Guilt for golfing...shut up and tee up

[rxk9fan]

I know a lot of guys that have felt guilty, or been made to feel guilty for going to the course.  They have felt they were letting down spouses or children in pursuit of chasing a little white ball around for a morning or afternoon.  I have been there more than once, and now I am to the age that I can reflect on, and evaluate those days.  My thinking goes like this:

 

1. My father was a real bird hunter and loved to fish.  During quail season, I did not count on seeing him on a weekend before dark.  I am sure there were days I would have liked to have done something with him...he was my best friend.  He is gone now, and I don't regret one single day of him going hunting.  He loved hunting and I loved him and I am thankful for the joy it brought him.

2. My mother used to insist on having friends over every Saturday night during quail season.  I think it was a bit of torture to keep Dad up late after he had walked through fields all day behind 3 or 4 good dogs.  She is 87 years old now, and I have not once heard her complain about the hunting my father did.  She loved him through 65 years of marriage, and 65 quail seasons.

 

I hope that my marriage has enough love and respect that when I am gone my family will be happy I was able to enjoy this wonderful game.  I know that when I head for the course next weekend, my wife will either be in a good mood or maybe in a not so good mood.  If it is the former, I will try to have a great round and head home to take her out for dinner.  If it is the latter, I will still try to have a good round, but I will add a couple of beers to my lunch with the boys in the 19th hole.  After all, if she is in a bad mood when I leave, there is no reason to rush back home to it :-).  When I am gone...I figure neither the round nor the beers will be held against me!

[golfandfishing]

My rounds are at almost zero since our son was born 4 years ago.  The first year or so was rough, he did not sleep and we both walked around like zombies. The desire to play was nonexistent. Since then I’ve grown so attached to the little fella that I just really don’t want to spend 5 or 6 of my free hours away from him. I’d rather go to the train park, aquarium, zoo or on some other adventure with him. My “guilt” is entirely internal, and when that’s the case I figure it’s not guilt but actually desire. This summer TopGolf had a cheap pass that allowed for play on weekdays and we used that a lot, he loved it. He wants to go back to the real driving range now and we’ll go this week. He may turn into my golf buddy soon enough. I’m in agreement with you on the spouse perspective- we should be encouraging our spouses to do whatever it is they enjoy. If a spouse is upset when the other does something like play golf (or book club or whatever inane thing women like) then the root is almost always somewhere else - bed, food, finances, house upkeep, etc. Keep your wife happy in the sack, provide for the family and keep up the house you can play all the golf, fish, hunt, poker, archery, whatever your thing is that you want. 

[MtlJeff]

I have always said it's important to marry someone who also has hobbies, otherwise they will inevitably (in many cases ) get upset you are gone for 4-5 hours on weekends especially once you have kids.

 

All of my friends whose wives don't really do anything started getting upset that they golf after they got married, and after they had kids they were lucky to play 10 times a year

 

My wife owns horses and used to ride competitively. It actually takes more time than golf. I have a 3 yr old and have played 60 rounds every year since she was born. Of course, along with that i have to watch her alone when my wife is doing her hobby. 

 

Marry someone who plays a sport, goes to the gym, jogs, whatever. if you want to keep playing golf....Of course be ready to do childcare on your own as well

[sheppy335]

My wife doesnt play golf, we have 3 girls that are busy(Band, Soccer, Softball, Bowling and Golf). Since they were born i played every weekend, which was down from when we had no kids. As the girls got older i play more and more, my wife normally only doesnt get it when we start later in the morning cause of darkness but she calms quickly. I know play 3 to 4 times a week and hit range daily, my middle child plays with me for a couple rounds, so it is a no complaint golf. My youngest is starting to play, so it will get even better. 

I will say this make her understand your love of the game, my wife supports my golf addiction. She buys me things i need, learned what i like golf wise and gets clubs for me when i want an upgrade. I dont buy new every year, plus kids get my hand down clubs. You also have to give in this, i go to craft shows when she asks without a complaint. If she wants help with something, i do it with no complaint. Always remember give and take, i have been married to same person for almost 20 years so it must work. 

[me05501]

"Guilt" is a weird word. It's very hard for someone to MAKE you feel guilty unless you DESERVE to feel guilty. 

 

Most of us will probably live to be 90 on average. There's a brief window of time when our kids deserve to dominate our leisure time, say when they are ages 0-10. Once they reach the point where they are making their own plans about how to spend their day, the parents get more free time. 

 

If golf is the only hobby you do without your family, and you want to squeeze in 18 holes a week, that is probably reasonable. If you're trying to play 2-3 times per week that's probably too much time away, but YMMV. If you have more than one hobby that doesn't include your family, you have to budget the time differently. 

 

When my youngest was born I was playing a lot of golf AND a lot of music. Both were "non-family" activities for me. I realized that one or the other had to go, so I reduced my golf dramatically for a number of years. I still had "me time" when I was out playing music, but I could also make music in the basement of our home and not be out of reach if someone needed a hand with something. 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2020 by me05501

[1s1k]

Got rid of the wife ten years ago. Problem solved. 🤘

[third-times-a-charm]

lol never feel guilty for having personal time

 

I have two kids and a wife - my wife and I BOTH golf and have several hobbies that take time.

 

Without personal time you'll go insane.

 

Doesnt matter if its bird watching, building a ship in a bottle - or golf. We both understand that.

 

Now, that doesnt mean you need to miss your kids school play or what not as there would be some regret and irresponsibility there. 

[MtlJeff]

3 hours ago, 1s1k said:

Got rid of the wife ten years ago. Problem solved. 🤘

 

I hope you mean via divorce!

[phizzy30]

My wife is understanding when it comes to me and golf.  She gets that it's therapy for me and it helps calm my anxiety and relieves stress.  She's a psychologist so understands that side of things.  She also says she'd rather me come home in a good mood after a round of golf then in a crappy mood from being stressed out at work.  She once said that if I didn't golf or entrench myself in my work at the gym, I would always be looking for trouble.  I think she's right.  On the flip side some of my ex's have gotten on my a** for playing too much golf.  In the end, you gotta find the right one to marry. 

Edited November 17, 2020 by phizzy30

[TIM929]

I'm really thankful my wife doesn't give me a hard time for golfing every sat at my 5:30 am tee time. She understands I need a break and enjoy the walk. 

 

I have 2 young daughters who love my attention which I really appreciate and enjoy.  

 

Everyone around us is telling me if I don't have a son soon, I'll be lonely because my daughters will eventually want to hang out with only my wife.... 

 

guess I'll just have to play golf at normal human hours. 

[llewol007]

It is all about an open lines of communication with the spouse. If you plan golf rounds and trips and pull it on your wife last minute, that will be the start of discontent and she will hate you golfing all together. Second thing is having the same energy you had going to play as you do when you get home and the family wants to hang out. Believe me, being the father of 4 young kids, every time I get home from my Saturday round, Im the one initiating the conversation of going to the park or going out from some frozen yogurt. So now, when my kids know Im golfing, its always "Hey dad have fun golfing today". Balance guys, all about balance. 

[USCdrifter]

I

18 hours ago, TIM929 said:

I'm really thankful my wife doesn't give me a hard time for golfing every sat at my 5:30 am tee time. 

 

 

this is the key-wake up early and be home early.  When the girlfriends or relatives like to point out how I love to golf, she loves to respond now that I'm up at 5am so I can be home to take my family out for brunch.  

[Pepperturbo]

@rxk9fan I understand where you're trying to go with that post, except you're not getting there. LOL  When you or I are gone, it's not likely anyone in our family's will be thinking about how happy you or I were away from them, playing golf. 

 

I'll go so far as to say, reasonably healthy family's, including mine, maybe even yours are rooted in love and respect.  However, if my family members don't play golf, hunt or fish, shoot guns and ride bicycles like I do, they won't care or recall when I was doing those things without them.   Here's a human fact; they will only recall times when we did those things together.   Mind you, my wife doesn't care if I golf without her.  She hangs with the girls or the granddaughter. 

 

That is from a man that's lived a helluva life before marrying late, still living it too, married to a wonderful woman that has her own accomplished professional career and will play good golf as much as I do, rides bikes, and would go fishing and hunting even to the shooting range with me, if I asked her to.  Nevertheless, she's fine if and when I don't invite her, as long as she's getting enough attention from me; which I make it a point to do.  She's told me in her ways, as has my son, the thing that most amazes them and friends about me I "live by example", no matter how difficult it might be.  I know there will be other memories, but that is all I hope to be remembered for.

[xkilgorextroutx]

I don't begrudge anyone their time to play when they want, regardless of their family situation.

 

I will say though that I had an experience a few years back when my kids were younger. I was talking with my friend's son after a school performance that he was in and I asked where his dad was so I could say hi. His face fell a bit and he said "oh he's not here... he's golfing". I personally made the decision right then and there that I never wanted my kids to feel that way, so I've made a point to plan golf around when they have activities so I could be there for everything that I could.

 

I look at it this way - I have decades (hopefully!) of golfing in front of me when the kids are out of the house in just a few short years. I'm ok with playing less now to be with them. 

[TIM929]

1 hour ago, xkilgorextroutx said:

I don't begrudge anyone their time to play when they want, regardless of their family situation.

 

I will say though that I had an experience a few years back when my kids were younger. I was talking with my friend's son after a school performance that he was in and I asked where his dad was so I could say hi. His face fell a bit and he said "oh he's not here... he's golfing". I personally made the decision right then and there that I never wanted my kids to feel that way, so I've made a point to plan golf around when they have activities so I could be there for everything that I could.

 

I look at it this way - I have decades (hopefully!) of golfing in front of me when the kids are out of the house in just a few short years. I'm ok with playing less now to be with them. 

Sad situation.. 

 

 

Kid: why is my dad never home. 
 

dad: because i made 5 birdies today buddy boo yaa! 

[third-times-a-charm]

3 hours ago, TIM929 said:

Sad situation.. 

 

 

Kid: why is my dad never home. 
 

dad: because i made 5 birdies today buddy boo yaa! 

 

Which is why I specified not missing hallmark moments during your kids childhood. The line of responsibility and irresponsibility in life applies to golf, as well.

[Soloman1]

If you feel guilty about it, I guess you can play more in your next life . . .

[phizzy30]

14 hours ago, xkilgorextroutx said:

I don't begrudge anyone their time to play when they want, regardless of their family situation.

 

I will say though that I had an experience a few years back when my kids were younger. I was talking with my friend's son after a school performance that he was in and I asked where his dad was so I could say hi. His face fell a bit and he said "oh he's not here... he's golfing". I personally made the decision right then and there that I never wanted my kids to feel that way, so I've made a point to plan golf around when they have activities so I could be there for everything that I could.

 

I look at it this way - I have decades (hopefully!) of golfing in front of me when the kids are out of the house in just a few short years. I'm ok with playing less now to be with them. 

I was that kid.  My father was usually away on business trips or out golfing when I had events, plays, etc. going on.  I will admit that I wasn't happy about it first, but the older I got, I begun to understand his side of things.  He was doing his best to feed his family and make sure we didn't go without.  While he loves to golf, many of those outings were to entertain important clients.  I don't have any children atm and don't really plan on having any but if I did, I would do my best to make it to every important event in their lives.  Family first, golf second.........I think. 

[Port and Starboard]

Being 20 years Navy, most of my Navy golf buddies played more on deployments because our home time was pretty limited.

 

My son enjoyed the game early on, so I got to play guilt free when I was home.

[caniac6]

Maybe your wife can get a weekend boyfriend.

[Bye]

I can relate to that, my dad was a farmer so we didn’t see him for 3 months of the year, he would then be off playing golf both days of the weekend in the winter. My mum has had horses for most of her life, she spent a lot of time looking after them. That’s what they love to do, and it was just normal as that’s all we knew.

 

I carried on playing after my first child was born, my wife’s and her parents don’t really have hobbies so they would all go off doing something together while I was playing. Once my second child was born I stopped playing for 3 years. 
 

getting back in to golf was a bit tricky, I still play really early, only once a week at most so I can be home. To star with my youngest would be up at the same time as me which my wife loved on a Saturday morning. I would get home and it would be total chaos, but I still went. You need your own space and time to decompress.

 

Just make sure you have 2 sets of car seats, going to a 36 holes tournament for the day with the only set in your car is not a good move.

[Fairway14]

Most people like it when their spouse leaves the house for 4 or 5 hours.

[Sean2]

I didn't start playing until I was 50, so it was never really an issue, lol. 

[lefthack]

I bought a house by a brand new OGA golf course, then my daughter was born and I played twice in 3 years. I didn't play much until this year when I decided I had the time and a couple bucks to actually put some effort into my game.

 

My wife plays, but she sucks at it, so it isn't as fun for her. She supports me playing golf because I am less likely to require an ambulance like the skate park does at my age.

[Skhacker]

I golf two times out of every 3 weeks now.  Used to golf 2x a week before kids.  My boys come first now as they are 8 and 5.  When they're a little older and can do more things on their own, maybe I'll get a little more golf in, and hopefully golf with them.  The golf course isn't going away.  My boys are growing up too fast.