Golf confessions...

[Birdie Mac]

If I'm on the green in regulation on a par 4 and end up bogeying it anyway, then birdie the hole when I re-putt, I split the difference and give myself a par. Because the birdie putt was how I 'intended to roll it'. At the end of the round, I maintain this facade, give myself a minute to bask in the glory of a great round, then trash the scorecard. (disclaimer: practice rounds only)

[hybrid25]

I confess, even though I tell my opponent I hope he makes the putt, deep down inside I hope he misses it.

[tsecor]

sometimes I say "noonan" before my buddy putts

[Shifty76]

I have, on occasion, yelled "jackass" during my buddy's swing on our local par 3 which has a large water hazard between tee box and green.

 

To be fair, he started it probably 5 years ago, and we usually make sure we get at least one in per round. Often on that hole, as it's amusing watching him duff one into the pond.

It's been an ongoing tradition for us.

[8602081]

When I get on the green, I fix my divot and try to fix others as I see them..

Seems nobody else know how to fix them..

[DON SVO]

I have purposely ran over an annoying, intoxicated playing partner's golf ball when it was pretty soggy with the golf cart. Doing this drives the ball into the super-soft fairway and you can't find the ball afterwards since water pools around it unless you get lucky. By the end of the round I did it to him 4 times, all successfully.

 

... he still doesn't know what I did.

[foxy222]

Sometime I make a second divot when I chunk a wedge shot. Just to let the course know who’s really in charge here. It never works...

[Baitkiller]

If i have to wait on a t or faiway i pick weeds. Its a nervous tick i picked up years ago. I once overheard staff discussing the piles of weeds on every box and wtf left them there?

[DavePelz4]

Hmmm...confession. OK...here goes.

 

I've been so disappointed with my season that I went to a hypnotherapist, twice.

[tsecor]

Hmmm...confession. OK...here goes.

 

I've been so disappointed with my season that I went to a hypnotherapist, twice.

and.......

[DavePelz4]

Hmmm...confession. OK...here goes.

 

I've been so disappointed with my season that I went to a hypnotherapist, twice.

and.......

 

I had been hypnotized before but I'd call these sessions extreme relaxation more than anything. My heart monitor recorded a period of 20 minutes with a resting heart rate under 40. The hour sessions went by in what seemed like seconds.

 

Am I ready for the Champions Tour...na.

[Blaiser]

I stop waiting for my playing partner if his second (or 3rd...ect) shot is just catching up to my drive.

 

I sneak off the back if I see the first is crowded.

 

I walk 20 yards down the driving range to get free range balls that people topped.

 

I tell high handicappers that the distance to the pin is 15 yards further than it really is after I use my laser.

 

I'll get to the course early to hit some balls on the range, but when my friends show up I say I just got there and didn't hit any balls so that I have an excuse on the first couple holes.

 

I sometimes log into my father's golfnow account and book a "hot deal" to make him pay for the round. (I'm 31)

 

If I play at a country club, I load up my bag with the free tees they have at the first tee box.

 

I stayed at a resort with the gf and we had a night out in the middle of the fairway of 18 ;)

 

 

And guys, tip the bag boys. I'm sure you give the cart girl a tip.

 

 

 

[FourTops]

Everyone else has alignment marks on their balls, and they talk about playing a certain ball for spin-rate...and while I "totally agree with them" about spin rates....I randomly pull out whatever ball comes up first from a compartment of 25 balls.

[NoTalentLefty]

I hate to play where cart girls roam freely. (It’s not them, it’s the morons I play with)

I pack an extra pair of shorts and underwear in the bag.

I hate myself for not sticking to low and slow on my backswing about

this time of the year every year.

I sneak snacks onto courses.

 

 

[hybrid25]

I admit I have not always entered a sand trap from its lowest side, especially when that entry point is on the opposite side of the trap.

I apologize!

[DavePelz4]

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey...but I turned myself around.

[FourTops]

I've pulled the battery cable off a guys cart who doesn't fix ball marks.

[Bigarch]

If I get paired with a guy who likes to play music on his bluetooth speaker, I always wait until the middle of his backswing before I start to sing along.

[lake2195]

I don't think caddieshack is very funny.

[lchang]

I don't think caddieshack is very funny.

 

This is almost blasphemous. Now if you said quoting from Caddyshack isn’t funny, well then... I would just say to you, Don’t sell yourself short, Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.

[tsecor]

I don't think caddieshack is very funny.

 

This is almost blasphemous. Now if you said quoting from Caddyshack isn’t funny, well then... I would just say to you, Don’t sell yourself short, Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.

what???!!!!!! you don't have a soul!!! "Could be an ulnar fracture"......"snake a tube down her throat and ill be there in a few hours"

[lake2195]

I don't think caddieshack is very funny.

 

This is almost blasphemous. Now if you said quoting from Caddyshack isn’t funny, well then... I would just say to you, Don’t sell yourself short, Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.

 

I know I'm the minority on this one, I think it's just too over hyped I had worked in the golf industry for 4+ years and played golf for 10+ before I ever saw it. Maybe I find it over hyped is a better then not funny.

[augustgolf]

Hyper-funny

[Optimus-Par]

When I walk, I fart up and down all the fairways.

[Bonneville85308]

As someone else mentioned, if a high handicapper asks me a distance from my GPS device, I add on 5-10 yards to the number when telling them.

 

When I was a private club bag boy in high school, after the last member came in at the end of the day, we would "borrow" members' bags from the bag room (usually ones who seldom played), and play as many holes as we could before dark. We'd also call each other by the name of the member whose bag they borrowed. "Nice shank, Reginald Atkinson!" Of course we'd clean the clubs before returning them to the bag room.

 

Same job, I was offroading a Club Car at twilight at the back end of the driving range and got it completely stuck in a 2' deep mudhole. Had to have a friend with a truck and winch come pull it out. Washed it thoroughly and nobody ever knew.

 

Same course, caddied for a hack with an old leather golf bag with the ball pocket stuffed with 10 year old X-out balls, weighed a ton. On the 7th hole I was forecaddying out of site of the tee, I threw probably half of them into the woods.

 

Back in the 1990s I found out that if you broke a Callaway club and sent it back, they sent you a new one for free. Old clubs bought for cheap with known weak "S2H2" hosel design + my hands + fake names/friends addresses + early days of ebay = PROFIT

Pretty sure the statute of limitations protects me on that one now (I was a high school kid anyway)

[NJpatbee]

I finally got a couple of dozen 4 piece Ksigs. I hate them, feels like I am hitting lead.

[FourTops]

I quickly walk off a green before everyone is done putting because I KNOW I'm gonna hear..."if it weren't for that OB drive I would have parred that hole".

[RRH]

If I’m in a lie where my club is going to get ruined I move the ball. I’m not hitting a tree root with my forged irons I’m sorry. Club length relief.

 

When I play alone, I play two balls on par 3s. I always play my first shot and one of these days I’m going to cry if the second is a hole in one.

[JonnyKrasnodar]

I've actually been paired up with someone who in the course of the round identified themselves as a member of a "golf forum" and all round expert on everything. Having politely enquired as to their user handle in case I joined (yup I kept schtum) and done some research, I can honestly say that some people who claim to hit the ball 300 yards are ABSOLUTELY telling the truth. It just takes them three shots and a lost ball to do so...

[ChronicSlicer]

 

I pack an extra pair of shorts and underwear in the bag.

 

 

I feel like there just might be a story behind this...