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Best golf insults or one liners


ldandrea

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When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.

That will mess with their focus.

-Harvey Penick

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One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

 

 

 

I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:

After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

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I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

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Guy in our group pops his tee shot on 1 dead left out of bounds. Kind of weird guy that played a lot with us kills him with “460 CCs of forgiveness and still shanked it!” Roughly 10 yrs later we still give him grief about it.

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> @"Crazy About Golf" said:

> One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

>

>

>

> I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:

> After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

 

I had a kid tell me that the other day. I fell for it hook line and sinker. I hit a great drive for me and he hit it at least 75 yards further.

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> @eball33 said:

> I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

 

This is my new favorite!

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> @ldandrea said:

> I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

 

Stealing this one. Lol.

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> @bigred90gt said:

> > @BermBuster said:

> > After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

>

> I like to call it the driver wedge.

>

> When someone hits a great drive, then proceeds to hit a miserable follow up, or bogey (or worse) the hole, there is always a “great drive” thrown out.

>

>

 

I get that a lot. It's rather old when you hear it on every hole.

 

--kC

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My best original line - One of the guys I was playing with cold topped one after the fastest backswing you've ever seen. I came out with "The only thing faster than that backswing was your first time inside a woman". It got a good laugh from the boys.

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> @ThinkingPlus said:

> "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

 

Aaaaand I'm stealing that one.

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When asked by a newcomer, " what's your handicap?"

Reply

" small dick and bad breath"

They never see that one coming!

 

 

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> @"rich s" said:

> I played with 2 scratch golfers in a tournament a few weeks back. One of them topped it bad with his driver and left a big rut, about a foot long, in the ground in front of his tee from the ball. Other guy walked up behind it, looked carefully at it and said "great line!"

>

 

ouch, thats like the guy that said to Bubba after he gave a spectator some sh**

"Can you back up, you’re really not supposed to be back here,” Watson asked to the spectator.

“Neither is your ball,” the fan replied.

 

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