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How to tell if you are a pushy, crazy or overbearing golf parent

 leezer99 ·  
leezer99leezer99 Boy - 2026Members  1919WRX Points: 1,305Handicap: A BillionPosts: 1,919 Platinum Tees
Joined:  in Juniors/College Golf Talk #1

Disclaimer: I stole this from another sports forum that my daughter is involved in. If you answer these questions honestly it is beneficial, however I believe that most overbearing parents can't see personal truths.

There is definitely a fine line between being a "steering/pushy parent" and an "overbearing/over-involved parent". Of course all parents want to be involved with their kids activities so that they can be guided in a safe and nurturing direction. And of course us parents will be the ones getting them up early in the morning, driving them to practice and paying the bills. All of those things are necessary for the child to be able to participate in the sport. But, unfortunately, we also have all seen those parents that cross over into the "obsessive/overbearing parent".

If you can't tell if you have reached that threshold, take this quiz:

A Parent’s Questionnaire
Dr. Alan Goldberg
Competitive Advantage​

Take this questionnaire to see if you’re doing everything possible to help your child have a successful and healthy sports experience.​

Answer each question with a 1, 2, 3 or 4.
1 = never true; 2 = occasionally true; 3 = mostly true; 4 = always true.

1) I get really frustrated and upset when my child performs below his/her capabilities.​

2) I give my child critical feedback on his/her performance after each game.

3) If I didn’t push my child, he/she wouldn’t practice.

4) If my child doesn’t excel and win, I see very little point in his participating in the sport.

5) I can be very critical when my child makes mistakes or loses.

6) I set goals with my child in relation to the sport.

7) I think it’s my job to motivate my child to get better.

8) I feel angry and embarrassed when my child performs poorly.

9) The most important thing for my child’s sport participation is that he/she have fun.

10) I get really upset with bad calls by the officials.

11) Most coaches don’t know what they are talking about.

12) I keep a performance log/journal/statistics on my child’s performance so we can monitor his/her progress.

13) I feel guilty about some of the things I say to my child after he/she plays.

14) I try to watch most practices so that I can correct my child when he makes mistakes.

15) When my child fails I can feel his pain and disappointment.​

16) I think it’s important that my child gets used to having coaches yell at him/her to help prepare him/her for life.

17) My spouse and I argue about how I treat my son/daughter in relation to his/her sport.

18) I try to help my child keep his/her failures and the sport in perspective.

19) I’m never very concerned about the outcome of my child’s game/match/race.

20) I will not allow my child to be put down or yelled at by a coach.

21) If my child wasn’t so defensive when it comes to my feedback, he/she could become a better athlete.

22) It’s not my job to evaluate or criticize my child’s performances.

23) I feel that my child owes us a certain performance level given all the sacrifices we’ve made for him/her.

24) I believe my child’s sport belongs to him/her and not to me.

25) I just want my child to feel good about him/herself and be happy when he/she plays.​

SCORING
Add scores for questions #1-8, 10-14,16, 17, 21 & 23. (If you answered question #2 with a “mostly true” you add 3 points to the total score.) Subtract scores for questions #9, 15, 18-20, 22, 24, & 25.​

INTERPRETATION
The higher the score, the more potential damage that you are doing to your child. High scores indicate that you are playing the wrong role on the team and if you continue, you will increase the chances of your child burning out, struggling with performance problems and dropping out. Low scores mean that you are on track and doing the things necessary to insure that your child has a positive and life-enriching sports experience. If you scored a:​

60 – 50: You are doing everything in your power to seriously damage your child’s self-esteem, ruin their sports experience and make them a candidate for long term psychotherapy later on in their life. If you continue your ways, your child will most likely drop out of sports. If you force them to continue, chances are good that they will struggle with serious performance problems. On the off chance that they do achieve success, they will not be able to appreciate what they’ve accomplished. Finally, your long term relationship with them will be seriously jeopardized because of your lack of perspective and behaviors.

49 – 39: You are not being supportive enough and are doing too many things wrong. You are over-involved and putting too much pressure on your child. You need to back down, chill out and let them enjoy their sport. This kind of a parental stance will drive your child out of sports.

38 – 20: You’re OK, but you need some help getting unhooked. You need to be more consistently supportive and take less of a pushing/coaching role.

19 – 1: You are pretty much on track as a parent. You are positive and doing most of the right things to insure your child has a positive youth sports experience.

0 - negative 15: BRAVO!!!! You are truly a winning parent. You can give workshops to other parents on how to help your child become successful in their sport.

Posted:

There's definitely something more important that I should be doing.

«13
3

Comments

  • heavy_hitterheavy_hitter Members  3908WRX Points: 1,276Posts: 3,908 Titanium Tees
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    12

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • TripleBogeysrbetterTripleBogeysrbetter Members  418WRX Points: 319Handicap: 21Posts: 418 Greens
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #3

    4 - I was sweating this one. :-)
    I would love to see my wife's score.

    Posted:
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  • BloctonGolf11BloctonGolf11 Members  549WRX Points: 387Handicap: 8Posts: 549 Golden Tee
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    I got an 8 which is not bad but some of these questions are not very clear on outcome and to me are not wholly negative or positive as they are portrayed.

    Posted:
    Just a father and son on a journey together through golf....
  • TripleBogeysrbetterTripleBogeysrbetter Members  418WRX Points: 319Handicap: 21Posts: 418 Greens
    Joined:  #5

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    I got an 8 which is not bad but some of these questions are not very clear on outcome and to me are not wholly negative or positive as they are portrayed.

    Yes, Like this one.
    "1) I get really frustrated and upset when my child performs below his/her capabilities.​"

    I said 3 for myself. While I'm not angry at my son. I'm thinking MAN how many times are you going to tell me "You know what dad I need to really work on my scrambling." I'm thinking "thoughts in my head" that's a great idea. Then its the same practice session on the range. Like dude where is the short game? Maybe tomorrow.
    Child enters the tournament and then its bogey, bogey, bogey. Starting 0-3 in scrambling.
    That's really my only frustration. I'm not going to steam in the car or at home about it.

    Posted:
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  • BloctonGolf11BloctonGolf11 Members  549WRX Points: 387Handicap: 8Posts: 549 Golden Tee
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #6

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Posted:
    Just a father and son on a journey together through golf....
  • leezer99leezer99 Boy - 2026 Members  1919WRX Points: 1,305Handicap: A BillionPosts: 1,919 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #7

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Number 12 is not for you to do, it is for your junior athlete to do. If you are doing this for them it shows that your investment is greater than theirs.

    Posted:

    There's definitely something more important that I should be doing.

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  • BloctonGolf11BloctonGolf11 Members  549WRX Points: 387Handicap: 8Posts: 549 Golden Tee
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #8

    On -, @leezer99 said:

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Number 12 is not for you to do, it is for your junior athlete to do. If you are doing this for them it shows that your investment is greater than theirs.

    I disagree that just because I am keeping it it means my investment is greater than theirs. A 9 or a 10 year old is not going to be the greatest record keeper so early on I think it helps when a parent or a coach is involved in this aspect so the athlete can see where their gains are at. Again my issue with several of these questions. Plus, record keeping is how you know where to address deficiencies in anything by limiting the anecdotal aspects. Who produces the journal is not the issue, how it is used can be the problem.

    Posted:
    Just a father and son on a journey together through golf....
  • heavy_hitterheavy_hitter Members  3908WRX Points: 1,276Posts: 3,908 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #9

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    On -, @leezer99 said:

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Number 12 is not for you to do, it is for your junior athlete to do. If you are doing this for them it shows that your investment is greater than theirs.

    I disagree that just because I am keeping it it means my investment is greater than theirs. A 9 or a 10 year old is not going to be the greatest record keeper so early on I think it helps when a parent or a coach is involved in this aspect so the athlete can see where their gains are at. Again my issue with several of these questions. Plus, record keeping is how you know where to address deficiencies in anything by limiting the anecdotal aspects. Who produces the journal is not the issue, how it is used can be the problem.

    At 9 or 10 they shouldn't be keeping a journal or log in my opinion. That is something they should do once they get to college.

    Posted:
  • BloctonGolf11BloctonGolf11 Members  549WRX Points: 387Handicap: 8Posts: 549 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #10

    On -, @heavy_hitter said:

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    On -, @leezer99 said:

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Number 12 is not for you to do, it is for your junior athlete to do. If you are doing this for them it shows that your investment is greater than theirs.

    I disagree that just because I am keeping it it means my investment is greater than theirs. A 9 or a 10 year old is not going to be the greatest record keeper so early on I think it helps when a parent or a coach is involved in this aspect so the athlete can see where their gains are at. Again my issue with several of these questions. Plus, record keeping is how you know where to address deficiencies in anything by limiting the anecdotal aspects. Who produces the journal is not the issue, how it is used can be the problem.

    At 9 or 10 they shouldn't be keeping a journal or log in my opinion. That is something they should do once they get to college.

    I tend to agree as far as a detailed one. My son did a trial run a program at our course and they got frustrated with him when he didn't fill out this very specific log to exacting detail and I was turned off. I think it helps at a young age for a kid to see they shot better at a course from the previous time they played it but a detailed log is a bit much until you are much further along and advanced.

    Posted:
    Just a father and son on a journey together through golf....
  • dpb5031dpb5031 Jupiter, FLMembers  5881WRX Points: 1,452Posts: 5,881 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #11

    I'd say generally a good assessment tool for parents, but I'm not buying into this 100% as it relates to golf parenting. Many questions seem geared more toward traditional team sports where the kid is primarily accountable to his coach and his team. Golf is typically different, and every kid is different in terms of what parenting and coaching style is most healthy and effective. Golf parents often HAVE to be more involved unless they've got unlimited resources for training/instruction and tournaments. Additionally, in many areas it's hard to find other kids of the same age and gender for your kids to play and practice with. This often leaves dad or mom as the course & range companion unless you've got the type of kid who truly enjoys being by him/herself. My daughter would only see her swing coach about 3 times annually. This left me as the primary individual responsible for helping her learn the many nuances of the game.

    Posted:
    USGA Index: ~0

    WITB:
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    Ping i200 5-UW (2 flat) - Nippon Modus 105X
    Taylormade HiToe 54 (bent to 55 & 2 flat)
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    Palmer AP30R putter (circa 1960s)
    Taylormade TP5X Ball
  • BloctonGolf11BloctonGolf11 Members  549WRX Points: 387Handicap: 8Posts: 549 Golden Tee
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #12

    On -, @dpb5031 said:

    I'd say generally a good assessment tool for parents, but I'm not buying into this 100% as it relates to golf parenting. Many questions seem geared more toward traditional team sports where the kid is primarily accountable to his coach and his team. Golf is typically different, and every kid is different in terms of what parenting and coaching style is most healthy and effective. Golf parents often HAVE to be more involved unless they've got unlimited resources for training/instruction and tournaments. Additionally, in many areas it's hard to find other kids of the same age and gender for your kids to play and practice with. This often leaves dad or mom as the course & range companion unless you've got the type of kid who truly enjoys being by him/herself. My daughter would only see her swing coach about 3 times annually. This left me as the primary individual responsible for helping her learn the many nuances of the game.

    Very very well said. This summer I got to take a big step back as he started playing a ton with one particular junior and I think it helped him tremendously having her there for him to practice and play with. I just got to spectate a lot.

    Posted:
    Just a father and son on a journey together through golf....
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  • wildcatdenwildcatden China Cat Sunflower Members  1301WRX Points: 685Posts: 1,301 Platinum Tees
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    On -, @dpb5031 said:

    I'd say generally a good assessment tool for parents, but I'm not buying into this 100% as it relates to golf parenting. Many questions seem geared more toward traditional team sports where the kid is primarily accountable to his coach and his team. Golf is typically different, and every kid is different in terms of what parenting and coaching style is most healthy and effective. Golf parents often HAVE to be more involved unless they've got unlimited resources for training/instruction and tournaments. Additionally, in many areas it's hard to find other kids of the same age and gender for your kids to play and practice with. This often leaves dad or mom as the course & range companion unless you've got the type of kid who truly enjoys being by him/herself. My daughter would only see her swing coach about 3 times annually. This left me as the primary individual responsible for helping her learn the many nuances of the game.

    Agree with this. Very nice assessment test. Different sports, different ages, and different kids can have slightly different requirements.

    Posted:

    -- Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy tap tap taparoo. --

  • dpb5031dpb5031 Jupiter, FLMembers  5881WRX Points: 1,452Posts: 5,881 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #14

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    On -, @dpb5031 said:

    I'd say generally a good assessment tool for parents, but I'm not buying into this 100% as it relates to golf parenting. Many questions seem geared more toward traditional team sports where the kid is primarily accountable to his coach and his team. Golf is typically different, and every kid is different in terms of what parenting and coaching style is most healthy and effective. Golf parents often HAVE to be more involved unless they've got unlimited resources for training/instruction and tournaments. Additionally, in many areas it's hard to find other kids of the same age and gender for your kids to play and practice with. This often leaves dad or mom as the course & range companion unless you've got the type of kid who truly enjoys being by him/herself. My daughter would only see her swing coach about 3 times annually. This left me as the primary individual responsible for helping her learn the many nuances of the game.

    Very very well said. This summer I got to take a big step back as he started playing a ton with one particular junior and I think it helped him tremendously having her there for him to practice and play with. I just got to spectate a lot.

    Thanks. That's really great your son has a friend to play and practice with! My daughter did not. I would almost never play along when she was a junior (found it a distracting waste of time), but she almost always wanted me there with her nonetheless. As she got older she became much more independent with her practice at the range or putting green, but still usually wanted my companionship on the course. She's a rising college junior now playing D1, and now we absolutely love playing four-ball matches, be it with my friends or hers.

    BTW, I scored 18 on the assessment in the OP

    Posted:
    USGA Index: ~0

    WITB:
    Ping G410 LST 9 degree - Tour AD IZ 6x
    Ping G410 LST - Fujikura Pro TourSpec 73 
    Kasco K2K 33 - Fujikura Pro TourSpec 73 
    Callaway RazrX Tour 4h - Tour 95 shaft
    Ping i200 5-UW (2 flat) - Nippon Modus 105X
    Taylormade HiToe 54 (bent to 55 & 2 flat)
    Taylormade HiToe 64 (Bent to 62 & 2 flat)
    Palmer AP30R putter (circa 1960s)
    Taylormade TP5X Ball
  • leezer99leezer99 Boy - 2026 Members  1919WRX Points: 1,305Handicap: A BillionPosts: 1,919 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #15

    Really appreciating everyone's feedback. If you have constructive changes you think should be made please let me know and I'll update it. I have already sent it out to a couple of junior golf coaches that I respect and will update with their feedback as well.

    On -, @dpb5031 - yes, this was taken from a gymnastics forum that I am also on. The differences in how each of these sports are coached and judged is amazing. The USAG (even with all its faults) has a very detailed path that the kids follow and the training is regimented more like a golf academy would be run. The kids go on their set days for a set number of hours and the parents either leave or are confined to a small viewing area where the kids can't hear them. The kids typically will only compete in four or five events per year (unless they make states, regionals, etc.) and those are all within a small two month window, the rest of the year is training and learning skills. And don't get me started on the subjective scoring... ugh.
    Posted:

    There's definitely something more important that I should be doing.

  • kekoakekoa ClubWRX  9411WRX Points: 896Handicap: 4-20Posts: 9,411 ClubWRX
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    1. ****, I feel pretty good about myself. B)
    Posted:
  • wildcatdenwildcatden China Cat Sunflower Members  1301WRX Points: 685Posts: 1,301 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Aug 15, 2019 #17

    Here

    On -, @leezer99 --- I made it into an Excel sheet with autosum.
    Posted:
    Post edited by wildcatden on

    -- Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy tap tap taparoo. --

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  • TripleBogeysrbetterTripleBogeysrbetter Members  418WRX Points: 319Handicap: 21Posts: 418 Greens
    Joined:  #18

    On -, @leezer99 said:

    On -, @BloctonGolf11 said:

    Agreed. I get frustrated when he does not do things that are simple and his control, i.e. part of his pre-shot routine. If he is having a day where he is hooking the ball or pushing it left or right that is not something to get frustrated over as that is golf. However, if he is rushing up to the ball without doing any of his pre-shot work that is justifiable to get frustrated over. Also, number 12 is not necessarily a negative. It is validation to see gains and improvement and that is a positive for anyone.

    Number 12 is not for you to do, it is for your junior athlete to do. If you are doing this for them it shows that your investment is greater than theirs.

    I do number 12 at Son's request.
    And thats if I'm there to watch.

    Its usually like this. Hey Dad, can you keep track of FIR, GIR, Putts, and if I got up and down?

    Posted:
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    Fourteen 56 - Nippon R
    Vokey SM7 60 - Dynamic Gold
    Ray Cook Blue Goose BG40
    Titleist AVX
  • TripleBogeysrbetterTripleBogeysrbetter Members  418WRX Points: 319Handicap: 21Posts: 418 Greens
    Joined:  #19

    On -, @dpb5031 said:

    I'd say generally a good assessment tool for parents, but I'm not buying into this 100% as it relates to golf parenting. Many questions seem geared more toward traditional team sports where the kid is primarily accountable to his coach and his team. Golf is typically different, and every kid is different in terms of what parenting and coaching style is most healthy and effective. Golf parents often HAVE to be more involved unless they've got unlimited resources for training/instruction and tournaments. Additionally, in many areas it's hard to find other kids of the same age and gender for your kids to play and practice with. This often leaves dad or mom as the course & range companion unless you've got the type of kid who truly enjoys being by him/herself. My daughter would only see her swing coach about 3 times annually. This left me as the primary individual responsible for helping her learn the many nuances of the game.

    Yea if this was asking about baseball I'm probably in the 20s.

    Oldest son and AAU basketball Im in the 90s. :-)

    Posted:
    Cobra F8+ - Fujikura Regular
    Taylormade M1 5 Wood - Kuro Kage Regular
    Cobra Tour Forged 4-PW KBS Tour 90 R
    Fourteen 52 (Bent to 50) - Nippon R
    Fourteen 56 - Nippon R
    Vokey SM7 60 - Dynamic Gold
    Ray Cook Blue Goose BG40
    Titleist AVX
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25613WRX Points: 2,831Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,613 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #20

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    Posted:
  • kekoakekoa ClubWRX  9411WRX Points: 896Handicap: 4-20Posts: 9,411 ClubWRX
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    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Posted:
  • PepperturboPepperturbo Midwest and SouthwestMembers  16996WRX Points: 1,082Handicap: 4-5Posts: 16,996 Titanium Tees
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    The easiest way to tell if you're... Ask your child and listen.

    Posted:
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  • kcapkcap Members  210WRX Points: 131Posts: 210 Fairways
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    I did this for 3 sports that he plays.. golf, hockey and tennis.
    Golf - 20
    Hockey 5
    Tennis -2
    So what does that make me?

    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25613WRX Points: 2,831Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,613 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #24

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Apologies if I didn't make my point properly. I meant as a parent, do you care more if your son/daughter wins or has fun.

    Posted:
  • kekoakekoa ClubWRX  9411WRX Points: 896Handicap: 4-20Posts: 9,411 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #25

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Apologies if I didn't make my point properly. I meant as a parent, do you care more if your son/daughter wins or has fun.

    I'll be honest. When it comes to golf- its more important for me to have him win.
    He does other, much less expensive things for fun.

    Posted:
  • heavy_hitterheavy_hitter Members  3908WRX Points: 1,276Posts: 3,908 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #26

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Apologies if I didn't make my point properly. I meant as a parent, do you care more if your son/daughter wins or has fun.

    I'll be honest. When it comes to golf- its more important for me to have him win.
    He does other, much less expensive things for fun.

    You need to get over that or you will be let down. 1 Career AJGA win is a great career.

    Posted:
  • dpb5031dpb5031 Jupiter, FLMembers  5881WRX Points: 1,452Posts: 5,881 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #27

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Apologies if I didn't make my point properly. I meant as a parent, do you care more if your son/daughter wins or has fun.

    This is also very case specific. Expectations need to be realistic based on your kid's age, ability level, and the competition. You can't control what the other's shoot. All ya can do is try your best and strive for incremental improvements each time out and to try to learn something from each tournament.

    Still, I think it's most important that they enjoy the competition, so I suppose that qualifies as "fun!" If it's a drag, or something they dread, they're typically not going to win or improve anyway.

    Posted:
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  • tatertottatertot Members  4627WRX Points: 951Posts: 4,627 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #28

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    On -, @kekoa said:

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Before High School age...just ask yourself 1 question.

    Do I care more about my daughter/son having fun or winning? If your answer is winning, you're overbearing.

    I'd almost argue that any high level of tournament golf can't be fun unless we are talking about US kids locals. I guess that depends on one's definition of fun. A kid can enjoy himself and competing, but I wouldn't describe tournament golf as fun. I'm only talking elite level stuff here.

    I've asked my son before and he considers putting/chipping contests with his buddies after a tournament round as being 'fun.' He plays tournaments because he loves golf and competing.

    Apologies if I didn't make my point properly. I meant as a parent, do you care more if your son/daughter wins or has fun.

    I'll be honest. When it comes to golf- its more important for me to have him win.
    He does other, much less expensive things for fun.

    So you're "investing" in your child? You might have a problem.

    Posted:
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  • leezer99leezer99 Boy - 2026 Members  1919WRX Points: 1,305Handicap: A BillionPosts: 1,919 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #29

    Pump the brakes people. This topic is intended to shine a light on some activities that we may not recognize in ourselves as parents of athletes so that we can trim the sails and get back on course. Please be supportive of each other and respect different points of view.

    Posted:

    There's definitely something more important that I should be doing.

  • yellowlover519yellowlover519 Members  433WRX Points: 179Posts: 433 Greens
    Joined:  #30

    My 2 cents:
    Impossible to raise a good junior golfer (I mean under the age of 13-14) without an overbearing/over-involved parent. Golf is such a technical sport that it takes a parent willing to provide the financial resources and/or the time to get a junior good. We all know the amount of practice it takes to get good. And we all know how technical the golf swing is. The more technical the sport, the more repetition required. Someone has to take them to a range/course/practice facility. Even if you live on a golf course, someone has to teach them some fundamentals. It would take x times the number of clinics and weekly lessons to achieve what a knowledgeable parent can teach. And a coach will not be as vested in a student’s success/growth the same a parent would, especially pre-puberty.

    Re - is having fun or winning more important. From my experience with coaching youth sports, kids have fun at activities in which they are better than their peers. Kids more often have fun when they are winning. Even in junior league, the fun from a beginner golfer is often that they won, but this soon fades away once they realize that they did not contribute a single shot for their team. No kid post puberty is going to say they had fun finishing in the bottom pack of a tournament; a good experience, maybe. Fun the first few times being in a tournament, yes. But constantly being bad... doubtful they will find it fun. And it’s those parents that try to lift their child’s spirits by saying - just have fun - do your best, without providing the resources for them to do their best, that are blaming other’s success on too much practice/burnout alert. It’s those coaches that say - he’s too young, it will come eventually, that have no idea if that student will really eventually get it.
    Re coaching - there has to be more different philosophies on the golf swing than any other athletic movement. Maybe it’s just different teachings to achieve the same impact, but the techniques coaches teach in golf can vary greatly from one to another. I have witnessed many teachings that I completely disagree with. So, yes, in golf and other sports, I’ve found coaches teaching some funny things...

    I prefaced pre-puberty bc I think post-puberty a child can be motivated enough to learn and grind via their own volition and a parent may only need to provide rides and practice resources. But watching the US AM, I would be shocked if there wasn’t at least one overbearing/over-involved adult in each player’s lives.

    So to sum up - I think overbearing or over-involved is necessary in junior golf; the trouble is when every negative reaction is a result of outcome.

    Posted:
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  • CJPennyCJPenny Members  99WRX Points: 50Posts: 99 Fairways
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    Wow, I used to work junior golf tournaments as a summer job, and the parents of the better players would almost all be in the 50+ range. Won't comment on parenting since I'm not a parent, but I'd be shocked if a large portion of today's new pros and high profile college golfers didn't have at least one parent in the one of the highest categories.

    Posted:
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