What is real for your family?

Tim SchochTim Schoch Swing like it already happened.ClubWRX Posts: 1,069 ClubWRX
Are families still male dominated where the husband runs off to play golf whenever the **** he wants, leaving his wife to take care of the kids whether she likes it or not? Or is the opposite true? Or neither? The news tries to generalize and identify a victom here. Is there one?
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Comments

  • DDG61DDG61 Members Posts: 99 ✭✭
    Interesting question. I’m 44 with wife and one child (7). No I don’t run off whenever I want but have had stretches were I have neglected my family to golf. In my house this was playing 4-6 times a week regardless of others.



    While tough to hear my wife informed me of this (new in the back of my mind I was doing it) and I changed.



    It’s a balance like everything else in marriage (or life). I inform her (in advance if possible) what I “want” to do and most of the time I’m not so stupid to over “want”.



  • SixtySomePingSixtySomePing Members Posts: 5,106 ✭✭
    The news, or media of any kind does not, has not, nor will ever influence how our family makes any decisions. Having said that as an older guy who just shared his 45th wedding anniversary with the most wonderful woman in the world, I can say for us, our decisions have always been made out of love and respect for each other. What is real is not saying what you can and can't do, but supporting each other in what you would like to do. Example, we may sound old having been married that long, but at 63, my dear wife won the state championship this year in triathlons for her age group. I'm her biggest fan. So what is real is both of you finding ways to be positive and supportive, and sometimes sacrificing . When you look back after this long it will be one of the most fulfilling things you will have done.
  • augustgolfaugustgolf Golf with dignity Coastal NCMembers Posts: 3,898 ✭✭
    No kids - no wife -



    No Problem
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  • jamgamjamgam ClubWRX Posts: 68 ✭✭
    I have practically given up all my hobbies for family. I don't recommend it and it's hard to "undo". There's is 100% a happy medium. Have to focus on yourself sometimes to have better focus on other things.



    I've gotten better in the last few months. Played a few more rounds and hit more balls. When my son gets old enough to participate I'm sure that will change
  • Swisstrader98Swisstrader98 Members Posts: 3,519 ✭✭
    I’m not sacrificing anything when I go golf vs spend the day with family. In fact, every now and again it’s WITH the family. Also, wife and kids are 100% supportive of my golf as we all are about sports that range from my son when he was a competitive snowboarder to my wife and daughter who are avid equestrians.



    No one in my family counts number of days you’ve been doing your passion vs another family member. We all love our collective sport and we all support each other in that endeavor.



    OP made it sound like something from the caveman days😂
  • sdandreasdandrea Steve Members Posts: 2,347 ✭✭
    Family first pre-retirement, but I'm retired now, kids are all launched and my wife plays golf. She and I were both professionals working full time, so our marriage has always been a 50/50 relationship when it came to child-rearing and home care.
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  • BNGLBNGL Members Posts: 1,598 ✭✭
    augustgolf wrote:
    No kids - no wife -



    No Problem




    Living a fantasy! Haha
  • FergusonFerguson Members Posts: 4,663 ✭✭
    Tim is back and he's going for 1100 by January month-end.





    Are families still male dominated where the husband runs off to play golf whenever the **** he wants, leaving his wife to take care of the kids whether she likes it or not?

    Not all families have kids.



    Or is the opposite true?

    Depends on the family.



    Or neither?

    See above.



    The news tries to generalize and identify a victom here. Is there one?

    What news?
  • MtlJeffMtlJeff MontrealMembers Posts: 28,360 ✭✭
    The news tries to make money by telling people who already have an opinion what they want to hear.



    Me and my wife both do hobbies, we both take care of our baby. When it came to maternity/paternity the person who made less money took it just due to how our system works
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  • golfgirlrobingolfgirlrobin Members Posts: 2,306 ✭✭
    My husband isn’t very supportive of my golf. I need three rounds by the 1st to get my 300 in and he’s happy to settle for his 290-something. He’s a darn good with a vacuum, though, and makes a mean sandwich.



    In all seriousness, we’re both adults and share the work and the fun. It wouldn’t even occur to him to pull the patriarch nonsense.
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  • TerpFangolferTerpFangolfer Members Posts: 579 ✭✭
    BNGL wrote:

    augustgolf wrote:
    No kids - no wife -



    No Problem




    Living a fantasy! Haha




    Yeah, I'm no wife + grown kids (including a teen who loves golf)...so that kinda works also... well, except for the $$$ (alimony & college FTL)
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,312 ClubWRX
    edited Dec 29, 2018 #13


    My husband isn’t very supportive of my golf. I need three rounds by the 1st to get my 300 in and he’s happy to settle for his 290-something. He’s a darn good with a vacuum, though, and makes a mean sandwich.



    In all seriousness, we’re both adults and share the work and the fun. It wouldn’t even occur to him to pull the patriarch nonsense.




    Robin how often do you tell him to..."Get in the kitchen and make me a pie?"
    Post edited by Unknown User on
  • SammyShafSammyShaf Members Posts: 288 ✭✭
    edited Dec 27, 2018 #14
    I have a 7 year old step daughter and a 2 year old son. I try to schedule golf on weekends when daughter is with biological parent. I am a morning person, so other times I get an early tee time and am home before they are out of pajammas. I went from playing about daily to 3 times a week to every other week if I am lucky. I don't have other hobbies and my kids both have an interest in golf. Hopefully this summer I can get more time with daughter practicing and playing as her attention span grows. The reality with her is 9 holes at max. The big thing that I keep in mind is that I must take time for myself, as does my wife. It is a compromise, but I would not trade it to go back to playing alk the time. For what it is worth, I appreciate golf more and play better now.
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  • ohioglfrohioglfr Municipal Junkie Members Posts: 728 ✭✭
    edited Dec 27, 2018 #15
    Family and task oriented jobs around the house come first for me. I would love to lower my handicap to what it was as a bachelor, but age and time constraints won’t let that happen!



    If there was ever a “black eye” for golf, it was during the Scott Peterson murder trial. Unfair as it is, I think that it set a negative image of male golfers in many people, especially women.



    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Peterson
    Post edited by Unknown User on

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  • LeftDaddyLeftDaddy Members Posts: 710 ✭✭
    There must be a recent news story I’ve missed. But it seems the male golfer is more and more seen as “neglecting his familial duties”.



    My family is definitely not the “male does what he wants “ variety. My wife is definitely more of a modern wife in that sense. And we have two children, and I consider being a Dad and a husband to be the two most important roles I have, so I definitely put my wife and kids first.



    We struggled with golf when my kids were younger. My wife didn’t really have a hobby, and she viewed any golf time as just plain old husband/father negligence. Needless to say I didn’t play much then.



    As the kids got older, and as my wife got back in to her hobby (tennis), and as she softened a bit, I started playing more.



    Now, she actively encourages me to play. The kids are older and don’t notice as much. She has her own hobby. She also knows how important golf is to me. And I’ve always encouraged her to pursue her hobbies. I think she also started realizing that her husband works hard, has provided a nice lifestyle for her and the kids, and deserves some “him” time for all of that. And I’ve started to view golf as less of a negligent act, and more of a necessary act for me (ie I need my golf time and don’t feel so bad doing it nowadays). We’ve gotten to a really good place with all of this, whereby we both encourage each other’s goals and happiness. It’s great if you can get to that point.
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  • larrybudlarrybud Members Posts: 11,230 ✭✭
    No kids. 2 dogs. My wife and I do what we want alone (no strippers or anything like that!), and we do stuff together. Each week she asks me when I'm golfing, and I ask her which days she's going out with her girlfriends, and we plan around that. Then we play golf together maybe 2-3 times a month, 9 holes, and have dinner afterward. In the winter I'm busy with my side business, but we still give an overview of each other's plans for the week. We keep busy with the dogs, walking them at least 3 times a week on the local trails, go on vacation once a year, mostly a dog and golf vacation somewhere within easy driving distance (3-4 hrs max).



    ONCE in a while family stuff gets in the way, but we don't "do" kid's b-days or graduations (esp these days where everybody graduates from something every year). We don't have kids, want kids, like kids, nor do we want to be around them.. lol. seriously, especially babies and toddlers who are filled with diseases.
  • Big BenBig Ben Members Posts: 8,972 ✭✭
    Real is being a man and family comes first. That will involve sacrifice. We’ve all taken advantage but trust me eventually that comes with consequences. As I grow older I see this more clearly. YMMV
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  • RoodyRoody You ride her until she bucks you or don't ride at all Members Posts: 1,056 ✭✭
    larrybud wrote:


    No kids. 2 dogs. My wife and I do what we want alone (no strippers or anything like that!), and we do stuff together. Each week she asks me when I'm golfing, and I ask her which days she's going out with her girlfriends, and we plan around that. Then we play golf together maybe 2-3 times a month, 9 holes, and have dinner afterward. In the winter I'm busy with my side business, but we still give an overview of each other's plans for the week. We keep busy with the dogs, walking them at least 3 times a week on the local trails, go on vacation once a year, mostly a dog and golf vacation somewhere within easy driving distance (3-4 hrs max).



    ONCE in a while family stuff gets in the way, but we don't "do" kid's b-days or graduations (esp these days where everybody graduates from something every year). We don't have kids, want kids, like kids, nor do we want to be around them.. lol. seriously, especially babies and toddlers who are filled with diseases.


    *raises glass of whiskey*



    My wife and I are very similar. Been married 19 years, no kids, never wanted them. Very often when we're at places where there are screaming kids we quietly joke to each other "there's my dose of birth control for the day".
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  • Tim SchochTim Schoch Swing like it already happened. ClubWRX Posts: 1,069 ClubWRX
    LeftDaddy wrote:
    There must be a recent news story I’ve missed. But it seems the male golfer is more and more seen as “neglecting his familial duties”.



    My family is definitely not the “male does what he wants “ variety. My wife is definitely more of a modern wife in that sense. And we have two children, and I consider being a Dad and a husband to be the two most important roles I have, so I definitely put my wife and kids first.



    We struggled with golf when my kids were younger. My wife didn’t really have a hobby, and she viewed any golf time as just plain old husband/father negligence. Needless to say I didn’t play much then.



    As the kids got older, and as my wife got back in to her hobby (tennis), and as she softened a bit, I started playing more.



    Now, she actively encourages me to play. The kids are older and don’t notice as much. She has her own hobby. She also knows how important golf is to me. And I’ve always encouraged her to pursue her hobbies. I think she also started realizing that her husband works hard, has provided a nice lifestyle for her and the kids, and deserves some “him” time for all of that. And I’ve started to view golf as less of a negligent act, and more of a necessary act for me (ie I need my golf time and don’t feel so bad doing it nowadays). We’ve gotten to a really good place with all of this, whereby we both encourage each other’s goals and happiness. It’s great if you can get to that point.




    Exactly my experience. And, yes, news stories have said that golf popularity is fading because young married men are no longer "in charge". Idiotic. I will say that when my kids were young I felt guilty playing golf, so I quit. Family came first--so I taught my sons the love of golf!! Now I am 69 and we all play together!
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  • BNGLBNGL Members Posts: 1,598 ✭✭
    BNGL wrote:

    augustgolf wrote:
    No kids - no wife -



    No Problem




    Living a fantasy! Haha




    Yeah, I'm no wife + grown kids (including a teen who loves golf)...so that kinda works also... well, except for the $$$ (alimony & college FTL)




    Yeah my girlfriend and I don’t have kids. We just made a decision about what we wanted from life, and weren’t going to get bogged down by added (needless?) responsibilities.
  • Bourni1Bourni1 Members Posts: 58
    I am 37 with 3 kids (11, 8 and 7 month old). I have played golf all my life and my wife met me being a golfer so she is accustomed to me playing, practicing and watching golf on TV. I work very hard and have been able to provide well enough that she does not work and does an amazing job taking care of the kids, which in itself is a full time job which I admire her for. I play tennis at least 2 nights a week and golf on weekends. I try and get my golf in early and be home for lunch with the family. She understands that I need my "me" time as well as the necessary "guy" time, and I understand she needs her time with sisters and friends (although with a baby her time is limited right now). Basically marriage is a balancing act, if one spouse is unable to understand the other spouses needs (including golf) then things will be difficult.
  • bladehunterbladehunter Today was a good day.... Members Posts: 25,807 ✭✭
    edited Dec 29, 2018 #23
    Lol. I work from a shop I own that’s next door to home. So I’m “ home “ all day. I am mr mom to a 10 year old. I take him to and from everywhere. I buy the groceries. Why ? I’m also the cook. I love to cook. And I’m **** good at it. ( toot toot ). We also have animals on the farm. I am the animal trainer too. Lol.



    Wife runs a surgeons office for 6 surgeons and 45 employees. She’s busy. I handle home and wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m too picky to please. So I please myself. I sneak in 9 a couple times a week and practice daily. Most weekends I get 18 in . We schedule multi day tournaments months ahead.



    We eat dinner together every night and breakfast every morning. 99.9999 % of the time.



    I’ve only had to remind her once that she likely doesn’t have any friends with husbands who earn as much as she does , cook , clean and carpool everyday. She hasn’t cooked a meal that I know of in several years. But most of all. We’ve been married 17 years and best friends 25. It works because we don’t pigeon hole jobs. It’s all “ the job “ and we’re on the same team. Every time.





    I gave this advice to a kid ( 29 now. Lol) I know who just got married. I told him to stop thinking “ mans work. Woman’s work”. Just think end goal. And do whatever it takes to get there. I said this knowing he was marrying a good girl. That same advice won’t work with cray cray. Lol. You either have to run away or kill cray cray. You can’t reason with it or please it.
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  • halliedoghalliedog Members Posts: 2,347 ✭✭
    I'm 44 years old and do whatever I **** well please.
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  • 1puttTUT1puttTUT Lefty with occasional game Members Posts: 3,345 ✭✭
    My wife is an exec and commutes at least an hour or more every day, and I have a good flexible job so I'm the the one doing most of the drop off and pick up with our 8 year old son. I don't mind it at all. I normally play during the week and save weekends for family because even though she misses out on time with our son during the week, that is also time she misses out on spending with me and just relaxation in general.



    She is transitioning to working from home soon though so that might lead to more golf for me!
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  • buckrogers71buckrogers71 Members Posts: 277 ✭✭
    I'm fortunate as I am a teacher and my wife has a "real" job. Lol. When we 1st had kids (now 19 and 16) golf took a back seat and I played when I could. I started playing more, but then I started coaching 2 sports (Soccer and softball...prime golf time). Coaching allows us to afford things that we normally couldnt. I cook dinner, clean, make beds as well as the "manly" duties. Once soccer and softball ends, then I am out for 9 or 18 after work if not maybe every other weekend. During the summer I get my chores done and go play



    Truthfully its about balance. She does what she wants to do and I do what I want to do, but we always check with each other and if we have to make concessions, we do.
  • JDFishJDFish Pickerington, OhioMembers Posts: 844 ✭✭
    edited Jan 16, 2019 2:15pm #27
    1. Are families still male dominated where the husband runs off to play golf whenever the **** he wants, leaving his wife to take care of the kids whether she likes it or not? NOT IF THE MARRIAGE IS GOING TO LAST

    2. Or is the opposite true? SEE RESPONSE TO NO. 1

    3. Or neither? MARRIAGE REQUIRES SACRIFICE, COMMUNICATION, GIVE AND TAKE AND BALANCE.

    4. The news tries to generalize and identify a victim here. Is there one? IGNORE THE NEWS



    I've played golf for most of my life. When I first married and until kids were born, my wife had her hobbies and I played or practiced 4-5 days/week. After our first child was born, I cut back mostly on practice time. There's just too much around the home that needs to be taken care of. I started (and continue to) do all of the cooking and the home maintenance; my wife took (and still does) care of the cleaning and laundry 99% of the time. But we were able to discuss and agree on who was going to do what when (for example, I switched my Saturday round to Sunday so my wife could go to jazzercise, shop, whatever with her friends on Saturday mornings). We kept that up after our second child was gone and until they started activities (competition dance canceled out some of my weekends due to the required travel). This past year my oldest started college and my wife has been immersed in the competitive dance world with my youngest, which allowed me to play a lot more (I care less about practicing now and would rather be on the course and then have a few beers with my friends). But, I have always had the first or second tee time, so even after lunch and beers, I'm home before 2 pm on the weekends so there is still plenty of time for family.
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  • Nixhex524Nixhex524 ClubWRX Posts: 4,004 ClubWRX
    I have 2 step daughters (8 and 11) and our daughter who is almost 4. My wife and I both worked real estate and she was teaching right before my youngest was born. Pretty much right after she was born, my wife got very busy with real estate and I was slowing down... she suggested I stay home to do the majority of the child care.... I was hesitant as I have always brought money home, but gave it a shot. It took a long time to get used to but she has been killing it in real estate over the last few years and I have gotten a lot of time with my kids, for the good and the bad. But I have ALWAYS had Friday mornings with the boys on the course, sometimes more than once a week... I do everything I can around the house and am always encouraging her to take time to herself as well because it IS a compromise and no one person can do all the taking in a relationship. She busts her a**, makes great money, affords us a fantastic life, but we still have a lot of time together and with the kids. She's a powerful, strong, smart woman... I am lucky and it is great for my girls to have this kind of example. I don't think she has EVER given me a hard time about golf, but I always do my best to respect her time as well.



    There is no right or wrong way to do it... you just do what works and keeps the wheels turning all the while making sure each other is happy and feels supported.
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  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 Countdown to The Masters! ClubWRX Posts: 17,676 ClubWRX
    Tim Schoch wrote:


    Are families still male dominated where the husband runs off to play golf whenever the **** he wants, leaving his wife to take care of the kids whether she likes it or not? Or is the opposite true? Or neither? The news tries to generalize and identify a victom here. Is there one?




    Tim, you been asleep since 1980?
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