Just a rant to let off some steam

[Petunia Sprinkle]

If I knew my wife had plans and I became ill, I would either a) not tell her so her plans would not be ruined, or b) insist I can take care of myself and insist she go. I would never expect her to drop everything she is doing and change her plans for me. Most men are this way.

 

Women are the exact opposite.

 

Lots of martial wisdom in this thread but this post hits the nail on the head for me.

 

With the combative nature of a number of marriages, it's easy to understand confusing 'marital' and 'martial'. Freudian slip of the week, right there. (Just don't tell Mrs. Sprinkle I thought that was funny.)

 

With a name like Petunia, I thought you were the Mrs. :)

 

My dad, hoping for a girl, prematurely named me after Saint Petunia.

[Hot Rod 71]

You're wife was testing you

 

She's not happy so you can't be either. So many wives begrudge their husbands having fun without them

 

How sick is she that she can't function alone for 5hrs? I don't mean to be callous .. And apologize is she is very unwell

 

I know soooo many guys a little older than me that fight this all the time. Wife doesn't want hubby away because she wants to go for a walk etc. .... Pick a different time for heavens sake

 

Every partner in my rotation lies to their wife about golfing or buying golf gear. These are all guys that are 50+ with plenty of cash flow and no kids at home. It is unbelievable.

 

I guess there comes a point where its easier for the men to lie than deal with getting a bunch of grief over something they can clearly afford to do or buy. I have a few friends like this. Hell, my wife tries to give me grief from time to time over playing golf, but I find if I stand my ground and push back she relents and actually seems to like it in an odd way. It seems I have to do this every two or three months.

 

This is generalizing of course, but women tend to be very controlling by nature. I don't know if its an inferiority issue or just evolutionary. For some women it seems to be their mission to emasculate their men and turn them back into children. And most men will give in and try to please their women by doing as they wish. I think this is the wrong thing to do. Stand your ground. If they don't like it, too bad. There's the door........ :wave:

[pingfool]

3 pages of a book and no ending - WTF?

 

did you play or go to the cape?

[brentkosta]

Rant on:

 

So, tomorrow is the first day of my annual summer vacation week.

 

Rented a small cottage at the beach for the wife, supposed to play in my club championship tomorrow and Sunday and then head to the Cape to meet her Sunday night.

 

Well the wife has lyme disease which has been dormant for several years (apparently it never goes away completely).

 

Of course, it flares up this morning and she's miserable.

 

Of course, now I'm miserable and I tell her i'll just go over to the course in the morning and drop out, then I'll help you get to the beach.

 

Apparently, I was too obviously pissed off.

 

Her

 

"You should just go play in your tournament, I'll just call you if I need you."

 

Me

 

"Honestly, I would rather just drop out then have you call me 5 holes in and have to just pack up and leave"

 

Which, of course, sent he into some kind of med induced rage.

 

"Just go do what you want then - I'll be fine"

 

So, now obviously I can't play AND she is pissed off anyway.

 

I can't win.

 

Rant off

 

I'd play. And I think I'm a great husband. I don't buy into life becoming worse when married. Or else marriage doesn't work.

 

Of course, I don't know how bad Lyme disease is on someone.

 

Will you being around her help her feel better? If not golf on!

 

Signed...

 

Husband of the year.

[augustgolf]

My ex used to play this game with me.

 

I would go to the course, play, and get drunk so that when I got home, things wouldn't bother me.

 

And it worked!!!! Don't have the ex anymore!!!

[Llortamaisey]

I once heard a story about a boy who met a girl and fell in love. He asked her to marry him and the girl said no. So the boy went on to live happily ever after drinking whenever he wanted, playing golf anytime he wanted, hanging out with his friends, banging a bunch of young random chicks, buying cars, buying motorcycles, buying houses, buying golf clubs, going to Vegas, and never having to put the seat down until the day he died.

 

The end.

[lchang]

I once heard a story about a boy who met a girl and fell in love. He asked her to marry him and the girl said no. So the boy went on to live happily ever after drinking whenever he wanted, playing golf anytime he wanted, hanging out with his friends, banging a bunch of young random chicks, buying cars, buying motorcycles, buying houses, buying golf clubs, going to Vegas, and never having to put the seat down until the day he died.

 

The end.

 

This isn't a true story, is it? Just some too-good-to-be-true fairy tale?

[RICKYBOBBY]

I think a large percentage of the board needs to read this...

[just plain bill]

the real secret is finding someone who loves the game as much as you do!

[LeoLeo99]

My wife is awesome. But she but she objects to me playing golf on weekends because she wants us spend the weekends together. She would resent golf and feel it's taking time away from her. My wife considers the weekends "her time" with me. She wouldn't mind if I went golfing at 7am and was back home by noon so I fully get where she's coming from. It's the prime time hours she wants for herself. I manage to play about 4 times a year on a Sunday if it's a tournament or with a cousin I don't see often. When we were younger, we'd spend all day Sunday making love but now that we're older, it's only once or twice.

 

My wife knows how much I like golf and it would depend on how sick she was feeling if I'd play or be with her.

[youraway2]

Just realize what your priorities should be - I hope golf isn't the top one.

[LeoLeo99]

Just realize what your priorities should be - I hope golf isn't the top one.

 

Exactly. If my wife needed me, I'd be with her without any hesitation but if she was playing a "card" to keep me from golfing...well, that would be a symptom of a deeper marital issue that would need to be addressed.

[scotee]

3 pages of a book and no ending - WTF?

 

did you play or go to the cape?

 

Sadly the OP decided to play. He has not been heard from since. Poison is suspected.

[rcain1us]

Sorry, I went to the Cape and ate the entry fees for the tournament,

 

Still married

[Ferguson]

I am not a big fan of Kuchar's father or Sketchers.

 

I had better stop before I get started.

[LeoLeo99]

I am not a big fan of Kuchar's father or Sketchers.

 

I had better stop before I get started.

 

Didn't Kuchar's father get banned when he was caddying for his son? Love my Sketchers. They just fit my feet very well.

[justasgood]

My wife hates that I play golf on the weekends, but my girlfriend enjoys driving the cart while I play.

[ShutSteepStuck]

What a legendary thread! WOW! Some absolutely epic posts.

 

My buddy's dad was in town visiting while we were in grad school and took me out for a rd. We joined another twosome after making the turn on #10. The 2 we joined were talking about playing on a Sat., etc. and how their wives were not 100% supportive...

 

I remember my buddy's dad saying rather matter-of-factly:

 

"The day I ask permission is the day I stop playing."

 

I'll never forget it...the stones on this guy!!!

 

With two little kids now that's no longer my motto, but I still manage to get out a fair amount.

[ratspros]

My wife's favorite line she always tells me. "Just do what you want you always do anyways", said with a snarky I'm going to rip your pen15 off tone.

 

My favorite line I hear from my wife. "Just do what you want I want you to be happy", said with a loving I'll let you touch my boobi35 afterwards tone.

 

Just because I hear something diferent then what she meant doesn't mean I'm wrong does it?

[Blade Junkie]

There is nothing in any marriage that can't be fixed with new shoes, new handbags and diamonds ... usually much cheaper than a divorce as well !

[rcain1us]

We just bought plane tickets to go to England/Scotland/France next spring.

 

I spent 20 minutes explaining how many dirty clothes we could pack in my club glove for the return trip freeing up room in her suitcase for new stuff.......

[glcoach]

Married with 4 kids. I play when I want. It's about give and take and I am fortunate to be married to a woman who understands the mentality to play well.

 

Not really much to say about these poor guys married to controlling, crazy women. You basically did it to yourself. There was a courtship (qualifying) period in the relationship where these tendencies showed themselves. Advice for single guys that want to get married, Cut and run if these behaviors present themselves at any point when dating.

[bubbagumpshrimp]

For anyone in the OP's position...one word...chocolate. Secure chocolate, give her chocolate, bounce and go play golf.

 

Married with 4 kids. I play when I want. It's about give and take and I am fortunate to be married to a woman who understands the mentality to play well. Not really much to say about these poor guys married to controlling, crazy women. You basically did it to yourself. There was a courtship (qualifying) period in the relationship where these tendencies showed themselves. Advice for single guys that want to get married, Cut and run if these behaviors present themselves at any point when dating.

 

Yup. I'd be lying to myself if I said that there was not red flags with my ex. Guys that are dating, in a relationship, have a GF (or however you want to put it)...if you have to "ask permission" to do anything...you're doomed. It does not go uphill from there once you "put a ring on it."

[Loki]

When we were dating, I told my now wife, I (downhill) ski, once a weekend, I play golf once a weekend. If you don't like it, get out now, it won't change. Been married 15 years and leave Friday for Napa.

[slimeone]

Firstly I want to acknowledge that Lyme Disease is serious so I think OP's circumstances were not your usual challenging domestic dynamics.

 

Anyway regarding married life - some of the views expressed here are quite fatalistic. Also people change over time so even if you date someone and it's fantastic, life's circumstances can make people act diffrently. In a way it's better to experience the bad behaviour before you get married because you can make a more informed decision, but it shouldn't mean you need to quit the relationship. As a married guy who experiences some of the mentioned challenges, I see it as a game of chess. You need to be strategic and think about what you're doing. Sometimes you have to make a few sacrifices to achieve the long-term goal. Also when you get yourself in a bad position you can always turn it around and regain control. Not sure what it means if your wife gets you in check-mate though, but I imagine it must be bad. Maybe being coerced into getting a vasectomy? I just realised how fatalistic my analogy is. I think I'm going to go read The Art of War now.

[DavePelz4]

This has been a universal solution to my stupidity.

 

Said with a sincere tone...

 

Honey, you are right.

 

I am wrong.

 

I'm sorry.

[joey2aces]

I have actually grown tired of the whole "happy wife, happy life BS." Time for the "Happy man, happy clan" moniker.

The liberal politically correct feminists have ruined it.

Women claim men have a hard time communicating.... well, can you blame us?

 

Fine!... means you better not

I'll be ok... means you won't be

I don't care... means you do

 

UNLESS... they actually mean those things....

 

don't tell me I have a problem communicating when you are sending out code that even the Cherokee and Choctaw wouldn't be able to decipher.

 

If happy man, happy clan means being single and ready to mingle.... then so be it.

[dwgrisso]

Ahhh how nice it is to be not married. Granted I'm young, but I guess i'll use the time to practice at golf as much as I can.

[driveandputtmachine]

When my wife and I first started dating I explained a few things to her.......

1. I am an only child, I grew up by myself a lot. I don't like to be around someone all the time, I like to go to the range by myself. I even play golf by myself some afternoons.

She was cool with this, she is an only child as well and like to run and read by herself.

2. I play golf, quite a bit of golf. I have a work league every Wednesday for 16 weeks from Summer into Fall. I also play at least once every weekend. She asked that I not play both days on the weekends when her kids are with their father, unless it's a tournament, so we can spend some time together.

She is fine with this, she reads on Wednesday nights, and goes to the pool or paddle-boarding while I play golf.

3. I am an engineer - you say you are fine, then I believe it. You say do whatever you want to do, and I sure as hell will. I do not read minds, if you say it, you actually mean what the words say.

She was pretty good with this, she isn't great but she learned quickly I meant what I said and at this point we have been together 3 years.

4. I have 3-4 guys trips a year. Normally they are camping when it's cold and getting drunk in the woods. Some of them are golf trips, Pinehurst, Myrtle Beach, wherever. I will not stop taking them. Most are long weekends.

She goes on girls trips to the beach and mountains at least twice a year for long weekends as well.

 

In return?

I take out the trash, do my own laundry, load the dishes(when I don't cook, who ever cooks doesn't clean), always unload the dishwasher. Put the toilet seat down, mow the grass, keep the yard looking acceptable. Wash the cars. General house upkeep, fixing toilets, powerwashing, trimming bushes, plumbing issues, replace fans and electrical stuff, pay about 2/3 of the mortgage, and most of the house bills.

 

The trash is no big deal. I prefer to do my own laundry. I hate cleaning dishes, but less than I hate cooking. I don't like unloading the dishwasher, but oh well. Toilet seat was ingrained from living in a house with my mother. I like easy yard work, it gives me time to think and be by myself. I have always liked washing cars(I don't clean the insides of her car though). General house stuff are things my father taught me to do(and every man should know how to do). I pay for 75% of vacations for she and I.

 

She never says a word about my golf club buying because well our money is separate, plus since I cover the majority of our bills she can go and buy shoes(lots and lots of shoes), paddle-boards, go on girls trips, so she doesn't complain.

 

Plus she actually likes that I play golf and am good at it. She talks junk to the guys I play with, the knicker outfit in my avatar, that is me and she loved it. It actually was a turn on for her.

[djmohab2]

When my wife and I first started dating I explained a few things to her...

 

This man gets it.