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Goofiest, Most Delusional Golfer Played With


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" I remember him around the green asking if the grass was bent grass or Bermuda, as though it actually mattered"

 

It does actually make a difference on ball rollout in the short game.

 

OK. But if you can't tell the difference by looking at it, then you probably won't be too concerned with where the sun sets or the water flows or whatever.

 

excellent point.

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" I remember him around the green asking if the grass was bent grass or Bermuda, as though it actually mattered"

 

It does actually make a difference on ball rollout in the short game.

 

OK. But if you can't tell the difference by looking at it, then you probably won't be too concerned with where the sun sets or the water flows or whatever.

 

You just have to pee right there. Check your shadow to see where the sun sets.......and it goes without saying that then you can check which way the "water" is flowing!


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I'm traveling for work this week in Orlando and went to play yesterday as a single. Starter asked this twosome if they were OK with me joining them. It was very clear to me they were not ok with it. But they shrugged and kinda said "ok". One was new to golf. One had played a bit but was still a bit of a hacker. After a few holes and an icy-at-best reception from these guys I started to piece things together. The guy that had played some didn't want me holding them back. He wanted me to play in this group behind them. Never mind that I played the back tees, they played the whites, and I still outdrove them by 20 yards with rented clubs which sucked (so really outdrove them by 60 or so yards). I do not mean that as any kind of brag. I'm better than average but no bomber. They were probably a 20 and a 30 hcp. Anyway, found it funny how annoyed they were that I might have to play with them. So I moved on ahead of them and let them be.

 

Edited to add that I was "that guy" for a bit...we got paired and I decided to play the back tees when these guys were playing whites. I could have played the whites but the slope and course ratings were equal to what I play on the back tees. And then I was outdriving these guys by 60 yards. So I "backed it up" so to speak. When I broke away from these guys (because it was clear they didn't want me playing with them), the one guy said something to the effect of "OK but don't hold us up".

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I played with this guy from work 5/6 years ago. He was invited by a mutual friend. I knew of him, but didn't know him. On the first tee, he waited till the group in front got to the green before he would hit. Mind you, this was a 406yd par 4, down hill around 280 from the tee, but back uphill from 100 in. I said, "hey man, they are 320 out, go for it". He said, "I regularly drive the ball over 300". I thought to myself, "here we go". At the time, I had one of the iGolf Neo GPS units. I could mark the tee and my ball in the fwy to see how far I was driving it/hitting approach shots/etc. So, by the time we get to 15, this douchecanoe has waited on every tee until the group in front is near the green. What he doesn't know is that I've been tracking his(and mine) tee shots all day. My best was 272, his best was....268. 268! #15 is a par 5, "520yd" by the score card, but it plays about 470 because the course rarely puts the blues on the very back tee. We both hit our drives, mine is 265 and his right next to mine. We get to our shots, he sees the 200 marker in the fwy and says, "See, I told you 320 yards!". I said, "Look man, you hit that 265 TOPS. I have it right here on GPS. I'm tired of you waiting on every shot for your "massive" drives. Hit your goddamn ball already." He didn't speak to me the rest of the round and for that matter ever again. I have such low tolerance for that bullxxxx.

 

I think it's good etiquette not to hit within 50 yards of the group ahead. What are your thoughts?

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Played with a guy who asked me to mark my ball that was 10 feet past the hole and four feet off line from his putt... 2 others could not control their laughter many other stories about the guy too,,,,

I had a guy pull the same stunt on me a few holes after he'd taken his second work phone call... I kept my mouth shut since a regular playing partner of mine and him were good friends, but I also decided. Never again this guy.

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I'm the delusional one. Every year my buddy that's a +1 (That guy is great, but the A-hole shot a 66 during our Saturday game last week. I mean come on!) and I do a bet during men's club championship week for next years club dues. I'm a 12. I always get strokes from him, but we usually narrow it a bit since I'm a blow up hole 12 who should be a 9 or 10. The first year I had the round of my life and barely beat him on what was an off day for him. I've lost 4 in a row since and I should really stop giving that guy my $, but I can't stop from convincing myself that the stars can align twice...

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I think it's good etiquette not to hit within 50 yards of the group ahead. What are your thoughts?

 

Ive never heard of a 50 yard rule. I use my range finder and if there is even an off chance I get there I wait. But my average drive is 265-270, if the group in front is over 300 out we start firing.

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I took my son out for a father sone trip a few years back. There weren't a lot of cars in the parking lot when we got there and I was happy for that (son only goes about twice a year). When we got to the first green there were about 5 or 6 balls laying around it. Didn't really understand what was going on, so we gathered them up and went on to the next tee box. Looking down at the green from there I could see another half dozen or so balls around the green, all at least 20 yards from the fringe, in all directions. Again we gathered them up and went on our way. Every hole we came to was peppered with balls, every single hole. I was dumbfounded. We met two guys that were loading up as we were finishing our first 9. The driver of the cart made some chit-chat and asked what we shot, then proceeds to tell me he shot 58. I witnessed his swing from across the coarse a few times and told him that wasn't all that bad for the back nine, he responded with "THAT WAS FOR 18!" He then proceeds to tell his buddy, "C'mon, lets go back and pick up our balls and get outta here!" I didn't have the stones to tell him they weren't there.

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There used to be an older guy in his 50s at a 9 hole muni course that I played at some after school when I was younger. He would always try and give "lessons" to kids who were out there playing and came across like a pedo. He would tell stories of how he has "35 hole in ones but check back tomorrow I may have more" and would say he played on mini tours and won local events etc. He was a decent golfer but I rarely saw him make any swings that would be fitting of his supposed "resume" and he mostly played by himself hitting 2-3 balls. But would see him occasionally creepily standing behind kids showing them how to hit the ball or just approaching kids who would be on the practice green with unsolicited advice. He would even play the first hole and sit on the bench conveniently away from the clubhouse and wait for younger golfers to play up to him and then ask to join them to "give em some tips". Had cartoon headcovers and a Taz the Tasmanian Devil towel. Also would see him talk to himself and be muttering things to himself. Well one day my cousin who is a pharmacist was out there with me and "Pro" as we would call him was there and up to his old tricks. My cousin had never seen him at the course before or knew the stories about him but said "If you knew all the meds that guy was on you would stay away from him". He said he was a full blown schizo. One of the funniest things Pro ever said was "if pros would spend a day with me when they were struggling I would have them straightened out. These teachers don't know the game like I do."

 

I'm pretty sure his name was Lenny and he tried to sell me a bag of balls at The Legends of Massillon 15 years or so ago, lol! One learned pretty quickly that you didn't tell Lenny no.

I think I may have ran into this very same person at a golf course in Columbus last summer.

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I usually do not have to play with other golfers or for that matter get to play with others due to my job and the small rural country club I golf at but a few weekends ago one of the first rounds of the year I got to play with quite the gentlemen.

 

A little reference, our back nine is very tight and our course in general is not too long (about 6200?) so the best play for me is almost always to hit my 23* UDI off the tee. I played this way for the first 6 holes and was hitting fairways well and apparently really impressing these two guys. This one guy claimed he could only hit forged blades due to his swing type (whatever that may have been) and that although they weren't great that him and his buddy had world class short games. World class? I don't mean to sound like the PGA pro as i am far from it but duffing half a dozen chips and pitches is hardly world class in my books. These guys finally made me laugh out loud as we got to the 16th par 5.

 

I finally took out my driver for the first hole and they were more than a little excited and they told me why. These guys seemed to think I was the next Tiger Woods. The younger of the two, Mr Forged Blades Only, seriously asked me, "You must be able to hit youre driver, what, 400 yards?". I said not quite haha. They seemed to think my 4 iron went about 300 yards...

 

I would guess my 4 iron went about 210 off the tee and a good drive for me is 270-280. With this guy thinking I hit the ball 400 i wonder what he thinks and tells people he hits it? 350? Maybe this is where most WRX'ers get their numbers from...

 

ALL golfers would be humbled if they used a simple phone app to measure their drives. On that note, do you know anyone who consistently under-estimates the length of their drives?

 

*most

 

I also frequently underestimate how far I hit a drive. I'll typically start searching 40-50 yards short of where I usually am. I don't follow my drives well, without a spotter I'd say 50% of the time I don't see them. I can tell you it went generally left, right, or straight. I'm not typical though. I used to compete in long drive comps and more closely resemble a primate than a human. I've always been "country" (used to say the "r" word before someone told me it wasn't proper) strong and can still squat over 600# without working out regular although I'm not close to what I used to bench. I've had a measured SS in excess of 140. I also frequently have underestimated the straight line distance on doglegs that I've cut off. I was pretty surprised when a couple of days ago, I pulled up GN GPS on a hole I talked about on the "shots you'll remember forever" thread and found out it was 320. I assumed it was about 250 since I sent a sweeping hook 3i onto the green 15 years ago by accident and recently replicated it intentionally. Now I'm not saying that I hit it the full 320 as I no doubt got some roll with that type of shot shape, but I was surprised (by about 50 yards) how far the shot actually went. I also hit one onto a 362 yard par 4 that was 10 yards past the hole, earlier this year. Yes I carried it the entire way as it actually backed up a little on the softer than mush green and while the hole said it was 380 the 362 was GPS measured from center of the tee to center of the green. Since the flag was roughly center as well as the tee markers on the box I'd have to say this is accurate to about 5 yards or so. Yes there was a slightly helping tailwind of +/- 10 mph or so.

 

So while I'll admit that most likely do overestimate how far their shots are going, saying ALL can make you equally wrong.

 

(Footnote: I do not claim to be a great golfer. I'm not. I can hit a golf ball a long ways, but don't always do so since I'm not a great golfer).

 

So go ahead and call me the most delusional golfer you've ever heard of. It'd be fitting for this thread. And while I might be, it's only due to my belief that "this season" I'm going to be consistently under par (of which I pray every season), it's not due to any distance that I claim. Those are legit. The real funny thing is just about any golfer under 50 hits his short irons as far as I do. There's a couple reasons for this, one I'm using 20 year old Ping Eye 2's of which my 6 is lofted like today's 8's, and also because I've developed a system that works for me which mainly means I hit them real easy. I'm much more consistent with distance and dispersion this way. So while I can crank my 5i 225 or more, I prefer to hit it a consistent 180 or so. I'll reiterate that this system works for me, and probably me only. That's not saying I won't take a mighty swipe with one when the situation requires (2nd into a long par 5, hitting 3i off the tee on a longish, tight par 4, etc).

 

Flame away if so inclined.

 

I played with a guy once that could no s*** hit 240 yd 3i. He grabbed my driver and hit it a completely legit 350. I'm no slouch off the tee, but my god that dude could bomb it. He could bench 400+.

 

bf54c05edc1a31a206ace1c0f329791f.jpg

 

However he putted like a gorilla wielding a 2x4. He 4 putted every hole. We were playing a par 5(see pic) this is where his drive ended up, think he hit a SW into the green and 4 jacked.

 

a56969a2aad32e2c5d3177d2c7b2158d.jpg

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How can you tell if you're a delusional golfer?

 

My buddy has a saying, "If all the big gamblers at your club are constantly trying to get you in their game, there's a pretty good chance you're not quite as good as you think you are ...".

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Last fall, we were out and it was about 40 degrees. Both it pretty good drives on one hole, nothing spectacular, but carry distance was just under 240 and we were side by side. He told me his boss (who he golfs with sometimes) would have said we carried those drives 280.

 

I've said this before, but I think most people feel like anything hit over 250 yards is somehow 300 yards. It's a huge misconception. And the overwhelming majority of golfers don't fly their drives 250. Plenty of people on this site do, but if you go to your average golf course and watch group after group tee off, there just aren't a ton of guys hitting the ball 250+ on the fly.

 

I think courses are partly to blame for this. There are plenty of holes on different courses that I play where the yardage marked on the card or tee box sign is much longer than the tees almost always play. I played with a guy who could hit the ball pretty well. On a decent length Par 5 he crushed a drive and thought he hit it 350+ yards when the GPS showed it was a bit over 300. No, I didn't show him the GPS.

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Last fall, we were out and it was about 40 degrees. Both it pretty good drives on one hole, nothing spectacular, but carry distance was just under 240 and we were side by side. He told me his boss (who he golfs with sometimes) would have said we carried those drives 280.

 

I've said this before, but I think most people feel like anything hit over 250 yards is somehow 300 yards. It's a huge misconception. And the overwhelming majority of golfers don't fly their drives 250. Plenty of people on this site do, but if you go to your average golf course and watch group after group tee off, there just aren't a ton of guys hitting the ball 250+ on the fly.

 

I think courses are partly to blame for this. There are plenty of holes on different courses that I play where the yardage marked on the card or tee box sign is much longer than the tees almost always play. I played with a guy who could hit the ball pretty well. On a decent length Par 5 he crushed a drive and thought he hit it 350+ yards when the GPS showed it was a bit over 300. No, I didn't show him the GPS.

 

lol, so true. There's one course near me with a driveable par 4. It's listed at something like 297. You can walk to the very back of the very back most tee box, put a laser on it, and it's like 269. From the white tees it probably plays about 240 most days. That one hole has singlehandedly given birth to an awful lot of dudes who hit the ball 300.

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I took my son out for a father sone trip a few years back. There weren't a lot of cars in the parking lot when we got there and I was happy for that (son only goes about twice a year). When we got to the first green there were about 5 or 6 balls laying around it. Didn't really understand what was going on, so we gathered them up and went on to the next tee box. Looking down at the green from there I could see another half dozen or so balls around the green, all at least 20 yards from the fringe, in all directions. Again we gathered them up and went on our way. Every hole we came to was peppered with balls, every single hole. I was dumbfounded. We met two guys that were loading up as we were finishing our first 9. The driver of the cart made some chit-chat and asked what we shot, then proceeds to tell me he shot 58. I witnessed his swing from across the coarse a few times and told him that wasn't all that bad for the back nine, he responded with "THAT WAS FOR 18!" He then proceeds to tell his buddy, "C'mon, lets go back and pick up our balls and get outta here!" I didn't have the stones to tell him they weren't there.

 

Maybe the 58 was for the number of balls he used?

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I usually do not have to play with other golfers or for that matter get to play with others due to my job and the small rural country club I golf at but a few weekends ago one of the first rounds of the year I got to play with quite the gentlemen.

 

A little reference, our back nine is very tight and our course in general is not too long (about 6200?) so the best play for me is almost always to hit my 23* UDI off the tee. I played this way for the first 6 holes and was hitting fairways well and apparently really impressing these two guys. This one guy claimed he could only hit forged blades due to his swing type (whatever that may have been) and that although they weren't great that him and his buddy had world class short games. World class? I don't mean to sound like the PGA pro as i am far from it but duffing half a dozen chips and pitches is hardly world class in my books. These guys finally made me laugh out loud as we got to the 16th par 5.

 

I finally took out my driver for the first hole and they were more than a little excited and they told me why. These guys seemed to think I was the next Tiger Woods. The younger of the two, Mr Forged Blades Only, seriously asked me, "You must be able to hit youre driver, what, 400 yards?". I said not quite haha. They seemed to think my 4 iron went about 300 yards...

 

I would guess my 4 iron went about 210 off the tee and a good drive for me is 270-280. With this guy thinking I hit the ball 400 i wonder what he thinks and tells people he hits it? 350? Maybe this is where most WRX'ers get their numbers from...

 

ALL golfers would be humbled if they used a simple phone app to measure their drives. On that note, do you know anyone who consistently under-estimates the length of their drives?

 

*most

 

I also frequently underestimate how far I hit a drive. I'll typically start searching 40-50 yards short of where I usually am. I don't follow my drives well, without a spotter I'd say 50% of the time I don't see them. I can tell you it went generally left, right, or straight. I'm not typical though. I used to compete in long drive comps and more closely resemble a primate than a human. I've always been "country" (used to say the "r" word before someone told me it wasn't proper) strong and can still squat over 600# without working out regular although I'm not close to what I used to bench. I've had a measured SS in excess of 140. I also frequently have underestimated the straight line distance on doglegs that I've cut off. I was pretty surprised when a couple of days ago, I pulled up GN GPS on a hole I talked about on the "shots you'll remember forever" thread and found out it was 320. I assumed it was about 250 since I sent a sweeping hook 3i onto the green 15 years ago by accident and recently replicated it intentionally. Now I'm not saying that I hit it the full 320 as I no doubt got some roll with that type of shot shape, but I was surprised (by about 50 yards) how far the shot actually went. I also hit one onto a 362 yard par 4 that was 10 yards past the hole, earlier this year. Yes I carried it the entire way as it actually backed up a little on the softer than mush green and while the hole said it was 380 the 362 was GPS measured from center of the tee to center of the green. Since the flag was roughly center as well as the tee markers on the box I'd have to say this is accurate to about 5 yards or so. Yes there was a slightly helping tailwind of +/- 10 mph or so.

 

So while I'll admit that most likely do overestimate how far their shots are going, saying ALL can make you equally wrong.

 

(Footnote: I do not claim to be a great golfer. I'm not. I can hit a golf ball a long ways, but don't always do so since I'm not a great golfer).

 

So go ahead and call me the most delusional golfer you've ever heard of. It'd be fitting for this thread. And while I might be, it's only due to my belief that "this season" I'm going to be consistently under par (of which I pray every season), it's not due to any distance that I claim. Those are legit. The real funny thing is just about any golfer under 50 hits his short irons as far as I do. There's a couple reasons for this, one I'm using 20 year old Ping Eye 2's of which my 6 is lofted like today's 8's, and also because I've developed a system that works for me which mainly means I hit them real easy. I'm much more consistent with distance and dispersion this way. So while I can crank my 5i 225 or more, I prefer to hit it a consistent 180 or so. I'll reiterate that this system works for me, and probably me only. That's not saying I won't take a mighty swipe with one when the situation requires (2nd into a long par 5, hitting 3i off the tee on a longish, tight par 4, etc).

 

Flame away if so inclined.

 

I played with a guy once that could no s*** hit 240 yd 3i. He grabbed my driver and hit it a completely legit 350. I'm no slouch off the tee, but my god that dude could bomb it. He could bench 400+.

 

bf54c05edc1a31a206ace1c0f329791f.jpg

 

However he putted like a gorilla wielding a 2x4. He 4 putted every hole. We were playing a par 5(see pic) this is where his drive ended up, think he hit a SW into the green and 4 jacked.

 

a56969a2aad32e2c5d3177d2c7b2158d.jpg

 

See? Now that is well played sir, lol! I would never hit your driver for fear of breaking it though. I also sadly don't bench 400 anymore but can still squat 600#. I think you might have overstated my lack of putting prowess, three putts occur but very rarely is there a 4 putt. And to further cloudy the water, while I'm sure I could hit a sw that far I don't own one nor would I try to hit it from that range. That would be either an 8 or 7i for me due to my previously mentioned 3/4 swing I use with irons to control the distance and dispersion.

 

Btw I didn't catch your name and I probably owe you money for your up and down for par on 18 to shoot -3 to beat me by one. Rats! Nice way to drain a pressure putt too! I'll catch up to you next time I guess.

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Got another one, but he was just more of a completely horrible golfer/human being. Anyways his kid was on the same football team as mine so he hitched a ride with me to a far away, away game. The subject of golf came up and he said that he golfed, but not much in the past few years and we decided to play a round.

 

My first warning should have been his "oh I forgot my wallet, I'll have to get you back" when we met in the parking lot of the course. I told him I had already booked and paid for our round on GN a day or two before our round, and that he could just pay me back when we got to the course. What adult male forgets his wallet?

 

Get to the first tee and start warming up and I can tell that not only hasn't he played much in the past few years but I doubt he's played much ever. He's got an old brown leather golf bag, wood woods, and circa 1980 cheap irons with the original grips on them. Oh well no biggie, were just out to have fun anyways. He steps up and it takes him three or four swings to get off the tee and suddenly I'm wishing that I'd have just bought us a bucket of balls at the range instead of committing to 18 holes. I suggest that he just play his ball from wherever my shots end up, to which he thankfully agrees. But that doesn't stop him from wanting to hit each shot 2-4 times in an effort to hit a decent one. At that point I was getting a little frustrated and told him that he needed to keep up with pace of play, but we must have been the last group to tee off that day as not once was there another group pushing us in what ended up being a pretty miserable 5 hour round.

 

Once we get out of sight of the clubhouse, the guy that amazingly forgot his wallet proceeds to let me know that he did remember something, a cheap bottle of whiskey. Oh yay. Now I'm not opposed to abiding a little from time to time and even on the golf course, but I'd prefer something a little less rock gut than Old Dan Tucker and I'd prefer to do it legally since in Ohio you can't bring your own booze on to a course that sells alcohol. Not that it deters a ton of folk but I'm basically a law abiding guy.

 

The longer the round went the progressively worse his swing got. By the time we made the turn, he was sloshed. Since we were spending way more time out there than I'd planned I called in and ordered a sandwich on hole 8 to take with me on the second nine (and of course he hears me ordering it and wants one too with the "I'll get ya back"). So we hit the clubhouse and grab the sammies, and at this point I decide that I want a drink or two in order to get through the second nine without throttling him. Of course by then his bottle had run dry so he wanted a drink too "yeah man, get me one too-I'll getcha back!" Since I'm having a double I tell the girl to make his as weak as possible when he turns towards the loo to take care of business.

 

The back nine started with him losing the ability to even contact the ball. Seven or 8 swipes at it and it's still sitting proudly on the tee. He decides to eat his sandwich and sit out ten. I play it out and by the time I get back to the cart he's literally snoring. Passed out drunk. I play the back nine by myself for the majority of the holes taking care going around corners so that he doesn't fall out and doing my best to hold him in the cart. He comes to as we're going down the hill from 15 to 16 and argues with me on how long he's been out. I tell him it's been a full hour or so, and he claims it was only a minute or two. Whatever. But now he wants to play the last three holes (after demanding that I go back to ten and start over on the back of which I politely declined). It's more of the same. Swing Miss. swing Miss. swing, burns worms for 40 yards, and wants to rehit.

 

We finally finish and he wants to know when we're playing again, stating "man you're pretty good". I tell him after he 1. Pays me back for the greens fees, sandwich and drink ("I'll get you at the game next week man") 2. Takes a few lessons and most importantly 3. Agrees to not drink. I end up driving him home as the course was a good 20 miles from either of our houses and there's no way I'm letting him drive. This caused another big argument "how am I going to explain this to my wife, cmon man!" I tell him I don't care but how am I going to explain it to the people he'll likely kill trying to get home. I ended up threatening to call the highway patrol if he starts driving and that's the only way I can get him into my car and not his.

 

Run into him at the kids football game the next week and he tells me "man I had a great time. My wife was MAD, but let's do it again man" With no mention whatsoever of the $60.00 or so that "he'd get me back". I bring it up and he says "man I get paid Friday, I'll drop it off at your house" I was home all Friday night and no one dropped any money off. The kids football season had ended and I (thankfully) haven't seen him again since. But I'm sure I will this fall. It's not so much the money, I've paid for friends to golf before, it's the expectation that I'd bankroll the entire experience for him that irks me. That and his assuming that this was an appropriate time and place for a drunkfest. Yeah we've had beers before at certain events, we'd even gone to a baseball game together a few years back and had a few, but nothing to the point where either of us had more than i minor alcohol buzz. That and I wasn't expected to bankroll his entire day.

I know the type and it's a horrible situation to be in, stuck with the person for hours, ruining one of your more enjoyable things in life.

Although, there are times I wish I could spend$60 to know someone is a loser

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Got another one, but he was just more of a completely horrible golfer/human being. Anyways his kid was on the same football team as mine so he hitched a ride with me to a far away, away game. The subject of golf came up and he said that he golfed, but not much in the past few years and we decided to play a round.

 

My first warning should have been his "oh I forgot my wallet, I'll have to get you back" when we met in the parking lot of the course. I told him I had already booked and paid for our round on GN a day or two before our round, and that he could just pay me back when we got to the course. What adult male forgets his wallet?

 

Get to the first tee and start warming up and I can tell that not only hasn't he played much in the past few years but I doubt he's played much ever. He's got an old brown leather golf bag, wood woods, and circa 1980 cheap irons with the original grips on them. Oh well no biggie, were just out to have fun anyways. He steps up and it takes him three or four swings to get off the tee and suddenly I'm wishing that I'd have just bought us a bucket of balls at the range instead of committing to 18 holes. I suggest that he just play his ball from wherever my shots end up, to which he thankfully agrees. But that doesn't stop him from wanting to hit each shot 2-4 times in an effort to hit a decent one. At that point I was getting a little frustrated and told him that he needed to keep up with pace of play, but we must have been the last group to tee off that day as not once was there another group pushing us in what ended up being a pretty miserable 5 hour round.

 

Once we get out of sight of the clubhouse, the guy that amazingly forgot his wallet proceeds to let me know that he did remember something, a cheap bottle of whiskey. Oh yay. Now I'm not opposed to abiding a little from time to time and even on the golf course, but I'd prefer something a little less rock gut than Old Dan Tucker and I'd prefer to do it legally since in Ohio you can't bring your own booze on to a course that sells alcohol. Not that it deters a ton of folk but I'm basically a law abiding guy.

 

The longer the round went the progressively worse his swing got. By the time we made the turn, he was sloshed. Since we were spending way more time out there than I'd planned I called in and ordered a sandwich on hole 8 to take with me on the second nine (and of course he hears me ordering it and wants one too with the "I'll get ya back"). So we hit the clubhouse and grab the sammies, and at this point I decide that I want a drink or two in order to get through the second nine without throttling him. Of course by then his bottle had run dry so he wanted a drink too "yeah man, get me one too-I'll getcha back!" Since I'm having a double I tell the girl to make his as weak as possible when he turns towards the loo to take care of business.

 

The back nine started with him losing the ability to even contact the ball. Seven or 8 swipes at it and it's still sitting proudly on the tee. He decides to eat his sandwich and sit out ten. I play it out and by the time I get back to the cart he's literally snoring. Passed out drunk. I play the back nine by myself for the majority of the holes taking care going around corners so that he doesn't fall out and doing my best to hold him in the cart. He comes to as we're going down the hill from 15 to 16 and argues with me on how long he's been out. I tell him it's been a full hour or so, and he claims it was only a minute or two. Whatever. But now he wants to play the last three holes (after demanding that I go back to ten and start over on the back of which I politely declined). It's more of the same. Swing Miss. swing Miss. swing, burns worms for 40 yards, and wants to rehit.

 

We finally finish and he wants to know when we're playing again, stating "man you're pretty good". I tell him after he 1. Pays me back for the greens fees, sandwich and drink ("I'll get you at the game next week man") 2. Takes a few lessons and most importantly 3. Agrees to not drink. I end up driving him home as the course was a good 20 miles from either of our houses and there's no way I'm letting him drive. This caused another big argument "how am I going to explain this to my wife, cmon man!" I tell him I don't care but how am I going to explain it to the people he'll likely kill trying to get home. I ended up threatening to call the highway patrol if he starts driving and that's the only way I can get him into my car and not his.

 

Run into him at the kids football game the next week and he tells me "man I had a great time. My wife was MAD, but let's do it again man" With no mention whatsoever of the $60.00 or so that "he'd get me back". I bring it up and he says "man I get paid Friday, I'll drop it off at your house" I was home all Friday night and no one dropped any money off. The kids football season had ended and I (thankfully) haven't seen him again since. But I'm sure I will this fall. It's not so much the money, I've paid for friends to golf before, it's the expectation that I'd bankroll the entire experience for him that irks me. That and his assuming that this was an appropriate time and place for a drunkfest. Yeah we've had beers before at certain events, we'd even gone to a baseball game together a few years back and had a few, but nothing to the point where either of us had more than i minor alcohol buzz. That and I wasn't expected to bankroll his entire day.

I know the type and it's a horrible situation to be in, stuck with the person for hours, ruining one of your more enjoyable things in life.

Although, there are times I wish I could spend$60 to know someone is a loser

 

Yeah it's relatively cheap to find it out I guess in the scheme of things. I did have a pretty peaceful hour when he was passed out from ten until 16. I will say it crossed my mind to just drag him off the cart and leave him beside the path on ten but since that would have no doubt led to more problems I decided against it.

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But don't get me wrong we're I to find myself in this situation with someone the course paired me up against, first of all it would have been over well before then as I'd demand he play behind me or something, and were someone to pass out in that situation I would probably just drop him off, or at the very least take him back to the clubhouse and let them deal with him. Since I' was likely to run into him the next week at the football game I decided against that course of action.

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I will never understand people who brag about their golf game, or anything for that matter, especially when their brags are delusional to boot.

 

Assuming this is directed at me.

 

Again, let me state that I used to compete in long drive comps. The rest of my game has never been very good, nor do I even consistently hit fairways with my driver even today. I also have never claimed otherwise. I just don't see why it's that hard to wrap ones head around that someone that used to compete in long drive comps, and has had his SS clocked over 140 (albeit it with a long drive driver) can in fact smack the snot out of a golf ball?

 

Again, assuming this was directed at me, what's hard to believe? The claims of big distance? I can't throw a baseball 90mph. That doesn't mean that 90% of single A level baseball pitchers can't. I can't dunk a basketball ball (anymore). That doesn't mean that virtually every college level basketball player can't, not to mention a large percentage of high schoolers. I can't throw a football 50 yards in the air anymore. That doesn't mean that most high school QB's can't. You can't hit a golf ball 360. That doesn't mean I can't.

 

Again, assuming you are directing this at me. If not then my apologies. Even if not, ive never encountered a group that is more likely to call a man a liar without knowing or even having a basic understanding of what he can do than on here. I hit the ball a long way. I don't claim to do so. I do. I really could care less why this is in such doubt. I'm just more curious why it's ok with a large percentage of folk here to flat out call another man a liar, knowing not a thing about him, when he's been very consistent in his statements and readily admits that distance is really the only thing he has going for him on a course (other than rare occasion). Sure, I've called out people before on bold claims. But only after cause to do so. I have a cousin that's the classic "one upper". My, ahem, putter is "blank" inches, his is "blank inches plus two". I make x amount of money a year, he makes x plus 20k. So sure, I've called BS on him many times. Prior to this site I've never really ran into people saying "bs!" To me. Those that have played a round (other than possibly my BIL who watched me play the most putrid form of golf ever played) with me don't say BS. The guys that have seen me do what I can do don't call BS.

 

So why is it ok for those on here to contstantly refute everything I say? You wouldn't walk away thinking those things if paired with me. You likely think , "wow with that guys length it's a crying shame he sucks at the rest of it or he'd be something".

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One last point, there's been very few bragging posts. Sure, when frustrated I may have challenged with tales of long hit balls, but talking about what you do isn't a brag. Being excited about something isn't a brag. I was excited when I found this site. It seemed like a golf online Mecca. I had just bought a new driver and had killed the ball with it. So yeah, I was jazzed. Found out it wasn't ok to talk about hitting a new club well or posting distances, so stopped doing so for a bit, but it was always brought back up. So now I embrace it. I know I'm right and anyone that doubts what I post is guessing that they're right. So go ahead and continue to underestimate someone that you don't know. Someone that does things that you can't. I'll continue to post what I feel like, and sleep well knowing that nothing I've posted is wrong. I'll continue to be envious of those that can post scores on real courses, something I usually don't do, and certainly won't call a man a liar about it just because I can't do so.

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Circa 1983. Some fool with a Muirfield 1 iron. Couldn't break 90 and tried to play that butter knife. AKA: me

 

I won't say that I've never been able to hit a one iron. I will admit that I'd be much better off if I'd have not known they were invented. But on those one in 20 that did what they were supposed to do? Let's just say that I've fathered children that have been less satisfying (joking, joking-put down the pitchforks! Lol).

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One last point, there's been very few bragging posts. Sure, when frustrated I may have challenged with tales of long hit balls, but talking about what you do isn't a brag. Being excited about something isn't a brag. I was excited when I found this site. It seemed like a golf online Mecca. I had just bought a new driver and had killed the ball with it. So yeah, I was jazzed. Found out it wasn't ok to talk about hitting a new club well or posting distances, so stopped doing so for a bit, but it was always brought back up. So now I embrace it. I know I'm right and anyone that doubts what I post is guessing that they're right. So go ahead and continue to underestimate someone that you don't know. Someone that does things that you can't. I'll continue to post what I feel like, and sleep well knowing that nothing I've posted is wrong. I'll continue to be envious of those that can post scores on real courses, something I usually don't do, and certainly won't call a man a liar about it just because I can't do so.

?

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retarded-boy.gif

 

Why you got that poor child tied up Gretch? Also when you click the reply button it shows the dreaded "r" word in the pick discription. Even a Neanderthal like me got the memo that that word ain't exactly cool.

 

That said carry on. I'm working on evicting a kidney stone tonight (get them chronically with no known cause or real treatment or prevention) so between sweating, puking, crying, and even the occasional "screaming like a little girl" bout im having as much fun as I care.

 

Still waiting on the "in pain to the point of hallucinations " part of the night to start. Good times. Hopefully this is an hours long event this time and not a days long event.

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Circa 1983. Some fool with a Muirfield 1 iron. Couldn't break 90 and tried to play that butter knife. AKA: me

 

I won't say that I've never been able to hit a one iron. I will admit that I'd be much better off if I'd have not known they were invented. But on those one in 20 that did what they were supposed to do? Let's just say that I've fathered children that have been less satisfying (joking, joking-put down the pitchforks! Lol).

 

I was 0 for my entire lifetime with that club. Grounders that sliced and stung.

Titlest Tsi2, 10*, GD ADDI 5
Titleist TSi2 16.5 GD ADDI 5

Callaway X-hot pro 3, 4 h
TM P790 5-W, DG 105 R
Vokey SM7 48, 52, 56
Cameron Futura 5W


 
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