i was wondering if you guys and gals have any advice for me (and my son)...he's good mechanically but has gotten into the habit especially this year of having a bunch of blow ups that are killing his score. he tends to get upset pretty easily and this really throws him off. he doesn't throw clubs, cuss or anything like that, but often once he hits a bad shot he can't recover mentally. today was a perfect example (as described to me by him)....

he was playing in his high school league tournament after playing himself back into some semblance of shape the past couple of matches...so he goes out and shoots 37 on the front. he gets to 10 and hits his teeshot right, but not terribly right, into a spot he's been in several times before. it's not quite ground under repair (maybe it should be) but the area is pretty chopped up...but they can't find his ball even though they all saw where it went, not far off the fairway. leads to a triple after the lost ball penalty. the next hole he doubles and then on 12 he shoots a snowman on a par 4...9 over for the past three holes, game over. he ends up shooting 48 on the back which isn't all that bad considering those three holes.

he obviously came home not in a good state, and i'm struggling with what i can say or do to help him. his coach says he gets too hard on himself, and it shows in his blowup holes that wreck the round. in this case he got a bad break on 10 with not finding the ball in an area where they should've found it, but we all know that stuff is part of the game. this season has been pretty much just like this--his scores are no better than last year's even though when you look at his swing and his good shots he is much better mechanically...it's his head that is hurting him.

anyway, any and all advice would be appreciated. he's pretty down on himself, knows it is in his head, but i don't know how to help...thanks in advance.

I would get pretty tentative and make tight swings after a bad hole. You just have to realize that one double bogey is not the end of the world. The moment you start "defending" your game comes apart. He should learn from this experience that letting the last hole affect his play for the rest of the round will lead to disaster. I would just try to change it up a little bit, change the game plan, maybe get more aggressive. I would just try not to continue playing and having the mindset that I did on that last hole, even though that is very difficult because there is a lot of pressure.

having been this person ill tell you what i did to over come this if i had a terrible hole next tee wouldnt be a normal plya for me. i would tell him depending on the hole to take a club that hasnt let him down my case usually a 7 or 8 iron and put it in the fairway and take the confident shot from the fairway make par and right the ship

Agreed.

I've been there. I used to go out and just try to kill my drive the next hole. Never a good idea, and it usually leads to a bad shot that doesn't find the fairway.

If he is very good with his 3 wood or hybrid, tell him to pull it out instead of the driver and just focus on making an even tempo, full shot. Don't go out there to kill it, you wont need to.

Remember, golf is a mathmatical sport too.

If he's playing a par 4, 400 yard hole, and he hit's his hybrid 210 (probably shorter then what he actually hits, but we'll go with it), he only has 190 left. Take out a 4 or 5 iron, try to make a conservative shot that, if it's a big green is going for the largest part, or if it's small, puts him in perfect lay up position. Then all he has to do is make a putt.

This really helped me once my swing got consistent enough, and it lead to lower scores, and helped limit blow up holes. Now, the only time I blow up holes is when I am not focusing on my putts/making them.

thanks, this is helpful. he's got to shake something up to get those scores down..the tools are there, he's just not able to fully take advantage of them once he gets messed up mentally.

i used to be the same way in highschool, would be doing great on the first couple holes, then have that one double and just kill my round. My coach gave me some good advice,
"you have to think what is the best you can do from here, dont worry about the last shot, thats in the past, nothing you can do to change that. you know your game, play it."

My son had the same problem last year (15 years old) as a fifth starter on the team, he was constantly trying to do too much in order to keep up with or 'justify' his place on the team. This lead to too many mental mistakes, I tried all avenues to help him but nothing really worked, he had to do it by himself on his own terms. Fast forward to this year and he is better physically and mentally, we still have mistakes but mostly bad breaks as your son experienced on hole #10 in your scenario. His maturity on the golf course can be attributed to his age and experience. Give it time, it may just work out on its own. Good Luck, enjoy the great times watching him play!

When you're young and limber, the mechanics of a golf swing is easy, and indeed, the mental game takes the longest to develop and master. Let's face it, it's difficult even for fully grown men (and women) to keep it together mentally after a disaster hole. There could be a handful of reasons why you're son is so hard on himself: maybe he's highly competitive, he loves the game THAT much, or perhaps your son thinks he's letting someone down by not scoring well; you, his coach, even himself. It's tough as a youngster to remember to "stick w/ his game plan" or to "focus on mechanics", especially in the heat of competition. What he has to control are his emotions, which manifest in lack of confidence and subsequent bad golf shots. Basically, he has to "calm down". This might sound bizarre, but I think teaching your son how to [u]breathe[/u] will greatly aid him during his round of golf, especially when his emotions are out of control. Taking 3 to 4 [u]very slow and deep[/u] breaths in and out is a practical way to help his mind and body relax when he's upset or his adrenaline is pumping. I know it sounds corny, but it helps me. In fact, I make sure to take a nice, deep breath as a part of my preshot routine before every shot. Not only does it relax my body, but it really kills my heightened nerves, especially when I need to hit a tee shot over water or onto a narrow fairway. I hope this breathing tool will help your son as well.

You've already gotten quite a few good replies to your post. I'll try to add something from another dad's perspective. My son just made the golf team as a junior in high school after playing lacrosse for his first two years. When it became apparent to him that he wouldn't get much field time on the varsity lax team he chose to try out for golf. He plays either #6 or 1st alternate depending on the lineup of the opposing team. When he has a bad hole he can get tight like any of us and can get sucked into the downward spiral. Since he and I play together on weekends fairly often, I have been working with him on his "joy bucket." Without sounding trite, I ask him if there's any place he'd rather be than on a beautiful golf course with his mates representing his school one hole at a time. (They play match of course.) When we play and he hits an errant drive into the spinach or chunks a chip I laugh with him just like we do when I do it. When I am lucky enough to walk along with him in his matches and and he chops one, I see him start to get tight, mutter under his breath and when he looks at me I'm smiling like he just holed one for an eagle. It breaks the hold that the negative shot or hole had on him enough for him to get up and swing away again. I know that this sounds like Ned Flanders talk but this approach has really smoothed him out. Best to you and your son as he develops one of the few skills that can be plied for a lifetime.

The difficult thing in this matter is not just the mental corrections all golfers need to make to reach their full potential; it is also the father-son dynamic. All of us who have sons deal with that dynamic. My simple advice is to find someone to be the coach whether physical or mental in sports and just be the encouraging father who gives support to his child. Of course some can blend the two but more often than not the two get confused which is damaging to the most important item and that is being a father.

this is all great stuff, and i think the last point about the father/son relationship (or sometimes the mother/son dynamic) can complicate things. i think i need to reinforce the 'fun' elements when we play sunday afternoons at our local course. i like the breath easy thought as well....and i get it that the mental game at this age, with all he has going on, is just difficult. he's lucky as he's only a second year and has two more years in high school to figure this out. he's also pretty young for a second year which also means he's got more maturing to do. he's come a long way pretty quickly, as he just started playing seriously in seventh grade.

Hey Well I am currently 20 and playing college golf. I was in a very similar position when I was your sons age and it use to drive me crazy. The best thing I ever did was read the book "Golf is not a game of perfect" by Bob Rotella. I had a golf coach that I didnt get along with great on the course just because he was so much about the mental game of golf. I couldnt stand it. He brought me the book told me to read it. I hate reading but it turned out to be a very good book and has helped my game tremedously. Its like 20 bucks and I highly suggest getting it. It will help your son score as low as his swing will allow.

I def agree with reading the Golf is Not A Game of Perfect, my highschool golf coach made that mandatory if you wanted to play on the golf team, I am sure glad he did. The best piece of advice I got from my highschool coach, which I still carry with me today and have to go back to is based on exactly what your son does. After a double/triple/whatever on lets say hole 2 or 3, you then just have to make your round the last 15 or 16 holes, if you shoot +1 or +2 on those last 16 holes then that is what the coach would put down for your score (obvsiouly it wasn't the score you could turn in for the tournament) but he was more impressed with those who did not give up after those bad holes, b/c lets face it as a highschool golfer they are inevitable....

I was this way until I took a GolfPysch class. It gave me a different perspective on how golf needs to be played. It has helped me tremendously. Also, after a bad shot, play for bogey. Say he has three bad shots a round, 3 easy bogeys is easier on the scorecard than a miracle par and two triples, not to mention the after effects.

My advice is to always listen to what shot the course is asking for. Many times it is different than the shot we want to play.

spoke to my son about this thread and he's very open minded on the suggestions. he liked the idea of going to a 'safe' club after a really bad hole, and maybe also munching on a few jelly bellies to shake things up...i also bought the book which his coach has read some excerpts from...heck i'll read the book myself! thanks again.

I have 2 kids, now 16 and 14. The 16 year old is a better golfer and has the better mental aptitude for the game. The 14 year old used to get mentally upset after bad shots.
The older one would take trouble in stride and typically would let it roll off of him. It was normal for him to lose it for a few holes though.

I have found that this is the lesson...how to mentally deal with 'bad events' - could be poor decision, bad luck, other. Every kid is different as to how they handle it.

I personally feel that if you want to be a great golfer - you have to have a huge ego...either internally or outward facing. Have to have confidence in yourself, that you will recover, you will let that last shot go and challenge yourself to recover, you will focus on not making 2 mistakes in a row. It takes many times being in these situations - with the right mindset before you can routinely handle it - if at all.

Ask him what kind of golfer (person) does he want to be? He must answer this and it may take time. Challenge him to see if he can have small successes by following up poor situations with good decisions/shots/execution.

The issue is not how you got into a situation - it is how you will get yourself out. Until he comes to terms with a lack of perfection and can accept the bad - he will struggle to get over this. Some people are better at it than others....just have to find your own way.

The kid is 15..... at 15, they're really not going to listen...remember when we were 15?

This is not uncommon for the young or old. I remember watching Charles Howell when he was very young practicing one day. While all the other players were down at the range banging balls, Charles was at the practice green chipping balls with a passion. Then during his round/s at The Future Masters he never failed to get it up and down when things didn't go quite right.

Also I might suggest reading Golf's Sacred Journey.

Two must read books that will help your son's mental game:

"Every Shot Must Have A Purpose"

"The Game Before the Game"

Both by Pia Nilson and Lynn Mariott

Both books have helped me and have given me a completely different outlook on the game.

I also agree w/ the comment above on the importance of breathing. Incorporating good diaphragmatic breathing into your pre-shot routine can really help you relax under pressure, even if it's self-imposed.

I was a hot headed high school player in the day. I regret it every time I think about it.

[quote name='ckay' date='28 April 2010 - 02:33 PM' timestamp='1272490389' post='2406791']
I was a hot headed high school player in the day. I regret it every time I think about it.
[/quote]

he's not really a hot head, he just gets down on himself after a bad hole. he doesn't externalize it, just has trouble getting back on track. it's tough.....

this might be a stretch and not for everyone. when i started out in the buisness I wanted to always play like the pro's I worked with. One day I had a round of blow ups as a result of mishits...missed putts...hooks and slices. The next day I went out to play and the head pro took my bag from me...handed me a seven iron...nothing else...told me to "go play". Was a frustrating round to say the least. Next day...he handed me a five iron....said "go play". Another frustrating round....and yes..the third day.....gave me a wedge...said "go play" . By this time...I was livid. Next day...I walked into the shop...there was my bag...all 14 clubs.....I felt like I had my game back.....the rest of the summer never blew up at a bad shot as those three rounds were the most frustrating I ever played.

Not for everyone...but it worked on me

I am 16, sophmore in highschool, and may help you out...haha

My advice- Get him a bottle of water and something to munch on during play. Whenever I get mad, I just take a drink of water. Nothing you tell him he will take in. I was the same way last year. He will mature and figure it out himself. You have to let him do his thing, and he will learn that it is really just a game, nothing more. Sure you want to do the best, but you just have to have a short term memory, aka forget the last shot and move to the next.

Just yesterday, i was playing. Had a good front 9 (39, had a bad hole), then the back I fell apart on the same hole I did bad on the front. It was a narrow fairway, trees on both sides, curves right and green is blind over a hill, OB on every side, 550 yard par 5. It was probably the hardest hole I have ever played. Shot a 10 on it... Next 3 holes I par'd. Also downed a bottle of water before the next tee. That next drive of mine went 330-uphill on a par 4.

He has to find a way to keep himself calm. Please note that in practice rounds, or rounds with you as a father, he will ALWAYS be more mad than he is in tournaments, because he feels like he should be better. I do the same thing.

He will learn that he needs to get it out of his head, otherwise he will embarrass himself many times. I got tired of the same thing.

I've been in the same position as your son so many times. As dumb as this sounds, when I get really frustrated, I just start singing. For some reason, even though I'm a horrible singer, singing a couple lines to a bad song before hitting a shot always calms me down

15 was when i had the best mental state. i didnt know what i was doing, therefore i didnt get down on myself. hahaha now im 22 and know everything, but i know nothing. If i had the skills I have now and the mental state i had then, damn. Id be supporting myself with my golf winnings. Im going through the same thing as your 15 yr old son and ive been playing for 7yrs and 4 yrs at college. Confidence and Joy and Attitude are the things I notice i need to work on. Make a doublebogey, there could be worse things that could happen. Good Luck.

Have him read this........

Here is a post in the thread [url="http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=254691&hl=afraid+low"]Players going low: Too Afraid!?!?[/url] After reading this I have played some of my best golf!!!!!!

[url="http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/index.php?app=forums&module=forums&section=findpost&pid=1961543"][/url]powerfade66, on Sep 20 2009, 02:52 AM, said:

The expression "scared to go low" is one of those sports writer's/psychologist's contradictions that change an otherwise normal and obvious phenomena into something a bit more intriguing. We're not scared to go low, we're scared of messing up the opportunity to go low. The question is then how do we take advantage of the opportunity to have a great round?

I think the big thing is to kid yourself into thinking it doesn't mean as much to you as it really does. If you can do this then you won't have the sudden rush of adrenaline and complete loss of rhythmn and timing that most people experience. Another way of saying this is to keep concentrating on what got you there, hitting basic golf shots. Over time I've had less of those round destroying moments on the tee where the world stops and "par in for x" becomes the be all and end all. I find it easier to concentrate until the last shot now because I've seen it come apart enough to know that no matter how low you get, it can always come unstuck. If it can come unstuck then why get worked up about it? Why get nervous and excited about something that doesn't exist yet? In this sense, getting negative can help. If you're convinced that there's just as much of a chance of things going south as going well then you have less of that nervous energy.

Modern sports psychology concentrates less on the results and the scores and more on the process. This seems a bit trite and cliched but it can have merit. I'm sure everyone has experienced the swing changes that kick in when trying to close out a round. Suddenly you hit all your iron shots with an abbreviated punchy finish and drives start coming out a bit lower off the face and with less zip through the air. Try taking this process oriented approach and commit to your swing and that way if you put these steery swings on it and still have a good round, you've failed your test because you know that won't always work. Your goal has to be committing to your swing under pressure. At the end of it, ask yourself whether you trusted your game in the closing holes, NOT what was my score. If you trust your game and don't allow the subconscious to put you into steer mode, I'll bet that you'll handle the low rounds better. If you still stuff up the round but manage to trust your swing on each shot you're ahead because it will work eventually. If you introduce a steery jerky swing under pressure, you're introducing a way of playing golf that you haven't practiced and aren't comfortable with. Trust what you've practiced and it'll bear fruit eventually.

Now, assuming we've made it to the house and had a good round there's still more to learn. A very valuable lesson can be had from signing your card, having a brief chat to the guys that are around and going out to the carpark. When you get to the carpark and load up your stuff, stop and have a look around. Notice how the world really hasn't changed much as a result of you shooting a few under par. You haven't reached instant celebrity status. Nobody really cares that much! So, nor should you when on the 15th at 6 under. It's just golf.

It took me a while to break 70 at my current course. On one round I had 7 birdies and an eagle but 4 bogies and a triple still added up to 70. When I finally broke 70 I was even with 4 to play and hadn't played especially well. I then finished eagle, bogey, birdie, birdie for 69.

Two Words: Golf Psychologist


With my parents help at the time (10+ years ago) we seeked out the best golf psychologist in the area. And did we find one, he worked with pros in all different sports and he made the biggest change in my golf game. It brought me to the next level. Learned Xen meditation techniques, on course golf/mental management and a routine that kept me in check at all times with EVERY shot. I recently worked with a junior golfer that was consistently shooting mid 70's (good round 75- bad round 82), after recomending him to Dr Ferraro he is now shooting consistently 72-74. Its amazing how strong the mind can be and with the right guidance of a professional to utilize it to strengthen your golf game.

Here is his website:

[url="http://drtomferraro.com/default.htm"]http://drtomferraro.com/default.htm[/url]

Note: Since you are so far, he is capable of doing over the phone sessions.

C5,

If he is getting good grades and his on-course behavior does not reflect his off course behavior let it go and let him figure it out on his own.

If his behavior is similar off the course, step back and parent him and also forget golf. Getting a good score means nothing if he has off course issues. It's just golf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you watch you son play matches? If you do I would hold back as this adds a ton of pressure as he is trying to impress Dad.

Is he trying to get a golf scholarship? Pressure

Make sure he can have fun regardless of his score. Golf is just a game.

"golf is not a game of perfect" Bob Rotella