Best golf insults or one liners

 ldandrea ·  
ldandrealdandrea dearborn 47WRX Points: 64Handicap: 18Members Posts: 47 Bunkers
Joined:  in The 19th Hole #1

I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

Posted:
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Comments

  • Soloman1Soloman1  2741WRX Points: 527Members Posts: 2,741 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #2

    I rarely get angry, but one poser wannabe I played with years ago was so ridiculously slow that I let loose with, "For heaven's sake, just hit the **** ball! Our clothes are going out of style waiting for you!"

    Posted:
    I'm quitting at 6.022 x 10^23 posts.
    Avogadro would be proud.
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25302WRX Points: 2,368Handicap: 2 ManyClubWRX Posts: 25,302 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #3

    Mrs. Pelz tells me I have the perfect face for radio.

    Posted:
  • tatertottatertot  4609WRX Points: 920Members Posts: 4,609 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #5

    High pressure situation ... Buddy (whose a single cap) cold tops a drive and there is an uneasy silence broken by "Catch that one a groove low?"

    Posted:
    Driver: TaylorMade M3, 10.5*
    Hybrid: Titleist 816 H1, 19*
    Long Iron: Ping iE1, 26*
    Mid Iron: Ping iE1, 32*
    Short Iron: Ping iE1, 41*
    Wedge: Ping iE1, 45*
    Gap: Ping Glide SS, 52*
    Lob: Ping Glide ES, 60*
    Putter: Yes Callie Mid, 41"
    Ball: Bridgestone Tour B XS
    Bag: Ping Mascot
  • NessismNessism To measure is to know...  19313WRX Points: 1,411Members Posts: 19,313 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #6

    You're still away.

    Posted:
    Ping G400 Max driver w/Aldila Rogue 125 Silver 60S
    Cobra (Lexi blue) F7 5 wood w/Aldila Rogue Black 70S
    Cobra (Lexi blue) F7 Hybrid w/Aldila Kuro Kage 80S
    Ping G410 irons w/Recoil 95S
    Ping Glide 55/60 wedges w/Recoil 110S
    Ping Anser/Arna putter - the "real deal!"
  • GolfWithdrawalsGolfWithdrawals Woodstock, Georgia 385WRX Points: 84Handicap: +1Members Posts: 385 Greens
    Joined:  #7

    "Hey, don't put yourself down. You're not, uh... you're not... you're not good. You stink."

    Posted:
    Driver: Titleist 917 D3 9.5 deg. Aldila Rogue Black 70x
    3-Wood: Titleist 917 F2 13.5 deg. Diamana Ltd. D+ White 80x
    2-Hybrid: Cobra Baffler
    4-iron: Mizuno MP18 MMC Fli-Hi Shaft: XP 115 Stiff
    PW thru 5-iron: Mizuno MP18 MB Shaft: XP 115 Stiff
    50, 54, 58 Wedges: Vokey Sm6
    Putter: MannKrafted Handmade Rattler 360g
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • fillwelixfillwelix Boston Area 1497WRX Points: 358Members Posts: 1,497 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #8

    On -, @ldandrea said:

    I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

    That's a great one, I say something similar when someone leaves a putt short "Smart choice to lay up from there. From that lie? Smart golf"

    Posted:
    WITB
    Taylormade SIM 9.5* Ventus Black 6X
    Taylormade SIM 15* Graphite Design AD-DI 7X
    Taylormade SIM 19* Graphite Design AD-DI 7X
    Taylormade P760 4-PW Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade MG 52 KBS Tour-V 130 S
    Taylormade Hi-Toe 58 & 64 KBS Hi Rev Wedge
    Taylormade Spider X Tour
  • fillwelixfillwelix Boston Area 1497WRX Points: 358Members Posts: 1,497 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #9

    On -, @Nessism said:

    You're still away.

    A dead sheep. (Still ewe)

    Posted:
    WITB
    Taylormade SIM 9.5* Ventus Black 6X
    Taylormade SIM 15* Graphite Design AD-DI 7X
    Taylormade SIM 19* Graphite Design AD-DI 7X
    Taylormade P760 4-PW Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade MG 52 KBS Tour-V 130 S
    Taylormade Hi-Toe 58 & 64 KBS Hi Rev Wedge
    Taylormade Spider X Tour
  • ldandrealdandrea dearborn 47WRX Points: 64Handicap: 18Members Posts: 47 Bunkers
    Joined:  #10

    These are all great! I can't wait to play this afternoon!

    Posted:
  • oldpalchampoldpalchamp  1234WRX Points: 166Members Posts: 1,234 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #11

    You and two buddies are on the tee and another friend asks to join you, and you say, "Sorry, we already have three."

    Posted:
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  • disco111disco111  1180WRX Points: 274Handicap: 7Members Posts: 1,180 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #13

    Had a guy in our group, that when marking his ball on the green, was very generous with replacing it. He would mark and replace at least 2 times and sometimes a third time. One day, a new player that joined us watched this in wonder as we didn't say anything. Finally on about the 5th hole, after he watched marking 2 times, he just blurted out........."mark it again and it's a gimme".

    Posted:
  • 3ack3ack SC 136WRX Points: 92Members Posts: 136 Fairways
    Joined:  #14

    I'm just a big fan of any emasculating comment after leaving a putt well short

    Posted:
    Hammer 6.5*
    GX7 12*
    Warrior Golf 3-PW
    Squarestrike UW
    Alien 56*
    Double Duty Putter
  • HatsForBatsHatsForBats  1993WRX Points: 276Handicap: 7Members Posts: 1,993 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #15

    My buddy will bock like a chicken if you leave a putt short or tell you 'there's still some poo left in that diaper' if you overcook a putt. I like to tell him 'nice 9-iron' when he is satisfied with one of his drives that is well short of mine.

    Posted:
  • MitchellMitchell  5626WRX Points: 464Members Posts: 5,626 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #16

    In group with two older gentleman at a nice resort course and one playing partner hit an iron shot very fat, guy blurted out "does anyone else smell Chinese food?"😁

    Posted:
    Titleist 910d3 9.5* (d4 surefit) Motore Speeder TS 7.3
    Titleist 917f2 16.5* (c2 surefit) Motore Speeder TS 8.3
    Titleist 818 h1 21* (c2 surefit) Atmos blue TS 8
    Titleist 962b 3-pw s400 
    Vokey sm7 raw M 54*  s400
    Vokey raw 260-08 C-C  60*  s300
    Cameron '95 Laguna
  • Warrior42111Warrior42111 Florida 386WRX Points: 200Handicap: 19Members Posts: 386 Greens
    Joined:  #17

    Lady in my usual group had me in tears. Hit a big drive and left a putt way short. Walking of the green she says " so biggest d%$# and biggest meat curtains of the group...well it is 2019 so it's possible"

    Posted:

    Taylormade M6 10.5| Project X Even Flow Black X 6.5
    Taylormade M4 Tour 15 * |Mitsubishi Tensei CK White 70 X
    Ping G400 18
    | PING Alta CB 65 Stiff
    Callaway Apex 19 4-PW | Nippon Modus Tour 3 120 X
    Callaway MD4 48* / 54* / 59* | Nippon Modus Tour 3 120 X
    Odyssey Stroke Lab, Toulon Memphis 34"

  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • dcfasdcfas Pushing 1k. Should get there this decade.  976WRX Points: 171Members Posts: 976 Golden Tee
    Joined:  edited Jul 31, 2019 #18

    In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

    Posted:

    Mixed bag includes TM, Mizuno, Ping, Cleveland, and Guerin Rife.

  • jwhite86jwhite86  801WRX Points: 270Handicap: 12ClubWRX Posts: 801 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #19

    My go-to is "Right club, wrong player"

    Posted:
    WITB
    Driver: TS2 10.5 - Diamana DF 60 TX
    3 Wood: 915 F 16.5 - Blueboard
    5 Wood: 909 F2 18.5 - Blueboard
    Hybrids: 816 H1 21 & 25 - Blueboard
    Irons 6-PW: 765 - PX LZ
    Wedges: 54º, 60º PXG 0311 - KBS
    Putter: Newport Mil-Spec

    http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1651462-jwhite86-witb/
  • JsameMJsameM The Dude Abides  23WRX Points: 16Handicap: 8.7Members Posts: 23 Bunkers
    Joined:  #20

    Left a putt well short and my buddy casually says "Hard to get it to the hole with all that chicken **** on your ball...."

    Posted:
    TaylorMade M2 9.5* (2017), Oban Kiyoshi Purple 05 Flex 65g
    TaylorMade M2 HL 16.5*, (2017), Project X HZRDS Yellow 6.0 76g
    Callaway Apex Hybrid 20*, Fujikura Pro Hybrid 83g X
    Titleist 716 T-MB 4i, Fujikura Motore Speeder HB 8.8 Tour Spec S 86g
    Mizuno JPX 900 Tour 5-PW, KBS Tour X
    Titleist Vokey SM6 Tour Chrome 50*.12, 54*.10, KBS Tour X
    Callaway Mack Daddy PM Grind 64*.10, KBS Tour V Wedge
    TP Mills Custom Ming Flow Neck
  • BermBusterBermBuster So. Cal. 79WRX Points: 49Handicap: noneMembers Posts: 79 Fairways
    Joined:  #21

    After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

    Posted:
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  • gioguy21gioguy21 NJ 8105WRX Points: 1,353Handicap: +1.6 (1194646)Members Posts: 8,105 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #23

    "with how often you're in the woods, i'm sure you have a tree iron"

    Posted:

    Epic Flash SZ / 9* (set D/S) / Fujikura Pro 2.0 TS 6X tipped 1.50"
    Epic Flash SZ / 3+ (set -1/N) / HZRDUS Smoke Black 75g 6.5 tipped 2"
    Epic CF17 3i / Tensei PW Hybrid 100TX
    Apex MB Chrome / 3-PW / Modus 130 X
    MD4 Chrome / 52, 56, 60 / DG 115 S200 (for now)
    Piretti Tour 801R / 35.5"

    Testing the Aldila RIP-X 65TX driver shaft

  • James the Hogan FanJames the Hogan Fan  1026WRX Points: 682Handicap: 12Members Posts: 1,026 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Jul 31, 2019 #24

    I was playing with my buddy who let go a good drive and said “man I hit that to china!” I got up and uncorked one that sailed past his ball on the fly and said, “but I had the nonstop. You seem to have a layover in Denver”

    Posted:
    Golfing in Finland!
    Taylormade R15
    W/S Fybrid 3W
    W/S Fybrid 5W
    Hogan Apex 2003 (3-E)
    Mizuno 56
    Maxfli Revolution 60
    Macgregor Jackie Pung Putter #10

  • smashdnsmashdn Let's cut them trees down.  1934WRX Points: 719Members Posts: 1,934 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #25

    On -, @dcfas said:

    In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

    My go to in reference to myself.

    Posted:
  • TIM929TIM929 Los Angeles 1309WRX Points: 763Handicap: 11.1Members Posts: 1,309 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Jul 31, 2019 #26

    I use “ man I got kids” a lot in a variety of situations.

    I just change the tone as fits.

    Someone shanks - MAN, I got kids.
    taking a long time to putt - maaann, I got kids.
    While someone takes my money after a round - man.... I got kids.

    Posted:
    Titleist TS3 10.5* Driver                  HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0       Tour Velvet std 
    Adams Tightlies 2 16*3 Wood        whatevers stock              Tour Velvet std  
    Titleist TS3 19*    Hybrid                 HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0       Tour Velvet std 
    Titleist 716 TMB  4-P                      DG S300                          Tour Velvet Align 2 wraps  
    Titleist SM7 52.12F (bent to 49.09)DG S400                           Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 56.10S                         DG S400                          Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 60.12D                        DG S400                           Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SC Terryllium Fastback 1.5  34" loft 6.5                       Pistolini Plus  
    Titleist PROV1                                 ball
    Kirkland sig                                     glove 
    FJ rain glove                                    glove (rain)  
     

    WITB:
    http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1729394-timbo929-witb/
  • KAndyManKAndyMan JUST GOTTA SEND IT!!! Trident/Lowcountry area 412WRX Points: 160Handicap: ManyMembers Posts: 412 Greens
    Joined:  #27

    Overheard a guy tell his buddy who left his putt severly short “might have better luck using your purse next time”.

    Posted:
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  • sharkiesjsharkiesj  3130WRX Points: 294Members Posts: 3,130 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #28

    Whenever someone smokes a drive 350+ splitting the fairway, I always deadpan.....Don’t worry, it’s ok. You’re next one will be better.

    Posted:
  • Ripper212Ripper212  568WRX Points: 77Members Posts: 568 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #29

    After a thin mis-hit that somehow ends up on the green - That's a sister-in law shot. I'm on but I shouldn't be!

    Posted:
  • mizuno playermizuno player Mizuno player  1603WRX Points: 323Members Posts: 1,603 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #30

    The only only I could think of and not have the word police ban me.

    Middle of the fairway and I missed the green by a mile. Partner turns and says.

    Great shot. Great shot. That was really the only play you had. Other shots were too risky. No doubt he was correct.

    Posted:
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  • buckrogers71buckrogers71  405WRX Points: 127Members Posts: 405 Greens
    Joined:  #31

    Leaving a putt well short: "Caught on the string/ husband play", Beating it down the fairway badly..."Dont worry, you're getting there"

    Posted:
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