (+0.5")
    Wedges: Cleveland RTX4 Forged 52* and 58*, DGS400 (both at 35.5")
    Putter: Mac Jack Nicklaus Muirfield/Taylormade TPA XVIII/Wilson 8802

    Old stuff: Tons of persimmon and older irons. 
  • sprcoopsprcoop Tucson, AZMembers  1005WRX Points: 233Handicap: 16.7Posts: 1,005 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #64
    Do you know why Smokey the Bear doesn't have any children?<br />
    <br />
    Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.
    Posted:

    Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S
    3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R
    3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R
    2I: TourModel III True Temper S
    3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S
    SW: TourModel III True Temper S
    Putter: Cobra Anvil 005
    Ball: Ksig 3 piece

  • snoilr1snoilr1 Members  508WRX Points: 60Handicap: 17.2Posts: 508 Golden Tee
    Joined:  edited Feb 14, 2017 #65
    A Minister, a doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are in the same foursome. They're behind the slowest twosome anyone has ever seen, and getting angry. <br />
    <br />
    The pro comes out to apologize for the pace, and to explain that the two guys are firefighters who were both blinded while saving kids from a burning school. Both were really good golfers before the accident, and the course has rewarded them by giving them life memberships. <br />
    <br />
    The minister says "I'm going to say extra prayers for those two brave fellows at every service for the next month". The doctor says "I'm going to see if anyone at the hospital could help them regain their sight". The lawyer says "I'm going to offer my free services to review thier situation, and make sure they get every benefit they're entitled to ". The engineer says "Can't they play at night?"
    Posted:
    Titleist 913 D3
    R7 Steel 16Deg 4W
    RBZ 19.5Deg 3H
    Srixon Z745 5-P
    SM6 50.12F
    SM1 54.14, 58.08
    ProPlatinum mid-slant
  • justwellsyjustwellsy Members  972WRX Points: 3Handicap: TBDPosts: 972 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #66
    Here are a few short ones...<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    <br />
    golfjoke.gif<br />
    <br />
    Golf-caddy-050412.jpg<br />
    <br />
    caddie10.jpg<br />
    <br />
    westwood-and-foster.jpg
    Posted:
    Taylormade M2 9.5 set to 7.5 (Matrix Ozik 70 X-Stiff)
    Callaway X2 Hot 3 Deep 14.5 Deg X-stiff (Aldila Rogue Green)
    Mizuno MP-64 3-PW (DG X-100)
    Callaway MD2 50 deg
    Vokey SM4 54 Deg
    Callaway MD2 60 Deg
    Odyssey White Hot #7
    Ball: Apply for position
  • FergusonFerguson Members  5873WRX Points: 3,298Handicap: 7.0Posts: 5,873 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #67
    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    The "p" is silent.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • 3sip3sip Members  409WRX Points: 50Posts: 409 Greens
    Joined:  #68
    a lady goes to see her doctor, "I don't know what is wrong with me" she says "everything I touch hurts. I touch my head, it hurts, I touch my leg, it hurts, I touch my arm it hurts"<br />
    doctor asked "your a natural blond" she replies "yes how did you know?"<br />
    "your finger is broken"
    Posted:
  • sprcoopsprcoop Tucson, AZMembers  1005WRX Points: 233Handicap: 16.7Posts: 1,005 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Feb 15, 2017 #69
    Man goes to the doctor because he is over weight. He complains to the doctor, "I'm so fat I can't even see my p****". Doctor says, "Well sir, you're going to have to diet". Patient exclaims, "Diet! What color is it now?!?!"
    Posted:
    Post edited by Unknown User on

    Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S
    3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R
    3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R
    2I: TourModel III True Temper S
    3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S
    SW: TourModel III True Temper S
    Putter: Cobra Anvil 005
    Ball: Ksig 3 piece

  • bestrnd35bestrnd35 Members  245WRX Points: 26Handicap: 20Posts: 245 Fairways
    Joined:  #70
    I want this to be the first joke that my granddaughters tell in school. Clean, non-offensive.<br />
    <br />
    "When is a door not a door? When it's ajar."<br />
    <br />
    The again, they maybe not?
    Posted:
    Driver - Cobra F8 (plays 44.5")
    Callaway Fusion 3, 5 woods
    Callaway X-Hot N14 hybrids
    Callaway X-Hot 6-PW
    Callaway Mack Daddy 2 54, 60
    Titleist SM6 50
    Odyssey White Hot Pro Vline
  • adam667220adam667220 Members  927WRX Points: 143Posts: 927 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #71
    bestrnd35 wrote:
    <br />
    I want this to be the first joke that my granddaughters tell in school. Clean, non-offensive.<br />
    <br />
    "When is a door not a door? When it's ajar."<br />
    <br />
    The again, they maybe not?<br />
    Posted:
    BC+ Driver 10.5°
    BC+ 5 wood 16°
    Adam Idea Super XTD hybrid 21°
    Callaway X2 Hot Irons 5-AW
    52°,56°, 60° wedges
    Odyssey White Hot Pro 2cs
  • DickaDicka Members  126WRX Points: 87Posts: 126 Fairways
    Joined:  #72
    My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the pi5s out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.<br />
    <br />
    I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her dinner, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • aceofclubsaceofclubs Members  859WRX Points: 96Posts: 859 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #73
    Woman wants to learn golf so she can play with her husband. She goes to a local pro. He starts with fundamentals, stance, alignment, posture and grip. He says "hold the club how you would hold your husbands 'manhood' and take a swing"<br />
    <br />
    She knocks it 220 right down the middle. <br />
    <br />
    Pro says "wow thats great, now take the club out of your mouth and try it again"<br />
    Posted:
    Driver: TBD
    Fairway: Taylormade Superfast 16.5*/Even Flow Blue
    Hybrid: Titleist 913H/Rogue Black
    Irons: Mizuno MP 59s
    Wedges: Titleist SM4 52/56/60
    Putter: This area intentionally left blank
  • gtcmap1gtcmap1 Members  24WRX Points: 30Posts: 24 Bunkers
    Joined:  #74
    What's better than roses on your piano?<br />
    <br />
    Tulips on your organ!
    Posted:
  • Frank A.Frank A. Lefty Boomers  356WRX Points: 77Handicap: 5.2Posts: 356 Greens
    Joined:  #75
    A somewhat famous elderly wealthy man is on his death bed and is being interviewed by a local news reporter. The new reporter asks the dying man how he spent the wealth he accumulated. The dying man answers: other than the gambling, drinking and gofling, I wasted it.
    Posted:
  • sprcoopsprcoop Tucson, AZMembers  1005WRX Points: 233Handicap: 16.7Posts: 1,005 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #76
    Two guys die at the same time. They arrive at the pearly gates to find only one spot available. To break the tie St. Peter puts them in separate rooms and tells them they have one hour to write a poem using the term "Timbuktu" and the best poem wins. The one guy had a Masters in literature and ripped out 8 verses of a beautiful poem about sailing the seven seas to the wonderful land of Timbuktu. The other didn't finish high school and had a hard time but submitted his offering any way.<br />
    <br />
    Tim and I a strolling we went<br />
    Spied three maidens in a tent<br />
    Them being three and us being two<br />
    Well, I bucked one and Tim bucked two<br />
    <br />
    Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!
    Posted:

    Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S
    3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R
    3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R
    2I: TourModel III True Temper S
    3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S
    SW: TourModel III True Temper S
    Putter: Cobra Anvil 005
    Ball: Ksig 3 piece

  • MKappasMKappas Members  165WRX Points: 40Handicap: 3.1Posts: 165 Fairways
    Joined:  #77
    Phil and Michelle are about to get married. Phil says to Michelle, "before we get married, I have a confession. I love golf. I play 5 times a week and nothing, even you, will change that. I hope you can understand."<br />
    <br />
    Michelle turns to Phil and says, "That's fine with me honey, but I have a confession as well. I just want you to know before we get married that I am a hooker."<br />
    <br />
    Phil turns to Michelle and says, "That's no problem - just open your stance a little bit."
    Posted:
    Callaway Rogue Sub-Zero / GD Tour AD DI 7-S
    Titleist 917-F3 / Aldila Rogue Black 95 MSI 80 S
    Callaway Apex 18 / UST Mamiya Recoil 780 ES F4
    TM M1 21 / Fujikura Pro 80h
    Callaway UT 4 Iron / GD Tour AD DI HYB S
    Srixon Z965 5-PW / DG TI S400
    Titleist SM7 54, 60 / DG S400
    Miura Giken M3
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • sprcoopsprcoop Tucson, AZMembers  1005WRX Points: 233Handicap: 16.7Posts: 1,005 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #78
    Do you know what the similarity is between a tornado and a divorce in (insert name of town you want to degrade)?<br />
    <br />
    One way or another somebody's gonna lose a trailer.<br />
    <br />
    Apologies to mobile home owners. My first home "purchase" was a mobile home, but it's still funny.
    Posted:

    Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S
    3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R
    3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R
    2I: TourModel III True Temper S
    3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S
    SW: TourModel III True Temper S
    Putter: Cobra Anvil 005
    Ball: Ksig 3 piece

  • WJLIIIWJLIII Members  267WRX Points: 75Posts: 267 Greens
    Joined:  #79
    Tom Kite backs off the shot. I think he may have felt some wind from his rear.<br />
    - Dave Marr, announcing at the Masters
    Posted:
  • gsea33gsea33 Members  740WRX Points: 186Handicap: 9Posts: 740 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #80
    What does **** and a snowstorm have in common? Never know how many inches and when it's going to come.
    Posted:

    Titleist 975D 10.5
    Titleist 975F 14.5
    Titleist 975F 20.5
    Ping Eye 2 2, 4-SW BECU
    Titleist Acushnet Bullseye

  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23467WRX Points: 7,409Posts: 23,467 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #81
    I'm not fat. I'm just.....easier to see. Safety 1st!
    Posted:
  • angler99angler99 Members  334WRX Points: 53Posts: 334 Greens
    Joined:  #82
    How did the golfer break his arm?<br />
    <br />
    He fell off the ball washer.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • North TexasNorth Texas Members  4599WRX Points: 943Posts: 4,599 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #83
    angler99 wrote:
    <br />
    How did the golfer break his arm?<br />
    <br />
    He fell off the ball washer.<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    That joke is better when you're from Texas and it's an aggie joke.
    Posted:
  • angler99angler99 Members  334WRX Points: 53Posts: 334 Greens
    Joined:  #84
    <br />
    angler99 wrote:
    <br />
    How did the golfer break his arm?<br />
    <br />
    He fell off the ball washer.<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    That joke is better when you're from Texas and it's an aggie joke.<br />
    <br />
    That's funny because I grew up in Texas and left when I was 23. I also went to grad school at A&M.
    Posted:
  • LokiLoki Members  1281WRX Points: 211Posts: 1,281 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #85
    Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...
    Posted:
  • straight crookedstraight crooked Members  44WRX Points: 15Posts: 44 Bunkers
    Joined:  #86
    A Lion and a Cheetah race<br />
    <br />
    The Cheetah wins.<br />
    <br />
    The Lion says, "Hey, you Cheetah"<br />
    <br />
    The Cheetah says, "Hey, you Lion"
    Posted:
    Taylormade M2
    Titleist 915FD
    Srixon Z U85 3i
    Bridgestone J15 CB 4-PW
    Bridgestone Tour B XW-1 52/6 56/10 60/10 
    Bettinardi Kuchar 1 Standard
    Titleist Pro V1x
  • thug the bunnythug the bunny Members  6141WRX Points: 150Handicap: 8.2Posts: 6,141 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #87
    Two flies land on a piece of sh!t. One fly lifts his leg and lets a juicy [email protected] rip. The other fly says 'Hey! I'm trying to eat here!'.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25408WRX Points: 2,565Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,408 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #88
    Why did the little girl wash Thug the Bunny? Because her hare was dirty.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23467WRX Points: 7,409Posts: 23,467 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #89
    Loki wrote:
    <br />
    Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    Well, it could happen.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23467WRX Points: 7,409Posts: 23,467 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #90
    A recent scientific study has found that women who gain a few pounds generally live longer than the men who mention it.
    Posted:
12

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