A Wife and two kids how to mix in Golf

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  • ItsjustagameItsjustagame Members Posts: 1,263 ✭✭
    5 AM tee times. Home before they get up.
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  • PsyberPsyber Members Posts: 647 ClubWRX
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.
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  • Lord HelmetLord Helmet Members Posts: 8,634 ✭✭
    I havent read the thread - only the OP first post - but I will say this....



    If your relationship is at a tipping point because of golf - then you are doing something wrong. There needs to be balance. Find it - or you will find yourself getting to see your kids every other weekend and 1 night during the week all while paying support to the X. Trust me - you do not want that.



    In other words, put the clubs down and be a father and husband. They grow up fast, my oldest is 23. Plenty of time for golf - you need to be there for the family.
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  • Under2hoursUnder2hours Members Posts: 1,392 ✭✭
    Psyber wrote:


    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.


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  • Lord HelmetLord Helmet Members Posts: 8,634 ✭✭
    Psyber wrote:
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Not sure if serious???
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  • Under2hoursUnder2hours Members Posts: 1,392 ✭✭

    Psyber wrote:
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Not sure if serious???


    No he is serious...... A typical single's response.....
  • tuckmantuckman Members Posts: 1,096 ✭✭


    Psyber wrote:
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Not sure if serious???


    No he is serious...... A typical single's response.....




    Yeah that guy ain't got a clue. That's a great way to get divorced and pay alimony and child support.
  • bmurphbmurph Members Posts: 454 ✭✭


    Psyber wrote:
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Not sure if serious???


    No he is serious...... A typical single's response.....


    I don't think that's a typical single's response at all, most people regardless of relationship status have a little more sense than to believe that nonsense.
  • 2bGood2bGood Members Posts: 4,969 ✭✭
    edited Apr 8, 2018 #70
    I have not read every post, but there are lots of ways to make it work. When I have younger kids I would get in 100+ rounds per year. One would be mid-week. It meant I would get to the office super early (like 4am) to get a full day in and then play early afternoon. Then I would play one weekend morning.



    When I wasn't golfing or working I was 100% all in with the kids. Never had an issue.
    Post edited by Unknown User on
  • swizbeatzswizbeatz Members Posts: 5,597 ✭✭
    bmurph wrote:



    Psyber wrote:
    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Not sure if serious???


    No he is serious...... A typical single's response.....


    I don't think that's a typical single's response at all, most people regardless of relationship status have a little more sense than to believe that nonsense.




    You’d be shocked how many people still think this way
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  • keadskeads Members Posts: 120 ✭✭
    No question a difficult situation that most of us can relate to. I am fortunate in that my career provides me with a tremendous amount of off time, however I still struggle with this. I have a 2 and a 6 y/o and what dramatically improved my situation was making a serious effort to get EVERYBODY involved. My wife has absolutely no desire to start playing, but I STILL ask her all the time to come with me/us. My kids love the game now after being at the course 3-4 days a week and it also gives my wife some time to do the things she enjoys kid free. My goal is make that time on the course not just for myself but quality family time with my kiddos.



    Its definitely cumbersome at first hauling two kids but it becomes easier as you get used to the routine. Here's how I make it work; I get a really stout jogger with suspension that I put my son in and wear my clubs on my back. If my daughter comes as well, she loves to push my son which frees me up. I only play nine and make sure to bring both of their sets of clubs so they can hit balls and put afterwards. They learn the game and get outside all in one shot. Works great for me. I am also a club member so the staff there has no issue with me bringing the kiddos. I understand this does not fly everywhere so that could still be an issue.



    I understand every relationship has its own dynamics, but this worked for us. Hope this helps.
  • howellhandmadehowellhandmade Members Posts: 720 ✭✭
    Went into marriage playing two or three times a week, hit balls every day. Three kids. Didn't golf for 15 years. No time, no money for it. Sold my clubs. The second is going to college next year, is #1 in her class, has a full scholarship. She's going to play college softball, can't tell you how many hours I spent sitting on a bucket catching her. Unspeakably proud. Took her younger sister to crew workout this morning, she's a carbon copy for grades, will graduate in a couple of years. They're the best girls ever, wouldn't change a thing.



    I played 54 holes this week.



    When you've done your best, when your kids are about to leave and start lives of their own, golf will still be there. But the kids, you have ONE SHOT. Unless you're making your living playing golf, it's small potatoes. Best you can hope for is that your kids get into golf. Didn't work out for me, not for lack of trying.
  • saksittbsaksittb Members Posts: 118
    I take vacation days and play golf when the kiddos are at school.
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  • McgeenoMcgeeno Members Posts: 1,948 ✭✭
    I’m married but kids are out of the equation. I have no problem reaching 100+ rounds every season.



    My one buddy with two young kids gets up and plays with me at 530 am on Saturday and Sunday.



    If golf is important you find a way. He’s home for all the family stuff before the household is even awake.



  • SPY ZINGERSPY ZINGER Members Posts: 3,313 ✭✭
    This isn’t well received by some and completely understand their position. But since my daughter turned 6. I’ve been bringing her with. I throw her clubs in and always take a cart. She hits some drives, some chips, and putts. She knows the importance of playing fast and she usually hits during periods of waiting. But mostly, she rides in the cart and we enjoy the time together. She’s 9 now. I have a second child, a son who’ll be 6 in June. I have been fine with the mentality that my golf is no longer always about time with friends. We have a good time together. It won’t be for everyone, but it’s a way to make it work.
  • klebs01klebs01 Members Posts: 391 ✭✭
    I would like to thank you guys for the sacrifices you are making to raise the next crop of taxpayers to pay my social security and change my diapers when I retire.
  • Petunia SprinklePetunia Sprinkle Future King of France Members Posts: 5,355 ✭✭
    How often you play is kind of important. If you’re playing more than once a week, I can see that being an issue. How much time does she get to go off and do stuff while you take care of the kids?
  • taporsnap17taporsnap17 Members Posts: 794 ✭✭
    No kids here but I'll chuck in my 2c in any case.



    Mine will walk with me if the weather and conditions are good.



    The other times, I play earlier in the morning so I get home about noon. She can sleep in and we have the afternoon and evening
  • jd502jd502 Members Posts: 102
    I wish courses gave the option of paying to play a few holes rather than a full 9 or 18. Sometimes a quick 3-4 hole loop is all you need to scratch the itch.

    Also, I have a wife and 8 month old at home. I don't play golf, I just read about it, watch it, and post to forums about it.
  • bigchucksrbigchucksr Members Posts: 307 ✭✭
    fawley wrote:


    I have a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. I lived in New York City until my son was 4, and my golf was pretty limited. Playing public golf while living in Manhattan isn't a quick or easy affair, and it meant leaving my wife with the kids for the best part of a day every time I played. I played maybe one weekend a month (if that) when we were home for the weekend.



    When visiting my in-laws a couple of hours away, my wife and I usually could get out for a round together while her parents watched the children for us. That was also about once per month. I also had maybe another once or twice per month during the summer where I could either take a vacation day or leave work early to play, or have a work related event I could play in. On top of those things, there were usually 2 or 3 rounds of golf if we were on vacation somewhere that made it practical to play, and I usually got to the range one night per week.



    So all in, I probably averaged a round per week and a range session per week during the golf season, although it wasn't the traditional play-with-the-same-foursome-every-week way to do it.



    When my son was 4, we moved out of the city to the burbs (about 20 miles north of Manhattan). Things got much, much easier. We joined a private club less than 10 minutes form the house. I could get out early and be done around the time my wife and kids were arriving at the club to hang out at the pool. I generally swim and hang out with the kids, and give my wife some time to herself, we have lunch together, and then swim some more. My wife might go out and play 9 holes with her friends, or I might take my son or daughter out to play a few holes. I also play after work a couple of times per week during the summer - sometimes alone, sometimes with my wife while we have a sitter for the kids, and sometimes with my son and / or daughter. It has been a huge positive in terms of access to golf, and also socially given that we didn't know a lot of people in the area before we moved there.



    As the kids are getting a little older, their weekend sports schedules are getting more demanding, and that is somewhat limiting my flexibility as to exactly when I play (I'm at all of both kids' games as much as I possibly can be). It's just making things slightly less convenient - I'm still getting to play, just not necessarily when I'd ideally like to.



    The other thing I do to make things easier for my golf and skiing habits (you think golf takes a lot of time - try skiing when you live 2 hours from any decent vertical, 4 hours from any mountain you really like to ski, and a plane ride from any mountain you really love to ski) is to encourage my wife in her own independent activities, and to try to never say no if she needs me to take care of the kids while she goes to a fitness class, or dinner with her friends, or goes away for a weekend with the girls etc. Selfishly, it's helpful to me in that it makes her more likely to reciprocate when I ask her to do the same for me, but way more important than that, it is giving us both time to ourselves to continue to be our own people with our own interests and personalities. We're lucky in that we (and our kids) have largely similar interests, but everyone needs some "me" time every now and then.
    Above is a great answer if you are serious about wanting to enjoy golf--find a private club with a pool and lots of activities for members' children. Best way I know to get the entire family involved in your passion. Many clubs offer discounts for younger members--search around and find a facility in your area.
  • cfunk11cfunk11 Members Posts: 256 ✭✭
    2putttom wrote:


    this is more about your wife and your relationship with her, then about golf. If it at a tipping point then it's a cry for help.
    I agree, with 2 kids of that age it's more about taking some of the load off of your wife. It doesn't get any easier the older they get because the type of responsibility changes. I have a 7 year daughter and a 9 year old son. I a responsible for handling my sons extra curricular things. 2 soccer practice s a week plus a weekend game. 2 baseball practices week,plus games, I coach. Cub scouts 3 Mondays a week, I am a den leader. And then my wife usually handles my daughter's stuff dance and girl scouts. Life is busy, it makes me wonder how my parents did it with 5 kids. There is no time for a weekly 5 hour game. I am lucky that there is a range 5 minutes from my house and I can hit balls when I have time. I usually can get a couple of range sessions in a week and maybe 20 full games in a year. When the kids are older I might be able to get in a league and take golf more serious,but I never heard anyone say they wish they spent more time at the course and less time with there kids. Kids are like anything else, you are only going to get out what you put in.
  • Under2hoursUnder2hours Members Posts: 1,392 ✭✭
    cfunk11 wrote:

    2putttom wrote:


    this is more about your wife and your relationship with her, then about golf. If it at a tipping point then it's a cry for help.
    I agree, with 2 kids of that age it's more about taking some of the load off of your wife. It doesn't get any easier the older they get because the type of responsibility changes. I have a 7 year daughter and a 9 year old son. I a responsible for handling my sons extra curricular things. 2 soccer practice s a week plus a weekend game. 2 baseball practices week,plus games, I coach. Cub scouts 3 Mondays a week, I am a den leader. And then my wife usually handles my daughter's stuff dance and girl scouts. Life is busy, it makes me wonder how my parents did it with 5 kids. There is no time for a weekly 5 hour game. I am lucky that there is a range 5 minutes from my house and I can hit balls when I have time. I usually can get a couple of range sessions in a week and maybe 20 full games in a year. When the kids are older I might be able to get in a league and take golf more serious,but I never heard anyone say they wish they spent more time at the course and less time with there kids. Kids are like anything else, you are only going to get out what you put in.


    You can always not work.....



    Pretty much hit the hammer on the nail....
  • wkuo3wkuo3 RELEASE Members Posts: 3,800 ✭✭
    Sorry to be harsh, but are you happy with your life as a married man and a father ?

    Is play golf your profession and your family is depending on your golfing to put the food on the table ?



    No marriage that I know of personally is the "happily ever after" story. Including those lasts over half a century, each and everyone had it's trial and tribulations during the journey. It's not the chase and cement with a ceremony then done. It's commitment and willingness to give unconditionally day after day that epoxied the marriage throughout the years.
  • DZClarkDZClark Members Posts: 187 ✭✭
    Psyber wrote:


    I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.




    Going to take a slightly different path on a response to this.



    I bet you your friend would tell a slightly different version of this arrangement outside the locker room. See, I make a nice living so my wife can stay home with our daughter. But I don't see my wife as the lone full-time parent, and I bet your friend doesn't either. I am a full-time parent too. My wife doesn't mind if I go play golf, and she loves it when my 4 year old daughter asks me to take her to the course.



    I am lucky my wife never complains how much I play, but I am also enough in love with her and my kids that I would never want to spend too much time away from them.
  • marmooskapaulmarmooskapaul Members Posts: 1,341 ✭✭
    I actually didn't take up golf until my kids were born. Used to bass fish...golf is a lot less time consuming..lol.
  • buckrogers71buckrogers71 Members Posts: 266 ✭✭
    As many people have said that if there is a problem now, you may really want to have a "heart to heart". My kids are 19 and 16. When they were little I would try to get out as early as possible and get right home to be with them. There were times that I wanted to play but knew that it wasnt fair to her as she had a rough week at work or wanted to do something. As many posters stated, communication is the key. Is there something that she enjoys doing that she wants to do? Give and take brother...give and take.
  • KategreenKategreen Members Posts: 13


    So I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old and a wife of 9 years. We are having a problem with how much golf I can play. I totally understand her side of the argument that when I’m out golfing she is watching our kids, so I golf and come straight home I stay local, I make it a early round to try to be back at a good time and still enjoy the day. I’m a great father and supporting husband but I don’t really have another person to compare my golf with to someone else with something close to my situation. I love the game, but it’s bringing my relationship to a tipping point. How much does everyone golf with 2 young kids without causing a divorce. I don’t want to abuse my free time but I also feel like I’ve earned a little freedom to do my passion. Besides golf I’m all work, Daddy and husband ...






    You don't say how old you are but I would assume 30 ish?



    Speaking as a parent/female whose kids are now 30 and 23, the time when your kids are young goes by so unbelievably fast that I would advise you to dial back the golf and spend some time with them . If your wife works during the week the added "burden" of being alone with them is not equal, if she doesn't then you need to add in some family stuff.

    golf will be there when you get older,

    perhaps when the kids get older take them old to the range.



    Hope this helps you
  • cfunk11cfunk11 Members Posts: 256 ✭✭

    cfunk11 wrote:

    2putttom wrote:


    this is more about your wife and your relationship with her, then about golf. If it at a tipping point then it's a cry for help.
    I agree, with 2 kids of that age it's more about taking some of the load off of your wife. It doesn't get any easier the older they get because the type of responsibility changes. I have a 7 year daughter and a 9 year old son. I a responsible for handling my sons extra curricular things. 2 soccer practice s a week plus a weekend game. 2 baseball practices week,plus games, I coach. Cub scouts 3 Mondays a week, I am a den leader. And then my wife usually handles my daughter's stuff dance and girl scouts. Life is busy, it makes me wonder how my parents did it with 5 kids. There is no time for a weekly 5 hour game. I am lucky that there is a range 5 minutes from my house and I can hit balls when I have time. I usually can get a couple of range sessions in a week and maybe 20 full games in a year. When the kids are older I might be able to get in a league and take golf more serious,but I never heard anyone say they wish they spent more time at the course and less time with there kids. Kids are like anything else, you are only going to get out what you put in.


    You can always not work.....


    I've often considered giving up my career and just becoming a trophy wife. Unfortunately I've lost my girlish figure and no longer consider myself a prize.
  • NoTalentLeftyNoTalentLefty Members Posts: 3,442 ✭✭
    Ferguson wrote:
    Post Breakdown

    By: Ferg







    So I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old and a wife of 9 years.

    Congrats. The best thing in life is being a parent.





    We are having a problem with how much golf I can play.

    You have the problem. Don't make golf the the problem. Golf is a sport not a part of your family.





    I totally understand her side of the argument that when I’m out golfing she is watching our kids.......................

    You don’t understand her and you are attempting to rationalize your behavior.





    I’m a great father and supporting husband but I don’t really have another person to compare my golf with to someone else with something close to my situation.

    Who said you are a great father? Your oldest is 6. You are just getting started. Don't pat yourself on the back just yet.

    Greatness will be measured about 25 years from now. Kids don't give a rat's a$$ about greatness - they want their dad to be around. And why do you need a comparison - will it make YOU feel better?





    I love the game, but it’s bringing my relationship to a tipping point.

    You are taking golf to the tipping point by making your ability or inability to play an issue.





    I also feel like I’ve earned a little freedom to do my passion.

    Your passion? You sound self-centered.




    Great breakdown
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  • kevin2kevin2 Members Posts: 294
    From the moment my wife got pregnant, I decided that I also wanted to hang onto golf. However, playing every single day at my club wasn't part of that plan. I immediately gave up all my hobbies, sold my boats, snowmobiles, guns, fishing equipment, the works. But, I made the statement to my wife that I'd give up all this stuff with the understanding that I'd still play golf on Wednesday nights, 9 holes, and 1 round of 18 on the weekend. I wanted to be a great father and husband, but I wasn't prepared to give up everything. It worked out great. I signed on to be a husband and a father, so, in my mind, that requires some major personal sacrifices IN BOTH departments. Which I gladly did, and I'm thankful I was mature enough to make those decisions. 22 years ago, and it is pretty much the same deal to this day, with the exception that I've raised kids that love hunting, fishing, golfing, and all the other stuff I gave up. SO, I back doored some occasional hobbies into the rotation, ON purpose!
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