A Wife and two kids how to mix in Golf

[kevin2]

From the moment my wife got pregnant, I decided that I also wanted to hang onto golf. However, playing every single day at my club wasn't part of that plan. I immediately gave up all my hobbies, sold my boats, snowmobiles, guns, fishing equipment, the works. But, I made the statement to my wife that I'd give up all this stuff with the understanding that I'd still play golf on Wednesday nights, 9 holes, and 1 round of 18 on the weekend. I wanted to be a great father and husband, but I wasn't prepared to give up everything. It worked out great. I signed on to be a husband and a father, so, in my mind, that requires some major personal sacrifices IN BOTH departments. Which I gladly did, and I'm thankful I was mature enough to make those decisions. 22 years ago, and it is pretty much the same deal to this day, with the exception that I've raised kids that love hunting, fishing, golfing, and all the other stuff I gave up. SO, I back doored some occasional hobbies into the rotation, ON purpose!

[QuigleyDU]

i have three daughters, 6, 5, 18 months. i play pretty regularly. this is how i make it work.

 

1. i take the two oldest with me. they love to rid in the cart and run around the course. i make sure they are as respectful as little girls can be if i get grouped up. they do pretty good and i have yet to have anyone really care because they are dang cute.

2. make sure your honey do list is complete. you would be amazed at the latitude you can get by keeping the house clean, yard work done, etc. remember happy wife happy life.

3. if you want to play 18, play early. luckily i get off work at 2. Depending on the day i can play 9 to 18 and still be home by 5. not really missing anything.

4. Ask for permission. most often you will get it. and be willing to not go if you wife asks you not to.

5. remember number 2.

[ShutSteepStuck]

i have three daughters, 6, 5, 18 months. i play pretty regularly. this is how i make it work.

 

1. i take the two oldest with me. they love to rid in the cart and run around the course. i make sure they are as respectful as little girls can be if i get grouped up. they do pretty good and i have yet to have anyone really care because they are dang cute.

2. make sure your honey do list is complete. you would be amazed at the latitude you can get by keeping the house clean, yard work done, etc. remember happy wife happy life.

3. if you want to play 18, play early. luckily i get off work at 2. Depending on the day i can play 9 to 18 and still be home by 5. not really missing anything.

4. Ask for permission. most often you will get it. and be willing to not go if you wife asks you not to.

5. remember number 2.

 

Per #4 above, I remember playing with my buddy's dad while his son and I were in grad school together. He was a real man's man kind of guy, he and his son couldn't have been more different.

 

Long story short, he and I got paired up with 2 ~30 year old guys out at Robinson Ranch. We had a little wait after making the turn and while waiting to tee off on #10, they were talking about how often they play and how difficult it was to get permission from their wives to plant it...my buddy's dad chimes in and says:

 

"Boys, the day I ask permission is probably the day I stop playing...." Not being married at the time I thought..."The stones on this guy..."

 

As it relates to the OP:

 

I have 3 kids, all 5 and under, and while I provide financially for everything, there is a huge social & nurturing component that requires my presence and attention. To say it's so much more than I ever imagined would almost be an understatement. Both my folks were pretty good with my sister and I and I definitely failed to realize how much intentional effort, team work, communication, etc. it takes btw. a husband and a wife to raise kids remotely well...to say nothing of keeping a marriage together and from time to time I pretty much fail on a few if not all fronts depending on the week.

 

Certainly every relationship and the family dynamics associated with it are unique, but going from playing 3-4x a week to now only getting out about 1/week sucks. But it beats bitterness btw. my wife and I or kids that are fending for themselves and/or overwhelming my wife.

 

Even yesterday I was paired up with 2 guys at Rustic Canyon who were on a bros golf trip from Canada. They both had wives and kids back home and joked how hard it was to play on not feel guilty...LOL

 

One last thought as it relates to your thoughts below:

I’m a great father and supporting husband but I don’t really have another person to compare my golf with to someone else with something close to my situation. I love the game, but it’s bringing my relationship to a tipping point. How much does everyone golf with 2 young kids with out causing a divorce. I don’t want to abuse my free time but I also feel like I’ve earned a little freedom to do my passion. Besides golf I’m all work, Daddy and husband ...

You sound like a great guy and you're working super hard but you're asking the wrong question.

[sheppy335]

I work full time, so does my wife and we have 3 girls. I play 3 times a week and practice the other days. I am home to help with kids and never miss anything of theirs. They are in band, softball and soccer, so we are busy. I know when to move my golf day if needed, but normally i play same days. I never hear you need to do this or that or wow how long were you gone.

I will say when my girls were born i play on 9 holes weekly. It has built up till we are at this point. It will get if i want it to, right now i am very happy. She needs to understand you have a like, get her to get a hobby on the days you dont play.

[NoTalentLefty]

Its

[rsh0308]

I make it an effort to be home when I’m off. Rounds have gone down significantly.

Have a 2 year old and another on the way.

 

I bought a skytrak.

I can get my swings in without leaving the house and when I do get out, I’m much sharper than I’ve ever been the first 20 years I played golf.

[Matt97GT]

I'm married, 35 years old, with two kids (4 and 2).

 

Before kids, I was playing twice a week with a random evening driving range session every so often. Full warm up, round, and often times a post round lunch or drink with my buddies.

 

This obviously wasn't going to work though and I cut back. With the first child, it was one round a week.

 

The other problem is career progression leading to a longer work week. The days of leaving the office by 5-5:30 started to turn onto 6, 6:30, 7, etc.

 

Since i track all my rounds using TheGrint app, I can tell you that in 2017 I played a total of 22 rounds of golf. Most of them no warm up just show up and go. Some months i played 3x, and a couple of months I didn't play at all.

 

At various times throughout the year the discussions at home made it feel like I was still playing too much. There is no right answer. Planning definitely helps though.

 

 

This year i'm going to try to take more advantage of daylight savings time and hit the course on Friday late afternoon when opportunity presents.

[third-times-a-charm]

My wife plays golf, and she has ambitions to break 85 regularly.

 

Our issue is "how do we pawn the kids off on the grandparents" more than anything.

 

Good problem to have, I guess.

[BloctonGolf11]

Preface 33 year old here with an 8 and 3 year old and married to the greatest, most understanding woman on the planet.

 

You have a six year old. Have you thought about involving him in the sport with you? I can tell you from experience that playing golf by yourself or with your buddies is simply nothing compared to being out there with your child. As well, this means you have one kid while your wife has the other kid and your golf is actually now a family activity. Just some food for thought. Also, my game has improved tremendously since being out there with my son. No longer do I over analyze all the stupid crap in my game and low and behold I just started playing golf and truly enjoying being out there with my son. If your child is six and you have not tried to at least involve him/her in some way I think you have some larger issues at hand.

[Ferguson]

Preface 33 year old here with an 8 and 3 year old and married to the greatest, most understanding woman on the planet.

 

You have a six year old. Have you thought about involving him in the sport with you? I can tell you from experience that playing golf by yourself or with your buddies is simply nothing compared to being out there with your child. As well, this means you have one kid while your wife has the other kid and your golf is actually now a family activity. Just some food for thought. Also, my game has improved tremendously since being out there with my son. No longer do I over analyze all the stupid crap in my game and low and behold I just started playing golf and truly enjoying being out there with my son. If your child is six and you have not tried to at least involve him/her in some way I think you have some larger issues at hand.

 

 

Well stated, Dad.

[Pepperturbo]

If a golfer naively marries a woman that doesn't golf, he's in for a rude awaking. When depends on whether or not he begins to think he's entitled to play golf because he works and is a decent dad. Our definition of a great dad is different. A great dad is always first a dad, with golf, a blurry third.

 

As a father and avid golfer, I do NOT think you're entitled to golf. As a father and husband, you're not in any position to think you're entitled. Your children, however, are entitled to a father and your wife is entitled to a husband. You set that in play by marrying a woman that didn't golf and having children. It's pretty simple children first, wife close second and golf is where ever it ends up. If she lets you out once or twice a month consider yourself fortunate? :beach:

[ping rat]

Here is my experience for what its worth. Many of us without even realizing it spend our time taking account of our wives short comings and like it or not we all have the vision of the perfect wife/mother stored somewhere in the back of our minds. I have found if i invest a little time being that husband/father that she envisions as perfect, I can get to a point of mutual agreement that affords each other personal time. being married and parenting is as equal a distribution of responsibility that you can step in to. Point being for every hour you want to spend on the golf course you must be willing to concede personal time to her in equal measure. Raising children is hard work and even the best parents need "adult time". It is possible to raise children, have a career and a happy marriage but the answer to your problem is not here, it is between you and your wife effectively communicating your needs and coming to a mutually acceptable arrangement.

[bigchucksr]

I don't want to get in the middle of your domestic situation--each is unique and there is no "one size fits all" solution. This much I will tell you and I will guarantee the claim--30 or 40 years from now you will regret every moment you spent away from those children--the time you missed, all the little things, all the walks, play, talks, and time that you, and they, have lost and will never get back.

Parenting is cumulative--it adds up and up over the years and the only currancy in that accumulation is your time as a father.

I know, I made hunting, fishing, shooting, and golf my priority in my 20's and 30's--I sure wish someone had said to me what I just said to you.

[dpb5031]

If a golfer naively marries a woman that doesn't golf, he's in for a rude awaking. When depends on whether or not he begins to think he's entitled to play golf because he works and is a decent dad. Our definition of a great dad is different. A great dad is always first a dad, with golf, a blurry third.

 

As a father and avid golfer, I do NOT think you're entitled to golf. As a father and husband, you're not in any position to think you're entitled. Your children, however, are entitled to a father and your wife is entitled to a husband. You set that in play by marrying a woman that didn't golf and having children. It's pretty simple children first, wife close second and golf is where ever it ends up. If she lets you out once or twice a month consider yourself fortunate? :beach:

 

Appreciate your wisdom Pepper but I cannot disagree more. A wife who plays golf may be a nice situation for some, but is far from a requirement in the context of this thread.

 

This is not a matter of entitlement in either direction; it's a matter of perspective, priorities, values, and compromise.

 

And separately, in my case it's wife first then kids, etc. (yet I understand this may not be the same for everyone for various reasons)

 

My kids are great-I'm super-proud of them and love 'em more than life itself, but I cannot put them ahead of their mother as good as she's been to both me and them.

[DZClark]

Preface 33 year old here with an 8 and 3 year old and married to the greatest, most understanding woman on the planet.

 

You have a six year old. Have you thought about involving him in the sport with you? I can tell you from experience that playing golf by yourself or with your buddies is simply nothing compared to being out there with your child. As well, this means you have one kid while your wife has the other kid and your golf is actually now a family activity. Just some food for thought. Also, my game has improved tremendously since being out there with my son. No longer do I over analyze all the stupid crap in my game and low and behold I just started playing golf and truly enjoying being out there with my son. If your child is six and you have not tried to at least involve him/her in some way I think you have some larger issues at hand.

 

So true. Last night, my daughter had her cousins over when I got home and asked if she could stay home and play with them instead of our usual trip to the golf course. I wanted to work on a few things, so I told her sure and told my wife I would go enjoy a quick 9 by myself. I played one hole and drove home (we have a golf cart so its an easy trip). I walked in about 45 minutes after leaving and my wife asked why I was home so soon. I told her, I was bored by myself and without my daughter there, it was not the same and honestly, not as enjoyable.

 

I missed the talking in my backswing, the asking me why I was trying to hit it into a bunker instead of by the flag (I wasn't quit making fun of me) and just the fun we have when we play together. My 4-year-old has trained me into enjoying spending time with her and it's not the golf I enjoy, its spending time with her.

[BForrester]

As the old proverb goes, "It's too late to close the barn door after the horse is out." I made the decision in my late 20s to not have children and made that desire clear to the missus before we got engaged and we walked down the aisle. I didn't make that decision specifically for golf, because I didn't play at the time, but my time on the ski hill...and early retirement...and a generally low-stress lifestyle...informed that decision.

 

As someone in a completely different situation, I have a difficult time offering any advise. I'm sorry if I've wasted your time in reading my post. I hope that your wife understands that you need to get away from your daily grind once a week in order to decompress. I also hope that you afford her the same opportunity for a weekly escape. You'll need some give-and-take if you want to make it work. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

[Ferguson]

If a golfer naively marries a woman that doesn't golf, he's in for a rude awaking. When depends on whether or not he begins to think he's entitled to play golf because he works and is a decent dad. Our definition of a great dad is different. A great dad is always first a dad, with golf, a blurry third.

 

As a father and avid golfer, I do NOT think you're entitled to golf. As a father and husband, you're not in any position to think you're entitled. Your children, however, are entitled to a father and your wife is entitled to a husband. You set that in play by marrying a woman that didn't golf and having children. It's pretty simple children first, wife close second and golf is where ever it ends up. If she lets you out once or twice a month consider yourself fortunate? :beach:

 

Appreciate your wisdom Pepper but I cannot disagree more. A wife who plays golf may be a nice situation for some, but is far from a requirement in the context of this thread.

 

This is not a matter of entitlement in either direction; it's a matter of perspective, priorities, values, and compromise.

 

And separately, in my case it's wife first then kids, etc. (yet I understand this may not be the same for everyone for various reasons)

 

My kids are great-I'm super-proud of them and love 'em more than life itself, but I cannot put them ahead of their mother as good as she's been to both me and them.

 

 

Mrs. Ferguson and I have discussed this topic, and we see it differently.

 

There is a train coming down the track - save me or the kids? We both agreed - save the kids.

Kids always come first.

 

You can divorce a spouse. Happens every single day.

Can't divorce a child.

 

 

 

Our lesson today: Golf is not life and death.

[dpb5031]

If a golfer naively marries a woman that doesn't golf, he's in for a rude awaking. When depends on whether or not he begins to think he's entitled to play golf because he works and is a decent dad. Our definition of a great dad is different. A great dad is always first a dad, with golf, a blurry third.

 

As a father and avid golfer, I do NOT think you're entitled to golf. As a father and husband, you're not in any position to think you're entitled. Your children, however, are entitled to a father and your wife is entitled to a husband. You set that in play by marrying a woman that didn't golf and having children. It's pretty simple children first, wife close second and golf is where ever it ends up. If she lets you out once or twice a month consider yourself fortunate? :beach:

 

Appreciate your wisdom Pepper but I cannot disagree more. A wife who plays golf may be a nice situation for some, but is far from a requirement in the context of this thread.

 

This is not a matter of entitlement in either direction; it's a matter of perspective, priorities, values, and compromise.

 

And separately, in my case it's wife first then kids, etc. (yet I understand this may not be the same for everyone for various reasons)

 

My kids are great-I'm super-proud of them and love 'em more than life itself, but I cannot put them ahead of their mother as good as she's been to both me and them.

 

 

Mrs. Ferguson and I have discussed this topic, and we see it differently.

 

There is a train coming down the track - save me or the kids? We both agreed - save the kids.

Kids always come first.

 

You can divorce a spouse. Happens every single day.

Can't divorce a child.

 

 

 

Our lesson today: Golf is not life and death.

 

For us it has more to do with always presenting a unified front.

 

In your hypothetical we would agree with you and your wife

[Pepperturbo]

If a golfer naively marries a woman that doesn't golf, he's in for a rude awaking. When depends on whether or not he begins to think he's entitled to play golf because he works and is a decent dad. Our definition of a great dad is different. A great dad is always first a dad, with golf, a blurry third.

 

As a father and avid golfer, I do NOT think you're entitled to golf. As a father and husband, you're not in any position to think you're entitled. Your children, however, are entitled to a father and your wife is entitled to a husband. You set that in play by marrying a woman that didn't golf and having children. It's pretty simple children first, wife close second and golf is where ever it ends up. If she lets you out once or twice a month consider yourself fortunate? :beach:

 

Appreciate your wisdom Pepper but I cannot disagree more. A wife who plays golf may be a nice situation for some, but is far from a requirement in the context of this thread.

 

This is not a matter of entitlement in either direction; it's a matter of perspective, priorities, values, and compromise.

 

And separately, in my case it's wife first then kids, etc. (yet I understand this may not be the same for everyone for various reasons)

 

My kids are great-I'm super-proud of them and love 'em more than life itself, but I cannot put them ahead of their mother as good as she's been to both me and them.

 

When one lives long enough, one realizes perspective on life, choices, and priorities ARE values we live by. Things we want to enjoy, like golf and fast cars or anything else that is fun takes time away from wife and family.

 

Golf is NOT a value Bad choices and expectations (entitlements) cause marital conflict, ruin marriages and families. In court often referred to as irreconcilable differences. Most men that I've encountered do not want golfing wives and that's fine. But golf at some juncture may elevate to where it causes problems with the wife and family demands; that's when someone makes golf enjoyment an entitlement.

 

Its not my intent to change anyone's mind just share how I see golf in the context of marriage and family. Marriage is easier when the wife golfs. I don't expect anyone to make decisions like me, if for no other reason than my priorities are God, family, and country, and there is NO quitting or divorce. Golf is just enjoyment. :beach: Have a good day.

[Ckingolf]

Here’s how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I’m lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that’s only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you’re away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that’s 35-40 percent...

[Ferguson]

Here's how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I'm lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that's only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you're away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that's 35-40 percent...

 

 

 

[Tag56]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to mixing family life with golf. I have a rotating work schedule and have 3 days off during one week, and 2 days off during the week the next. So when my 2 year old goes to mothers day out program those week days I spend the entire 5 hours on the golf course/practice range without missing a single second. I additionally play 18 with my father and some friends every other weekend. Sometimes I get push back and I just have to make the decision to not go. On the positive side my son loves going to the driving range and hitting golf balls as much as I do, and also likes to ride in the cart. So it works out for me. If my schedule were any different I suspect I just wouldn't play golf very much.

[bcsquare]

I've got 2 small children; a 2 year old daughter and 5 year old son. What I've found to work is planning it out and discussing with the wife.

 

Fortunately we live in SoCal with both of our parents close by. My wife takes the kids over to her parents once month for a sleepover; we'll plan it out so we can have a date night and I'll find time for a round of golf. Otherwise I'll shove range time during the week before picking up the kids or asking the wife to get the kids; just comes down to communicating it. Right now I need to figure out how to gt my son out for some range sessions too.

 

Not sure if it was discussed but another way is to include the family or at least the kids in golf. I take lessons every other week with my 5 year old; it's the thing we always count on as dad and son time. His attention span is about a half hour so we get a good split from our teaching pro.

[callawayjay]

Your wife will build up resentment if you’re not around to help the kids. Telling your wife “see I put family before golf” during family outings only further alienates you from her. If you’re telling your spouse any sort of “see look at me” borders on selfish narcissistic behavior.

 

What about your wife’s “passion”? Do you support her with her passion? I promise you it’s hard for your wife to have a passion if you disappear for 3-6 hours each weekend day. Think of how many days you play golf and she’s alone with the kids. Do you approach that much time with them alone? Or is it the wife’s job to the majority of the nurturing?

[callawayjay]

i have three daughters, 6, 5, 18 months. i play pretty regularly. this is how i make it work.

 

1. i take the two oldest with me. they love to rid in the cart and run around the course. i make sure they are as respectful as little girls can be if i get grouped up. they do pretty good and i have yet to have anyone really care because they are dang cute.

2. make sure your honey do list is complete. you would be amazed at the latitude you can get by keeping the house clean, yard work done, etc. remember happy wife happy life.

3. if you want to play 18, play early. luckily i get off work at 2. Depending on the day i can play 9 to 18 and still be home by 5. not really missing anything.

4. Ask for permission. most often you will get it. and be willing to not go if you wife asks you not to.

5. remember number 2.

With regards to 4

If you’re having to ask permission making your wife out to be the bad guy you’re already playing too much golf. A woman would love you to not play, on your own volition and do things with her all the while you’re NOT reminding her that you could played instead. Don’t leave it up to the wife to say yes or no. That’s blameshifting and justification and rationalizing all into one. I know most men think it’s the wife’s job to nurture but in 2018 that isn’t going to fly

[callawayjay]

Here's how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I'm lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that's only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you're away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that's 35-40 percent...

 

 

 

 

Is a misogynistic portrait of a mob boss a good use of things to get a point across ?

[Railroading13]

I would only say communication is key, plan ahead and try to practice while at home. I started practicing at home via a big moss putting green, an orange whip and pitching/chipping in the backyard. This way when I go to the course it's only to play 9 or 18. And those rounds are planned out and communicated to avoid conflicts. Good luck

[marmooskapaul]

Err..it's golf! It's not like you have to abandon your family and let wolves raise your kids. If you can't swing golf and a family...then don't. Men and women have been playing golf and raising families for ?? a long time. Golf isn't the only time consuming hobby/activity...could be anything that you do. With men taking on more of a role in kids lives and with cell phone's being able to contact people...anywhere...it should be easier than ever to get away and play golf??

Everybody that I golf with...for the most part...has kids! It is nothing new...just people who think it is...cause their special...lol.

[RP29]

Some if you have very strange infatuations with your children... I don't think anyone has the right to lecture others how to live their lives.

 

The question should be to the significant other, hey how much time can I take away from home before it becomes too much of a strain?

 

 

[puttingmatt]

I have a wife and two kids almost the same age. I play league in Tuesday and during the summer I play one day in weekends, but I'm typically playing by 6:00am. I have a net at home.

This is exactly how I did it. Early morning

Or the dew tee time, daybreak for nine holes, get home to cook breakfast as the kids are waking up. It was the only way to play on the weekend, along with league play once a week.