Hothead in your group

[Roody]

Several years ago we had a hothead in our group. He had a bit of a god complex, basically thinking that everything he does he should be better than everyone else at. Unfortunately (for him) it didn't apply to golf. He was probably a low 30's handicap. He would do things like hit a poor shot, scream and berate himself for hitting a bad shot, and sometimes it was accompanied by club slams or tosses. And his mood was even worse if one of us was playing well, likely because his ego couldn't handle it. 

 

One of the first things we tried when he started acting up was whomever was in the cart riding with him would get out, pull their bag off the back and start walking for a few holes. He would ask "why are you getting out and walking?" and usually we'd try to be nice and say something like "I just need to stretch my legs" because we firmly believed if we told him "to get the F away from you" that would just cause a bigger scene. We hoped it would get the message across.

 

It didn't. 

 

The next (and last) thing we tried was on the last day of one of our yearly golf trips. He spent the three days being miserable because he's a poor golfer, and it made it miserable for many of the rest of us. We were sitting around having lunch at the clubhouse after the last round on the last day, and someone in the group brought up his antics. We kinda ganged up on him, and looking back on it I realize it probably wasn't the best approach. It was one of those situations where one guy started to say something, then another guy piled on, and another, and you get the idea. 

He didn't play golf with us again for a while, but eventually came back. Sadly, it didn't really change his tune. And then one final day it was the last straw for me. 

 

We went to play one of our local courses. We were waiting for our group's turn to tee off on the first tee. It was me, him, and one other friend. The starter approached us and asked "hey, I've got a single here who needs a group, can I pair him up with you guys since you're a threesome?"

I said "yeah, sure, no prob...." and was cut off by angry guy who angrily yelled "NOOO!". I froze, I was in shock and thinking "what??". Angry guy then goes on to say "No! I came here to play with friends, not some random stranger. No, absolutely not!". The other guy with me tried to interject "c'mon (angry guy), it's fine", which only made angry guy angrier "NO! I didn't pay to play golf with people I don't know!"

Of course everyone practicing on the putting green nearby could hear all this, and I even heard one guy say "wow, what a d**k!". I was not only embarrassed, but kinda in shock at what just happened.

I never played golf with him again after that day. In fact I severed the friendship entirely not long after that. Soooo glad to be rid of him. 

[elwhippy]

Get a video of him ranting and play it back....he will soon see he is making a plank of himself. 

[nitram]

Back in the early 90's it amazed me the number of people I encountered who were prescribed antidepressants including several of the 1st responders I worked with on a daily basis. I can't imagine the sheer number of people who use them (or need to) have decreased with all that's going on in today's society. Some folks need help and some are just word not alloweds. Some wanna be helped and some don't. Just be good to those who deserve your time and don't bother with the rest. 

[Loki]

On 2/17/2021 at 7:44 PM, ClubBuildRookie said:

Since your the one with the case of the p***y willows regarding higher stakes and pushing bets to high, I’d suggest you own up to that and explain the problem as being you not him sense that truly is the case.  The conversation will go much better that way too.  

I don't understand why you would say this. Everyone has their limit and I bet I could show you a number actual dollars, that would make you say no.

[daegyu]

31 minutes ago, Loki said:

I don't understand why you would say this. Everyone has their limit and I bet I could show you a number actual dollars, that would make you say no.

Can't reason with a guy that has his own brand of common since. 

[double_d]

Luckily I haven't really been paired with guys nearly as bad as some of these.

 

One time a friend and myself were paired with another twosome and the one guy was kind of hothead, probably to the detriment of his own game.

 

Finally his friend, who was a much better golfer, said to him, "Relax, you aren't nearly good enough to be that upset about how you are playing.", or something to that effect.

[Hateto3Putt]

Sounds like a sore loser with a crappy attitude.

 

I play with guys like that exactly once.

 

Life's too short.

[me05501]

One of the easiest ways to assess someone's true character is to watch how they treat people in service roles. If this guy talks down to or berates the starter or marshal, he's not a good person. Probably mistreats dogs and women too. 

[Kilo1545]

On 2/17/2021 at 8:02 PM, Fighton26 said:

 

And as far as me being the problem, what normal people want to play for $100 a hole unless you've got gambling issues. We've ended up playing for that amount so obviously I can swing it, but it's not something I set out to do. 

 

There it is!  Perfectly executed "subtle brag concealed within seemingly unrelated thread I started" technique.  Well done. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

😀

(Just messing with you.)

[sailfishchris]

"What have you guys done to deal with the guy in your group that needs anger management?"

 

- We start with a baton and a phone book. 

[lefthack]

I have played with a few that get heated, but I am the most chill of anyone. While I enjoy some sport and am willing to do a buck a hole, maybe, I would never be putting anything more than that.

 

Hell, I don't usually keep score, so my stress level is pretty low. But I would avoid playing with someone if it takes away from my relaxing experience. Because I play golf to relax, check your stress at the clubhouse, thanks.

[betarhoalphadelta]

6 hours ago, double_d said:

Luckily I haven't really been paired with guys nearly as bad as some of these.

 

One time a friend and myself were paired with another twosome and the one guy was kind of hothead, probably to the detriment of his own game.

 

Finally his friend, who was a much better golfer, said to him, "Relax, you aren't nearly good enough to be that upset about how you are playing.", or something to that effect.

Growing up, I played a lot on my own. My dad played golf, but didn't have a lot of time to spend out on the course, so we rarely played together.

 

He was bad at golf. His swing was atrocious. But worse, he was angry that he was bad at golf. Of course, he had no right to be angry about being bad at a highly difficult sport that he spent literally no time trying to be better at. 

 

By my teens, I just stopped playing with him. It made me not enjoy my round at all being out there with him, so I stopped.

 

I've vowed to never be that guy. I can shoot triple digits and although I'm frustrated with my game that day, I'm just happy to be out on a course smiling and drinking beer in the California sunshine. I still walk away happy THAT I played, even if I wasn't so happy about how I played. The game might be a "good walk spoiled", but it's still a good walk, right? 😉 

 

Now that I am getting my son into the game, I never want to show him what my dad showed me. I'm hoping this will be an opportunity to bond, not to drive a wedge [pun intended] between us. 

[Murphy76]

While I fully support the 'adult' and passive approach to such a jerk, I wonder what the result would be to respond in the opposite.

On 2/18/2021 at 1:17 PM, Roody said:

Several years ago we had a hothead in our group. He had a bit of a god complex, basically thinking that everything he does he should be better than everyone else at. Unfortunately (for him) it didn't apply to golf. He was probably a low 30's handicap. He would do things like hit a poor shot, scream and berate himself for hitting a bad shot, and sometimes it was accompanied by club slams or tosses. And his mood was even worse if one of us was playing well, likely because his ego couldn't handle it. 

 

One of the first things we tried when he started acting up was whomever was in the cart riding with him would get out, pull their bag off the back and start walking for a few holes. He would ask "why are you getting out and walking?" and usually we'd try to be nice and say something like "I just need to stretch my legs" because we firmly believed if we told him "to get the F away from you" that would just cause a bigger scene. We hoped it would get the message across.

 

It didn't. 

 

The next (and last) thing we tried was on the last day of one of our yearly golf trips. He spent the three days being miserable because he's a poor golfer, and it made it miserable for many of the rest of us. We were sitting around having lunch at the clubhouse after the last round on the last day, and someone in the group brought up his antics. We kinda ganged up on him, and looking back on it I realize it probably wasn't the best approach. It was one of those situations where one guy started to say something, then another guy piled on, and another, and you get the idea. 

He didn't play golf with us again for a while, but eventually came back. Sadly, it didn't really change his tune. And then one final day it was the last straw for me. 

 

We went to play one of our local courses. We were waiting for our group's turn to tee off on the first tee. It was me, him, and one other friend. The starter approached us and asked "hey, I've got a single here who needs a group, can I pair him up with you guys since you're a threesome?"

I said "yeah, sure, no prob...." and was cut off by angry guy who angrily yelled "NOOO!". I froze, I was in shock and thinking "what??". Angry guy then goes on to say "No! I came here to play with friends, not some random stranger. No, absolutely not!". The other guy with me tried to interject "c'mon (angry guy), it's fine", which only made angry guy angrier "NO! I didn't pay to play golf with people I don't know!"

Of course everyone practicing on the putting green nearby could hear all this, and I even heard one guy say "wow, what a d**k!". I was not only embarrassed, but kinda in shock at what just happened.

I never played golf with him again after that day. In fact I severed the friendship entirely not long after that. Soooo glad to be rid of him. 

 

I certainly agree with your restrained and 'adult' handling of this dummy.

 

But I have to wonder what would have happened if you had just openly made fun of him to his face for being such a jerk?  i.e. "Hey buddy, why are you acting like a 5-year-old jacka**? "

[farmer]

"No, I'm not playing you today.  Why not?  I'm tired of your forking BS."

[ClubBuildRookie]

On 2/18/2021 at 9:55 PM, Loki said:

I don't understand why you would say this. Everyone has their limit and I bet I could show you a number actual dollars, that would make you say no.

I said it because it’s the truth of the matter at hand.  The OP is the one with the problem pushing bets too high in a game where pushing is common place.  He has to own it and learn to establish reasonable limits as part of the preround betting plan if he is going to participate in betting activity.  The OP is as much a part of the problem as the idiot he complains about who can’t control himself.  
 

As for me, I’m a working stiff and probably always will be.  Winning a hundred, a thousand or even tens of thousands isn’t gonna change anything for anyone in my group.  We’re all still going to have to wake up and go back to work on Monday and we’re smart enough to know it.  
 

I don’t play golf to take a buddies money.  My buddies don’t play golf to take my money.  We play golf to enjoy the game, catch a few laughs, enjoy the comradely of friends and challenge ourselves to get better at the game.  We’ll bet on occasion but we’re all smart enough to establish reasonable limits that we know won’t be harmful to anyone because we respect one another.  When we’re looking for a life altering get rich quick financial gain, we throw $20 to $30 at a Powerball, Mega Millions or Scratchy ticket and pray.  I’m glad you feel financially blessed enough to think you could actually make me shake out of my FJ’s.

[aloha b.]

One of my friends has a temper and one time that he got mad there was an older guy in our foursome in his 80's that walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder and told him son, your not good enough to get that mad which made my friend think about it.

[daegyu]

15 hours ago, ClubBuildRookie said:

I said it because it’s the truth of the matter at hand.  The OP is the one with the problem pushing bets too high in a game where pushing is common place.  He has to own it and learn to establish reasonable limits as part of the preround betting plan if he is going to participate in betting activity.  The OP is as much a part of the problem as the idiot he complains about who can’t control himself.  
 

As for me, I’m a working stiff and probably always will be.  Winning a hundred, a thousand or even tens of thousands isn’t gonna change anything for anyone in my group.  We’re all still going to have to wake up and go back to work on Monday and we’re smart enough to know it.  
 

I don’t play golf to take a buddies money.  My buddies don’t play golf to take my money.  We play golf to enjoy the game, catch a few laughs, enjoy the comradely of friends and challenge ourselves to get better at the game.  We’ll bet on occasion but we’re all smart enough to establish reasonable limits that we know won’t be harmful to anyone because we respect one another.  When we’re looking for a life altering get rich quick financial gain, we throw $20 to $30 at a Powerball, Mega Millions or Scratchy ticket and pray.  I’m glad you feel financially blessed enough to think you could actually make me shake out of my FJ’s.

 

Did you not read the post? The OP said he's tried to cap the bets and wants to set betting limits. But he's accepted the presses because he's up with the other guy's money and wants to give the other person the chance to win his money back, even though the amount is more comfortable than what he wants to play for. The OP is not the one pushing bets too high. And for God's sake use grammarly mr. smart guy. 

[jobin]

Someone in this thread suggested that if  the OP won the big bet that he should refuse to accept the losers money.

I could not disagree more. Refusing to accept the losers money would be deeply disrespecting to the loser. Such an act would indicate large arrogance, and could not help the overall situation.

My advice: take the cash and buy the loser a beer/hamburger. Then never again play a money game with him.

[Roody]

On 2/19/2021 at 4:59 PM, Murphy76 said:

While I fully support the 'adult' and passive approach to such a jerk, I wonder what the result would be to respond in the opposite.

 

I certainly agree with your restrained and 'adult' handling of this dummy.

 

But I have to wonder what would have happened if you had just openly made fun of him to his face for being such a jerk?  i.e. "Hey buddy, why are you acting like a 5-year-old jacka**? "

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back on it I wish I had grown a spine and gotten in his face about it. I should have been better about that, and lesson learned for the next time (though I hope I never encounter another playing partner like this guy). 

[IPA4Me]

I'd play one more round with him and when he wants to bet, tell him to settle first.  If he pays, finish the round and leave that group for a while.  If he doesn't want to pay, give him a FU and leave right then.  He'll try and bad talk you, but it will give the group a way to confront him.

[llewol007]

I dont play with hot heads. Dont need the added stress of other groups staring at us when he throws a tantrum and throws his club, yells and damages the course. Yes I have seen it and not my style. Up to you but it looks like you will never see any of that money. 

[MountainKing]

We'd probably "accidently" drop him from the text thread and group.  Been there and done that several times.  Most hotheads don't just suddenly change because you've had a conversation with them, maybe you'll get a round or two of better behavior, but they'll go back.  They have to be self aware enough to know their behavior is impacting people around them.