Discouraged and Dismayed

[Man_O_War]

"THIS". worse game for perfectionists..unfortunately perfectionists are often attracted to golf. Played with a young man yesterday..a decent player , swearing, hitting second balls, calling his wife after 9 to give her a long summary on his front 9...and how miserable he was... eternal suffering with golf.

[Ghost of Snead]

Get a new instructor if what he's telling you is not workingSurely you know that swing changes take time and if you insist on playing while making them, expect inconsistent resultsAre you taking off-course anger to the golf course or is golf course anger bleeding into your personal life ? If it's the former, can't play well if you're troubled when you get to the 1st tee. If you are playing daily, don't. Play a couple times a week and work on what your instructor gives you if you trust his judgment.

[Soloman1]

I think we all struggle at times, so you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. You have to find some joy in it.

Think about how great and simple golf can be as you walk onto a practice tee early in the morning, leaving footsteps in the dew. The wonderful sound of golf balls colliding into a pile. The sound of that first ball skidding along the ground making a rooster tail when you skull it knee high to the right. Ha!

Maybe you could try playing with a half set - Driver, 3-wood, 4, 6, 8, PW, SW, putter. You'll have to invent more shots and think differently. Laugh at the bad shots, don't get mad.

I think you need to do something different because what you're doing now isn't working for you. Hey, maybe all you need is a flask of Crown Royal for the next time you play?

There are a lot of suggestions made already. Try some and try to find some joy in this damn game.

[chipa]

People have different reasons why they play golf. Some like the social apsect and being outdoors and hitting bad shots doesn't really affect them too much. Others want to get the maximum out of their ability and count the number of pure shots they hit per round and dream of having a repeatable swing in addition to understanding why they hit bad shots, as opposed to being completely in the dark. I think this is what the OP wants. Its what many golfers aspire to like myself. The only solution for this is understanding the (a) correct swing technique or having a teaching pro keep you on track all the time.

[Nels55]

Fear and anger. Fear before and during the shot and anger after the shot. I know that scenario well...

My question is; if your swing is terrible then why do you get angry when the swing produces what it should produce?

[chipa]

The OP has invested time in money in his swing so its only reasonable that he feels dejected, just like anything else in this life when we give it our all only to fail. Empathy is good my friend.

[Nard_S]

7 rounds a week is just too much golf. The body can never recover, the head cannot get a fresh perspective, a piece of heart just dies. 3-4 times should be max.

[DavePelz4]

My advice is before your next round make wild passionate love to your better half to the point where you're beyond exhausted.

Then go play golf.

Your tension will be gone and expectations appropriately set. If you don't shoot a better score, let us know.

[Nels55]

I have been where the OP is at many times so I believe that I do understand. In order to play to one's potential one must face reality. A little humility can go a long ways and golf is a game that can be enjoyed regardless of the level of ball striking. I am slowly learning how to enjoy every chance that I get to hit a shot regardless of the situation. If I can enjoy the next shot regardless of if I am shooting the best score of my life or the worst then I am truly playing the game.

I believe that the OP needs to let go of the ego driven outcome and just enjoy hitting the ball.

This is all personal and different for each individual as is evidenced by the answers posted here.

 

[nlk10010]

You are not alone. After 70 years on this earth and ten years with golf I could have written your post myself. Describes me exactly.

Except for the part about "poisoning the rest of my life". I'm hoping that's just hyperbole on your part (not dismissing your post, just speculating) Because surely you are successful in other parts of your life, right? Family or job or other hobbies? If so then when you are down about golf think about THOSE successes. The mind is a strange thing: I know that as crappy as I can feel about basically never being "good enough" at golf a triumph elsewhere in my life (to the extent those occur) can elevate my spirits to the point I'm almost giddy about having something I'm NOT good at. Strange as that sounds.

Again, except for the "poisoning..." part, your reaction is perfectly understandable to me. Nothing wrong with you, golf has that kind of hold on most everyone.

 

 

[mgoblue83]

Stop taking lessons and stop video recording your swing. It's not working and you are chasing a golf swing instead of remembering how to play golf.

Start at the range with one club and one goal and do whatever you have to do with your swing or setup to make it happen. Try different things and have fun doing it.

Also I highly recommend that you spend half your range time hitting 100yd 8 irons at a specific flag (assuming you hit 8iron 150+). You can mix it up by hitting draws, fades, high, and low but the rhythm and path/face control required to hit a soft 8 iron translates to the rest of your game and it will help you develop a shot you can count on.

 

[OrangeGravy]

I think your phrase towards the end is maybe the problem, "It's a JOB I'm starting to hate"? That's a problem in my opinion. You can't treat golf like a job if you're not getting paid to be good at it. There's a fine line, for me, with trying to improve, but not over do it to the point that it consumes me. I have to keep it enjoyable. For me that means I'll only practice or work on things to a point. I fear getting caught in the over analyzing world of the game. I have an overly analytical accountant brain and I KNOW for a fact that it would make me play worse.

[Arkansas River]

I had a friend that went through this. He actually go so frustrated he switched to lefty for a year. It was amazing the difference it made in his overall perspective. He regained his love of the game and thirst for improvement. He couldn't wait to get to the golf course because he was improving daily. Think about it? Do you remember how exciting it was when you made your first birdie or the first time you broke 80? You have the opportunity to experience those emotions again but lefty. Also it's a hard reset for your swing because it's unbiased of ingrained swing flaws.

 

Food for thought. Good luck and Gods Speed!

[Nels55]

Reading the comments here is interesting. A fair amount of advice for the OP on how to improve his swing and game. Getting better at golf is not likely to solve this problem as the OP will be often be angry whether his average game is shooting 100 or shooting 70 he will only be happy with the 1 best score he will shoot out of 10 or whatever.

To be happy as golfers we must learn to accept our level and allow ourselves to play our average game whatever that is without getting angry because we think that we should be playing better. The game tells us what our skill level really is and we hit the shots that we hit because that is what our swing produces. Realizing that we are what our record says we are is the first step to slowly learning to play to the real potential. Accepting the 'bad' shots allows us to enjoy the 'good' ones. After all every next shot could be a good one!

[BigEx44]

This is very true. So much of it is attitude. I'm not a great golfer, I shoot mid-80's. But when I get real frustrated with my game I try to remember those times when couldn't break 100. Even worse back then was the embarrassing shots I would hit. Sh....nks to someone else's green. Huge slices to someone else's tee box. Super fat shots into water or bunkers when just off the green. I remember thinking how happy I would be if I could just play "non embarrassing golf". Well, I'm there - and sometimes I need to remind myself of that early golf wish! That anything more is just gravy!

[braincramp52]

After reading the OP's initial post again I think it's just way too much golf. I'd cut back to about 3 times a week and see what happened. I'd bet attitude and scores would improve.

[jc4birdie]

You sound like me, minus all the playing and video, and most of the practice. I swear, I hate this cursed game, but am hopelessly addicted to it. Shot 87 yesterday and didn't sleep a wink all night. Just cannot let bad holes/rounds go. Shot 44 on the back yesterday, and had zero bogeys....5 pars and 4 doubles. Try that on for size and see if it doesn't make you cuckoo.

Like most, I'm too quick to tinker w/ things when they're working, then when I implode, it takes time to "find" it again. I'm also a slave to my putter....when it goes off the rail, I'm finished. Missed a 3 footer for par yesterday on #1 after a great iron shot into a 2 club wind, and I knew right then that the round was going to spiral out of control.

 

Worse yet, the constant 1 step fwd, 3 steps back aspect of golf. Sucks; it just blows. Was hitting it great a month ago; now, I'm back to mediocre.

 

And finally, the self-styled golf aficianado you get to play with occasionally. Happened to me yesterday. I know this guy well, but hadn't played w/ him in 2-3 YEARS. His forced loquaciousness re: anything golf-related had kind of faded in my memory. So, 2nd hole (after the #1 3-jack), I hit my approach 6 feet short of the surface, and ran my chip 6 feet past. As I mark it, this guy says, "that's a range you don't want....the pros only make 51% of putts from 6 feet"....if I didn't know him as well as I do, I'd swear he was trying to get in my head, but he wasn't. He just wanted me to know he knew that stat. My buddy in the group could see I wanted to throw him in the lagoon to the gators, so he waved me down to calm me. Then, after settling in over the putt, Mr. Golf starts talking to the 4th guy in the 4some AS I pull the putter back. Needless to say, I missed and the misery continued.

 

[Sean2]

Golf seems to be one of those activities where you can put in a lot of time and effort and not see the results you would expect expending all that time and effort. Try most anything else with all that effort and you will usually see positive results. It's not necessarily the case with golf...or if a golfer does experience positive results sometimes the pace can be glacial.

[Golfbeat]

I play in a group of about 40 guys ranging in age from 60 to 80 years old ( maximum hcp 14, majority single digit). Some of us work really hard on our game, some of us not very much. We all play virtually every day (in a cart I must say) and none of us feels that we play too much golf. Some of us get really angry when playing bad, others are just a bit sad. Sometimes somebody wins a skin which makes you happy again or sometimes you win money because the other guys in your team played well. Sometimes you hit just one good shot and can brag about it. Overall we try to have fun, have a drink and a chat after the round and we are all looking all forward to the next day. I think that the majority of the mental experience should be focused on the joy to be with friends with whom you are just playing a really great game. We are blessed.

[Nels55]

You shot an 87 on a 14 handicap? That is a net 73 which is about an average score. For a 14 handicap 5 pars and 4 doubles in nine holes is fine and nothing to get upset about. I think that your expectations are writing checks that your game cannot cash.

I have golfed on occasion with extremely good players who were also very humble. No bad shot or streak of bad shots ever seemed to bother them in the least and they also had a tendency to follow a really bad stinker with a very good shot. I really try to emulate those guys and to be happy with game whether I am shooting 90 or 76 which can happen on consecutive rounds LOL. I am working very hard on accepting who I am as a golfer and learning some humility. I have done well at this aspect of the game off and on for the last 35 years or so. I once had a friend tell me that he liked golfing with me when I played badly better then when I played well because I was more fun when I was not doing well. I took that as a great compliment. I still fall of the wagon at times with my expectations recently for a several games in a row before I realized what was happening and regained more of a humble attitude to towards my game and went back to accepting my 'bad' shots as part of who I am.

[el_hefty]

The covid shut down really forced upon me how important just appreciating being out in the woods, playing a game, can help your attitude AND your scoring, like many are saying on here. I couldn't play for two months here roughly, so when I got out again it was SUCH a pleasure. I felt like I was in a fantasy land. And I shot the best of my life honestly. Now I'm many rounds into being back and my attitude is going back to normal and my scores are creeping back up. Just a 15 HDCP musing over here....

[el_hefty]

Really appreciating your posts in this thread Nels55....

[el_hefty]

Really appreciating your posts in this thread Nels55....

[jc4birdie]

The problem w/ the 87 was all the doubles. I've been going 80-84 for the last 6 weeks, and really hitting it well, but not putting great, hitting 8-11 GIR but 3-jacking 2-3x. Now, I'm putting better but the ball-striking has diminished in quality (and yes, to a degree the 2 go hand in hand, as midcappers hit greens often in places that lead to 3-jacks). But good putting/mediocre ball-striking is way worse, mentally, to me than is good, solid ball-striking/mediocre putting. Using club to send ball to target is what satisfies about this game.

 

Was really looking forward to that hdcp heading south, but it feels like that idea was a false hope.

[BB28403]

You need a mental coach! Find one online you can email your thoughts and goals to. They will get to the bottom of what’s going on.

try to find your happy place too. Totally works

[Nels55]

It does not really matter how low our handicap goes we will never be satisfied. That is part of the allure of the game I suppose.

I believe that if we can learn to accept both our good and bad shots with humility and grace then we can find the way to an enjoyable game and also the way to attaining our true potential.

You might try your next time out to really savor and enjoy your good shots while ignoring those that don't quite make the list. This can make the game enjoyable no matter what score you shoot because your next shot just might be one to really enjoy!

[RobertBaron]

OP how old are you and what’s your flexibility like? Your body may simply not be able to get into the positions you’re trying to achieve. Maybe you need a different swing model that suits your physical limitations or work on the physical limitations more.

It also sounds to me like you’re constantly tinkering and never mastering. Have tried playing a round where you focus solely on the target and not on any swing thoughts? Like instead of thinking about different mechanics before every shot just visualize the ball streaking through the air at the target the way you want it to and then just hit the f’ing ball. If you need a “swing thought” think of how you’d want your finish to feel and look for the ball flight you want. Picture the ball flight. Picture the finish for the ball flight. Hit the ball. Have a beer. Have some fun.

[russc1597187869]

You need to understand how you acquire new physical skills.There is no such thing as muscle memory; instead you are retraining your brain to forge new neural pathways . The problem is not necessarily in developing these new neural pathways ,which are weak at the beginning ; it also involves avoiding the old neural pathways that are so ingrained

So if you think that you are going to suddenly transform your swing by trying to incorporate some suggestions from your pro(assuming that these suggestions are valid) via swinging normally , you are barking up the wrong tree.

You need to transform the way that you practice including among others swinging with your eyes closed and feeling the changes that you are trying to incorporate into your swing .

[shoot4par]

+1 to the half set idea. You get imaginative and creative. I do it often when I want to take a walk. Sometimes I play cheap skins games with a half set. As for the crown idea, I'm not convinced. I had three beers today and lost 4 balls trying to hit extremely high lob shots from suspect lies. It definitely doesn't always lead to good judgement.

[Itsjustagame]

Golf is hard.

Progress in golf is not linear.

Golf is played in your head as much as with your body. It takes tremendous focus to play well. Maybe more than you realize.

Expecting negative outcomes in golf results in negative outcomes. Absolute belief that you can make the shot is critical.

Having a short memory helps.

Rather than the range time go to the course when you can play multiple balls. When you hot a bad shot, start over with your routine and hit another one until you hit a good one.

Forget the bad shots.

Golf is 70 or 80 or 90 little mini challenges between you and your brain.