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Goofiest, Most Delusional Golfer Played With


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"Golf is a gentleman's game" is by far the most delusional thing said yet. Aside from that, great thread...

We would have flat out laughed at him ... And you won't find a group of guys with better on course etiquette than us.

 

The only thing better would have been the classic "I need you to turn around when I putt, I don't like people watching me."

 

Funny, if I think about some of the cantankerous guys I play with, if they were asked by some hook up to all stand in a certain spot during his shots, there would be a wide variety of colorful replies, from 'Why is that necessary?' to 'No', to 'Hey why don't you go stand in the parking lot'.

 

 

 

Sounds like you guys have never played serious competitive golf before. Not talking about scramble tournaments. Haha. Talking about scratch tournaments. USGA, USGA local chapters, City Amateurs, Scratch tournaments, etc. A lot of guys will ask you to move if you are in their line or behind the ball which is not unreasonable.

 

Big big difference between asking someone (most likely one single person) to not stand in a particular spot and telling the other three members of a group where exactly they can stand. That's not going to fly in any tournament at any level.

 

You can try and justify the action all you want but it's going to be a losing proposition. Because it's out of line.


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So this new guy joined up at my club and he was the worst.

 

My first experience with him I didn't actually play with him but he was in the group behind me. Before we even go off he was making a scene in the clubhouse talking about buying a ton of the newest equipment, flaunting his money IMO, and then he insults the apparel that is on sale. Our selection may be a bit dated but it's what our members like to wear. And it's not like he was smartly dressed, he was as flamboyant as anyone on the course. Bragodocious and rude.

 

Now I'm not usually a big gambler, but this guy ends up watching my group on the first tee and hollers at us wagers. He's not even playing with us! He keeps talking smack to us and I'm ashamed to say he got in my head and caused me to slice my drive right into the woods, something I never do (I tend to hook). I don't mind some gentlemanly smack talk but to another group? Cmon. Then later while his group was waiting on us, he turns on music and they start dancing! I can't prove it but I also think he was sneaking booze onto the course with some contraption in his bag.

 

Anyway, I kept having run-ins with the guy for a couple weeks and it finally came to a head when we staged a big match for some big money between myself and some of the clubs better players. His twosome was playing against Us and we were obviously going to win cause for all his talk he was terrible. Then he hit a shot off a tree and totally faked an injury! He acted like he broke his arm! I know that he didn't, see, because my partner was a doctor. So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I really hated this guy, and I was going to get him kicked out of the club for cheating but it ended up not mattering because our dumbarse greens keeper literally blew up the course.

 

Did Moose and Rocco manage to help you find your checkbook?

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My favorite are the Top Golf champions who assume that translates to a golf course.

 

Had a bachelor party at Top Golf. One buddy whom I never even knew played golf begins by describing how the provided irons are not the same specs as his PINGs. Again I've known him for 10+years and I never even knew he played.

 

Of course the lack of professional fitting clubs at Top Golf is going to be his excuse going forward. Many Many buckets of beers later his score is like Triple everyone else (that's good at top golf). Chest never stuck out so far, head never held so high. I tried to schedule a round to go play a real course together and he basically wasn't available until 2025.

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In a past job i was asked by the owner of the company to play with one of his best friends who was a MD of a big company. I was asked to score. We played the 1st hole he must have had 9 or 10, I asked his score he said 5. I looked at my boss he told me to go with it. This went on for the entire round. The best part being when he hit it out of bounds on one hole, i explained he would have to hit another ball to which he said I'll find that. He did, then hit it 3 more times along the Ob until he finally got it back on the course. 5 more goes later it was finally over. I asked again what his score was, completely dead pan he looks at me and says 5. Easy game!

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"Golf is a gentleman's game" is by far the most delusional thing said yet. Aside from that, great thread...

We would have flat out laughed at him ... And you won't find a group of guys with better on course etiquette than us.

 

The only thing better would have been the classic "I need you to turn around when I putt, I don't like people watching me."

Funny, if I think about some of the cantankerous guys I play with, if they were asked by some hook up to all stand in a certain spot during his shots, there would be a wide variety of colorful replies, from 'Why is that necessary?' to 'No', to 'Hey why don't you go stand in the parking lot'.

 

 

 

Sounds like you guys have never played serious competitive golf before. Not talking about scramble tournaments. Haha. Talking about scratch tournaments. USGA, USGA local chapters, City Amateurs, Scratch tournaments, etc. A lot of guys will ask you to move if you are in their line or behind the ball which is not unreasonable.

 

Yep ... HAHA ... I've played in lots of "serious" competitive golf before.

 

Have you ever read before. HAHA

 

What you describe is not what happened. This jackwagon made an "unreasonable" request before the first putt of the day was ever struck. And asked for his playing partners to stand in a specific spot - which is "unreasonable". Etiquette tells you where not to stand. It does not give you a certain circle to stand in as a group.

 

And yes, I've found the goofiest, most delusional golfer I've ever posted with.

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Most delusional was the +3 handicap who posted 3 consecutive rounds over 90 in our club championship, then almost repeated the feat the following year. He did manage to break 90 by a couple of shots in one round.

I love that guy!!!

 

Not when you have to play in his group!

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Here's a quick n costly one...

 

5 years ago my company hired a guy to be a Program Manager for a large IT implementation we were about to undertake. Meet the guy on the first day, he's heard I like to play and that's the majority of our chat, turns out our games are very "similar", I'll have to give him a couple strokes but we can have a good match sometime when we play, his game is really coming into form, most of his rounds are in the high 70s low 80s. Perfect I say. A few months in we get our first opportunity to play together, company sponsored a lovely event and we're playing Old Palm, a fantastic track in PBG. First, he shows up dressed like Samuel L Jackson, white pants, pink shirt, drivers cap, the whole nine yards (middle aged, overweight balding white guy, not nearly as cool as SJ!) and he's telling our caddy how great he's been playing and so forth. We get to the first tee and he proceeds to hit 4 golf balls. Two cold tops (one ball actually went into the ground an inch in front of the tee, we could barely get it out) a 75 yard towering slice and a pull hook OB. Never in my life have I seen anything like it. The round goes as expected, he counts about 60% of his strokes, and he's flat out bad.

 

When I get back to the office the next day, I'm rehashing the experience with my boss and I tell him "we are entrusting this guy with a major initiative for our company, high profile and value, and I don't trust him one bit" I get a bit of a smirk and eye roll when I start talking about the sanctity of the game and honor and all that...to many, golf is an avenue to have some beers and a laugh with friends, and I try not to overemphasize the pure nature of the game but 4 hours and 18 holes will say a lot about a person. I ended up playing a few more times with him, each with the same result.

 

The kicker...his scorecard in golf and for the project were nearly identical. Convenient memory loss on the misses, over playing the good, flat out ignoring the bad and it cost us $40mm and 4 years of lost time when we pulled the plug.

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What this guy was asking was for us to stand behind him as he addressed the ball. Telling us to stand quietly and in a small group was goofily overkill considering we were all experienced tournament players and -as it turned out - much better players than him.

 

Plus, all of this happened on the first green and before anyone had done anything that could be considered a breech of etiquette.

 

I could maybe understand his pronouncement if one of us had been doing something inappropriate but this guy was just a delusional tool that finished somewhere in the middle of the fifth flight.

 

I get what you mean. It was overzealous, that he wanted every player in the group to be in an exact position for every shot. However in my opinion, whether or not you guys are better than him is insignificant. It is a tournament and every player should practice proper etiquette and is entitled to good etiquette from other players.

 

 

No.

 

It was retarded, and I would have made him freak out and or cry if he felt the need to take his ridiculous issues any farther than my No.

 

Everybody has things to do on the green in order to play their own game in a efficient and productive way. Placating a moron does not fit into this.

 

You can still be efficient/productive and still abide by USGA etiquette guidelines. I just don't think it is delusional to expect players in your foursome to act in accordance with USGA etiquette guidelines. Doesn't sound like you have respect for the game, sportsmanship, or respect for other players. Golf is a gentleman's game not a backyard brawl.

I don't think you get what he's said. You've misinterpreted it.
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Anyway last summer when I was still about a 8 handicap I was on the range. Tiger was there with all his gear, headphones on... alignment sticks stuck everywhere. I get done practicing and decide to go out for 9 and he walks up and asks if he could join. He says hey just so you know I play from the back. I said ok.. I will play from the tips as well.... he says no man... I go all the way back... to the back of the tee. I was already cringing but honestly somewhat nervous because I was an 8 handicap and maybe... just maybe... this guy was good. Now let me tell you about the course... this course we were playing is easy.... I mean you can spray the ball 70 yards offline and still have an approach shot. Anyway he tees off first and the hole is a par 5, 570 yards slightly up hill. He hits a three wood that he tops.. still goes out to about 220.... he actually played it off well and said " Yep... my stinger is working" I kill a drive and he immediately comments how my ball is in bad position for this hole... even though it is in the fairway with about 240 to the green. Anyway after 9 holes he shoots a 44 and I ended up shooting a 39.... he asks me to play another 9 and I decline. I watched him skull bunker shots, top woods, flub irons, hit trees, take doubles... when he caught his driver he was about 260 off the tee... so unless hurricane sandy was at his back I have no clue where those 370's came from and we were playing on a super easy course and I beat him when I was just getting back into the game.

 

 

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Ooh ooh i have a few, same guy. I dont have many friends who golf so I'm basically stuck with him.

 

1. He has told me to my face he beat me one time when we didnt keep score (like no scorecard in the cart at all) because he thinks he hit more fairways.

 

2. I was with him and another friend when we decided to bet a beer after the first 9 holes, straight up stroke play. He said "great, im in but you HAVE to hole every putt, no gimmies." Fine. So we start playing and we get to this nasty par 3 peninsula hole. All 3 of us hit the first shot in the water. This certain friend drops a second, hits it in the water. Then he smartens up and walks to the drop area with us, skulls it and hits it over the green, into the water. He states hes picking up. Come to the end of 9, he gave himself a 5 because he, and i quote "never cards anything over double and would be an idiot to do so." I kindly told him that his 1 stroke victory is null and void because he was still on the 4th hole since he never putted the ball in as he suggested. He didnt talk to me the rest of the day.

 

3. He once said he beleives he could drive as well as tour average as far as distance and accuracy. Granted he can hit it a long way Ive never seen him hit more than 2 fairways.

 

4. Claims to have broken 80 a few times when playing alone. I told him to at least go for broke and tell us it was in the 60s or something. He always gets mad.

 

5. Hit a greenside bunker in 2 on a par 5. Chunked the ball 4 times before it got out. Putted out to finish then walked back to right in front of the bunker, drops his ball in the grass, chips up and 1 putts. Then cards his birdie because "thats where the ball should have landed."

 

6. My favorite is when we get to hole 16 and hes beating me on his scorecard and starts telling me how much better he is than me. I keep reminding him that maybe he needs to go ahead and let me know we were playing a competitive round first so I actually gave it a good try instead of trying to rip driver on every hole for fun.

 

.... I think you get the gist. I have more from him. I may start taking videos of this stuff and posting it places since its priceless.

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Perfect topic for my first post after much trolling! Since my golf league is beginning next week, this morning some of my coworkers and I were reminiscing about last year and talking about the upcoming season. One guy, who was new to the league last year, was the hot topic for his shenanigans. Ill start by saying this is a 9 hole league on easy, short courses. The skill levels range slightly but the majority of us are your average type golfer (capable of decent rounds and capable of disastrous rounds just as well). This particular guy was a late replacement for a guy experiencing medical problems. He shows up first round last year and is "that guy". Flashy and loud in every way possible. Comes screaming into the parking lot in his yellow sportscar convertible with the beach boys blasting, tour bag embroidered with his name in the passenger seat, every club is brand new, playing tour balls, and talking about being a "single digit". I had the misfortune of being in his group for the first round. On the first tee, after he felt he had shared enough self appreciating stories with us, he tees it up and whiffs! He quickly recovers and plays it off as a practice swing. Next swing he nearly misses again but does make contact off the toe sending his drive about 35 yards and waaay right. Of course, according to him, he has never done that before. At this point, Im giving him the benefit of the doubt since its the first round of the year and he could be nervous playing with guys he doesnt really know all that well. Anyway, 61 shots (by his loose count) for 9 holes later the pain was over and it was off to the 19th hole. There, he proceeds to tell everyone he was just off today and will be back down to a "single digit cap" by July. His low round for the year (9 hole score) was 58 (again, very likely a loose count since by that point his playing partners were encouraging him to move the ball from behind trees etc just to get off the course!).

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My father in law. Has no concept of reality. We went out last week with my wife for a round, and on a 380 yard par 4, I line up for my tee shot...mind you, I'm a short knocker. Very short knocker. I matriculate my drive down the middle of the fairway...not a great strike, but straight...golfpad on my phone tells me i have 165 to the middle of the green. my FIL, to my embarrassment, tells the single who joined our 3 that his son in law just crushed a drive at LEAST 280 yards. his tee shot goes maybe 150...still a long way in. he hits his 3W on his 2nd shot, probably 125 yards and starts yelling "LOOK AT THAT! IT'S ON THE GREEN! DID YOU SEE THAT!!! WHAT A GREAT SHOT!" the group on the hole next to ours start looking because he is so loud...and my wife and i keep telling him that he's way short of the green..."NO WAY! NOT AFTER THAT AMAZING SHOT!" the poor singleton walks by my FIL's ball and points it out to him...and my FIL denies, denies, denies that it's his ball...until we made him pick it up and check the mark. he's still in denial that it didn't make the green...a week and a half later.

 

Lol! Keep em coming! Love it. Especially admitting the holes in ones own game. I'm good at that too (despite rumors to the contrary). Just for the record I can beat the hell out of a golf ball. I also can top it. Toe it. Sky it (ouch with the white paint!), or hit a hosel rocket. If you're to put any other club in my hand, rinse and repeat. Even with putter.

 

Where I really stink is golf though. My real sport is air hockey. I'm like 35-0 lifetime on that one. I'm retired, so like Floyd M, I'm riding that perfect record into the sunset. Unlike Floyd I've made exactly $0.00 in the sport that I dominate. If only air hockey were a thing.....

I'm with you. I've become a wizard at top line touch up though! Which is really hard when my driver is an orange cobra....

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Played with an old fart 55/60 that was self proclaimed in a "huge rut" and plays once or twice a month now. Hits 210 par 3 to 12 feet - "hit it fat". Goes par par par birdie par and downplaying his skills the whole day. Said he shot 68 2 months ago but right now is about a 16 handicap since he's in that rut now. Shoots 37 on front nine. Complained the whole time. I sincerely hate these types. Why oh why

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Very entertaining stories and thought I would add mine...

 

I was playing in a golf tournament for our landlord who also owns several golf courses. In the tournament you get paired up with one employee of the landlord and two people from other companies. One of the people from the other companies turned out to be an extremely odd person... We got to the first tee and he already had three beers in his cart for himself. By the end of the second hole those beers were downed and he proceeded to get a few more. By the time we hit the turn he had drank a MINIMUM of 11 beers. Now comes the truly entertaining part... he grabs a hot dog at the turn and the 10th hole is a drive for charity challenge at the driving range on the way to the tenth tee. Being as drunk as he was at this time he proceeds to pull out $100 (it's $20 for three tries) and proceeds to hit the drives all over the place. When I say all over the place, I mean ALL over the place. He intentionally hit one at the clubhouse (which was in the exact opposite direction of where you had to hit the ball) and the outdoor bar! At this point and time they go to remove him from the tee and the tournament. Not being happy with being pulled away he proceeds to throw the driver at one of the people running the drive for charity then throws up the hot dog and beer all over the tee box. Needless to say he was removed from the tournament. I can't say I have ever had anything more odd happen on a course!

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Had a group of about 40 trainee professionals take their first PAT on our course.

 

Set up hard and fast with the greens clocking about 10 stimp, and it was blowing pretty good on that day.

 

25% shot 3 digit scores and 2 made it through.

 

I don't know if they were delusional, but most were pretty humble after that experience.

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There used to be a chap at my club who played off 7. One of those incredibly boring golfers who always hit the ball straight, yet barely out of his shadow. At least that's what everyone else saw. In his mind he is a bomber... x flex in everything, 7.5 degree driver. He tells everyone that he hits it 300+ every time, but I don't think I have ever seen him pop one out there beyond 230. He's also deluded enough to think that if he puts his mind to it, he'll be able to make a living on the seniors tour when he turns 50. :russian_roulette:

 

Swear to god, there's a mold somewhere out there. They pop that exact guy out of that mold, and then distribute him around the world, one per club.

 

I work with a guy who is smart as hell, fairly athletic and generally a nice guy.

He said this to me in the break room the other day. " I shot 87 the other day, really felt good. I'm only 35, I have 15 years left, that should be plenty of time to get ready for the Champions Tour." Dead serious. I started laughing and he didn't. Awkward.

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I played with this guy from work 5/6 years ago. He was invited by a mutual friend. I knew of him, but didn't know him. On the first tee, he waited till the group in front got to the green before he would hit. Mind you, this was a 406yd par 4, down hill around 280 from the tee, but back uphill from 100 in. I said, "hey man, they are 320 out, go for it". He said, "I regularly drive the ball over 300". I thought to myself, "here we go". At the time, I had one of the iGolf Neo GPS units. I could mark the tee and my ball in the fwy to see how far I was driving it/hitting approach shots/etc. So, by the time we get to 15, this douchecanoe has waited on every tee until the group in front is near the green. What he doesn't know is that I've been tracking his(and mine) tee shots all day. My best was 272, his best was....268. 268! #15 is a par 5, "520yd" by the score card, but it plays about 470 because the course rarely puts the blues on the very back tee. We both hit our drives, mine is 265 and his right next to mine. We get to our shots, he sees the 200 marker in the fwy and says, "See, I told you 320 yards!". I said, "Look man, you hit that 265 TOPS. I have it right here on GPS. I'm tired of you waiting on every shot for your "massive" drives. Hit your goddamn ball already." He didn't speak to me the rest of the round and for that matter ever again. I have such low tolerance for that bullxxxx.

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Played in a tournament foursome once with a guy that announced on the first green that the other three of us "had to stand quietly behind him in a small group when he was putting."

 

I was pretty young and didn't say anything because I was already standing behind him and would be out of his eye-line but one of the other guys asked him if he was being serious and the guy gave this nonsensical explanation that concluded with "we did not want to be responsible for him being distracted and missing his chance to win the tournament."

 

He started spraying the ball on the 2nd hole and shot somewhere in the 80s.

 

We did not stand behind him in a small group on any green and he was mightily irritated for the remainder of the round. We were quiet while he putted.

 

Kinda overkill to announce that on the first tee. However, it is a part of the USGA code of etiquette to not stand behind the ball or in front of the hole when a player is about to play his shot.

 

Here is the USGA code of etiquette. It is a good guideline of how the game should be played.

 

http://www.usga.org/...html#!etiquette

 

The two aren't mutually exclusive however. I can NOT stand behind you and yet still not be behind your ball or in front of the hole.

 

I always took that to mean directly behind the ball, such as you are standing 10 ft away but directly behind the ball.

 

On tour, the general rule is stay in line in sight between the cheeks (the back ones) and definitely don't move. Have seen many a pro tell others (inc. vols) especially on the tee to move to their preferred position. Usually staying next to or behind a caddy works.

 

On the green, staying near the hole exit always works and sometimes on the path to the exit. Always stay away from being down the put line except for a quick tap in. Again being in line between the cheeks and not moving works.

 

Ignore the photogs position as they often are in the wrong place and can be very annoying.

 

Being further away (e.g. 10ft) does work for most pros. Some will stil want you between the cheeks. However, have met a few pros who never want anyone behind them. This has usually occurred when the pro has ex-military or law enforcement training.

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Played with this native american guy in Arizona once that took some bad peyote in the middle of the round. I guess he thought it was going to calm him down but he became very delusional. Started talking to inanimate objects and everything. It was funny for a hole or two but then became annoying when he started using his clubs like a spear. I probably shouldn't have bought him all that beer either now that I look back on it.

 

The beer would actually mellow him out a bit. Alcohol is a downer and hallucinogenics are uppers. Just something I read one time...

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Had a group of about 40 trainee professionals take their first PAT on our course.

 

Set up hard and fast with the greens clocking about 10 stimp, and it was blowing pretty good on that day.

 

25% shot 3 digit scores and 2 made it through.

 

I don't know if they were delusional, but most were pretty humble after that experience.

 

Lots of guys want to be "Golf Pro guy" but when its time to pass the PAT. yikes

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Played in a tournament foursome once with a guy that announced on the first green that the other three of us "had to stand quietly behind him in a small group when he was putting."

 

I was pretty young and didn't say anything because I was already standing behind him and would be out of his eye-line but one of the other guys asked him if he was being serious and the guy gave this nonsensical explanation that concluded with "we did not want to be responsible for him being distracted and missing his chance to win the tournament."

 

He started spraying the ball on the 2nd hole and shot somewhere in the 80s.

 

We did not stand behind him in a small group on any green and he was mightily irritated for the remainder of the round. We were quiet while he putted.

 

Kinda overkill to announce that on the first tee. However, it is a part of the USGA code of etiquette to not stand behind the ball or in front of the hole when a player is about to play his shot.

 

Here is the USGA code of etiquette. It is a good guideline of how the game should be played.

 

http://www.usga.org/...html#!etiquette

 

The two aren't mutually exclusive however. I can NOT stand behind you and yet still not be behind your ball or in front of the hole.

 

I always took that to mean directly behind the ball, such as you are standing 10 ft away but directly behind the ball.

 

On tour, the general rule is stay in line in sight between the cheeks (the back ones) and definitely don't move. Have seen many a pro tell others (inc. vols) especially on the tee to move to their preferred position. Usually staying next to or behind a caddy works.

 

On the green, staying near the hole exit always works and sometimes on the path to the exit. Always stay away from being down the put line except for a quick tap in. Again being in line between the cheeks and not moving works.

 

Ignore the photogs position as they often are in the wrong place and can be very annoying.

 

Being further away (e.g. 10ft) does work for most pros. Some will stil want you between the cheeks. However, have met a few pros who never want anyone behind them. This has usually occurred when the pro has ex-military or law enforcement training.

I can't tell how serious you're being . I don't think VERY because I don't think most pros are ex military or law enforcement

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So instead of him finishing, his dang caddie jumps in his place and this kid actually had game. That a*****e caddie won the round for them on the last putt!

 

I was there that day, in the gallery, and I'm pretty sure it was YOUR caddy who took his place. Had his scholarship revoked and didn't go to Law school because of that match!

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