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Could Use A Laugh....


Medic

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True Story

 

When my youngest daughter was about 3 we're at the club for dinner and she has to go #2 immediately

 

Take her into the men's room and she's in the middle stall, outside 2 stalls are full

 

After some time, I hear the plop and then this little voice "Dada, dere's corn down dere." The two guys in the outside stalls burst out laughing

Ping G400 LST 11* Ventus Black TR 5x

Ping G400 3w 15.1* GD AD IZ 5x

Ping G400 7w 19.5* Ventus Red 6x 

Ping G425 4h 22* Blueboard HY 80x

Ping i210 6i & s55 7i - PW Steelfiber 110s

Ping Glide Wrx 49*, 54*, 59*ES, Tour W 64* SF 125s

EvnRoll ER9
 

 

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One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”.

The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month”.

The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?

The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.

 

Young guy walks into a bar, sits down and promptly order a double of whisky.

As soon as the barman puts it down, he downs it and orders another.

Again, as soon as the barman puts it down, the guy downs it and orders another.

This goes on until the guy is on his seventh double.

The barman says, "hey, what's the need for the shots?"

The young guy says "Had my first bj today."

Barman says, "Hey, congratulations, the next one's on me."

Young guy says, "I've had seven already. You think another one is going to get rid of the taste?"

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Bloke walks into a nice bar on the top storey of a fancy high-rise hotel. He sits down and has a few, then he notices the guy next to him is chugging these really fancy cocktails.

"Hey, what's that you're drinking?" He asks.

The other guy says "it's called a Wings. Makes you feel as light as air."

"No kidding? I'll try one" says the bloke. So he does and knocks one back.

"I don't feel any different" he says.

The other guy looks at him funnily and says, "Well I feel light as air; watch this!"

And he promptly stands up and jumps out of the window of this top-story bar.

The bloke's gobsmacked. As he's standing there looking out of the window, he feels a tap on his shoulder.

He turns around, and sees the bloke who just jumped out of the window standing there.

"See? I told you you'd feel as light as air," he says.

"Wow!" says the bloke. "How did you do that? You must be having me on."

"No, says the guy, I'll do it again."

And he orders another Wing, then hurls himself out of the window only to walk into the bar through the door a few minutes later.

The bloke's really convinced now, so he orders himself a Wing to try it out himself.

When it arrives, he downs it in one, then promptly rushes to the window and hurls himself out.

After 7 or 8 seconds, there's an ominous "splat" and the sound of screaming down below.

 

The barman turns to the other guy and says, "You know, you're a real a****** when you're drunk, Superman."

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Do you know why Smokey the Bear doesn't have any children?

 

Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.

Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S 3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R 3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R 2I: TourModel III True Temper S 3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S SW: TourModel III True Temper S Putter: Cobra Anvil 005 Ball: Ksig 3 piece

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A Minister, a doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are in the same foursome. They're behind the slowest twosome anyone has ever seen, and getting angry.

 

The pro comes out to apologize for the pace, and to explain that the two guys are firefighters who were both blinded while saving kids from a burning school. Both were really good golfers before the accident, and the course has rewarded them by giving them life memberships.

 

The minister says "I'm going to say extra prayers for those two brave fellows at every service for the next month". The doctor says "I'm going to see if anyone at the hospital could help them regain their sight". The lawyer says "I'm going to offer my free services to review thier situation, and make sure they get every benefit they're entitled to ". The engineer says "Can't they play at night?"

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Man goes to the doctor because he is over weight. He complains to the doctor, "I'm so fat I can't even see my p****". Doctor says, "Well sir, you're going to have to diet". Patient exclaims, "Diet! What color is it now?!?!"

Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S 3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R 3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R 2I: TourModel III True Temper S 3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S SW: TourModel III True Temper S Putter: Cobra Anvil 005 Ball: Ksig 3 piece

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My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the pi5s out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

 

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her dinner, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

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Woman wants to learn golf so she can play with her husband. She goes to a local pro. He starts with fundamentals, stance, alignment, posture and grip. He says "hold the club how you would hold your husbands 'manhood' and take a swing"

 

She knocks it 220 right down the middle.

 

Pro says "wow thats great, now take the club out of your mouth and try it again"

 

[b]Driver: [/b][i]TBD[/i]
[b]Fairway:[/b] Taylormade Superfast 16.5*/Even Flow Blue
[b]Hybrid:[/b] Titleist 913H/Rogue Black
[b]Irons:[/b] Mizuno MP 59s
[b]Wedges:[/b] Titleist SM4 52/56/60
[b]Putter:[/b] [i]This area intentionally left blank [/i]

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a lady goes to see her doctor, "I don't know what is wrong with me" she says "everything I touch hurts. I touch my head, it hurts, I touch my leg, it hurts, I touch my arm it hurts"

doctor asked "your a natural blond" she replies "yes how did you know?"

"your finger is broken"

 

reminds me of the one where the guy and his wife go to the doctor because she doesn't smell so fresh down there, but she thinks it is fine.

 

Doctor performs his exam, and reports, "I have found the problem. Your nose is broken"

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Two guys die at the same time. They arrive at the pearly gates to find only one spot available. To break the tie St. Peter puts them in separate rooms and tells them they have one hour to write a poem using the term "Timbuktu" and the best poem wins. The one guy had a Masters in literature and ripped out 8 verses of a beautiful poem about sailing the seven seas to the wonderful land of Timbuktu. The other didn't finish high school and had a hard time but submitted his offering any way.

 

Tim and I a strolling we went

Spied three maidens in a tent

Them being three and us being two

Well, I bucked one and Tim bucked two

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!

Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S 3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R 3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R 2I: TourModel III True Temper S 3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S SW: TourModel III True Temper S Putter: Cobra Anvil 005 Ball: Ksig 3 piece

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Phil and Michelle are about to get married. Phil says to Michelle, "before we get married, I have a confession. I love golf. I play 5 times a week and nothing, even you, will change that. I hope you can understand."

 

Michelle turns to Phil and says, "That's fine with me honey, but I have a confession as well. I just want you to know before we get married that I am a hooker."

 

Phil turns to Michelle and says, "That's no problem - just open your stance a little bit."

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Do you know what the similarity is between a tornado and a divorce in (insert name of town you want to degrade)?

 

One way or another somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

 

Apologies to mobile home owners. My first home "purchase" was a mobile home, but it's still funny.

Driver: Titleist 910 D2 9.75* Diamana Kai'li 65 Mid S 3W: Titleist 910F 16.5 * Diamana Kai'li 75 Mid R 3H: Titleist 910H 19 * Diamana Kai'li 80HYB Mid R 2I: TourModel III True Temper S 3-PW: Mizuno MP 60 True Temper Dynamic Gold S300 S SW: TourModel III True Temper S Putter: Cobra Anvil 005 Ball: Ksig 3 piece

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I'm not fat. I'm just.....easier to see. Safety 1st!

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...

 

Well, it could happen.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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