Does your golf score effect your self esteem?

[Steele47]

Nope.

[dlygrisse]

Yea it does.  It used to a lot, to the point where it was unhealthy.  I was never great, but could shoot around even par every now and then and took pride in that.  
 

After a few physical setbacks, and some maturity I realized it’s not that important.  Just go have fun with friends, compete for a few dollars and talk some smack with your buddies.  Yeah, I still get pissed at myself for a few minutes when I play bad, but I get over it by the time I get home.  
 

im just not capable of practicing much, or playing frequently any longer, my body won’t let me.  I work on my short game some, play when I can, and you know what? I still shoot better scores than most people I know.  😉

 

Ill play golf with about anyone now and not care what others think, just don’t ask me to play from the tips, because that’s not fun anymore  😉

[Righty to Lefty]

I feel like it is important for golf to affect my self esteem as it replaced all of the other sports that I played competitively.  The drive to get better gives me a competitive structure to my life because I am always striving for improvement.  I care more about how I strike the ball then how I score on any given day but how I play absolutely does affect my short term mood. That being said if I play good or bad I am still coming back out the next day looking for improvement no matter what.  As we get older life becomes pretty routine so I feel like there needs to be some aspect where competitiveness balance is maintained as I think it is good for the mind and body.  

[TurnDog69]

Oh man. This is really THE topic for me. What a good question. I would say last year as i tried to break 80 for the first time, my ego was directly 1 to 1 correlated to my score. I only ever went out with a complete fixation on a score.

 

This year, it got even worse. My game imploded after making some necessary swing changes, and my handicap ballooned. My friends got better than me and I entered a vortex where i became consumed with my score again and what I was doing wrong.

 

I equate this period to “trying to drop something by squeezing it harder”

A little while back, I hit rock bottom when I shot a bad 91 on my birthday and drove home furious, barely speaking to my wife except to b**** that night. I realized that I either needed to quit golf right now or change my relationship with golf.

 

The book extraordinary golf was helpful as I did this soul searching. My realization was that golf has a GOAL (scoring well) and a PURPOSE (whatever you want it to be). We can be conscientious of the goal without being attached to it. The purpose is whatever we want to define it as. My goal is to shoot low 80s and hit the ball solid. My PURPOSE is to find gratitude and joy in every moment on the course and to allow myself to play fearlessly on every shot.

 

Regardless of what happens with my score, I can always ensure I’m creating my purpose on the course.

 

I’m not even 10% to where I want to be, and I recognize this is a lifelong pursuit, but I feel like I’m closer to being on the right track. 
 

Sometimes I imagine what I would tell myself as a very old man who can’t play golf anymore. I’m pretty sure I’d tell myself that a bogey isn’t worth sulking over. A bad shot doesn’t mean the entire world is crumbling down. The past doesn’t determine the future.

 

last Sunday as I was struggling through a round I imagined my grandpa riding along with me. I imagined him joking about my bad shots and fawning over drives I hit hard. It helped a bit to put some context behind the game.

 

Bad scores and tough stretches are going to happen, it really only matters what we decide to label them as. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by TurnDog69

[bladehunter]

9 hours ago, b.helts said:

I played on the hooters tour in 2002 and 2003.

Gotcha. I was gone before 2000 hit.   
 

 

funny story.  Mowing greens one morning before the final round of that hooters stop in 97 or 98.  I was emptying the basket on my mower in the woods behind the 16th green.  And I found a Cameron aop 350g putter with a longneck and sound slot.  Small T stamp on the face.  I turned it in to lost and found.  Nobody claimed it.  So I got to keep it.  Still have it.  I have no doubt that one of the pros from that tournament threw it into the woods.  Small T stamp being the precursor to the circle T tour notation .  And a longneck not  being available at retail on that putter.  
 

anyway. Off topic I know.  But kind of relative to the frustrations of this game I guess.  

[clp34vmp]

Not sure I would go so far as to say it really damages my self-esteem, but a poor round certainly effects my mood more than it should considering the level I play at.

[bladehunter]

Thought about this topic since yesterday.  I voted yes.  But.  In thinking on it I decided it’s likely no. But I’m undecided really.  
 

I think self esteem is the wrong question.  It should be mood.  But I did dive into the definition of self esteem.  And realized it stays pretty low at times.  But maybe not for reasons that others will get.  I say that by value.  I don’t personally think most people are worth a lot.  Myself included.  I mean we don’t value ourselves very much.  Or we’d put up with alot less. From others and from ourselves.  We live a rather slow death if we’re honest. 
 

Wouldn’t it be rather narcissistic ( I’ve been accused of that too ) to value Yourself highly ?  I mean after all.  Perfection and the word human don’t collide , ever.  So I guess it depends on the Metric we’re using to call ourselves good. I don’t know what that is really.  If it’s staying  out of jail , providing for a family , being a good parent and trying to help your neighbors…. Ima pretty good guy.  But ….. I have been privy to mans capabilities, and I know my own.  So I find it hard to pump myself up to myself.   
 

on the flip side.  I also cannot recall walking into a room and feeling less than another guy. Equals quite often. But not less than.  I guess to me.  Just because I am confident enough to not be intimidated by the average knuckle dragger , doesn’t mean I hold myself in high regard.  The bar is really really low.  
 

I’ll get to the answer in a minute.  But I think to @bhelts point.  ( interested  in your thoughts is why I tagged you ) once you’ve been exceptional at something.  Doesn’t need to be best in the world. Just much better than what average joe can imagine.  You get sort of jaded.  Or eyes open to how much not being there ( exceptional ) stinks.  In my youth I ran track.  400m and 4x4 relay mostly.  From age 13-18 I didn’t lose a single heat outside of the state competitions.  Meaning that locally I was untouchable.  Now I understood this , that I was a large fish in a small pond.  But still.  You get a taste for what “winning “ is.  And the thirst never leaves.  And older you get the harder it is to get that high.  I had personal bests in the 400m that were sub 48 seconds with some wind and 48.40s in dead calm.  Some relay times in the 46s. While chasing down a guy.  ( I was anchor leg ). Today THat doesn’t sound as fast as it is.  In the 90s that was smoking.  I ran sub 50 without spikes and no block start.  ANYWAY !…….. my point is this.  I like bhelts squandered a D 1 ride.  I never even went.  Family life held me back. Or I let it is more accurate.  I rejected 5 offers to run.    
 

 I left home. Started a business , got married and after a while , chased that high.  I’ve built cars for billionaires.  And working Joe’s.  Built a couple cars that saw 200 mph.  Won many shows etc.  blah blah blah. Have a great imagination.  But it never filed that hole.  Not once have I felt free and as powerful  as I did on that track.  Building cars is easy.  Really easy.  Anybody with a fat checkbook can do it.  It doesn’t impress me.  
 

I think when you get a taste of being great at something , and then lose it.  It is very hard to pretend that you don’t want  that feeling again. In my opinion   Most who are sickeningly happy , haven’t felt it. And it’s where the old “ ignorance  is bliss”  thing comes from.  You don’t know what you’re missing.  And you’re better for it.  ( all my opinions of course ). Ramble ramble blah blah blah.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so to answer the question that I think it should be.  Yes.  It has made my mood drop.  In the past quite a bit.  But recently I’ve come to realize through the help of a few pals.  That I’m actually one who loves the “process.”  I’m not nearly as results driven as I thought.  What I love is the work.  I loved running.  The wins were just easy.  Because I loved the work.    Building cars is just easy. Because I enjoy the work.  The design element.  Planning and working it out.  
 

 

golf is the same way. It just took me a while to see it.  It’s infinitely harder to “win “ at this game.  But.  If you take solace in the process. Wins happen daily.  And I have to think that overall wins follow.  A small “ win” I’ll share recently is this.  I was notified that I was exempt to our state mid am coming up , due to handicap and my state am qualifier score.  That is fruits of the process.  Last year I’d have missed it on both accounts and had to play the one day qualifier .  Knowing that I’m in and no cut , is huge.  So to squash this idea of a bad round killing your self esteem. Or mood.  I suggest embracing the process. And dumping the idea of a bad day being a big deal.  Trust me.  I get how hard it is.  But it’s the only way.  Let it go and be free of the idea of what others think being important.  That’s what this self esteem tie in is anyway.  Worrying how others value us.  

[GoGoErky]

I forget about the round as soon as I get to my car to put the clubs back in it. Golf doesn’t pay the bills and bares no impact on my mood

[TurnDog69]

1 hour ago, bladehunter said:

Thought about this topic since yesterday.  I voted yes.  But.  In thinking on it I decided it’s likely no. But I’m undecided really.  
 

I think self esteem is the wrong question.  It should be mood.  But I did dive into the definition of self esteem.  And realized it stays pretty low at times.  But maybe not for reasons that others will get.  I say that by value.  I don’t personally think most people are worth a lot.  Myself included.  I mean we don’t value ourselves very much.  Or we’d put up with alot less. From others and from ourselves.  We live a rather slow death if we’re honest. 
 

 

 

I think I understand fundamentally what you are trying to say, but I don't believe comparison to others has anything to do with how we view ourselves. 

 

Our view of ourselves exists in a vacuum. If I'm going to a doctor, I want a doctor who every day creates themselves and their purpose as the greatest doctor to walk the face of the earth. This doesn't mean that he/she views other doctors as less than. It means that they are committed to being a radically supercharged version of themselves. 

 

We are all worthy of love without qualification. We all really are powerful beyond anything we can imagine. 

 

That high you're chasing in track is because at that point in your life, you were less encumbered by judgement and shame so it FELT different. If you were building a car when you were 16, you'd look back on it with that same zeal. 

 

You qualify your accomplishments from teenage years as "greater than" because at that time you were more capable of freely loving and being proud of yourself for incredible feats. 

 

Now, you put a layer of judgement onto everything you do ("I built a 200 mph car but whatever anyone with money can do that")

 

I contend that it's not about the doing or the material accomplishments, but it's about your being. It's who you are as a person who is viewing those accomplishments.

[bladehunter]

14 minutes ago, TurnDog69 said:

 

I think I understand fundamentally what you are trying to say, but I don't believe comparison to others has anything to do with how we view ourselves. 

 

Our view of ourselves exists in a vacuum. If I'm going to a doctor, I want a doctor who every day creates themselves and their purpose as the greatest doctor to walk the face of the earth. This doesn't mean that he/she views other doctors as less than. It means that they are committed to being a radically supercharged version of themselves. 

 

We are all worthy of love without qualification. We all really are powerful beyond anything we can imagine. 

 

That high you're chasing in track is because at that point in your life, you were less encumbered by judgement and shame so it FELT different. If you were building a car when you were 16, you'd look back on it with that same zeal. 

 

You qualify your accomplishments from teenage years as "greater than" because at that time you were more capable of freely loving and being proud of yourself for incredible feats. 

 

Now, you put a layer of judgement onto everything you do ("I built a 200 mph car but whatever anyone with money can do that")

 

I contend that it's not about the doing or the material accomplishments, but it's about your being. It's who you are as a person who is viewing those accomplishments.

Yea. I get what you’re saying.  And I’m sorry that I am usually not able to convey clearly what I mean.  .  But I think that’s part of what I was trying to say.  Just being is not enough.  Most of us have done literally nothing of value. .  Right ?  The measure is to - not have been bad.  It’s not-  to have been great.  Most are only - not bad.  I view it as most being insignificant because of not being great.  
 

now. If you are talking about your ( you yours and me mine ) view of our being from the base level  , with zero accomplishments included.  Sure.  I get that too.  The truth that we know about ourselves , as far as our intent toward the world , etc.  I think that’s where my self esteem comes from. My knowledge of my intent.  But the reality of how far short we fall from that intent is what is hard to reconcile. 
 

 

[Abh159]

I'll think about a bad round for the 10-15 minute car ride from the club back to my house. After that I never really think about it again.

[TurnDog69]

16 minutes ago, bladehunter said:

Yea. I get what you’re saying.  And I’m sorry that I am usually not able to convey clearly what I mean.  .  But I think that’s part of what I was trying to say.  Just being is not enough.  Most of us have done literally nothing of value. .  Right ?  The measure is to - not have been bad.  It’s not-  to have been great.  Most are only - not bad.  I view it as most being insignificant because of not being great.  
 

now. If you are talking about your ( you yours and me mine ) view of our being from the base level  , with zero accomplishments included.  Sure.  I get that too.  The truth that we know about ourselves , as far as our intent toward the world , etc.  I think that’s where my self esteem comes from. My knowledge of my intent.  But the reality of how far short we fall from that intent is what is hard to reconcile. 
 

 

I’m glad you brought this up and thank you for sharing all this even though i know damn well how hard it is to state succinctly. 
 

I disagree that most of us haven’t done anything of value. Reason being-

 

What’s “valuable”. What’s “an accomplishment” it’s all entirely subjective. Accomplishments are just a game. They’re a label we put on something that we view as worthwhile. 
 

Happiness is how congruent our current life is with what we want from our life. The further that delta, the more we sink into depression and agony. You can choose to love yourself immediately for who you are without any qualification. 
 

You can also put up a checkpoint and say “well I’ll be proud of myself when ___” (hint when that day comes you’ll find a reason to put it off again)

 

My dog recently had a health scare and I was already mourning not doing enough for her, not taking her hiking enough. Always being on my phone instead of with her on the couch. And I hated myself for it. But my sister asked me- what would the dog have to say about your life together? 
 

She would say I was the best friend she could have ever imagined and our adventures had been bountiful and sacred together. 
 

But why couldn’t i say it? Why did i choose self loathing instead of the TRUTH?

Edited September 22, 2021 by TurnDog69

[sprcoop]

Silly question.  Obviously if I'm not a good golfer I'm just taking up space and wasting oxygen.  Too bad I suck. 

 

I might as well end it now and just embrace the sweet release.  Nice knowing you guys... farewell.

 

Wait... maybe the next round it will all come together.  I just saw a quick fix and I'm right on the cusp of greatness!!!  Guess I'll stick around.

[2bGood]

Thanks for all the great replies and introspection. I have to admit I was not too intentional about using the term 'self esteem' but I really like the discussion it opened up.

 

For me I feel better about myself when I play well. I am not sure how there can't be a correlation about my self worth and an activity I do 18hrs-20hrs a week. At my core I am goal oriented, competitive and expect to enjoy a return for my effort. Golf has been very helpful in coming to terms with delayed gratification and ideas around taking joy in the process rather than results but all the same playing poorly leaves me feeling dissatisfied with myself. Not in a dramatic way though. Playing good gives me a great lift and elevated self confidence for me.

 

Of course I would be lying if I said it did not at times work in reverse - bad day = bad golf and vice versa. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by 2bGood

[bladehunter]

4 minutes ago, TurnDog69 said:

I’m glad you brought this up and thank you for sharing all this even though i know damn well how hard it is to state succinctly. 
 

I disagree that most of us haven’t done anything of value. Reason being-

 

What’s “valuable”. What’s “an accomplishment” it’s all entirely subjective. Accomplishments are just a game. They’re a label we put on something that we view as worthwhile. 
 

Happiness is how congruent our current life is with what we want from our life. The further that delta, the more we sink into depression and agony. You can choose to love yourself immediately for who you are without any qualification. 
 

You can also put up a checkpoint and say “well I’ll be proud of myself when ___” (hint when that day comes you’ll find a reason to put it off again)

 

My dog recently had a health scare and I was already mourning not doing enough for her, not taking her hiking enough. Always being on my phone instead of with her on the couch. And I hated myself for it. But my sister asked me- what would the dog have to say about your life together? 
 

She would say I was the best friend she could have ever imagined and our adventures had been bountiful and sacred together. 
 

But why couldn’t i say it?

I appreciate your comments as well.  
 

I see what you mean.  And occasionally I come to this conclusion on my own.  But it never lasts. It inevitably goes back to goal oriented existence. I’m just a builder/planner by nature.  I just rarely see anything and don’t immediately have the thought “ if I had this I’d do xyz “.   I’m agreeing with you , but also saying that the delta never gets smaller.  Irregardless of how much we decide to praise ourselves.  It narrows for a moment when I get to a checkpoint, then the next day it’s wide again.  Which is what you said.  Yes. Agree again. But. If no checkpoint is set. None are met.  Feels hollow praise yourself for no reason.  I can lie to myself.  Sure. But myself always knows when I do it.  Lol. 
 

I guess I agree that “ accomplishments “ are a game .  For sure I know this.  But. Isn’t it a slippery slope if we dismiss them altogether?  As in of nobody worked toward anything , how does anything  get done ?   I guess being happy with where you are feels synonymous with lazy or stagnant to me.  
 

 

 

  The dog is a great analogy for me.  As I am also an animal lover . 
 

it’s a weird idea to me. Self esteem.  I don’t feel like I have an issue with it. If it indeed exists.  What I struggle with is joy.  I have the thought consistently of the amount of time I spend doing what I don’t want to be doing.  Vs what I do want to do. I find anything that I have to do to ward off starvation isn’t remotely enjoyable.  But unfortunately that’s reality.  We live to work.    And work to live.  So I have no Choice  but to embrace that. It is reality and probably will be until I’m too old to worry about anything but a nap.  
 

 And yes. I agree we choose to a degree what we do each day.  I multitask quite a bit on here.  I’m always in a hurry up then wait pattern. So that’s how that works . I’m not  on any other social media. And I work alone a lot.   So anyway.    It’s raining here. So can’t hit balls.  So I guess I get into a philosophical mental gymnastics match with myself.  As if that will answer  anything.  lol.  

[TurnDog69]

4 minutes ago, bladehunter said:

I appreciate your comments as well.  
 

I see what you mean.  And occasionally I come to this conclusion on my own.  But it never lasts. It inevitably goes back to goal oriented existence. I’m just a builder/planner by nature.  I just rarely see anything and don’t immediately have the thought “ if I had this I’d do xyz “.   I’m agreeing with you , but also saying that the delta never gets smaller.  Irregardless of how much we decide to praise ourselves.  It narrows for a moment when I get to a checkpoint, then the next day it’s wide again.  Which is what you said.  Yes. Agree again. But. If no checkpoint is set. None are met.  Feels hollow praise yourself for no reason.  I can lie to myself.  Sure. But myself always knows when I do it.  Lol. 
 

I guess I agree that “ accomplishments “ are a game .  For sure I know this.  But. Isn’t it a slippery slope if we dismiss them altogether?  As in of nobody worked toward anything , how does anything  get done ?   I guess being happy with where you are feels synonymous with lazy or stagnant to me.  
 

 

 

  The dog is a great analogy for me.  As I am also an animal lover . 
 

it’s a weird idea to me. Self esteem.  I don’t feel like I have an issue with it. If it indeed exists.  What I struggle with is joy.  I have the thought consistently of the amount of time I spend doing what I don’t want to be doing.  Vs what I do want to do. I find anything that I have to do to ward off starvation isn’t remotely enjoyable.  But unfortunately that’s reality.  We live to work.    And work to live.  So I have no Choice  but to embrace that. It is reality and probably will be until I’m too old to worry about anything but a nap.  
 

 And yes. I agree we choose to a degree what we do each day.  I multitask quite a bit on here.  I’m always in a hurry up then wait pattern. So that’s how that works . I’m not  on any other social media. And I work alone a lot.   So anyway.    It’s raining here. So can’t hit balls.  So I guess I get into a philosophical mental gymnastics match with myself.  As if that will answer  anything.  lol.  

Sending love your way my brother. I appreciate you sharing all that. 

 

I struggle with all those same things. We all do. It's the suffering of the human experience. 

 

It will never go away, but the intervals can get shorter. How much you listen to the voices telling you you're not enough can diminish. 

 

I have issues with joy as well. What you are describing is way too familiar to me. I'd encourage you to start looking at where you might be judging yourself unfairly and maybe replace it with the real truth. 

 

Something like. "I forgive myself for judging my work with cars as ordinary"

 

"The new truth is that I am a master craftsmen, the wealthiest and most discerning car enthusiasts seek ME out for my skills. I am the embodiment of mastery."
 

That's the reality you're not allowing yourself to see.

 

Take it easy- message me if you wanna chat I won't bogart a good thread

 

[Soloman1]

There are nights I can't sleep thinking about some putts I missed 30-50 years ago. I can remember them with brilliant clarity, but I can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.

[Barfolomew]

NO.... but I feel good when Im playin good lol

[Barfolomew]

2 hours ago, Soloman1 said:

There are nights I can't sleep thinking about some putts I missed 30-50 years ago. I can remember them with brilliant clarity, but I can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.

 

I missed a 5 foot birdie putt yesterday.... hope I can still sleep in 30 years

[maigre]

Great thread, a subject worthy of a book, fiction, non-fiction, probably both.

 

Lots of things go into this for each of us, regardless of where we fall on the spectrum of how the game affects our psyche. Childhood experience can stick with us, the way the world tells us to view ourselves, among other things. Years ago, I got paired along with a couple of guys who were beginners out on a lark. They laughed at their own ineptitude the whole round. Not everyone can do that, even beginners. I admired their detachment.

 

I don't care that much about score. I'm not anything close to a scratch player and it doesn't matter to me, most of the time, whether I beat the others in my group or not. For me, hitting some pure shots is what makes my round. The more, the better. I love the way it feels and love seeing the ball do its thing when I've flushed it. Even if some of them land in places I hadn't intended or I miss a putt. There was a time when my game felt out of control and I would get down on myself about my play. It wasn't the score as much as it was the feeling of frustration that I couldn't make the ball do what my intent said it should. The aforementioned Extraordinary Golf gets into this some. I was big on that book in the years after it came out. I'd hit it bad, couldn't "fix" it, couldn't figure it out, and would be hard on myself. The next day, I'd hit it well. I couldn't feel the difference in my swing either way, so I couldn't be more consistent. I'd get down on myself for that lack of awareness as much as the results.

 

I'm a better player now, but I've grown beyond connecting my performance with a golf club to how I feel about myself. That's a greater gift than my improved shotmaking. And it's probably part of the reason why my shotmaking is improved.

[jobin]

Matey, i quit reading this thread when someone conflated 'golf, self-esteem and suicide prevention hotlines'.

 

Get a grip on life's realities please.

[cardoustie]

@TurnDog69i like your view on things …. Excellent stuff

[nitram]

I've averaged 200+ rounds per year for the past decade. Back when I was maintaining +4 hcp I lived and died by my score of the day and especially focused on ball striking and putting. A few years ago as father time caught up with me I saw my hcp rise as high as a -5 and it was nothing for me to shoot a 84 and back it up with an 87. So I had a choice, talk about how good I used to be or go work and figure out how to score with the decreased swing speed middle age has blessed me with. 

 

It was while struggling and I mean STRUGGLING to get back on track that I began to appreciate the game of golf. I mean think about it, going from regularly shooting in the 60's from the tips to not breaking 80 in about an 18 month period. It could've driven me insane and quite honestly, it did for a bit. But as I've explained before, after my little pity party I had a change in mindset and went about re-learning the game. It was during this dark period that I learned to appreciate the two or three good shots that went according to plan as opposed to the dozen or more that didn't. And I kept building upon those good shots and putting in the work to where they became more common. Still had a few bad shots but I realized 'so does everybody else.' 

 

So eventually I regained confidence in my golfing ability and accept the fact I can't do everything I used to do. But even better I can now accept a bad round without beating the hell out of myself. It's still a struggle at times but it's getting better. 

[kadey]

At this point in my life, no. I'm more and more enjoying the process, the striving to improve and the camaraderie.

 

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same.

 

Rudyard Kipling, "If-"

 

[huskydawg]

No, my self esteem can't really get much lower than it already is.  I've never really been good at anything so I know my place.

[CasualLie]

13 minutes ago, huskydawg said:

No, my self esteem can't really get much lower than it already is.  I've never really been good at anything so I know my place.

 

Dude...come on...you are a foreigner in Japan and got a job, surviving there during a pandemic, you get to play golf, you break 90... I could go on, but already this makes you good at lots of things.  Keep your chin up!

[CasualLie]

@bladehunter said it best when he learned to focus on the process.  I am convinced this is one the important secrets of life/success - be present in all things you do.  Have a bad shot/round, own it and move on.  In a boring job, start paying attention more to the people around you.  There are so many things you can do to focus on the moment and not look too far ahead, and definitely spend very little time looking back.

 

I had mental breakdown at a big multi-day golf tournament / group outing, and it was a miserable few minutes here and there but mainly I just focused on the moment.  The cool sip of a well made martini, the laughs other guys were having, the laugh at my own ridiculous shots.  Did I feel bad?  Kind of.  It was more like a "wow...moment" as I faced the realization I was on the wrong path to get better.  So I took some time off, then set out on another process.  But never once was it tied to self esteem.

 

Golf is hard, like really, really hard.  To fail at it and then let it knock down your self-esteem off the course is pretty ridiculous.  Even putting it more mildly, to let it affect your mood in a negative way...there is absolutely nothing good that can come out of that.

 

But by all means, let a good round or a good shot put a smile on your face, bask in the glow, enjoy success, just for a little while, then get back to the process.  No doubt the 19th hole cocktail tastes extra special after a tournament win; especially when I see the looks on those smug faces I beat; the ones letting their self-esteem take a hit - don't be one of those guys.

 

@b.helts shared a very good story.  Among the things I took away from it, it was also a reminder that again, golf is hard.  I have come across so many good sticks in this game...really f'g good, but so far away from ever being on Tour.  A lot of them did have a tough transition when facing the reality that golf was not going to be their life.  The ones that got through it the fastest were the ones who latched onto a new process and treated it with a similar drive and passion as they did golf.

 

But again, be present in the moment.  It matters.

 

Edited September 23, 2021 by CasualLie

[bladehunter]

2 minutes ago, CasualLie said:

@bladehunter said it best when he learned to focus on the process.  I am convinced this is one the important secrets of life/success - be present in all things you do.  Have a bad shot/round, own it and move on.  In a boring job, start paying attention more to the people around you.  There are so many things you can do to focus on the moment and not look too far ahead, and definitely spend very little time looking back.

 

I had mental breakdown at a big multi-day golf tournament / group outing, and it was a miserable few minutes here and there because mainly I just focused on the moment.  The cool sip of a well made martini, the laughs other guys were having, the laugh at my own ridiculous shots.  Did I feel bad?  Kind of.  It was more like a "wow...moment" as I faced the realization I was on the wrong path to get better.  So I took some time off, then set out on another process.  But never once was it tied to self esteem.

 

Golf is hard, like really, really hard.  To fail at it and then let it knock down your self-esteem off the course is pretty ridiculous.  Even putting it more mildly, to let it affect your mood in a negative way...there is absolutely nothing good that can come out of that.

 

But by all means, let a good round or a good shot put a smile on your face, bask in the glow, enjoy success, just for a little while, then get back to the process.  No doubt the 19th hole cocktail tastes extra special after a tournament win; especially when I see the looks on those smug faces I beat; the ones letting their self-esteem take a hit - don't be one of those guys.

 

@b.helts shared a very good story.  Among the things I took away from it, it was also a reminder that again, golf is hard.  I have come across so many good sticks in this game...really f'g good, but so far away from ever being on Tour.  A lot of them did have a tough transition when facing the reality that golf was not going to be their life.  The ones that got through it the fastest were the ones who latched onto a new process and treated it with a similar drive and passion as they did golf.

 

But again, be present in the moment.  It matters.

 

Yep.  Agree.   On all fronts.  
 

was thinking some more on this.  I think about some of my epic blowups in this game , and I don’t think they’ve ever been able to effect my self esteem.  As in , I didn’t suddenly feel inadequate, or unable to face the world , or be ashamed to show up and play again etc.  usually quite the opposite.  It just makes me mad.  I’ll whine a bit.   Then I get over it and go again.  
 

why this epiphany that was shared with me on process , was due in fact to a recent occurrence.   I was in 2nd spot after day one of our club championship this year , and on day 2 I blew my first tee ball OB. And then proceeded to 4 putt #2 , and in the end. The kid ahead of me at the end of day 1 shot 74 and won. 7-freaking-4.  I handed it to him.  No planet should that be able to win. But. I looked him in the eye , shook his hand , and  told him the truth. That the deserving  person won. You see. He was trying to console me before I could speak- By saying “ sorry it went down this way “. He was worried it would effect me negatively. I could tell.  It didn’t.  It made me mad.  Lol.  
 

So I sought counsel of a couple people I trust .  And I confided my mindset before the round. Etc. which in short was that i had got ahead of myself thinking about result “if “ I did this or that.   Which took my mind out of the present.   which is why I got the lesson on process over result.  Staying in the process will get the result if that result is possible.  You can only hit the shot in front of you. 

In the end. If you stay in process snd focus. And lose. That’s easy to take.  It’s the ones where you shoot yourself by not focusing on here and now , that hurts.  In this case it brought with it a lesson.  And I’ll take that anytime.  There will be more chances.  And I feel like the lesson was worth the pain.  

 

 

[nitram]

On 9/22/2021 at 9:34 PM, bladehunter said:

And I feel like the lesson was worth the pain.  

It certainly was. Well said. Sometimes the only way to learn something is to wear it. 🤝

Edited September 23, 2021 by nitram

[Rocky Ball-boa]

I'm in this nice spot where a good round puts a bounce in my step and straightens my back a fair bit, but I can shake off a bad round with ease.

 

So in a way yeah a good score does affect my "self esteem", however we want to define that..
I see it as different from my self worth and even my mood though.