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Could Use A Laugh....


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The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, " Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

“Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries my golf bag?"
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

 

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

 

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

 

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

 

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”

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A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

 

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

 

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

 

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

 

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”

 

Stolen! I have to use this one.

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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

 

She still isn't talking to me.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

 

She still isn't talking to me.

 

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

 

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

 

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

 

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

 

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........

Callaway Epic with Fujikura 62s in 45.25 set at 12.5*
Taylormade Rbz FW (17*)
Callaway X-Hot Pro 20* Hybrid
Callaway Steelhead 4-PW w/KBS 90s
Titleist Vokey 50*
Titleist Vokey SM-6 56*
Titleist Vokey SM-6 60-08 M
Tad Moore TM-1 35"
Callaway Chrome Soft

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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

 

She still isn't talking to me.

 

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

 

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

 

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

 

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

 

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........

 

Looks like you owe her a foot rub med...

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  • 3 weeks later...

 

Even after seeing all of the Jurassic Park movies I still feel like a dinosaur theme park sounds like a really good idea.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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Something kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away, or ruins your life.

 

So 50/50. Pretty good odds if you ask me.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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I dropped 8 lbs, 7 ounces this weekend.

 

Why, yes, I lost my job in the maternity ward.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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I stopped for breakfast this morning morning at IHOP.

 

All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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Greg Norman has started his change to become a woman. Going to write a book titled 'Golf without Balls'.

Driver: Callaway Paradym 9 set to 10 Draw

3W Callaway  Epic Flash

5w Callaway Epic Flash
Hybrids: 4-5 Epic Flash    
               6-7 Big Bertha 

               7 Ping G430 played as an 8 

Irons: PXG Gen4 XP 9-GW

Wedges: PXG 0311 52 56 degree Forged

Putter: Odyssey Rossie Pro 2.0 

 

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  • 1 month later...

A duck is standing next to a busy road, looking for an opening in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man! You'll never hear the end of it!"

Ping G425 Max Driver 12 (0 Flat) - Aldila Ascent Red 50 Stiff (46")
TaylorMade AeroBurner Mini Driver 16 - Matrix Speed RUL-Z 60 Stiff
Ping G410 7wd 20.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (43")
Ping G410 9wd 23.5 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 65 Stiff (42.5")
Ping G425 6h 30 (0 Flat) - Alta CB 70 Stiff
PXG 0311P Gen3 6-P (2 Deg Weak, 1 Deg Flat) - True Temper Elevate 95 S /

Ping i200 6-P Orange Dot (2 Deg Weak, 2 Deg Flat) - True Temper XP 95 S
Ping Glide 4.0 52-12 S, 56-10 Eye2, and 60-10 S Orange Dot (2 Deg Flat) - Ping Z-Z115 Wedge
PXG Blackjack 36" - SuperStroker Flatso 2.0

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Two elderly Irish gentlemen are firmly planted on bar stools at the 19th hole. The first bloke remarks to the other, "you know I grew up on these links". "Yeah", the other excitedly replies, "I did too, the house I grew up in still sits across the tracks from the third green!", he continued. First bloke says "what a small world, you didn't by chance go through St. Mary's grade school?" Second bloke almost falls off his bar stool, "of course I did", "went through with the class of 46'". First bloke guzzles the end of his porter and exclaims "we're the same age, I was also in the class of 46", "what a small world". About that time the bartender turns to the barmaid and advises that "it's going to be a long night", barmaid asks "why". Bartender explains, "the O,Brien twins are drunk again".

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A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.

What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler.

Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

(rim shot)

 

i'm stealin this one....

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Overheard at the member/guest the other day: "We'll have a shotgun start and an AK-47 finish."

PING G400 MAX driver, 10.5*, Tour 65 shaft
PING K15 3 wood, TFC 149F shaft
PING G15 hybrid, 23*, TFC 149H shaft
PING G400 irons, 5-U, AWT 2.0 steel shafts
PING Eye 2 XG SW and LW, TFC 149I shaft
PING Zing 5 KS stainless steel putter

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