Best Driver of 2019 | Full Article _HERE_ | Discussion Thread _HERE_

Could Use A Laugh....

15678911»
11

Comments

  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #302
    I'm really embarrassed to admit what I did for a Klondike bar.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #303
    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22631Members Posts: 22,631
    Joined:  #304
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #305
    Argonne69 wrote:

    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.




    That's the IL Tollway to ****. How else are we going to pay for all the former governors in jail?
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #306
    Ah Christmas time is upon us and that means Mrs. Pelz's mother has begun her annual visit of torture holiday sharing of love. As is our tradition, she and I share special bottles of wine that we've found for each other which symbolize our feelings for each other.



    Her gift to me...



    1502476993839-1299038374.jpeg



    Knowing she's a fan of Grenache's, I found this for her...



    8815639429150.png



    There's nothing like sharing the season with those you are forced to tolerate love with all your heart.
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #307
    Just read a WSJ article that yeast sales are on the rise.



    Who knew you could make dough with yeast.



    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day.  6433Members Posts: 6,433
    Joined:  #308
    fillwelix wrote:


    There are two types of hotel guests: those who ask when tomorrow's breakfast begins, and those who ask when it ends. Which type are you?
    When it ends, or what day is this?
    Posted:
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
    Callaway Razr X Black 4wd. stiff
    Wilson CI9 4-gw. TT reg.
    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day.  6433Members Posts: 6,433
    Joined:  #309
    Argonne69 wrote:


    From the makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter™, introducing:
    • It Might Be Bread
    • Let's Just Say It's Cream Cheese
    • It Almost Tastes Like Jam
    • Sure, It's "Maple Syrup"
    • Smells a Bit Like Eggs



    Thankfully I had white wine and not red.
    Posted:
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
    Callaway Razr X Black 4wd. stiff
    Wilson CI9 4-gw. TT reg.
    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Birdie MacBirdie Mac  648Members Posts: 648
    Joined:  #310
    Haven't read every page, so apologies if this has already been posted:



    A guy comes running into the pro shop in a panic, tears running down his face, saying "Oh my God, I need help! I sliced the ball really bad off the tee on the 8th hole and it hit the windshield of a car. The guy lost control and crashed in the ditch. I think I may have killed him. Please help!"



    The pro says, "Ok, calm down. You're leaving the clubface open at impact. Let's take a look at your grip."
    Posted:
  • ramdorskyramdorsky  121Members Posts: 121
    Joined:  #311
    2 cows are standing next to each other in a field. daisy says to dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning" "I don't believe you" says dolly" It's true, no bull!"
    Posted:
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Cobra Bio Cell Pro....10*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Taylormade RBZ.......15*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Callaway RAZR(hy)..21*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Mizuno JPX900T.....4-10[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Scor...........................50*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Vokey..................54* 60*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]SC American Classic III[/font]
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #312
    We need to start a campaign for next New Year's Eve to have Barbara Walters host the countdown. As we move into the new year, she can say "I'm Barbara Walters and this is 2020."
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 Countdown to The Masters! Iowa 18585ClubWRX Posts: 18,585
    Joined:  #313
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    I Can't Drive 55- so I'll already be there to greet you!



    God, there's some funny stuff in here.
    Posted:
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 Countdown to The Masters! Iowa 18585ClubWRX Posts: 18,585
    Joined:  #314
    In light of yesterday's first rule issue of 2019:



    DJ bought a chainsaw on his Ace Hardware Man's representation he could saw through and stack 4 cords of wood in an afternoon.



    Took it back, says to the guy, "Hey, I was barely able to cut about a dozen pieces of firewood."



    Ace Hardware Man fires it up - DJ recoils in horror, exclaiming, "What's that noise?!"
    Posted:
  • CapnSwaggaCapnSwagga TaylorMade 4 Life! Nevada 24Members Posts: 24
    Joined:  #315
    This came from another golf group I follow.



    An elderly golfer comes in after his round, heading to the clubhouse he spots a sign that reads:



    Cold beer-4.00

    Cheeseburger-7.00

    Chicken sandwich-8.50

    Hand job-100.00



    Double taking he re reads the sign again carefully then checks his wallet and counts his money.



    Walking up to the bar he sees an exceptionally good looking young lady. She glides over to him and says "yes"? with a wide knowing smile. The old golfer quite embarrassed asks her "Are you the one who gives the handjobs"?



    She looks at the wrinkled old man still smiling and purrs "why yes I am".



    The old man leans in close and says "will you wash your hands becuase I want a cheeseburger".
    Posted:
    M3 10.5° Diamana 70g stiff
    SLDR 17° Diamana 80g stiff
    SLDR 19° Fujikara 72g reg
    SLDR 21° Fujikara 82g stiff
    2011 TP MC 5-PW KBS tour stiff
    2011 TP CB AW 51° S300 
    Hi Toe 58° bent to 56°
    TM Spider mini
    TM purelite stand bag
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #316
    Over the weekend I received a text that said, "Please know I'm here for you." Thought it was a nice text regarding a recent life event. I responded with "That's so kind of you as always but I recently changed my phone out and lost some contact numbers. Do you mind sharing who it is?"



    "Sure...it's your Uber driver."



    Oops.
    Posted:
  • ohioglfrohioglfr Municipal Junkie Dayton, Ohio 813Members Posts: 813
    Joined:  #317
    If you could use a laugh, maybe golf isn't for you. Try another sport . . . say, karate.



    Posted:

    Adams Speedline 9088UL 10.5* AXIVCore 69 Black (S)
    Ping G SF Tec 3W, 5W Alta 65 (R)
    Ping G 4H,5H Alta 70 (R)
    Ping G 6-U TT XP 95 (soft R)
    Ping Glide 54*, 58* WS TT XP 100 (R)
    Ping Darby Sigma G

  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #318
    This one just doesn't need words...



    52536759_2219663844786147_624267139922001920_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_oc=AQmns2C7u5E3gMrym7IKQILWTo8cbyQimxABrIObXRkXZhjaJu5eR-WuXoWEIVeitRs&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=8a1b4f4100b70668d124b6f5beb77f96&oe=5CF5992E
    Posted:
  • Jacob37Jacob37  95Members Posts: 95
    Joined:  #319


    Do they have to be golf jokes???



    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over

    his mouth.

    A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir, I'm only

    here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me.

    Are my testicles black?"



    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart

    rate from worrying about them.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says,

    "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - My -Test - Results - Back




    Hahhaa that’s good there
    Posted:
  • adam667220adam667220  890Members Posts: 890
    Joined:  #320
    Posted:
    BC+ Driver 10.5°
    BC+ 5 wood 16°
    Adam Idea Super XTD hybrid 21°
    Callaway X2 Hot Irons 5-AW
    52°,56°, 60° wedges
    Odyssey White Hot Pro 2cs
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #321

    This morning I read an article where the "Flat Earth Society" says they have members all around the globe. Whaaaat?

    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22631Members Posts: 22,631
    Joined:  #322

    Worst. Joke. Ever.

    Q: What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants?

    A: One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #323

    Mrs. Pelz was in the kitchen the other day making "laughing stock." She asked for my funny bone but I didn't find that humerus in the least.

    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22631Members Posts: 22,631
    Joined:  #324

    Urban - Suburban - Rural

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors can't see you...it's rural

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors call the cops...it's suburban.

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors ignore you...it's urban.

    Bonus: If you stand naked on your front porch, and your wife locks the door behind you...you're probably at the Pelz' residence.

    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #325

    Since she started reading Hebrews 2 in her Bible, Mrs. Pelz thinks I'm supposed to bring her coffee in the morning.

    Posted:
  • TIM929TIM929 Los Angeles 969Members Posts: 969
    Joined:  #326

    @DavePelz4 said:
    Since she started reading Hebrews 2 in her Bible, Mrs. Pelz thinks I'm supposed to bring her coffee in the morning.

    LOL

    Posted:
  • DGenerickDGenerick  7Members Posts: 7
    Joined:  #327

    lol didn't know there were Golf jokes.

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
    Joined:  ...

    Advertisement
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25064ClubWRX Posts: 25,064
    Joined:  #328

    I realized this morning that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc.

    That's what I won't give until I have coffee.

    Posted:
11

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file