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Does your golf score effect your self esteem?


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Does golf effect you self esteem?   

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I would love to say how I play does not effect my mood, but when I play well, I am noticeably happier between rounds. I would not go so far as to say playing bad make me unhappy, I brush off a bad round pretty easily - but a low score does certainly give my mood a lift and overall leaves me feeling good about myself. 

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When I was chasing points / money / rankings / cups etc around the County every weekend - my score defined me, my weekend, my mood and everything in-between. 
 

To be honest - even when playing well I was a grumpy sod back then. So I’d like to take the opportunity to apologise to anyone who got paired with me back in the day 😅

 

Now ? Never get angry or upset. During or after  - it’s just for fun / exercise and time with my son. As I’m not putting anything like 100% in; how can I expect to get 100% out……

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44 minutes ago, b.helts said:

Yes. For a huge portion of my life, much of my self esteem has come from my ability as a golfer.


Do explain further please…..

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Impact my mood in the short term, for rest of the day, or maybe a couple days later...sure. 

 

However, a single golf score, or even a couple of golf scores does not impact my self esteem...not even close.  If someone told me they are having issues with a low self esteem, I'm not going to ask them what happened to them this morning or yesterday...or what happened during their last activity (whether it be a round of golf, a hike, or tennis match with their buddy)...my immediate thought would be what is going on in their lives over the past few months or years with regards to work, relationships, health, or finances.  Golf as a hobby is just not going to impact my sense of self worth, nor would I expect it to impact others who also treat golf as a hobby.  But to each their own I guess.

 

Now if you were a pro golfer, where your performance dictated whether or not you could pay bills, or if the last tournament dictated whether or not you keep your pro card, or if you could afford to skip some tournaments in order to spend time with your family, then sure...I could see how that could impact one's self esteem.  

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1 minute ago, LBB said:

Impact my mood in the short term, for rest of the day, or maybe a couple days later...sure. 

 

However, a single golf score, or even a couple of golf scores does not impact my self esteem...not even close.  If someone told me they are having issues with a low self esteem, I'm not going to ask them what happened to them this morning or yesterday...or what happened during their last activity (whether it be a round of golf, a hike, or tennis match with their buddy)...my immediate thought would be what is going on in their lives over the past few months or years with regards to work, relationships, health, or finances.  Golf as a hobby is just not going to impact my sense of self worth, nor would I expect it to impact others who also treat golf as a hobby.  But to each their own I guess.

 

Now if you were a pro golfer, where your performance dictated whether or not you could pay bills, or if the last tournament dictated whether or not you keep your pro card, or if you could afford to skip some tournaments in order to spend time with your family, then sure...I could see how that could impact one's self esteem.  

 

Spot on correct - was about to say something similar. Have played a lot of sports in my life, still play a few (mostly golf and tennis). But the key word has always been "play". For everyone other than pros its just a game. 

 

Back when I was pretty intense about golf, actually caring about my handicap and things like that, a bad round might put me in a less than happy mood for the rest of the day, but self-esteem comes (IMO) from the totality of a life one tries to live well (and quite often from how well one's parents raised them - the seeds of high or low self-esteem are often planted quite young. Parents either give kids a platform they can launch from, or a weight they carry for life).

 

At any rate, a single round of golf, or a tournament, can't touch what my definition of self-esteem is. But I get that the definition can be quite different for different people.

 

 

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Yes, absolutely. You will notice that after a particularly bad round, I usually take a few days off from WRX. Too difficult to show my face around here after posting an 85. 

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On course, in the moment, I get upset with myself if I fail to execute whatever I’m trying to accomplish. Once the last hole is finished, let’s eat and laugh at each other. 

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My play doesn't affect my self-esteem, but it does have a big impact on my mood.

 

If I play well, I look forward to my next round.

 

If I play poorly, I'm obsessed with getting back out again and "fixing" what went wrong.

 

It drives me absolutely nuts when I have a bad round and then won't be able to play again for a while due to work and/or life getting too busy.

 

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It does more than I’m comfortable admitting.   Rationally I know it’s absurd, but I play a lot and think about the game a lot.  So when I play really bad, it can cause thoughts like “your trying hard at this and sucking, ergo you suck at things in general”.  Crazy to write it out like that, because I’m not sure I’ve ever asked myself this question before.  And I’m 43 years old, and a 3.7 cap, so I’m not that good (in my defense I didn’t hit a golf ball from the age of 21-41 (see I’m having to justify myself to random people on the internet, God it seems I’m very fragile 😂 )

anyways, thanks for asking the question, I’m going to go check into a mental institution now, because I just realized I’m insane…

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There are so many things that I left out. I mean, it was 20+ years of my life and it doesn’t seem to do it justice. 
 

I made so, so many mistakes. And repeated them, repeatedly.

 

Suffice it to say that it’s nice to no longer have to define myself by what I shot today. 
 

But I still feel better when I make more birdies than bogeys. (=

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22 minutes ago, b.helts said:

I’ve been thinking about this and how to explain without sounding like a complete mess. But the truth is, I was a mess. 
 

I started when I was 12. I shot my first under par round in a tournament at 16. My high school team didn’t lose a match in my junior or senior years. I played on a golf scholarship at a D1 school. I won college tournament. I was good, but not really good. 
 

I was a kid and lost my way. Flunked out of school and moved around the United States like a nomad. Lived in Michigan for a winter, Louisiana for a summer. Florida, Oklahoma and parts in between. 
 

I was at a very low point in my life. Let me take a step back. I grew up in Santa Barbara. Sheltered and pampered. I didn’t know how to handle adversity and I imploded. 
 

I returned home, and absent any real skills, took a job at Sandpiper washing carts and picking the range. I worked, I practiced, I played and got my game back. I decided to turn pro and I did. I played my first tournament, made a the cut and my first check. $488. 
 

I continued to play and continued to practice. I worked to pay entry fees and was doing pretty good. I decided to try to qualify for the Hooter’s Tour. I did. I won the qualifier by 3 shots, shooting -13 for three rounds at Moreno Valley. Sandpiper held a fundraiser tournament for me. 100 locals put up $100 each and I got half of that. The other half went to the pipe. I had three individual sponsors that together got me $60K. 
 

in that fundraiser tournament I shot 63, breaking the Sandpiper course record. They had set the golf course up pretty hard that day for me. I played the course 250-300 yards longer than the card. In places I teed off from the previous greens fringe or in front of the pro shop and on number one, the cart staging area. In a word, it was amazing. 
 

But I still had a problem: beer.  Well, alcohol anyway. I liked to party. I went back to the first Hooter’s tour event and missed the cut. I made the next 7 or 8 cuts and was getting more and more comfortable. But I wasn’t practicing like I did at home. Instead of going back to the hotel, I went to the bar. Or I went to the local hooters, where, as a hooters tour member we got 50% off, including beer. I did ok. I made like 80% of my cuts and was sure I could continue to get better. But I didn’t. 
 

In my off weeks when I’d come home, I’d go play with my buddies and drink beer and hit and giggle. It wasn’t a job to me, it was something I did well and was a s***-ton of fun. I set a couple more course records and life was good. 
 

My sponsors dropped me. I got a job at the country club and joined the PGA as an apprentice. God I hated that. But I cleaned up in the tournaments. I got a real job. 
 

After 10 years as a pro, I played in my last professional tournament in November of 2009. I won that tournament. I applied to get my amateur status back and was approved by the USGA. Two years later I was an amateur again. I played no tournaments in those two years. 
 

I finally quit drinking in October of 2018. Three weeks after setting the course record at my home club and winning the club championship by 11. I passed out in my truck, in the parking lot of the golf course and my wife and two kids picked me up. Enough was enough. It took me too long. 
 

Even at 40 years old, I was still a dumb kid that could play golf. But golf, in my mind, was all I was good at. Well, drinking too but I didn’t think about that too much. 
 

Since then, I’ve got my stuff together. I have a good job and a good relationship with my wife and kids. For the first time in a long, long time, I’m happy. My golf game isn’t nearly what it used to be. But that’s ok. 
 

If you’re still here, sorry for the wall of text. 

Thanks for sharing that

 

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I am definitely in a better mood after a hot round or even a solid 18 of ball striking 

 

I do not like lost golf 

 

self esteem …. No.   Maybe when I played uni golf in my early 20’s

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On 9/21/2021 at 8:42 PM, b.helts said:

I’ve been thinking about this and how to explain without sounding like a complete mess. But the truth is, I was a mess. 
 

I started when I was 12. I shot my first under par round in a tournament at 16. My high school team didn’t lose a match in my junior or senior years. I played on a golf scholarship at a D1 school. I won college tournament. I was good, but not really good. 
 

I was a kid and lost my way. Flunked out of school and moved around the United States like a nomad. Lived in Michigan for a winter, Louisiana for a summer. Florida, Oklahoma and parts in between. 
 

I was at a very low point in my life. Let me take a step back. I grew up in Santa Barbara. Sheltered and pampered. I didn’t know how to handle adversity and I imploded. 
 

I returned home, and absent any real skills, took a job at Sandpiper washing carts and picking the range. I worked, I practiced, I played and got my game back. I decided to turn pro and I did. I played my first tournament, made a the cut and my first check. $488. 
 

I continued to play and continued to practice. I worked to pay entry fees and was doing pretty good. I decided to try to qualify for the Hooter’s Tour. I did. I won the qualifier by 3 shots, shooting -13 for three rounds at Moreno Valley. Sandpiper held a fundraiser tournament for me. 100 locals put up $100 each and I got half of that. The other half went to the pipe. I had three individual sponsors that together got me $60K. 
 

in that fundraiser tournament I shot 63, breaking the Sandpiper course record. They had set the golf course up pretty hard that day for me. I played the course 250-300 yards longer than the card. In places I teed off from the previous greens fringe or in front of the pro shop and on number one, the cart staging area. In a word, it was amazing. 
 

But I still had a problem: beer.  Well, alcohol anyway. I liked to party. I went back to the first Hooter’s tour event and missed the cut. I made the next 7 or 8 cuts and was getting more and more comfortable. But I wasn’t practicing like I did at home. Instead of going back to the hotel, I went to the bar. Or I went to the local hooters, where, as a hooters tour member we got 50% off, including beer. I did ok. I made like 80% of my cuts and was sure I could continue to get better. But I didn’t. 
 

In my off weeks when I’d come home, I’d go play with my buddies and drink beer and hit and giggle. It wasn’t a job to me, it was something I did well and was a s***-ton of fun. I set a couple more course records and life was good. 
 

My sponsors dropped me. I got a job at the country club and joined the PGA as an apprentice. God I hated that. But I cleaned up in the tournaments. I got a real job. 
 

After 10 years as a pro, I played in my last professional tournament in November of 2009. I won that tournament. I applied to get my amateur status back and was approved by the USGA. Two years later I was an amateur again. I played no tournaments in those two years. 
 

I finally quit drinking in October of 2018. Three weeks after setting the course record at my home club and winning the club championship by 11. I passed out in my truck, in the parking lot of the golf course and my wife and two kids picked me up. Enough was enough. It took me too long. 
 

Even at 40 years old, I was still a dumb kid that could play golf. But golf, in my mind, was all I was good at. Well, drinking too but I didn’t think about that too much. 
 

Since then, I’ve got my stuff together. I have a good job and a good relationship with my wife and kids. For the first time in a long, long time, I’m happy. My golf game isn’t nearly what it used to be. But that’s ok. 
 

If you’re still here, sorry for the wall of text. 

Some universal messages in there and hope people do read it - well done you. 
 

Me? Loved the game and its history since I first was introduced by my dad.   I can’t say my scores have ever affected my self-esteem, but definitely my outlook. I got to play Pebble earlier in the summer, lifetime dream, Jack’s favorite, all the history, magical warmup on the range, great breakfast with the wife and …….. my game left me, left me on hole 2. Had a hard time keeping it together, did play 6 and 7 perfectly, but shot my worst 18 hole score in over 10 years. Disaster. Caddie was super, we kept it pretty light because why spoil the day, but after I was in shock and disappointed in myself. Just mentioning it because it still haunts me, lol. My self-esteem is fine but it nailed my confidence and took time to figure out I was sliding into bad habits and it wasn’t just one of those days. 
 

Point being, I don’t play for a living but do live and die a little all the time based on where my game is at.  Lately it’s been poop and I can hardly wait to get away from work to see if I can work it out. Then like Sunday evening out by myself I’ll hit one shot so flush and make it move just right I just smile. Need more of those darn it!

 

 

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Not necessarily self esteem, but I’m much happier when I’m playing good golf.  I do catch myself getting grumpy after a bad round, but it doesn’t take long to snap out of it.  Hopefully it’s not an uncommon feeling as I would imagine most golfwrx’ers devote a decent amount of time towards golf and enjoy seeing a positive return.

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1 hour ago, b.helts said:

I’ve been thinking about this and how to explain without sounding like a complete mess. But the truth is, I was a mess. 
 

I started when I was 12. I shot my first under par round in a tournament at 16. My high school team didn’t lose a match in my junior or senior years. I played on a golf scholarship at a D1 school. I won college tournament. I was good, but not really good. 
 

I was a kid and lost my way. Flunked out of school and moved around the United States like a nomad. Lived in Michigan for a winter, Louisiana for a summer. Florida, Oklahoma and parts in between. 
 

I was at a very low point in my life. Let me take a step back. I grew up in Santa Barbara. Sheltered and pampered. I didn’t know how to handle adversity and I imploded. 
 

I returned home, and absent any real skills, took a job at Sandpiper washing carts and picking the range. I worked, I practiced, I played and got my game back. I decided to turn pro and I did. I played my first tournament, made a the cut and my first check. $488. 
 

I continued to play and continued to practice. I worked to pay entry fees and was doing pretty good. I decided to try to qualify for the Hooter’s Tour. I did. I won the qualifier by 3 shots, shooting -13 for three rounds at Moreno Valley. Sandpiper held a fundraiser tournament for me. 100 locals put up $100 each and I got half of that. The other half went to the pipe. I had three individual sponsors that together got me $60K. 
 

in that fundraiser tournament I shot 63, breaking the Sandpiper course record. They had set the golf course up pretty hard that day for me. I played the course 250-300 yards longer than the card. In places I teed off from the previous greens fringe or in front of the pro shop and on number one, the cart staging area. In a word, it was amazing. 
 

But I still had a problem: beer.  Well, alcohol anyway. I liked to party. I went back to the first Hooter’s tour event and missed the cut. I made the next 7 or 8 cuts and was getting more and more comfortable. But I wasn’t practicing like I did at home. Instead of going back to the hotel, I went to the bar. Or I went to the local hooters, where, as a hooters tour member we got 50% off, including beer. I did ok. I made like 80% of my cuts and was sure I could continue to get better. But I didn’t. 
 

In my off weeks when I’d come home, I’d go play with my buddies and drink beer and hit and giggle. It wasn’t a job to me, it was something I did well and was a s***-ton of fun. I set a couple more course records and life was good. 
 

My sponsors dropped me. I got a job at the country club and joined the PGA as an apprentice. God I hated that. But I cleaned up in the tournaments. I got a real job. 
 

After 10 years as a pro, I played in my last professional tournament in November of 2009. I won that tournament. I applied to get my amateur status back and was approved by the USGA. Two years later I was an amateur again. I played no tournaments in those two years. 
 

I finally quit drinking in October of 2018. Three weeks after setting the course record at my home club and winning the club championship by 11. I passed out in my truck, in the parking lot of the golf course and my wife and two kids picked me up. Enough was enough. It took me too long. 
 

Even at 40 years old, I was still a dumb kid that could play golf. But golf, in my mind, was all I was good at. Well, drinking too but I didn’t think about that too much. 
 

Since then, I’ve got my stuff together. I have a good job and a good relationship with my wife and kids. For the first time in a long, long time, I’m happy. My golf game isn’t nearly what it used to be. But that’s ok. 
 

If you’re still here, sorry for the wall of text. 

Hmm.  Much respect bud.    Kind of caught me off guard there. Glad to read that you’re happy.  I understand what  you mean when you say that.  Or I should say I understand how heavy that is when a person says it’s on a Serious note.  I’ve been there.  It’s seems to come to some easily.  And some of us it takes  a bit ( read :lifetime ) to sort out .  
 

 

side note.  I wondered.  Around what years you played the hooters tour ?  From 95-98ish I worked at a club that hosted a hooters tour event outside Greenville sc.  pebble creek cc.  We may have crossed paths eons ago?   

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My esteem takes a hit when my skills are off and not so much when score is. If swing feels clunky and haphazard, like it might be 1999, yeah, I get annoyed. Might linger for a couple of days till I exorcise those demons but  If I execute okay and it does not show up on card , I really don't care.

 

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14 minutes ago, bladehunter said:

Hmm.  Much respect bud.    Kind of caught me off guard there. Glad to read that you’re happy.  I understand what  you mean when you say that.  Or I should say I understand how heavy that is when a person says it’s on a Serious note.  I’ve been there.  It’s seems to come to some easily.  And some of us it takes  a bit ( read :lifetime ) to sort out .  
 

 

side note.  I wondered.  Around what years you played the hooters tour ?  From 95-98ish I worked at a club that hosted a hooters tour event outside Greenville sc.  pebble creek cc.  We may have crossed paths eons ago?   


I played on the hooters tour in 2002 and 2003.

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Early in my golf it did. But playing as long as I have and being able to play with better players, I accepted where my game is. Now with that being said, I know my ability and what I can get with it so If I dont play well, I am disappointed. But it makes me go after it the next time I am out on the golf course. 

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no but yes.

 

i've been injured this entire season and it's incredibly frustrating.

 

i can accept bad luck, learning from poor decisions, and having to manage my way around the golf course because i don't have my A game. but not being able to execute the shots and skills i've spent countless hours honing and practicing because of some stupid physical limitations has been very upsetting to me.

 

separate but related: a big shout out to @b.helts. i appreciate you for sharing a very raw story about yourself. your story has some major david feherty vibes with your uncommonly raw honesty. i hope more people feel empowered to share their truths like you have, especially when they're not tinted with rose-colored glasses. not all of us are instagram influencers living their best lives each and every day...

 

there's a major stigma in our society about mental health and substance abuse issues, even though so many of us (including me) face these problems on a day-to-day basis. i think this makes it very difficult for people to get help -- we've been so conditioned to hide any signs of weakness that many of us would prefer to dig ourselves into a hole instead of reaching out for help. that's messed up, and i think it makes us worse off as a society.

 

anyway, i just want to thank you for helping normalize some very real things that many people would be too uncomfortable to talk about. to anyone who is reading this and feels like they are in a bad spot or you might need help, please know that your life has value, and there are people who want to see you do well and be happy. 

 

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Golf is my main hobby and passion.

 

I've noticed I'm happiest when I'm playing often and playing well.


I do tend to get depressed and cranky during a slump. I spend more time reading things, watching videos, analyzing why I'm playing bad and thinking about it constantly. I usually have to step back and play less/practice more (I think not posting bad scores helps me mentally)

 

 

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I learned at some point that there is always tomorrow if the game does not go my way today so how I play golf does not effect my self esteem.  Playing well for a stretch does make me happy though!  LOL I truly believe that I am getting better and the things that I am working on are going to make me a good ball striker in some undefined future.  I think that belief is what keeps me practicing, playing and enjoying the game.

 

I do have some friends who used to be really good and can't play at all like they did in their prime.  This seems to be something that can be rather frustrating.  I sometimes tell them that that at least they had a prime which is something that I never really had LOL.  I have noticed some of those guys really like playing hickories because the bad shots are just laughed off.

 

At the end of the day win lose or draw it does not really matter all that much and sometimes something happens that makes for a good story to tell! 

Edited by Nels55
typo

Driver Maltby KE4 w Aeortech Steelfiber SS65 shaft 46.5”
3 wood Rogue subzero 15 degree with Paderson KG70 F30
Hybrids: 3, 4 and 5 Rogue with Steelfiber HLS980 shaft
Irons: 6 through wedge PXG 0311 with Steelfiber i110cw shaft
Wedge: 50 deg 10 deg bounce MacDaddy 4 S Grind
Wedge: 56 deg 10 deg bounce Jaws S Grind
Wedge: 62 deg 10 deg bounce MacDaddy 4 C Grind (bent to 62 degrees from 60 degrees)
Wedges with steelfiber i110 shafts.
Putter: Strokelab EXO 7; 39.25 inches; 77 degree lie angle; Takimac arthritic grip

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