How to get into trouble with the "missus"

Hi everybody,just thought I'd share my moment with you all.I had to take my wife for an ultrasound scan on her foot today and I work nights and hadnt been to bed yet so was a bit cratchety(using this excuse anyway) so that when my wife came out from the examination room into the waiting room where I was, among around 50-60 people, I just blurted out "I said I wanted a new set of golf clubs,not a baby", which earned me a decent right hand to my head with some stern looks from the other women present and a round of applause from the men!!!Ah well,guess Santas not coming to mine this year.Hope you all get what you want haha. :swoon:

You had it coming...I've been married for 21 years and have said every wrong thing/ at the wrong time possible. Now that I have a lot of time in marriage I have learned the traps. Never say you don't want to have a baby with her, but if you don't want a child make sure you don't have one. Children are wonderful, but steal your bone marrow and if you don't have them, you don't know what you are missing.
Next, never talk bad about her family, even when she talks bad about yours. Never loan money/ co sign anything for her family and or yours.... Never go in partners on anything, boat, motorhome, vacation home, investment property with family or friends.
Next, never berate her or talk down to her in public, even if she is wrong and or driving you nuts/just did something stupid. Don't call her stupid, even if she does something incredibly dumb. (loose keys, cell phone, wallet, lock keys in car, overdraft her account) Make a fuss on her for her birthday, valentines day, christmas.
Don't buy practical gifts on romantic holidays...My wife did not appreciate sheepskin seat covers on christmas.
Take em wine tasting, they love that crap... But, we stayed at an Inn with 27 holes and I got a pass to play the next morning, hangover and all...
When you go on vacation, make sure there is golf nearby... I wake up early and golf, and spend the rest of the day with the ball and chain.
I'll go golf in the morning and then go shopping with her, and pretend to care...Everybody is happy
It drives my wife crazy that I spend more time thinking about golf then her...But, I explain golf is my release/ therapy, and she deals with it...
She gets upset that I never want to go away with her on the weekends, but never refuse a mancation with the fellows for a golf trip. I still don't know how to worm out of this situatuion, but I make enough money and treat her good enough she doesn't leave...

That's some sage advice right there MKSmith!

Things I've done that have gotten me in trouble with my pregnant wife:

1. After buying her Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream started calling her chunky monkey.
2. Ate raw cookie dough (which she can't do)
3. Suggested we install a crane in the bedroom to assist her rolling over (that and #2 were last night)
4. Drinking
5. Drinking to excess (this got me in the most trouble)

[quote name='MKSmith' timestamp='1354595801' post='6015507']
You had it coming...I've been married for 21 years and have said every wrong thing/ at the wrong time possible. Now that I have a lot of time in marriage I have learned the traps. Never say you don't want to have a baby with her, but if you don't want a child make sure you don't have one. Children are wonderful, but steal your bone marrow and if you don't have them, you don't know what you are missing.
Next, never talk bad about her family, even when she talks bad about yours. Never loan money/ co sign anything for her family and or yours.... Never go in partners on anything, boat, motorhome, vacation home, investment property with family or friends.
Next, never berate her or talk down to her in public, even if she is wrong and or driving you nuts/just did something stupid. Don't call her stupid, even if she does something incredibly dumb. (loose keys, cell phone, wallet, lock keys in car, overdraft her account) Make a fuss on her for her birthday, valentines day, christmas.
Don't buy practical gifts on romantic holidays...My wife did not appreciate sheepskin seat covers on christmas.
Take em wine tasting, they love that crap... But, we stayed at an Inn with 27 holes and I got a pass to play the next morning, hangover and all...
When you go on vacation, make sure there is golf nearby... I wake up early and golf, and spend the rest of the day with the ball and chain.
I'll go golf in the morning and then go shopping with her, and pretend to care...Everybody is happy
It drives my wife crazy that I spend more time thinking about golf then her...But, I explain golf is my release/ therapy, and she deals with it...
She gets upset that I never want to go away with her on the weekends, but never refuse a mancation with the fellows for a golf trip. I still don't know how to worm out of this situatuion, but I make enough money and treat her good enough she doesn't leave...
[/quote]

sheepskin seat covers! i LOL'd

[quote name='MKSmith' timestamp='1354595801' post='6015507']

Take em wine tasting, they love that crap... But, we stayed at an Inn with 27 holes and I got a pass to play the next morning, hangover and all...
When you go on vacation, make sure there is golf nearby... I wake up early and golf, and spend the rest of the day with the ball and chain.

[/quote]

Great advice here. The best part is women tend to get friskier after the wine tasting , but because they are lightweights (generally), they wake up with a horrible hangover. This gives you the opportunity to get out and play while they sleep it off.

One way to surely get you in trouble is to say she's been looking like a "beached whale" the past couple of months.


[size=1]Disclaimer: Saying this will at the minimum will result in an argument. Others results may vary but may include: your beheading, stabbing, choking, waterboarding, "John Bobbit"-ing, and any other -ing that will likely result in your death. Discretion is advised.[/size]

[quote name='ionakana511' timestamp='1354721626' post='6021973']
One way to surely get you in trouble is to say she's been looking like a "beached whale" the past couple of months.


[size=1]Disclaimer: Saying this will at the minimum will result in an argument. Others results may vary but may include: your beheading, stabbing, choking, waterboarding, "John Bobbit"-ing, and any other -ing that will likely result in your death. Discretion is advised.[/size]
[/quote]nice
apparently you said that to your last avatar?

[quote name='hebron1427' timestamp='1354722756' post='6022079']
[quote name='ionakana511' timestamp='1354721626' post='6021973']
One way to surely get you in trouble is to say she's been looking like a "beached whale" the past couple of months.


[size=1]Disclaimer: Saying this will at the minimum will result in an argument. Others results may vary but may include: your beheading, stabbing, choking, waterboarding, "John Bobbit"-ing, and any other -ing that will likely result in your death. Discretion is advised.[/size]
[/quote]nice
apparently you said that to your last avatar?
[/quote]

Lol...we had an argument about how I thought the schoolgirl outfit she was going to wear for me was too long. Had to kick her to the curb.

[quote name='ionakana511' timestamp='1354723616' post='6022185']
[quote name='hebron1427' timestamp='1354722756' post='6022079']
[quote name='ionakana511' timestamp='1354721626' post='6021973']
One way to surely get you in trouble is to say she's been looking like a "beached whale" the past couple of months.


[size=1]Disclaimer: Saying this will at the minimum will result in an argument. Others results may vary but may include: your beheading, stabbing, choking, waterboarding, "John Bobbit"-ing, and any other -ing that will likely result in your death. Discretion is advised.[/size]
[/quote]nice
apparently you said that to your last avatar?
[/quote]

Lol...we had an argument about how I thought the schoolgirl outfit she was going to wear for me was too long. Had to kick her to the curb.
[/quote]

Well you win WRX with that avatar and the "John Bobbit-ing" comment.

In October my wife and I celebrated our 1st anniversary, the week before we went to a concert 4 hours away. I thought we had agreed that it was our anniversary present to each other. Well i bought her some flowers and she bought me a nice Callaway golf bag. Big difference in what we spent on eachother......

I felt like an a**. She didnt freak out then but it came out later when we had a disagreement.Crying..... was called a ****** Bag..... So i have to make up for come Christmas.

Also, never choose watching a cowboys football game over a thanksgiving event at the church. Got my butt chewed for that one.

Never give your wife any advice on their swing. My wife plays once every two months for the past four years. Never takes any practice swings and barely gets it airborne. But since I stopped "helping" her she gets to enjoy it more.

man. what a ****** bag

Well, I have the opposite problem. My husband hardly ever plays golf anymore....and I play 4 or 5 times a week. I first took up golf because he "wished" I would play too (he played a lot then). So now his favorite saying is "be careful what you wish for". I never tire of playing & cannot imagine life without golf.

Welcome to the forum Kaysquare! That brings the women on WRX to 4...by my count.
-D

[quote name='Kaysquare' timestamp='1355279187' post='6054307']
Well, I have the opposite problem. My husband hardly ever plays golf anymore....and I play 4 or 5 times a week. I first took up golf because he "wished" I would play too (he played a lot then). So now his favorite saying is "be careful what you wish for". I never tire of playing & cannot imagine life without golf.
[/quote]

my god....

[quote name='johnboy1954' timestamp='1354589745' post='6015045']Ah well,guess Santas not coming to mine this year.
[/quote]

Dude, he's just not coming, he's lost your address.