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The Thrill Seems to be Gone (A thread on apathy...)


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I played a round yesterday and couldn't help but notice how little I was interested. This was a casual, after-work 9-hole affair w/o any playing partners. I usually play with club members/friends these days so it's rare to go out alone but it seemed harmless. It was spur of the moment really. I didn't play particularly poorly. There were some great shots and a few mediocre shots...I just felt numb to the whole concept of playing though. This feeling seems to have been creeping up for awhile but this was the first time I honestly felt like I would've preferred to have been at work. It struck me as early as the 2nd hole. I wasn't depressed. I wasn't frustrated. It was more a feeling of being 100% uninterested. So having slept on it, I figured I'd post this with a clear head.

It's funny, I get a lot of complements on my game and on my swing in particular. I've worked hard to play within myself and smooth out my tempo. I hit it plenty far. My ball-striking is as consistent as ever and my ability to manufacturer hooks and slices is pretty impressive if I do say so myself. My handicap has come down from 7 to 4 in the last few weeks and I've been playing a great new track. I've had a lot of chances to play, too. And I've met a lot of great folks who seem really nice. One would figure I'd be having a great time.

But inside I feel the opposite of what you'd think. I just don't see the point in golfing, LOL. It's hard to express how little I really care about the outcome of any single shot. In a sense, that's good. I don't get frustrated. I sort of have the opposite problem. I struggle to come up with a reason why I'm out there at all. If hitting shots doesn't give me the thrill it once did, what about it actually makes it enjoyable? I've hit some dead perfect shots and I'm telling you, I quietly pick up the tee or step on the divot without feeling a single thing inside. It's like I'm a zombie or something. There is no joy in Mudville, LOL. None.

So I'm wondering if maybe this is how my love affair with golf ends, LOL, in a slow whimper? Normally I would just relax on doing it and make being social the central point, but it seems pointless to do it at all if one doesn't actually want to be there for the golf. Does that make sense? I mean, even the social stuff still involves a lot of bonding around an enjoyment of the game after all.

Has anyone found a solution for this weird loss of interest? I'm very curious what others think because I would bet this is just what happens when you sort of grow out of a particular hobby. Are there any ways to help ensure golf stays exciting I wonder? I don't really have alternative hobbies that get me outside so I don't really want to lose golf. I haven't gotten to the point that I dislike the game. I guess I just wish I had more desire for it. Maybe it's actually sort of good to apply some pressure/stress? I think maybe I've pulled my emotion so far back in an attempt to remain cool and calm during play that I've lost all connection entirely. But is that even possible?

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Sounds like you need a break. I play almost every weekday, play the same course, play with the same guy, who can be a pain at times. I pulled a muscle in my lower back about two weeks ago, and haven't been able to play, and I've missed, but not as much as I thought. It was getting a bit stale, but I know I'll enjoy it when I get back.

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I'm hesitant to take a break if doesn't provide any real logical answer to my dilemma because if that's the case and this feeling remains unresolved, I suspect that returning will only increase the frequency of the inevitable back-and-forth between playing and not-playing. I'll play for awhile and get bored again before having to take another break. Generally that spiral accelerates. I'd probably only make it a couple months before I started thinking about this same issue. Not to mention the negative effects that might have on my actual skill as well, making it an even greater struggle when I did return. So I'd like to get some real insight on how to fix it, or if that's even possible?

I'm hoping that even some of the folks who enjoy the game could think deeply about why that's the case and explain it. It's hard for me to think back to 10 years ago and really put my finger on what made me want to play. Obviously it must've been fun. It just seemed like it was going somewhere, I guess. It's hard for me to say that now though. I very much feel as though I'm just going through the motions.

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I feel you.

 

It's been that way for me for 15 years. Golf is very much a work towards "something". When there stops being a goal to work towards, for me, it became more of a pointless hobby. It started to feel tedious to be out on a golf course for hours.

I took up a new hobby and through that found some friends that also played golf. That was the most fun I've had in a long time. It was much more enjoyable just hanging out with friends that played golf vs. playing golf with friends you met playing golf (if that makes sense). I really think it comes down to the social aspect. You said you played alone and that's when it really impacted you. It does the same for me. When I was younger and wanted to really work on my game I was always alone. It wasn't that big of a deal because I was really working to get better. Now it just feels lonely and I'd rather do something else with that time.

 

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Bingo. That makes a lot of sense! I have a lot of acquaintances I've met through golf but few are really "friends." Most of the people with whom I'm close don't play golf, so in that respect, there's a big disconnect.

It's a shame. All the folks I know who crack me up and who are hilarious to be with just don't see golf as a thing they'd ever do. And yeah, most of the guys I meet through golf are older and more established and in different careers than me. It's hard to relate to them and I almost feel a bit strange around them. It's like hanging out with your dad's friends or something. But the young guys are too young. They're in college. Mid-30s is a tough spot. Most folks in that age range seem to be either uninterested or too busy with family.

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I have been playing for 38 years. I have taken at least 3 long breaks (just came back after 2 years off). My breaks sometimes came for the exact reason you outlined, and other times, money considerations (started a business 3 and a half years ago, have taken two breaks in the last 5 years and the two year break was when I was trying to get my business moving).

I also love to fish. So, in the last 5 years, during my breaks, I fished a lot. About 3 months ago, I started thinking about a pured 7 iron to 2 feet or striping a 300 yard drive again. Sometimes, my wife and I would walk in a conservation area and we would be on this tree lined path, and I would imagine hitting a low 4 iron down it, with the appropriate curve.

My neighbors, who play twice a week religiously, kept asking me to play and I told them i was close. I returned a few months ago and am having a blast. Shooting in the low to mid 70s again with a goal to finally shoot a round in the 60s.

My advice: walk away, take a break. If the feeling comes back, you will know it.

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I get it and I appreciate the advice, however I like to deal with things head on. I'm the type who will sometimes say things about myself out loud that others find...self-critical. My apologies. It's just a way of being honest and forthright. My goal is to solve a problem. So I share my feelings in hopes of getting some feedback. I'm the type that operates knowing he might one day put down his clubs and never touch them again. That's the way life goes. It's a series of phases.

I think this is a loss of interest rather than a decline of self-worth. I've watched a lot of things on depression and TBH, I don't relate to the kind of "hopelessness" and lack of control those things often describe. The thing that continues to prove to me I'm not depressed and still totally normal is that lots of things routinely make me happy: my friends, a good night's rest, a productive day at work, dogs, food, family, etc. It's the ever-increasing amount of stuff in my life that doesn't make me happy which definitely sucks the fun out of things. But if I need to feel happy I can go back to any of the things I just listed and feel 100% totally normal again. So it's just stress, not depression.

And besides, I'm a big fan of fixing your problems with practical solutions. Get rest. Improve your diet. Get exercise. Be social. Get around your friends. Find a girl. Spend time doing the stuff that makes you happy. Blah, blah, blah.

Yes, there are things in my life which could be better but that's true for all of us. I do not feel a sense of despair but I do find that there's some little nagging thing here with golf that doesn't quite fit properly. It's a great-looking pair of shoes that's just a 1/2-size too small or something like that.

For example, golf is very much founded on a kind of social class I'm not really from. There's a country-club feel that unless you're born into--even if you make good money--you'll never quite be comfortable with. From the preppy clothes to the unavoidable realization that you're participating in a "sport" that's really more built to entertain senior-citizens. Just saying, I have to do some mental gymnastics to get around those thoughts.

And that's not to mention the feeling that you're surrounded by uber-conservative, southern boomers who come from a...how do I put this...not so diverse background. There's 0 diversity at my club. Not that I care or anything but the more I experience the more I find non-diverse things to be predictable, that it to say plain, boring and uninteresting. Golf is fun but it's a world that's sort of behind the curve. I don't know if I'm doing good by joining a club or whether I'm actually buying into a world that's inherently wrong. And then there are the number of incredibly-talented young people you meet who go to college for golf and who come out the other side without much of a practical education from which to generate income.

There's a lot to criticize about the whole environment is what I'm saying. By no means is it perfect. But I'm not saying golf is bad. I'm just saying that I'm the normal one here. It's golf (not me) that has to prove it's worth (in my life at least).

To be fair, the great majority of people DO NOT find golf to be fun. Let's remember that. So it's not at all unreasonable to think that maybe I'm just losing interest. But I'm reasonably decent and there's a huge sunk cost built into that so I don't really want to just walk away.

And I don't think it's depression that makes me feel somewhat different from a lot of the people I've met through the game. As I said, few of my friends give a darn about golf. Most think it's stupid. And of the people I've met through golf, well, they're all different. None are engineers. None have interests in the things I read or study. Very few are my age. Few seem to have the kind of knowledge that folks here on WRX do about mechanics, equipment tech, the game's storied history, etc so I can't even really bond on that level either. I probably do more bonding here.

I think there's a lot of critique about golf as being a bad fit for me without getting into my sense of self-worth or any lack thereof. But I do appreciate you caring enough to post. You're not entirely off base. These are exactly the kinds of things that've been rattling around in my brain for 2 months. I appreciate you at least letting me get them off my chest.

 

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I agree with b. helts above. Find some competition. You've reached a self-satisfaction level with your game and yeah, it's hard to continue to grind when you feel you've accomplished what you want or should. Find some competition, play with better players, and move to a different course if you're uncomfortable with your current golf environment. I too have been burned out on golf but have returned to enjoy it now as much as ever. While my story is a bit different from yours I can say that if you can't find peace with it, move on. You can always come back and most folks I know eventually do.

 

 

The answer to better golf is hit it better, farther, and make more putts.

 

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Take a 1-2 month break and then work on your swing when you come back and try to get to scratch or plus handicap.

4 handicap is not very good and there is a lot more joy to be had once you're a lot better than that.

Go watch pros hit the ball up close and you'll realize you're not even really compressing the ball and probably playing a totally watered down version of the game/swing.

If that doesn't do it for you, take up fishing.

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Haha, I love it! That's a refreshing take to be sure. I appreciate the thoughts. And you're right, there's still a LONG, LONG, way to go beyond someone like me who's a 4-handicap.

I think I know pretty well that I don't want to practice to the point that I get to scratch. Besides, that wouldn't really be swing-related as much as it would practicing putting for an hour or two each day. And to be fair, what the heck is the point of that? As I advised someone the other day, getting to that level requires goals and reasons that a working-class 34-yo just doesn't have. I'm not trying to make the golf team. I'm not in search of a career in it. And the better I get the more pressure I'm going to put on myself to practice in order to keep myself there. That seems like a vicious cycle TBH. The phrase "get a life" starts to apply. I mean, heck, I already feel I put in too much time and I'm just a lowly 4 handicap. I can't imagine how bad the scratch guys feel.

Let's be 100% real...guys my age only play because they either (1) don't have a real job or (2) don't have a wife and kids. I'm going to go get a wife and kids before I dedicate my life to golf.

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I agree with the competition thing to an extent. Normally I would agree that having a goal is mandatory and that competition would create that goal. However, I think there might be a problem for me there. I seem to have developed some doubts as to the validity of golf as a general pursuit. Thus, I think I've painted myself into a corner where the more time I spend, the more guilty I'm going to feel and the better I get, the more alienated I'll feel.

I know a few guys my age at the club. Most play once a week to get away from the family. Another is just discovering the game and is going through that lust-period where he can't get enough. He takes lessons and in between he's on the range all day everyday (still developing an understanding of how to score). Then there are some who are winding down from their hyper-dedicated college days. Then there's me. I feel most like that last group. I seek to take golf less seriously and to find some way that it becomes more enjoyable.

IDK, maybe competition could do that. I just don't know if I could get up for it. It almost seems....silly?

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Anyone that does any activity for an extended period of time is, at some juncture, bound to encounter a degree of apathy towards an activity. I been shooting since 7yrs old, road cycling/CAT racing and martial arts since HS, and tracking cars for thirty years. There are ebbs and flows to our ability to stay focused on a given activity. As I see it, we must have a connection or reason to stay interested. For me golf is the one activity I can do with a 24 handicap or +5.

My buddy played golf since HS and in college up to turning 50. Then he suddenly lost interest in golf and took up bike riding. I asked him why he lost interest in golf, his answer was he no longer felt connected to the game and some lifelong friends were no longer playing, but a few took up bike riding. I lost my dedication to road cycling six years back but because of family interest, came back though mtn biking. Stopped dedicated martial arts training a few years back. Who knows if I'll get back to it. The same emotional ebbs and flows show up in long relationships or marriages as well. The variable comes down to your level of commitment and how deep-seated the given activity is in your lifestyle or the person is in your life and values.

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Thats why living in Canada is nice, you get a 4-5 month break every year. Then when the next season starts it's full of possibilities

I could see playing year round , you could get into some ruts.

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I used to live where there was snow on the ground 6 months a year. Every spring was after a long break and it was exciting to get back out on the course.

Now in Arizona, I can play 365 days a year. I am past my competitive years and have gone through the doldrums you are encountering. I went from a 3 handicap to a 14, and have worked my way back to 5 (and even hit 3 for a month last year).

I still work, but have arranged to work from 5 am to 1:30 so I have afternoons off to play, every day if I want to (that is too much, TBH). This leads to many solo rounds, since the retired guys are wrestling each other for the early morning tee times. By the time I get out, the course is often clear and scattered singles are on the course. Weekdays, usually 9 holes after work is all I play, but try get 18 in at least one day on the weekend. Plus there are the times there is someone to play a round with...

I have found that changing it up helps keep me involved and interested. I have many years of clubs that I have not gotten rid of (despite the many, many clubs I have traded for something newer). I might go out with Eye 2 irons one day and Hogan PTx the next. I might take an M600 driver one day or a TM M1. Not to mention the various putters that find their way into my bag. Today, it was Titleist 913 woods and 2007 Cally X-Forged irons with an Odyssey 1W arm lock putter. Shot a 76 with a double on 18 (score got into my head). Yesterday it was Cally Epic Sub Zero with CF16 irons that brought home a stellar 85. Unfortunately, changing equipment will result in some of those, but then there’s the good ones too.

I will also play the different sets of tees (today’s 76 was from the blue tees, the 85 yesterday was off the whites. ?)

Bottom line, golf would get stale if I played the same course from the same tees with the same clubs every time. The changes even happen after a good round. Guess I am looking for the perfect combination, but if I find it, I would still have something different in the bag by next week.

The other suggestions to take some time off would also tell you if you want to keep playing. If you are excited to get out on the course again after a break, great, but if you don’t feel the urge to play golf after a month or 2 off, maybe fishing, biking or something else will find its way into your free time (if only for a while).

My apologies for the long response, but as JK Rowling said, that’s how long it takes to tell the story.

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How to play golf.
Hit the ball.
Find the ball
Repeat until the ball is in the hole.
Have fun.
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I believe sometimes you just have " used up" a tolerance for an activity and it is time to move on.

I was a good competitive shooter for years and just gradually lost interest- the time and effort to get slightly better seemed like wasted time

I think you need to look at what you want out of golf

For me- I realized that i prefer to play alone , walk and focus on different aspects of the game. Just shooting a better score is less important to me than finally perfecting a bunker shot or whatever I am working on

Without a goal , whether competition or self improvement it is hard to maintain interest

 

 

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I too have gone through an extended period where my relationship with the game has been strained. After a decade of playing 300+ rounds/year (oh to be a teenager without real responsibilities again), I spent the last 6 years playing once or twice a year when friends would drag me to course. 

In the last few months, however, I have finally started to re-learn how to have fun on the course. For me its the thrill of a good up and down, draining a long put, and chasing the low score. Equally, I value the time away from the very real stressors of real life (owning a restaurant during COVID times is NOT pleasant). Golf is a few hours each week where I can disconnect and focus completely on something that is just for me. Sure, each round has its thrills and disappointments, but at the end of the day I know Im there to have fun. 

I’d suggest taking a few weeks completely off and then taking a week to think through what made it fun for you to play in the first place. See if you can’t recapture some of that magic after some time to reflect and become more intentional about what you want to get from golf. If that doesn’t work, its okay to hang up the clubs and walk away until the itch comes back (or doesn’t).

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I kinda felt that way today. I shot a sub-80 round, but couldn’t get too excited about it. I am 65 and have been playing for 15 years. But, what countered that feeling was being outside for a few hours and getting some exercise. Sure I could go to a gym or hike (my other hobby), but not for as many hours as I spend on a golf course. Including practice that’s a good 5 hours a day.

Another part of it is at my age, how much better can I get (currently a 9.4)? I play the senior tees now, and generally shoot in the mid to high 70s. But today I asked myself, “Is this it? Have I plateaued?” I work hard on my game, but haven’t seen any real improvement. That in itself can be dispiriting. I seem to be stuck, and begin to wonder at putting in all that effort.

Then I remind myself of the other side of the coin...being outdoors and getting some exercise. Does it help? Yes it does.

Regardless, I hope you get a handle on what is making you apathetic, and I wish you the best.

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Play for different reasons beyond score

shot typestry different clubsdiff coursesnew challenges, new routines, new rewards ... new outlook on the game

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Hey Mellow.... I feel ya. I’m 45, an engineer, a 4 cap and I was where you were when I was in my late 20’s. Looking back on it, it was two main things....

1) life got in the way (career and marriage)

2) most of my golf buddies started having kids and they stopped playing. That meant I played by myself or with strangers, and neither was very appealing.

I took a break for about 7 years (got into hunting) and then got back into it. Moved onto a golf course, met neighbors who played, joined the MGA, played on the inter club team.... etc. Getting involved in competition and getting a crew of golf buddies again was the key for me.

One other thing that helped was that I started playing with guys that were better than I was, and my scores started dropping. I learned that I had it in me to shoot under par, and have the potential to shoot mid 60’s rounds. I never thought I could do that when I was younger.

Im back to golf obsessed junkie status now!

 

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Been there, and lived it. What worked out for me is golf started to break down in to different activities.

Socializing - sometime I am playing just to see friendsExercising - I always walk and carry, and I feel much better when I golf regular than not. I tracked the steps and golfing get me about 90,000 steps a weekCompeting - I play in several events through the year and really like playing with something on the lineRelaxing - Golf as meditation has always appealed to me and I often sneak off for a few holes just to clear out the cobwebsOf course they overlapped and sometimes I am less interested in some of these activities than others and this shapes the types of rounds I play. I will note, some version of "self improvement" used to be a big driver. For year playing was about seeing how good I can get and getting down to X handicap etc. I have lost that almost completely along the way and this really changes the way I approach the game. Very little practice now.

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      New Golf Pride Reverse Taper grips - 2024 Arnold Palmer Invitational
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
        • Like
      • 15 replies
    • 2024 Cognizant Classic - Discussion and Links to Photos
      Please put any questions or comments here
       
       
       
       
      General Albums
       
      2024 Cognizant Classic - Monday #1
      2024 Cognizant Classic - Monday #2
      2024 Cognizant Classic - Monday #3
      2024 Cognizant Classic - Monday #4
       
       
       
      WITB Albums
       
      Brandt Snedeker - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Max Greyserman - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Eric Cole - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Carl Yuan - WITb - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Russell Henley - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Justin Sun - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Alex Noren - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Shane Lowry - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Taylor Montgomery - WITB - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Jake Knapp (KnappTime_ltd) - WITB - - 2024 Cognizant Classic
       
       
       
      Pullout Albums
       
      New Super Stoke Pistol Lock 1.0 & 2.0 grips - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      LA Golf new insert putter - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      New Garsen Quad Tour 15 grip - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      New Swag covers - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Jacob Bridgeman's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Bud Cauley's custom Cameron putters - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Ryo Hisatsune's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Chris Kirk - new black Callaway Apex CB irons and a few Odyssey putters - 2024 Cognizant Classic
      Alejandro Tosti's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Cognizant Classic
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
        • Like
      • 2 replies
    • 2024 Genesis Invitational - Discussion and Links to Photos
      Please put any questions or comments here
       
       
       
      General Albums
       
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Monday #1
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Monday #2
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Tuesday #1
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Tuesday #2
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Tuesday #3
      2024 Genesis Invitational - Tuesday #4
       
       
       
       
      WITB Albums
       
      Rory McIlroy - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Sepp Straka - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Patrick Rodgers - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Brendon Todd - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Denny McCarthy - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Corey Conners - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Chase Johnson - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Tiger Woods - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Tommy Fleetwood - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Matt Fitzpatrick - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Si Woo Kim - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Viktor Hovland - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Wyndham Clark - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Cam Davis - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Nick Taylor - WITB - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Ben Baller WITB update (New putter, driver, hybrid and shafts) – 2024 Genesis Invitational
       
       
       
       
       
      Pullout Albums
       
      New Vortex Golf rangefinder - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      New Fujikura Ventus shaft - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Tiger Woods & TaylorMade "Sun Day Red" apparel launch event, product photos – 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Tiger Woods Sun Day Red golf shoes - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Aretera shafts - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      New Toulon putters - 2024 Genesis Invitational
      Tiger Woods' new white "Sun Day Red" golf shoe prototypes – 2024 Genesis Invitational
       
       
       
       
       
      • 22 replies
    • 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open - Discussion and Links to Photos
      Please put and questions or comments here
       
       
       
       
      General Albums
       
      2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open - Monday #1
      2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open - Monday #2
       
       
       
       
      WITB Albums
       
      Ben Taylor - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Garrick Higgo - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Billy Horschel - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Justin Lower - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Lanto Griffin - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Bud Cauley - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Corbin Burnes (2021 NL Cy Young) - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Greyson Sigg - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Charley Hoffman - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Nico Echavarria - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Victor Perez - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Sami Valimaki - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Ryo Hisatsune - WITB - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
       
       
       
       
       
       
      Pullout Albums
       
      Jake Knapp's custom Cameron putters - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      New Cameron putters - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Tyler Duncan's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Greyson Sigg's custom Cameron putters - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Sunjae Im's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Ping's Waste Management putter covers - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Vincent Whaley's custom Cameron - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Odyssey Waste Management putter covers - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Super Stroke custom grips - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Cameron putters - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Zac Blair's custom Cameron putter - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
      Bettinardi Waste Management putter covers - 2024 Waste Management Phoenix Open
       
       
       
       
       
       

       
      • 12 replies

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