The Golf Tip Sheet

[HipCheck]

Ah...so true.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either
hit one more club or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you
can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is
clear and top a ball halfway there.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate
for all of your many other errors.

If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ......for an 8.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is
a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very
large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just
the way you meant to play it.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch
branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at
a much earlier age.

The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make
two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to layup just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a players downswing, multiply the speed
of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap
15, downswing = 600 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at
the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you
have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but
no golfer can put a straight on the ball.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball
is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in a footprint.

[cpa49707]

Unfortunately they are all way to true

[TheLastDon]

OMG those are too good, I've lived almost everyone of those..........the one's I haven't my friends have.

 

:clapping: :cheesy: :D

[dolleris]

Classics, all of them! :clapping:

[jdubya13]

hilarious and so very true, every single one of them

[Big-Wiesy]

Man those are so true. I had one this past weekend where the fairway was about 30 metres wide and i missed it by about 5-10 :clapping: The proceeded to nut a 3 iron straight at the flag only to be stopped by a branch no more than 5 cm wide, then drop straight down into a divot :cheesy: Thanks for sharing! :D

[Shortknocker]

that just makes golfers look so pathetic

[pitbull808]

Hip....too funny! :cheesy:

 

Don't forget: When going for two on a par 5 while the group behind you on the tee waits for you to clear the area.....the inevitable shot is a dreaded top with your 3 wood. :clapping:

[simmoboy]

there great because everyone of them is true.

[Placebo]

Thats what this site is missing! A humor section for all our bad golfing jokes!

 

 

It was a sunny morning a little before 8.00 am, on the first hole of a busy course and a fellow was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker.

 

"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"

 

He could feel every eye on the course looking at him. But He still was deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

 

Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

 

He simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"

 

He finally stopped, turned, cupped his hands and shouted back... "WOULD THE $@&*# WITH THE MICROPHONE KINDLY KEEP QUIET AND LET ME PLAYMY SECOND SHOT"

[swgolfs]

Too true....too true

 

And *snort* on the joke, but hey, I resemble that remark!!! I play from the reds.