That one guy you HATE playing with...

 caeye0710 ·  
caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
Joined:  edited Mar 3, 2020 1:34pm in General Golf Talk #1

Just venting - I used to play every Saturday and Sunday. Ever since we had our daughter 18 months ago, I'm on the course once, sometimes twice a month at best. Because of that, I tend to cherish my golf time more than I ever have before.

I've been playing with the same two guys for over a decade now. We go out, we have fun, no one gets pissed or complains. What makes it more fun is that each of us are pretty decent sticks.

However, a couple of years ago, they invited a dude to start joining us who is just a disaster. I'll be straight - the guy is an 18 HCP at best, but the ole' foot wedge and miraculously dry ball that you "swear you saw a splash on" ends up being dry helps him deflate his score dramatically.

On top of that, he throws clubs, yells, walks in peoples lines, verbally abuses the staff, and complains all the way through the round (when he doesn't quit after 11 holes).

I've about had it. I feel like I can't say much directly to him because I'm not the one who invited him to the group. The other 2 guys seem more laid back about it, but I haven't mentioned it to them yet.

Since I get to play so little nowadays, do I just keep sucking it up? Do I mention it to them, and just say "I'm going to find a new group to play with because this is unbearable?"

Would hate to drop playing with the guys I've been golfing with since 2007, but I'm about at my wits end.

Not sure if anyone has advice, or if you've ever dealt with a similar situation. It's so bad that we were planning a trip for October to Florida, and when I found out he was going, I backed out (made up some excuse).

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Comments

  • CAT GOLFERCAT GOLFER Members  1035WRX Points: 142Posts: 1,035 Platinum Tees
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    Life is too short, don’t waste time on bad experiences. If you still want to play with you buddies, tell them sooner rather than later(ie don't **** off three people in the process). Also, don’t forget sometimes other people are dealing with things you can’t see, either address the bad actor directly or give him a chance to change his behavior.

    In all honesty, I was that guy once, but people can change. What seemed like frustration and venting to me was actually something that bothered other people.

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  • caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
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    Great point. I'm not claiming to be perfect - I'm sure people in the past haven't necessarily enjoyed playing with me.

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  • 1mcozik1mcozik Members  52WRX Points: 28Posts: 52 Bunkers
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    I've played with people like that before in my golf group. You can't change people from being dbags, so I just ignore them and move on with myself. If they walk on my putting line, I will say something like "Bro, can you not walk on my line please?". Other then that, I didn't care what they did. I will randomly get paired with another player that has similar db behavior and I just ignore them completely when they go full on db mode which is pretty quick.

    I could go on a rant but I would probably get banned haha.

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  • NixLix26NixLix26 Members  501WRX Points: 198Handicap: 4Posts: 501 Golden Tee
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    Yes the guy who needs lots of strokes when gambling, then plays awful and by hole 8 says he is out of all bets for the day. 'not Playing well" has little fits. We probably all have a that guy at one time or another in our groups. Try to breath and enjoy a match with the other guys in the group. A day on the course is still better than a day in the office, or in our case, chasing toddlers around.

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  • disco111disco111 Members  1267WRX Points: 360Handicap: 7Posts: 1,267 Platinum Tees
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    Here are your choices..............Say something to your buddies about the other guy. It may not affect them as you say, but it's ruining your day. It's their place since they invited him to join. If there is no change if they talked to him, if they bothered to talk to him, then it's time to find new playing partners for your own enjoyment.

    Posted:
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  • NCBOBNCBOB Members  17WRX Points: 26Handicap: 6Posts: 17 Bunkers
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    People who lack any form of courtesy. There was a guy at my club who would walk on putting lines, walk behind you when your at address, or think he was the only one who mattered. I eventually refused to play with him, even dropped out of club tournament after being paired with him. That made other players start to get annoyed with him. It wasn’t long before he could only get his wife to play with him, finally he quit he club. Happy Days!

    Posted:
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 IowaClubWRX  21491WRX Points: 5,511Posts: 21,491 ClubWRX
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    So you put up with it for 2 years, it’s that bad and you want people that don’t know any of you guys to tell you what to do? Nothing wrong with venting I guess but this random stranger’s advice is ............. ask your wife and follow her advice.

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  • FuscinatorFuscinator Members  462WRX Points: 273Posts: 462 Greens
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    Your choices are...

    1. Leave the group (including your friends)
    2. Have the one who invited him disinvite/talk to him
    3. Talk to him yourself
    4. Suck it up

    In my view, the order of preference would be 3, 4, 2, 1. He may have no idea how he's coming across. Give him an opportunity to change. Sucking it up doesn't have to mean tolerating it. You simply unsubscribe from reacting to him. If you leave it to somebody else, you have no idea what they're going to say. They may even paint you as the bad guy. And lastly, if you leave, your next group might be worst.

    Posted:
  • llewol007llewol007 4KidsGolfer San Jose, CaClubWRX  3705WRX Points: 234Handicap: 4.1Posts: 3,705 ClubWRX
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    I’ve run through the same experience. Played with a guy who is Mr Eyore with the whoa is me attitude who is super slow as well. Doesn’t quite throw his clubs. And another who is super loud to where the whole golf course hears him during the round and get **** drunk and has people staring at our table when we are at the club house. Some people are just a mess. I would tell the guys non chalantly if that’s a word and say “listen guys I can’t keep playing with so and so. I rarely get out enough even now and can’t tolerate his antics. Let me know when you guys go out with out him and I’ll play.

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  • golfkrzy10golfkrzy10 Members  179WRX Points: 128Posts: 179 Fairways
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    where you at? you can join my group that is in the same boat, kids etc and play cause we like the walk and the course. Played with a guy that was the same over the top thought he was tiger woods at an 18cap.....left him and never looked back, found a new group and love every minute of the company.......

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  • caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
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    I live in Sanford, NC. Its about a 30-40 minute drive to Raleigh courses, and about a 30-40 minute drive to Pinehurst area courses (those a re the two areas that I typically play out of). The only thing we have in Sanford is really Tobacco Road, and I ain't paying $100+ a pop every time I play, haha .

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  • golfkrzy10golfkrzy10 Members  179WRX Points: 128Posts: 179 Fairways
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    which means I'm a 10 hour drive.....sorry I tried! 😂

    Posted:

    10 Club Modern Minimalist Set-Up (trackman gap fitting, 15 yard gaps up top, 25 yard gaps down low)

    Srixon Black Sunday/ Stick bags (looking for the red one still!! PM if you want to sell!)

    Srixon 565 9.5 (goes in both bags) and a Yeti full of bourbon & Ice (split/ combo set-up- forgiveness where I need it and playability where I want it)

    Evens (even day): Titleist 915 F 15*- Titleist 818 H2 19*- Srixon u65 4-23*- Srixon 565 6-31*- Srixon 765 8-38*- Srixon 965 PW-46*

    Cleveland RTX-3 Tour Raw 52, 60, Cleveland TA Milled 2

    Odds (odd day): Titleist 915 F 13.5*- Titleist 818 H2 17*- Srixon u65 3-20*- Srixon 565 5-27*- Srixon 765 7-34*- Srixon 965 9-42*

    Cleveland RTX-3 Tour Raw 50, 60, Cleveland TA Milled 2

    Glove/ Ball: Srixon Red Z/ Srixon Z-Star Tour Yellow

  • mdthorntonmdthornton Members  45WRX Points: 58Handicap: 6Posts: 45 Bunkers
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    Talk to the other two guys. You may find they harbor similar feelings. Poor form in terms of walking on putting lines etc may just be an education thing.

    The other side of this, as others have commented, is training yourself to be less bothered by these distractions, assuming you can eliminate the egregious stuff.

    You have my sympathy, time on the course is precious. I get that. Good luck.

    Posted:
  • TimK1TimK1 Members  324WRX Points: 214Posts: 324 Greens
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    I play on the state Am Circut during the summer and I used to get paired with this guy all the time who had one of the worst golf swings I ever seen. He is one of those guys who hits it three miles right or left or a fairway or his second shots end up all over the place and one shot a hole he would hit some miracle shot and save par. He would make a 60 foot putt or chip in or his ball would hit a tree and bounce onto the green.

    I would hit 14 fairways and 15 greens and he would always end up beating me. I hated playing with him. He was the nicest guy though and he never complained once. It was if he knew somehow he would end up making par and didn't care where it went.

    So it is not really a negitive Nancy story but that guy gave me nightmares. I couldn't watch him swing, it was so ugly. He is gone now. Haven't seen him for a coupe of years. Thank god. LOL

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  • aenematedaenemated Los Angeles, CAMembers  629WRX Points: 773Posts: 629 Golden Tee
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    I grew up in Lillington - just down the road from you! Carolina Lakes is where my game really came together. Dad owned some property there so we were "members" to whatever extent that meant anything.

    Anyway, dude sounds like a nightmare - first time the nonsense started would be the last time I played with him, personally.

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  • caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
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    I went to good ole' Campbell University in Lillington. I've played more rounds at Keith Hills than I can count. Only played Carolina Lakes once in a Captain's choice tournament. Unique little track.

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  • jvincentjvincent Members  1544WRX Points: 824Posts: 1,544 Platinum Tees
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    We had a guy at our club who was notoriously slow. Slow to the point that the Friday afternoon retired guys group was fuming and a couple of guys were talking about dropping out if he stayed a part of the group.

    They actually approached him and told him that he needed to pick up his pace of play. His response was that if he played any faster that his game would suffer and he was going to keep his pace. I had played with him a few times when he joined our group and I wanted to strangle him by the end of the round. Not only was he slow over the ball, but he dawdled getting to his ball too.

    I don't know if they ended up blocking him from playing with them but he wasn't a member last year.

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  • Shawn PaulShawn Paul The love you take is equal to the love you make Members  713WRX Points: 40Handicap: 12Posts: 713 Golden Tee
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    I have a buddy who invites his buddy once in a while. He's the type of guy who rolls into the clubhouse 5 minutes to t time and says "whats up *ags" loudly in front of staff. Think Todd Packer from the office. He drinks in excess, talks about snorting, reminisces about the good old days in college, etc. I told my buddy when he invites him again that they are playing together at a different time than us. I have no time or patience for it.

    My advice is to tell your buddies that you'll still golf with them but not when dude is around. Chances are they feel the same way. How the heck did you let this go for two years?

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  • caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
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    Man, I was trying to take the high road. Although it's been 2 years, we are literally talking once or twice a month and I tried to be the good guy and not let it bother me. I'm just past the point of dealing with it now because recently I played with a couple of buddies I hadn't see in a while and it was such a relief not to walk around on eggshells or listen to the BS. I think that made me realize that since I don't get to golf much, I need to be actually enjoying it when I do.

    Posted:
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  • ZA206ZA206 Members  780WRX Points: 165Handicap: 4.0Posts: 780 Golden Tee
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    Meh... You should call him out on the course in front of your buddies right after he has an episode or something. Make it uncomfortable for everyone (including yourself). I bet he will straighten up. If he doesn't, have a conversation with your other buddies and see if you guys can drop him from the group.

    Sometimes a public call out will do wonders.


    -ZA

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  • aenematedaenemated Los Angeles, CAMembers  629WRX Points: 773Posts: 629 Golden Tee
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    Nice - good buddy of mine lived in Keith Hills so we played that one quite a lot too - back when it was just 18 holes. I think it was 14 fairway he lived off of?

    Cheers!

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  • kozubskozubs Members  306WRX Points: 104Handicap: 5Posts: 306 Greens
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    I'm sure the other guys would prefer to play with you so speak to them and see how they feel. If you fell the same, offer to talk to the guy.

    If that doesn't work, start playing money games. If he cheats like you say, it'll be easier to call him out on it and he'll probably get more frustrated and play even crappier making him an easy mark.

    Just a thought, why not play a 2 man team with your group. If he's on your team maybe it'll be easier to coach him not to get so frustrated with a bad shot.

    I like to play with anyone I can at my club of all abilities and just about everyone is great. If all else fails try to find a new group.

    Posted:
  • caeye0710caeye0710 Members  140WRX Points: 71Handicap: .5Posts: 140 Fairways
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    Great points. I love playing for money, but these guys wont gamble even if it's $1. One guy doesn't even keep score even though he's probably a mid-high 70's golfer. I'm sure he knows what he shot in his head, but he will NEVER write anything down and refuses to play in club tourneys.

    Posted:
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  • jpking17jpking17 Members  152WRX Points: 56Posts: 152 Fairways
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    In my experience someone that gets that bent over golf has something else going on in life...it just comes to the surface on the golf course. I've played with guys like this and learned to deal with it...my biggest pet peeve is when I have a good round going and they can't get over themselves enough to shut up as if they are intentionally attempting to derail your round...the better I play in those instances the worse they get and it's at that point that they are in your head.

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  • PNWGuyPNWGuy Members  10WRX Points: 26Posts: 10 Bunkers
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    What's the chance you and your buddies feel the same way but just haven't told each other?

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  • coolearycooleary Members  6WRX Points: 18Posts: 6 Bunkers
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    The 20 hcp who throws out unsolicited advice like he's playing in the single digits.

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  • MychMych Members  2222WRX Points: 418Posts: 2,222 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  edited Mar 4, 2020 10:09pm #30

    I have one guy who had a past issue with my other golf buddies, so they really don't like him and won't play with him. He has a reputation of being a little sneaky and underhanded. Sometimes I'll get a call from him on a day that I wasn't planning to play with my other guys, and I don't dislike him but he's not exactly my favorite person to spend 4 hours with. The catch is, he likes gambling more than he likes golf, and he's not very good at golf but always wants to bet. He always asks for strokes, and I always say "no, I'd rather not bet in that case" so he bets straight up to entice me to bet. We generally play for green fees and I'd say my win percentage is in the 90's on that bet with him. Not that I'm great, but I'd guess that our handicaps are about 5+ strokes different.

    So I've been conflicted for the past couple years. When he calls, do I ignore him or take advantage of the likely free round? So far, I take the free round about every month or so. I actually think I'd enjoy playing with him more if we weren't betting, but I'm not sure I like him enough that I'd ever call him over the other 6-8 people in my different golf circles.

    Posted:
    Post edited by Mych on
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  • PingistheanserPingistheanser Columbus, OHMembers  341WRX Points: 223Handicap: 10Posts: 341 Greens
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    Life is too short to just suck it up and put up with someone who makes golf unbearable for you. I would talk to him about his behavior and give him the chance to improve it but if it doesnt change, you are well within the right to tell him that he isnt welcome anymore.

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