You’re the 54 hole leader of a major. Tell us about your night.

How do you spend it? What do you do? What do you eat? Do you drink? When’s lights out?

For me I’m just going to assume I’m a player at a level who can afford to rent a nice-ish house for the week.

I’d begin by leaving the course pretty much as quickly as possible. If I’m leading after 54 holes and feel I played pretty well, I wouldn’t practice or putt a single ball. I’d say my goodbyes to whoever needs them and I get the hell out of Dodge.

I wouldn’t be driving so I can see myself sitting back and taking a nap on the ride back to the house. I like to dream the rental has a balcony or a patio with a view. I stand on the balcony over looking the ocean let’s say and I sip a Blanton’s while dinner is being prepared. Aside from the caucaphony of nighttime insects, this is the quietest it’s been all day. I jingle what’s left of the swiftly melting rocks in the tumbler.

I’m nearly done with my whiskey when my wife or girlfriend joins me on the balcony and whispers softly, “dinner is ready, hon.” She wraps her arms around me and gently pulls my begrudging body back into the house.

This will be my penultimate drink for the evening. I swear this to myself.

Dinner is burgers and Mac salad. And it all looks fantastic. I haven’t really eaten anything since a protein bar on the 14th and I didn’t realize just how famished I was.

Until right now.

My wife/girlfriend urges me to slow down as I scarf down the first few messy bites. It’s f****** amazing. I love it.

It’s probably close to 10 o clock right now. Maybe later. Maybe it’s 11. Midnight? You really don’t want to look at a clock because you’re afraid it’s actually later. Good thing my tee time is around 230 tomorrow. I really don’t have to be up until around 11am. That’s pretty freaking late.

But I really have no idea if I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.

I take a gulp of Cabernet. My final libation for the evening.

With my second I pop an Ambien.

I want to be lights out by midnight.

The goal is to wake up as close to naturally as possibly. Say around 10a.

BEEP. Beep. beep.

10:07 AM comes pretty fast when you’re the 54 hole leader of a Major tournament. The Ambien only kinda worked. Like you slept. But you don’t feel rested. Probably even woke up a few times during the night to go pee which isn’t something you normally do.

Anyway. It’s 10:08 AM now.

I hit the snooze. Check the internet. Then up and at em.

I eat a light breakfast consisting of oatmeal with Splenda Brown Sugar and cinnamon. A banana. And an English muffin. The one with the nooks and crannies.

I want to think I’ll relax for a minute flipping through channels on the tv before I go for a light run to sweat off some nerves. But honestly that’s not going to happen. I think what I’d really do is f around on the internet some more for an hour, maybe play some PS4 game or something brainless, then take a dump, shower, shave and get ready to leave the house at 11a.

I’ll get to the course around noon. About two and a half hours before tip off.

I chill out in the lounge for a bit. Say some hellos and best of lucks to fellow competitors, coaches, hangers on etc.

Maybe suck down a Spicy V8 and some olives. Probably not the best to eat spicy this close to the final round of a Major. A Major of which, you are winning. But oh well f it. Nothing you can do about it now.

I go over some course notes. Visualizing various scenarios.

Hour and a half before tee time. I head to the fitness area to stretch. I do a full stretching regimen. About 30 minutes. I’ve worked up a light lather. And I feel good. Real good. I focus on my breathing. Drawing deep breaths in through my mouth and slowly out through my nose. I try to lower my heart rate.

Satisfied, I head to the locker room. I change into my pre-prepared outfit.

I stop for a moment. I give myself a quick pep talk then I close my eyes.

I take a few moments trying to focus on my breathing again.

I open my eyes. It’s GO time. My caddie and I lock eyes and clasp our hands like Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers in Predator. We’re even kinda glistening with sweat too!

“You got this.” He says.

We head to the putting green and begin warming up for the final round of The ____________.

Let’s see what happens.

I tried, I really tried!

You had me at Blanton’s.

It might be that after walking 6-7 miles while playing under extreme pressure in a very stressful environment would lead to a shower, meal, a little idle chatting and then crashing.

Bro..... lol

I look around, confused, wondering how I got into this position.

I pinch myself. I wake up.

I get dressed and go to my day job and play an afternoon round where I fail to break 90 on a course where my best is 77.

Depends on how far it is to the nearest Waffle House.

Id shower and then get some steak and mashed potatoes which would be followed by some Netflix and sleep. Wake up and sit on my phone for a little. Go downstairs for a nice breakfast while watching more Netflix. Leave early so I can take take time warming up.

The goal would be to think as little as possible about golf and the upcoming round.

Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

> @hell_is_chrome said:

> Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

chrome_is_dj ?

Netflix ? Does that mean “watching tv “ ?

40 piece chicken nuggets with extra bbq sauce and a 24 of bud light - John Daly...probably

> @hell_is_chrome said:

> Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

Nice. Don’t forget to have a pepperoni pizza and a lot of Gatorade in the fridge for breakfast ; )

WalterWhiteYouGotMe.gif

> @cdnglf said:

> > @hell_is_chrome said:

> > Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

>

> chrome_is_dj ?

>

>

> @hell_is_chrome said:

> Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

beat me to it

I’d probably go with a glass or four of scotch and a couple Benadryl as a night cap. I’d sleep like a baby and wake up ready to shoot 81.

> @FootWedge16 said:

> I’d probably go with a glass or four of scotch and a couple Benadryl as a night cap. I’d sleep like a baby and wake up ready to shoot 81.

Friday night ritual

I'd probably go overboard trying to do everything I'm "supposed to do", Get lots of sleep, be well hydrated, don't drink booze.

When in reality I should just be keeping the routine as normal as possible.

Pretty sure I do this every year for club c when I should just treat it like any other round but yeah.

> @cdnglf said:

> > @hell_is_chrome said:

> > Hookers and blow all night then more blow in the morning so I don't sleep through my tee time.

>

> chrome_is_dj ?

>

>

LOL, too smart to be DJ!

well, since you asked -

After my media engagements I shall head to the locker room; grab a shower and prepare my mind and body for the night that is to come. i'll put on one the finest of dress shirts sported only by the likes of james bond and proceed to the lobby where a young man by the name of Steven has already fetched my Rolls from the lot. As you know, if you've got the 54 hole lead you've already reached out to creditors to float you the means for the interim as surely a win shall be yours the following day -- i digress. once i settle into the rolls it is nothing but the finest beats of Jay-Z over the premier opera sound system..."allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is HOV...". ah yes, finally i can unwind.

on the way to the finest of air b&bs one could acquire on such short notice, i stop by a local establishment in search of a partner for the night. surely this is no arduous effort as by this time, all the finest of the leeches have heard of both my name and my standing in the tournament. after a fine gin-martini/guinness-chaser-hold-the-gin-martini; sinamon and i make our way to the b&b.

i have asked evelyn, the dear old lady who owns the home connected to our air b&b to serve us my lucky meal on this glorious evening - one i have had every post-round since i made it to the tour. ah yes....hungryman we meet again.

sinamon and i shall escape to a place of privacy above the garage where our room is adorned with decorations found no other place but pier 1. we shall take in the night together, on our full size bed with tv (no cable - was extra $ in the package). we will fall asleep, together...in separate places b/c i didn't pay for the whole night...and i shall awaken prepared for dominance the next day.

OP is on one, lol. "It moved a little." Guy is getting rocks off this fantasy. Creepy.

Me, I'd "Netflix and chill with Bae."

> @bladehunter said:

> Netflix ? Does that mean “watching tv “ ?

It's new slang for fornicate.

> @thevaporz said:

> > @bladehunter said:

> > Netflix ? Does that mean “watching tv “ ?

>

> It's new slang for fornicate.

Wow. I am old. Wtf

150mg of Trazedone to sleep because ambien is for amateurs who want to wake up in random alley with different clothes on with no recollection of how you got there.

"Keep it simple and go out for some sushi."

P.S. Did we ever find out what happened to him? Looks like he just got blackout wasted and took a dive to the sidewalk. Been there, done that, regrettably.

> @thevaporz said:

> Me, I'd "Netflix and chill with Bae."

Women weaken legs!

for those wondering - clearly my post was in jest. lol

First thing is I'm calling my divorce lawyer. If I'm about to win $2M plus countless endorsement money and have a 5 year exemption on tour, the last thing I need is to be tied down when I'm the "it" thing for a short period of time. Second, I'm calling Taylor Swift and seeing if she wants inspiration for her next song or a naughty weekend. Then I'm calling my estate lawyer, having him change my will and donating my body to medical science because something unimaginable has happened to turn a senior citizen with questionable golf talent into the next US Open champion...and they need to figure out how that happened.

If you're a PGA Professional and skillful enough to hold the 54 hole lead at a major you should consider learning to drink better bourbon. Unless you're not talking run of the rickhouse Blanton's but you've gotten your hands on a bottle of SFTB Blanton's ? And if so then carry on, good story!

> @kstateskier said:

> If you're a PGA Professional and skillful enough to hold the 54 hole lead at a major you should consider learning to drink better bourbon. Unless you're not talking run of the rickhouse Blanton's but you've gotten your hands on a bottle of SFTB Blanton's ? And if so then carry on, good story!

The better than Blanton’s bourbon is for winning. I should probably add that my night would also include sending somebody out to source a bottle of Pappy or something.