Best golf insults or one liners

[buckrogers71]

Leaving a putt well short: "Caught on the string/ husband play", Beating it down the fairway badly..."Dont worry, you're getting there"

 

[Hoodman22]

Have a guy who never bothers to tend/pull pins

Ask him “Do you know how much the pin weighs?”

Answers “No”

“How could you? Cuz you haven’t picked up a @#$&* pin all day”

[Jackal66]

After someone hits a weak or bad shot

"Hit it with your purse, Stella".

[GolfNuts4]

"Other than distance and direction, that was a good putt"

[ohioglfr]

When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.

That will mess with their focus.

-Harvey Penick

[PappyVanWinkle53]

> @dcfas said:

> In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

 

It's actually Alliss.....for Peter Alliss. Not a reference to a female at all......so you're totally in the clear to keep using it!

[PappyVanWinkle53]

One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

 

 

 

I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:

After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

[eball33]

I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

[Divot License]

A favourite in our group is when someone fats their approach with a wedge- "that was a good shot, but I probably would've gone for it from there. Nice safe lay-up though..."

[shakey]

Guy in our group pops his tee shot on 1 dead left out of bounds. Kind of weird guy that played a lot with us kills him with “460 CCs of forgiveness and still shanked it!” Roughly 10 yrs later we still give him grief about it.

[ldandrea]

> @ohioglfr said:

> When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.

> That will mess with their focus.

> -Harvey Penick

 

I'm going to do this to my brother next time we play!

[ldandrea]

> @"Crazy About Golf" said:

> One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

>

>

>

> I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:

> After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

 

I had a kid tell me that the other day. I fell for it hook line and sinker. I hit a great drive for me and he hit it at least 75 yards further.

[ldandrea]

> @eball33 said:

> I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

 

This is my new favorite!

[LeoLeo99]

If I out drive a bud, I'll walk to his ball in the fairway and act like it's mine. Either he'll correct me or I'll "realize" it. Then it's time to lay it on. I can't believe that's my ball way up there. Can't believe I out drove you by that much. You must not have hit yours that well.

[bigred90gt]

> @BermBuster said:

> After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

 

I like to call it the driver wedge.

 

When someone hits a great drive, then proceeds to hit a miserable follow up, or bogey (or worse) the hole, there is always a “great drive” thrown out.

 

 

[bigred90gt]

> @KAndyMan said:

> Overheard a guy tell his buddy who left his putt severly short “might have better luck using your purse next time”.

 

 

We use that one a lot. “Hit it with your purse”. Sometimes it’s “why don’t you let your boyfriend hit the next one”.

[rich_s2]

I played with 2 scratch golfers in a tournament a few weeks back. One of them topped it bad with his driver and left a big rut, about a foot long, in the ground in front of his tee from the ball. Other guy walked up behind it, looked carefully at it and said "great line!"

 

[huckitchuckit]

FISO - Fu** i'm still out

[Richsgbox]

Got paired with a couple retirees. Shanked my driver in the 1st hole and after grounding my 3w on hole 2, old man says "obviously you don't golf. What do you do for a living?"

[Richsgbox]

> @ldandrea said:

> I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

 

Stealing this one. Lol.

[Imp]

> @bigred90gt said:

> > @BermBuster said:

> > After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

>

> I like to call it the driver wedge.

>

> When someone hits a great drive, then proceeds to hit a miserable follow up, or bogey (or worse) the hole, there is always a “great drive” thrown out.

>

>

 

I get that a lot. It's rather old when you hear it on every hole.

 

--kC

[Imp]

> @huckitchuckit said:

> FISO - Fu** i'm still out

 

USGA - U Suck, Go Again.

 

--kC

[The Mad Bomber]

My best original line - One of the guys I was playing with cold topped one after the fastest backswing you've ever seen. I came out with "The only thing faster than that backswing was your first time inside a woman". It got a good laugh from the boys.

[AppAlum]

Had someone ask me if they had potential. Told them they had “the potential to take a lot of lessons”.

[Richsgbox]

Heard a good one today. Got a buddy whos weakness has always been driving. After he pipes one down the middle of the fairway on the 1st hole, our other friend says "thats a nonconforming driver". Had me dying.

[ThinkingPlus]

"Get it close" for a 3' putt.

[aenemated]

> @ThinkingPlus said:

> "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

 

Aaaaand I'm stealing that one.

[touch]

When asked by a newcomer, " what's your handicap?"

Reply

" small dick and bad breath"

They never see that one coming!

 

 

[dayvei214]

> @"rich s" said:

> I played with 2 scratch golfers in a tournament a few weeks back. One of them topped it bad with his driver and left a big rut, about a foot long, in the ground in front of his tee from the ball. Other guy walked up behind it, looked carefully at it and said "great line!"

>

 

ouch, thats like the guy that said to Bubba after he gave a spectator some sh**

"Can you back up, you’re really not supposed to be back here,” Watson asked to the spectator.

“Neither is your ball,” the fan replied.

 

[bigred90gt]

> @ThinkingPlus said:

> "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

 

I like to tell them "your next one is good".