Best golf insults or one liners

ldandrealdandrea dearbornMembers Posts: 27 ✭✭

I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

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Comments

  • Soloman1Soloman1 Members Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    I rarely get angry, but one poser wannabe I played with years ago was so ridiculously slow that I let loose with, "For heaven's sake, just hit the **** ball! Our clothes are going out of style waiting for you!"

    I'm quitting at 6.022 x 10^23 posts.
    Avogadro would be proud.
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,785 ClubWRX

    Mrs. Pelz tells me I have the perfect face for radio.

  • tatertottatertot Members Posts: 4,591 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    High pressure situation ... Buddy (whose a single cap) cold tops a drive and there is an uneasy silence broken by "Catch that one a groove low?"

    Driver: TaylorMade M3, 10.5*
    Hybrid: Titleist 816 H1, 19*
    Long Iron: Ping iE1, 26*
    Mid Iron: Ping iE1, 32*
    Short Iron: Ping iE1, 41*
    Wedge: Ping iE1, 45*
    Gap: Ping Glide SS, 52*
    Lob: Ping Glide ES, 60*
    Putter: Yes Callie Mid, 41"
    Ball: Bridgestone Tour B XS
    Bag: Ping Mascot
  • NessismNessism To measure is to know... Members Posts: 18,714 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    You're still away.

    Ping G400 Max driver w/Aldila Rogue 125 Silver 60S
    Cobra (Lexi blue) F7 5 wood w/Aldila Rogue Black 70S
    Cobra (Lexi blue) F7 Hybrid w/Aldila Kuro Kage 80S
    Ping G410 irons w/Recoil 95S
    Ping Glide 50/55/60 wedges w/Recoil 110S
    Ping Anser/Arna putter - the "real deal!"
  • GolfWithdrawalsGolfWithdrawals Woodstock, GeorgiaMembers Posts: 356 ✭✭✭✭

    "Hey, don't put yourself down. You're not, uh... you're not... you're not good. You stink."

    Driver: Titleist 917 D3 9.5 deg. Aldila Rogue Black 70x
    3-Wood: Titleist 917 F2 13.5 deg. Diamana Ltd. D+ White 80x
    2-Hybrid: Cobra Baffler
    4-iron: Mizuno MP18 MMC Fli-Hi Shaft: XP 115 Stiff
    PW thru 5-iron: Mizuno MP18 MB Shaft: XP 115 Stiff
    50, 54, 58 Wedges: Vokey Sm6
    Putter: MannKrafted Handmade Rattler 360g
  • fillwelixfillwelix Members Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    @ldandrea said:
    I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

    That's a great one, I say something similar when someone leaves a putt short "Smart choice to lay up from there. From that lie? Smart golf"

    WITB
    Taylormade M3 Speeder Evo IV 565 X
    Taylormade M2 2016 3HL HZRDUS Black 75g S
    Mizuno MP33 3i Steelfiber i110 
    Taylormade P770 4i-5i Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade P730 6-PW Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade MG 52 KBS Tour-V 130 S
    Taylormade Hi-Toe 58 & 64 KBS Hi Rev Wedge
    Byron Morgan DH89
  • fillwelixfillwelix Members Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    @Nessism said:
    You're still away.

    A dead sheep. (Still ewe)

    WITB
    Taylormade M3 Speeder Evo IV 565 X
    Taylormade M2 2016 3HL HZRDUS Black 75g S
    Mizuno MP33 3i Steelfiber i110 
    Taylormade P770 4i-5i Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade P730 6-PW Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade MG 52 KBS Tour-V 130 S
    Taylormade Hi-Toe 58 & 64 KBS Hi Rev Wedge
    Byron Morgan DH89
  • ldandrealdandrea dearbornMembers Posts: 27 ✭✭

    These are all great! I can't wait to play this afternoon!

  • oldpalchampoldpalchamp Members Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    You and two buddies are on the tee and another friend asks to join you, and you say, "Sorry, we already have three."

  • disco111disco111 Members Posts: 1,076 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    Had a guy in our group, that when marking his ball on the green, was very generous with replacing it. He would mark and replace at least 2 times and sometimes a third time. One day, a new player that joined us watched this in wonder as we didn't say anything. Finally on about the 5th hole, after he watched marking 2 times, he just blurted out........."mark it again and it's a gimme".

  • 3ack3ack SCMembers Posts: 128 ✭✭✭

    I'm just a big fan of any emasculating comment after leaving a putt well short

    Hammer 6.5*
    GX7 12*
    Warrior Golf 3-PW
    Squarestrike UW
    Alien 56*
    Double Duty Putter
  • HatsForBatsHatsForBats Members Posts: 1,743 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    My buddy will bock like a chicken if you leave a putt short or tell you 'there's still some poo left in that diaper' if you overcook a putt. I like to tell him 'nice 9-iron' when he is satisfied with one of his drives that is well short of mine.

  • MitchellMitchell Members Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    In group with two older gentleman at a nice resort course and one playing partner hit an iron shot very fat, guy blurted out "does anyone else smell Chinese food?"😁

    Taylormade r510tp 10.5* Fuji Evolution TS 661 
    TEE CBX 16.5* Fuji Evolution TS 869
    Titleist 962b 2-pw s400
    Vokey sm7 raw M 54* s400
    Vokey sm7 raw M 60* s400
    Cameron 1995 Laguna
  • Warrior42111Warrior42111 FloridaMembers Posts: 47 ✭✭

    Lady in my usual group had me in tears. Hit a big drive and left a putt way short. Walking of the green she says " so biggest d%$# and biggest meat curtains of the group...well it is 2019 so it's possible"

    Taylormade M6 10.5| Project X Even Flow Black X 6.5
    Ping G20 3 wood 15 * | Ping TFC 149F Stiff
    Ping G400 5 Wood 18
    | PING Alta CB 65 Stiff
    Callaway Steelhead XR 5-AW | Project X 6.5 Rifle
    Titleist SM6 50* / 56* / 62* | Stock
    Odyssey Stroke Lab, Toulon Memphis 34"

  • dcfasdcfas Tempus Fugit Members Posts: 915 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited Jul 31, 2019 4:17pm #18

    In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

  • jwhite86jwhite86 ClubWRX Posts: 600 ClubWRX

    My go-to is "Right club, wrong player"

    WITB
    Driver: TS3 9.5 - 757
    3 Wood: 915 F 16.5 - Blueboard
    5 Wood: 909 F2 18.5 - Blueboard
    Hybrids: 816 H1 21 & 25 - Blueboard
    Irons 6-PW: 765 - PX LZ
    Wedges: 54º, 60º PXG 0311 - KBS
    Putter: Newport Mil-Spec


    http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1651462-jwhite86-witb/
  • JsameMJsameM The Dude Abides Members Posts: 20 ✭✭

    Left a putt well short and my buddy casually says "Hard to get it to the hole with all that chicken **** on your ball...."

    TaylorMade M2 9.5* (2017), Oban Kiyoshi Purple 05 Flex 65g
    TaylorMade M2 HL 16.5*, (2017), Project X HZRDS Yellow 6.0 76g
    Callaway Apex Hybrid 20*, Fujikura Pro Hybrid 83g X
    Titleist 716 T-MB 4i, Fujikura Motore Speeder HB 8.8 Tour Spec S 86g
    Mizuno JPX 900 Tour 5-PW, KBS Tour X
    Titleist Vokey SM6 Tour Chrome 50*.12, 54*.10, KBS Tour X
    Callaway Mack Daddy PM Grind 64*.10, KBS Tour V Wedge
    TP Mills Custom Ming Flow Neck
  • BermBusterBermBuster So. Cal.Members Posts: 64 ✭✭

    After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

  • gioguy21gioguy21 NJMembers Posts: 7,844 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    "with how often you're in the woods, i'm sure you have a tree iron"

    Epic Flash SZ / 9* (set N/S) / HZRDUS Smoke Green Hulk 60 6.5TX tipped 1.25"
    Epic Flash SZ / 3+ (set -1/N) / HZRDUS Smoke Black 75g 6.5 tipped 2"
    Epic Flash / 5 (set N/S) / BF 90TX Tipped 1.75"
    718 T-MB 2I / PX Flighted 7.0
    785 / 3-PW / PX 7.0
    RTX4 / 52, 59 / DG S400
    Piretti Tour 801R / 35.5"

  • James the Hogan FanJames the Hogan Fan Members Posts: 632 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited Jul 31, 2019 5:29pm #24

    I was playing with my buddy who let go a good drive and said “man I hit that to china!” I got up and uncorked one that sailed past his ball on the fly and said, “but I had the nonstop. You seem to have a layover in Denver”

    Golfing in Finland!
    Wilson D300
    W/S Fybrid 3W
    W/S Fybrid 5W
    Hogan Apex 2003 (3-E)
    Mizuno 56
    Maxfli Revolution 60
    Macgregor Jackie Pung Putter #10

  • smashdnsmashdn Let's cut them trees down. Members Posts: 1,307 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    @dcfas said:
    In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

    My go to in reference to myself.

  • TIM929TIM929 Los AngelesMembers Posts: 793 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited Jul 31, 2019 7:12pm #26

    I use “ man I got kids” a lot in a variety of situations.

    I just change the tone as fits.

    Someone shanks - MAN, I got kids.
    taking a long time to putt - maaann, I got kids.
    While someone takes my money after a round - man.... I got kids.

  • KAndyManKAndyMan JUST GOTTA SEND IT!!! Trident/Lowcountry areaMembers Posts: 380 ✭✭✭✭

    Overheard a guy tell his buddy who left his putt severly short “might have better luck using your purse next time”.

  • sharkiesjsharkiesj Members Posts: 3,034 ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

    Whenever someone smokes a drive 350+ splitting the fairway, I always deadpan.....Don’t worry, it’s ok. You’re next one will be better.

  • Ripper212Ripper212 Members Posts: 525 ✭✭✭✭✭

    After a thin mis-hit that somehow ends up on the green - That's a sister-in law shot. I'm on but I shouldn't be!

  • mizuno playermizuno player Mizuno player Members Posts: 1,426 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

    The only only I could think of and not have the word police ban me.

    Middle of the fairway and I missed the green by a mile. Partner turns and says.

    Great shot. Great shot. That was really the only play you had. Other shots were too risky. No doubt he was correct.

  • buckrogers71buckrogers71 Members Posts: 312 ✭✭✭✭

    Leaving a putt well short: "Caught on the string/ husband play", Beating it down the fairway badly..."Dont worry, you're getting there"

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