Goofiest, Most Delusional Golfer Played With

[nix]

Just thought of another guy I played golf with... the opposite of what we're talking about. This was a GAM amateur net tournament, maybe 5-6 years ago. Guy probably about 60 years old. Dressed in all black, and his shirt was a long sleeve Johnny Cash type dress shirt (I don't know how he turned), and he wore a black cowboy hat, with these really sparkly Elton John type sunglasses. I got a glance... they were Christian Dior. Huh, those are pricey, right? His shoes were made of some sort of dead animal with scales and such.

 

During the round he's telling us how he's been kicked out of 3 local country clubs for high stakes gambling. We're talking 10-$20k rounds of golf. BS meter was going off...

 

After the round I saw him drive off. In a very new Bentley.

 

I love this guy.

[DBill]

Got to the first tee one day and was paired with a guy that had a Golf WRX towel, headcovers, ball marker and hat. This guy is talking about all the new clubs coming out to retail in the next few months, said he heard it on some golf web site.

 

Anyway, he looks at my bag and probably thinks I am a complete hack for playing 3 year old irons and such. I ask him what tees he will be playing from and he just says, " I am playing the tips, been hitting it well lately." I say, that's fine I will join you. He asks me what my 7 iron carry is, so I tell him about 170-175 which is pretty good I think. He says "oh man, I hit this nice little trap draw 7 iron normally 200 and been carrying my driver 340 lately." Of course he has to tell me he has the new Epic SZ driver with a tour issue prototype HZRDUS T1100 X flex and tipped an inch, says it's stiffer than what DJ plays.

 

 

 

Oh wait...... That's just the guy I see in my head everytime I read the posts about 3 woods going 310 and such.

[drewsaber16]

Go listen to Jim Rome Golf Guy reminds me a lot of some of these stories.

 

I had a co-worker I coached college baseball with. Every Tuesday morning we would one of the first ones off in a 4some all pretty good golfers 3 single digits and one who was probably a 12-14. We would always play same teams with me and the 12-14 vs the 2 7-9s i was around a 4-5. Whenever we would get beat he would always blame me for missing one putt or something and the other guys would let him know that we had used 1-2 of his scores the entire round. Also the same guy that would hit one out of bounds then hit a "provisional" same number ball in the same direction in hopes he would find one of the two and claim it as his 1st one. If he didnt find either would take a very generous drop and hit 3 from wherever he was. Some people just want to think they are a much better golfer than they really are.

[ShutSteepStuck]

In an ironic twist Drake's uncle plays out of my course

 

Ask him if he knows Stanley, an entrepreneur out of South Carolina who's tight with his nephew's Manager. I have his number if he wants it.

 

So with Drizzy it's only like 3 degrees of separation

 

 

 

[Tcann32]

I have told this before but...

 

When I took up golf my Brother in Law was the only golfer I knew, but he lived in a different town. He told me he was pretty good and was around a scratch golfer and all his buddies were too. For years I would call him up for advice and pay attention given how good he was, until one day he was going to join me and some buddies for a golf trip. We warned him none of us could break 80 so he would be the best of the bunch.

 

He met my wife and I before the trip and we go play a pitch and putt for fun. Right away I see he is pretty brutal on the little 60-100 yard holes and is retaking most of his shots, but I figure it was a long flight he just need to loosen up, so he is hitting a few mulligans etc. He then wants to start betting. He then still wants to take mulligans. I let him know he can't and he tells me 'the we way play you get unlimited mulligans. I let him know 'the way we play is written in a handy little book. - No Mulligans ever!" I thought the mulligan thing was bad, but on the greens he would take mulligans by raking back bad short putts and re-hitting them and the kicker - gimmes's don't count. :swoon: Yes if he was lying 4, 2' from the hole he would pick it up it was 4 not a 5 he counted.

 

I had sit him down that night and let him know on the trip we would be playing by all the rules of golf. After 5 rounds of play he did not break 110. The funny thing is he really thought he was a scratch golfer with unlimited mulligans and short putts not counting.

 

Good lord.. lol

 

Reminds of poker night one night.. I had a guy think you could just keep drawing on 5 card draw.

[Medic]

Shared this one here before....

 

I got paired with a guy about the same age as me at a course I play all of the time. We finish range session and climb into the cart (him driving; I had gotten there first but he said he plays better when he drives - should have been first clue) and head to #1.

 

I am about to get out and join him on the tee and am standing WELL behind him - and he turns around and says "If you don't mind I would prefer you stay in the cart while I am hitting."

 

Oh, ok.

 

So I go over to the cart thinking it's gonna be a long day and this guy is a real winner. He proceeds to pull hook a terrible shot, stands posing looking at it, and finishes up. I walk up, tee my ball up, and he is standing like 10 feet right behind me. I look back and tell him "Now that you mention it I would prefer you sit in the cart while I hit too."

 

To this he replies something like "So this is how it's going to be!" He rants his way over to the cart, grabs his bag, and walks back to the pro shop. Cussed the entire way in looking back at me periodically as he headed in.

 

After my round (remember I play this course a lot) I went inside to grab a soda to go and Jamie, the Head Pro, asked me if I was the one paired with him. When I confirmed it Jamie said this guy had been to the course before, always had some odd issue, and rarely finished a round. Seems he would go inside, ask for a refund or a raincheck, and then leave.

 

Haven't seen him since and I play that course to this day. Can't imagine what those he joins and sticks around with must be able to do to appease him. Thankfully I get to see how he would have behaved around and on the greens. Somewhere along the way someone in his life told him he "was special" and he took them seriously.....

[Springsteennut]

Can I nominate myself?

 

 

Yes

[dicko999]

I played with some random dude who kept making it a point to refer to himself as a single digit "feel player" and that his feel just happened to be off that particular day. He had a day full of duffs, sculls, hosels, etc. that are more indicative of a high handicapper. He wasn't too happy when I joked that his scorecard would "feel" the 8 he dropped on 18.

[cardoustie]

We have a member at our club that has some great quotes, he's our Yogi B

 

"I didn't feel like making any birdies today bro"

 

"Hey Bro, i can't shoot a good number unless I'm 2 over thru 3"

 

He always putts with a dart hanging from his mouth and when the mood suits 1 handed

 

Often works till 4am and then sleeps in the lot for his 7am time

[Medic]

On sort of the opposite side of the delusional spectrum I was joined up with a guy who started out on the first by telling me how badly he had been playing lately. He piped the first drive and I knew something was up. 18 holes later he was under par for the round.

 

I laughed on the way into the 19th with him; "That was playing bad?"

 

He said he "finally got it dialed in and that I was a good luck charm".

 

It was a pleasant sort of delusional situation. We still play together by the way and he still has some off rounds; real shame to see him suffer his way around the course to a score of 77, let me tell ya.

[Loki]

OMG, where do you find these gems? I must not show up enough as a single.

[Matchplay10033]

LOL we have one guy that absolutely drives me crazy. I played my first round with him last year and there is a slight back story. The guy is a decent athlete and I think attended a college somewhere in Florida where he played baseball. When He was in Florida he took up the game. He has a bizarre obsession with four things, Tiger woods, Instagram , Facebook and pretending to shoot course records when no one is around. This guy literally dresses exactly like tiger woods...walks like tiger woods and I think tries to talk like tiger woods. He posts all of his rounds on Instagram and routinely I would see crazy scores -7 under, -8 under... claiming to make 7-8 birdies a round... Pictured of with a ball in the fairway saying " just your average 370 yard drive" yet when the AM tournament would come around he would muster a 79-85 depending on the day. I would run into people from my hometown and they would tell me you know " Tiger Wannabe" is going to go pro. I would entertain them and say oh really.... he was going around telling anyone he could find that he played with a Taylor Made rep and they would be willing to sponsor him because he has so much potential.

 

Anyway last summer when I was still about a 8 handicap I was on the range. Tiger was there with all his gear, headphones on... alignment sticks stuck everywhere. I get done practicing and decide to go out for 9 and he walks up and asks if he could join. He says hey just so you know I play from the back. I said ok.. I will play from the tips as well.... he says no man... I go all the way back... to the back of the tee. I was already cringing but honestly somewhat nervous because I was an 8 handicap and maybe... just maybe... this guy was good. Now let me tell you about the course... this course we were playing is easy.... I mean you can spray the ball 70 yards offline and still have an approach shot. Anyway he tees off first and the hole is a par 5, 570 yards slightly up hill. He hits a three wood that he tops.. still goes out to about 220.... he actually played it off well and said " Yep... my stinger is working" I kill a drive and he immediately comments how my ball is in bad position for this hole... even though it is in the fairway with about 240 to the green. Anyway after 9 holes he shoots a 44 and I ended up shooting a 39.... he asks me to play another 9 and I decline. I watched him skull bunker shots, top woods, flub irons, hit trees, take doubles... when he caught his driver he was about 260 off the tee... so unless hurricane sandy was at his back I have no clue where those 370's came from and we were playing on a super easy course and I beat him when I was just getting back into the game.

 

I saw him a week later and he comes up and says yo... just wanted to let you know after you left... the real tiger came out. 29 on the back bro.... I don't think I even responded... I honestly froze.... I may have just walked away shaking my head.

[ethanshapiro]

I was playing a junior interclub match a couple years ago with my partner and I was against a very skilled girl who played VSGA (Virginia State Golf Association) and AJGAs which to me and my friend at the time was about the same as if a PGA Tour pro had stepped on the tee. We knew we would be in for a long round when her and her dad got in an argument over what percentage of the ball she had struck on the first fairway. She would actually scream at the top of her lungs if she didn't hit a good shot or make a putt from inside 15 feet, not even words, just screaming. Needless to say, being the 12 year old, mentally tough, match play bulldog that I was, I won on 17. (All prior statements except the winning part are total sarcasm. I had the worst mental game EVER.) Her dad was incensed and she was hysterical. I still have no idea how I won that match, I had never even played a tournament before. At any rate, the walk up 18 was very, very, awkward, as the team match was not over yet and my partner was tied with his guy. We get to the 18th green and the girl has lost it. She is intentionally missing from 2 feet and walking around the cup hitting the ball around after I conceded her putt. No one says anything, her dad is in the cart rolling his eyes, she's crying and cursing under her breath, I'm just leaning on my putter on the side of the green, and my buddy goes, "Look, I know you only struck 76% or whatever of that putt but you're walking on my line" and then asks if he can fix the spike marks that SHE made!! Of course his 20 footer to win the match was dead center the whole way. She didn't stay to shake hands or sign the card either. Part of me hopes she quit golf. Maybe she's on the other end writing in this about the rude guys who wouldn't let her finish out lollll

[LeftDaddy]

These stories are great. Keep 'em coming!!!

 

I have a good friend who is actually a decent golfer...I'm guessing around a 10-15 hcp. When he's on he can be pretty good, and when he's off he can look a little rough like the rest of us. His big miss is a block / slice off the tee, and occasionally he sends those balls DEEP into the woods. But if his tee ball is working he can score pretty well. He's a good guy, but he's the kind of guy you have to get to know and just love / accept the bad with the good.

 

Anyway, he's notorious for two things amongst my circle of friends. (1) Slow play, and (2) pencil wedges...and maybe a third is the "I shot 74 the other day" when no-one was looking, etc.

 

He stalks his putts as if he were TW himself. He walks the entire length of every putt. He takes so many practice swings on the tee and before his approach shots that it is ridiculous. And he searches for hours (or so it seems) for lost balls. And on the lost balls, like I said, when he misses his tee shots, he misses DEEP into the woods. Yet he always goes in to look for them, and he always emerges 8 minutes later having amazingly found his ball ("Must have hit a tree"), and even better has a clean look at the green. It is uncanny how that happens (once I basically made him declare what ball he was playing early on, and later I would check on the greens what ball he was putting...let's just say that he wasn't always finding those balls). And although I have seen him play good golf, and I don't doubt that he has gone relatively low before, I've never seen him score in the 70s. But somehow he always seems to in the next round after the one we just played (when no-one was around).

[SmiterOfPv1x]

LOL we have one guy that absolutely drives me crazy. I played my first round with him last year and there is a slight back story. The guy is a decent athlete and I think attended a college somewhere in Florida where he played baseball. When He was in Florida he took up the game. He has a bizarre obsession with four things, Tiger woods, Instagram , Facebook and pretending to shoot course records when no one is around. This guy literally dresses exactly like tiger woods...walks like tiger woods and I think tries to talk like tiger woods. He posts all of his rounds on Instagram and routinely I would see crazy scores -7 under, -8 under... claiming to make 7-8 birdies a round... Pictured of with a ball in the fairway saying " just your average 370 yard drive" yet when the AM tournament would come around he would muster a 79-85 depending on the day. I would run into people from my hometown and they would tell me you know " Tiger Wannabe" is going to go pro. I would entertain them and say oh really.... he was going around telling anyone he could find that he played with a Taylor Made rep and they would be willing to sponsor him because he has so much potential.

 

Anyway last summer when I was still about a 8 handicap I was on the range. Tiger was there with all his gear, headphones on... alignment sticks stuck everywhere. I get done practicing and decide to go out for 9 and he walks up and asks if he could join. He says hey just so you know I play from the back. I said ok.. I will play from the tips as well.... he says no man... I go all the way back... to the back of the tee. I was already cringing but honestly somewhat nervous because I was an 8 handicap and maybe... just maybe... this guy was good. Now let me tell you about the course... this course we were playing is easy.... I mean you can spray the ball 70 yards offline and still have an approach shot. Anyway he tees off first and the hole is a par 5, 570 yards slightly up hill. He hits a three wood that he tops.. still goes out to about 220.... he actually played it off well and said " Yep... my stinger is working" I kill a drive and he immediately comments how my ball is in bad position for this hole... even though it is in the fairway with about 240 to the green. Anyway after 9 holes he shoots a 44 and I ended up shooting a 39.... he asks me to play another 9 and I decline. I watched him skull bunker shots, top woods, flub irons, hit trees, take doubles... when he caught his driver he was about 260 off the tee... so unless hurricane sandy was at his back I have no clue where those 370's came from and we were playing on a super easy course and I beat him when I was just getting back into the game.

 

I saw him a week later and he comes up and says yo... just wanted to let you know after you left... the real tiger came out. 29 on the back bro.... I don't think I even responded... I honestly froze.... I may have just walked away shaking my head.

 

Lol! I had the exact same round last year, 44 front 29 back. However I don't claim to be any good, I just caught lightning in a bottle for that nine. The 44 is more indicative of my typical abilities than the 29. It also helped that there were 3 drivable par 4's and both 5's were short and playing down wind. Big time downwind, so much so that on one I actually hit PW into it after really getting into a drive and cutting the corner. The guys that I got paired up with probably thought I took some serious performance enhancers or something at the turn after watching me mishit the ball in just about every conceivable way on the front. I have no explanation for it other than I just got lucky.

[ablewalker]

Great stories and some good writing...very entertaining thread.

[AceCatKY]

LOL we have one guy that absolutely drives me crazy. I played my first round with him last year and there is a slight back story. The guy is a decent athlete and I think attended a college somewhere in Florida where he played baseball. When He was in Florida he took up the game. He has a bizarre obsession with four things, Tiger woods, Instagram , Facebook and pretending to shoot course records when no one is around. This guy literally dresses exactly like tiger woods...walks like tiger woods and I think tries to talk like tiger woods. He posts all of his rounds on Instagram and routinely I would see crazy scores -7 under, -8 under... claiming to make 7-8 birdies a round... Pictured of with a ball in the fairway saying " just your average 370 yard drive" yet when the AM tournament would come around he would muster a 79-85 depending on the day. I would run into people from my hometown and they would tell me you know " Tiger Wannabe" is going to go pro. I would entertain them and say oh really.... he was going around telling anyone he could find that he played with a Taylor Made rep and they would be willing to sponsor him because he has so much potential.

 

Anyway last summer when I was still about a 8 handicap I was on the range. Tiger was there with all his gear, headphones on... alignment sticks stuck everywhere. I get done practicing and decide to go out for 9 and he walks up and asks if he could join. He says hey just so you know I play from the back. I said ok.. I will play from the tips as well.... he says no man... I go all the way back... to the back of the tee. I was already cringing but honestly somewhat nervous because I was an 8 handicap and maybe... just maybe... this guy was good. Now let me tell you about the course... this course we were playing is easy.... I mean you can spray the ball 70 yards offline and still have an approach shot. Anyway he tees off first and the hole is a par 5, 570 yards slightly up hill. He hits a three wood that he tops.. still goes out to about 220.... he actually played it off well and said " Yep... my stinger is working" I kill a drive and he immediately comments how my ball is in bad position for this hole... even though it is in the fairway with about 240 to the green. Anyway after 9 holes he shoots a 44 and I ended up shooting a 39.... he asks me to play another 9 and I decline. I watched him skull bunker shots, top woods, flub irons, hit trees, take doubles... when he caught his driver he was about 260 off the tee... so unless hurricane sandy was at his back I have no clue where those 370's came from and we were playing on a super easy course and I beat him when I was just getting back into the game.

 

I saw him a week later and he comes up and says yo... just wanted to let you know after you left... the real tiger came out. 29 on the back bro.... I don't think I even responded... I honestly froze.... I may have just walked away shaking my head.

 

LMAO. What a piece

[falken19150]

This is a fantastic thread!!

[fufu]

Not delusional but more of a time warp. A friend and I went out to play after work and got paired with two guys who just got off a plane from Milwaukee. These two were the making of a Milwaukee stereotype. Both of them were LARGE men, dressed like characters out of Kingpin with the comb overs to match. And the best part was their conversation the whole front nine. Nonstop bowling talk. They must have spent three holes quizzing my friend and I about the best bowling alleys in the area. Who travels on vacation with golf clubs and bowling balls?

 

I take my golf clubs to every bowling tournament. Gotta have something to do between events.

[Bones.]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

[tacrispy]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

By any chance does this guy happen to have a Japanese friend that is a photographer?

[tacrispy]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

If this doesn't get Post of the month I don't know what can

[SmiterOfPv1x]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

Just a few more words and you could have won the internet for the day! How did he blow up the course?? Low yield nuke? TNT? Cmon man! Lol!!

[azkaevolution]

My father in law. Has no concept of reality. We went out last week with my wife for a round, and on a 380 yard par 4, I line up for my tee shot...mind you, I'm a short knocker. Very short knocker. I matriculate my drive down the middle of the fairway...not a great strike, but straight...golfpad on my phone tells me i have 165 to the middle of the green. my FIL, to my embarrassment, tells the single who joined our 3 that his son in law just crushed a drive at LEAST 280 yards. his tee shot goes maybe 150...still a long way in. he hits his 3W on his 2nd shot, probably 125 yards and starts yelling "LOOK AT THAT! IT'S ON THE GREEN! DID YOU SEE THAT!!! WHAT A GREAT SHOT!" the group on the hole next to ours start looking because he is so loud...and my wife and i keep telling him that he's way short of the green..."NO WAY! NOT AFTER THAT AMAZING SHOT!" the poor singleton walks by my FIL's ball and points it out to him...and my FIL denies, denies, denies that it's his ball...until we made him pick it up and check the mark. he's still in denial that it didn't make the green...a week and a half later.

[SmiterOfPv1x]

My father in law. Has no concept of reality. We went out last week with my wife for a round, and on a 380 yard par 4, I line up for my tee shot...mind you, I'm a short knocker. Very short knocker. I matriculate my drive down the middle of the fairway...not a great strike, but straight...golfpad on my phone tells me i have 165 to the middle of the green. my FIL, to my embarrassment, tells the single who joined our 3 that his son in law just crushed a drive at LEAST 280 yards. his tee shot goes maybe 150...still a long way in. he hits his 3W on his 2nd shot, probably 125 yards and starts yelling "LOOK AT THAT! IT'S ON THE GREEN! DID YOU SEE THAT!!! WHAT A GREAT SHOT!" the group on the hole next to ours start looking because he is so loud...and my wife and i keep telling him that he's way short of the green..."NO WAY! NOT AFTER THAT AMAZING SHOT!" the poor singleton walks by my FIL's ball and points it out to him...and my FIL denies, denies, denies that it's his ball...until we made him pick it up and check the mark. he's still in denial that it didn't make the green...a week and a half later.

 

Lol! Keep em coming! Love it. Especially admitting the holes in ones own game. I'm good at that too (despite rumors to the contrary). Just for the record I can beat the hell out of a golf ball. I also can top it. Toe it. Sky it (ouch with the white paint!), or hit a hosel rocket. If you're to put any other club in my hand, rinse and repeat. Even with putter.

 

Where I really stink is golf though. My real sport is air hockey. I'm like 35-0 lifetime on that one. I'm retired, so like Floyd M, I'm riding that perfect record into the sunset. Unlike Floyd I've made exactly $0.00 in the sport that I dominate. If only air hockey were a thing.....

[soregongolfer]

Got paired up with this random guy once and he was delusional not just in golf but it seems he was clinically delusional in life as well. Before we even tee off he gets in a loud verbal altercation with the guys in line behind us. Apparently they are cousins or something. Anyway, it's July and about 90 degrees and he's wearing dark brown slack type pants rolled up to his calf, a t-shirt tucked in, NY Knicks edition Jordans, and a flat brimmed Miami Heat hat. I am thankful they let us ride in separate carts as a two-some (it's not a very well run establishment). It's time for us to tee off and I approach the whites and he says i'm playing from the back. I think of course you are. So with a jerky baseball type swing he chunks his first one then slices his second brand new prov1's 40 yards to side of the fairway, barely holding his footing. I then hit mine into the fairway and he says I'll play from where you are. So we drive separate carts the rest of the way, but he manages to tell me the following whenever I couldn't stay far enough away from him.

 

- He opens with "I got crown royal apple and ciroc if you wanna put some in your beer." (I had a cooler of beer he saw, and I politely declined his offer)

- He said he has a $50k watch on but doesn't want to lose it so he'll wear it while we play.

- He owns his own jet.

- At this point he started taking beers out of my cooler without asking me.

- He appeared to be on his cell phone while I was waiting for him to hit. He got off the phone hit his shot then tells me "That was Drake's manager (the rap guy) I'm trying to get him to come to the Colonial Center but he wants $150k."

- He said he played for the University of South Carolina Golf team in 2000.

- He said his grandfather was the first African American to attend college. Not in his family, but of all African Americans.

- He showed me videos on his phone of what appeared to be hookers on an airplane, and he said that's me and my buddies.

- The cart girl then came by on #7 and asks if we need anything (she only carries drinks) and he says "yeah get me a couple hot dogs." She politely tells him she only has drinks and he insists it's no trouble for her to ride up to the clubhouse to get them ready for him and he'll pay inside. She says ok, just to get out of there and we never saw her again. When she drives away he looks at me and says, "Yeah she saw the watch, she knows what's up."

- At the turn I said I'm going to go inside and get a snack and some beer. He follows me and when I am going to pay he throws a couple hot dogs and some drinks on the counter and says "Grab these for me, I've got cash in my cart." I say ok fully knowing I'll never see that cash.

- When we finish the round he says he has a lifetime membership card to Platinum Plus (a gentleman's club near there) and invited me to party with him. I declined and he said well here's my number let me see your phone I'll call it. I have no choice but to let him call my phone. I immediately block it when I get back to my car.

 

I ended up shooting a personal best 74, while this ex collegiate golfer put up no less than a 110. So maybe I play best with these types. I don't know, but not sure if I want to find out again.

 

Thank you. I've been laughing for the past ten minutes. Especially about the beer. I can totally see some d-bag doing that.

[Danm2501]

This thread may just be better than the "Ridiculous things you've heard on the range" thread. Some gold stories so far. Keep 'em coming.

[A.G. Pennypacker]

Great thread. I nominate myself.

 

 

One day I got out for a midday weekday round at my club, which I don't do very often, and 3 older gentlemen ask me if I'd like to join them. They asked me what I play to (to which I answered honestly, about a 14), and what tees I'd like to play from - I just said wherever they're going off from. I proceeded to slice, block, top pretty much every tee shot with a 3W or driver that day, which is even worse than what I normally do. I could tell they were rolling their eyes at me, and I legitimately felt bad for joining them, as they were all low single digit players... and they were playing for $100 skins. Luckily when we reached the first par 3, I actually put it inside one of their tee shots, they realized I was just having an awful round and didn't completely suck. Then they started making fun of me for not getting off the tee for the first part of the round, and we all had a good time.. but man did I feel awkward at first.

[RayGorman]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

 

What I really want to know is, what did he mean by "the hard way"?

[BKN1964]

So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

 

What I really want to know is, what did he mean by "the hard way"?

Haha! I've always wondered that also.