True Stories of A Super High Handicap Golfer Part 2

[defender2803]

You shall not pass!

 

 

 

As I continued my journey into the world of golf a little bit of luck came my way...or so it seemed. One of my friends moved into a new house which had a country club nestled inside a big black iron fence (foreboding). Needless to say I was ecstatic. After all my friend was from England and of course he probably knew a thing or two about golf.

 

For me it was a great opportunity to go play and learn and to await the arrival of the upcoming charity scramble. I will do better this time.

 

First things first...T-shirts not allowed. Fortunately my friend wanted me to start off the right way and bought me my first golf shirt ($80??!?!?!!). Additionally Walmart was having a sale and I got shorts and pants that were golf looking-ish. Looking like a pro now! Tennis shoes were Ok'd. More golf balls.

 

As anyone has ever learned...once you get that first set of golf clubs...you need another one. Back to Craigslist. I bought 5 sets of clubs and random odds and ends and bags and balls and towels and smelly shoes for only $50! Something has to be good in here. A set of Tour Model irons (they say Tour...have to be good), a few worn out Vokey's (what is a Vokey?), a TM 320Ti, and a Ping Anser 4i in great condition (why they call it Ping). What a start! Finished it out with a Divine Nine from the years of long ago (went away first time I hit it...ow). I had many other clubs which I made sets out of and sold off to get my money back...almost. Well now the wife wants to play so back to Walmart for a purple and white box set (she still has it). I am ready now!

 

Our first foray out into the wild world of golf was pretty much a repeat of the previous scramble. In the following weeks we played as much as possible. I didn't feel a need to keep score...they don't have enough space for 3 numbers on the card anyway. I spent lots of time on the range hitting lots of balls with zero consistency in distance or direction. Then I started getting help with my golf problems from self proclaimed swing masters and life long members. Turn your body if you slice, strong grip is better, weak grip is better, lean more right when you swing backwards and more left when you swing forwards. ?!?!!!? Even worse the country club was more a haven for overpaid, power drinking, money wasting, 40+ year old adolescent swingers. I was starting to lose track of who was sleeping with who!?!

 

So I was doing ever so much worse. Probably played another 10 rounds over the next few months and the only real benefit I got was not spending lots of money...buddy kept paying for it. My final straw was when the wife jumped out of a cart swinging her driver wildly walking up to the next tee and BANG! The sweet sound of tin can cheap metal hitting off my head ringing through the trees. Seeing a group quite a ways away turn at the sound makes you realize just how much it hurt. I quit...

 

Showed up at the scramble feeling like a beaten down kindergarten teacher. I had already paid for it so I went...this is the end. Once again we decimated the course with lost golf balls. I don't even remember if anything was worth remembering. It was hot...and I got sunburned. Feeling downtrodden and at the end of my rope...NEXT...to last place again (thanks zig zag)...I loaded my clubs in the back of my truck (usually kept them up front with me...my babies). Took a slow, long drive home...and left my clubs in the bed of my truck hoping someone would steal them.

 

I was done. This is stupid...I can't hit the ball and all I do is get tired and frustrated. Nothing can fix this...

 

Then I thought to myself...I'll just watch some YouTube and that will cheer me up....stupid people doing stupid things videos are always the best. Funny thing about YouTube...videos sometimes come up from what your were looking at on the Internet...profiled me they did.

 

What were these wondrous instructional videos that were speaking to me on how to fix my life?

The grip...the address...the back swing...the down swing...the impact...the follow through...the feet...the legs...the knees...the hips...the arms...the elbows...THE BALL! Everything I needed to know from actual people who actually know what I need to know...Rick, Peter, Mark, Chris, Dan, Steve, James....SHOW ME THE WAY!

 

After a few months of hitting plastic balls in the back yard and using the helpful guides from the Interwebs to do things like "grip the club"...off to Top Golf I went.

Grabbed a 7 iron...a few warm up swings...checked my grip...placed the head...set my feet...drew a breath...SSHHHTICCKK! Ball in the air...ball lands about 130. It went where I wanted it? It went straight? No slice? It's not even my 7 iron but a TG club. Try again...same result...and again...and again....MISHIT! Sliced...dang it. Wait...I "knew" that was a mishit before I hit it...that is new...

 

 

WHAT IS THIS MAGIC? ARE THESE MAGIC BEANS?

 

 

Stay tuned for next week's episode when our hero learns about the TM 320Ti and it's ungodly ability to hit the white target when you swing it correctly.

 

Learning tip: "Anyone can teach you something about golf, but only some actually know what they are teaching you."

[ChronicSlicer]

Even worse the country club was more a haven for overpaid, power drinking, money wasting, 40+ year old adolescent swingers. I was starting to lose track of who was sleeping with who!?!

 

 

 

Sorry, but this was pretty funny.