Hate Being Paired With Strangers

[Shankyouverymuch]

I do not mind being paired up.  I often feel it makes me concentrate more on my game more so I don't look like an idiot on the course.  I went out this past Friday for a twilight 18 with my wife riding along having a drink and hanging out with me.  It ended up getting a little slow around the 4th hole.  There were two singles in front of me.  The one immediately in front of me peeled off and went back a hole behind me. I ended up on the 6th tee with the other single as he was waiting to tee off. He invited me to play with him so I did as it would likely slow us down a bit with the people in front.  It didn't hurt that I curled in a 40 footer for birdie on that first hole we played together and then birdied number 9 also.  I asked if he wanted to do the back together and he said he was going to head back to the front again. He may have thought I was better than I actually am LOL. Wife and I stopped to grab another drink and the single that went behind us beat us to the 10th tee. He then offered to play together so we did.  He was a funny, friendly guy and we had a good time although I could only understand about half of what he was saying due his accent.  Played the last two holes dang near in the dark but got my 18 holes done in about 3 hours even with all the waiting.

[Pepperturbo]

I'd rather play golf, then not, even with strangers than be a single or twosome waiting on every shot of a field in front filled with foursomes.  I don't find strangers to be that conversationally taxing, mostly because I don't get into extended conversations with anyone, even friends. 

 

I go to my ball in the fairway, enjoy my cigar and being outside, and wait for them to do their thing.  When I play more expensive courses I tend to meet more interesting people, even make new friends.

[m_w]

5 hours ago, Hawkeye77 said:

"Thanks, but I'm working on some things in my swing, may play a few balls, need the time alone to focus but thanks for the offer."

 

 

This is exactly what I say

[Krt22]

19 hours ago, Pomps said:

Does anyone else hate being paired with strangers? Does anyone dislike this to the point they would rather not play? I’m not self conscious about the game as I’m not that terrible, typically so 2-4 cap during the year. I found recently on vacation my wife and we got paired.  I really realized I would rather just not play.  I have my typical weekend games at my club with guys I know and that’s fine, but when I play somewhere new, I just want to play alone or with people I know. I don’t want to be paired with someone new because it’s all small talk...where are you from? what do you do? are you married? It’s almost like a job interview. I’d rather just not deal. I’ve played enough golf in my life that the incremental round just isn’t worth having that experience. Anyone else just rather now play? 

Buy the entire foursome or don't play. 

[Medson]

Wow. Gotta say I'm surprised by the amount of people who prefer not to golf with strangers. 

 

I play muni, so getting paired with the strangers are part of the game. Most of time we just kept our distance. A few "nice drive" or "nice shots" here or there. I also try to help them look for wayward tee shots. It's just a little thing I do to get a few more steps of cardio in. 

 

Now that my daughter is old enough to play golf. So it is usually me and her playing together. Sometimes, folks will ask about my daughter's game if they have kids or grandkids of the same age. 

 

To be honest, nothing worth mentioning. 

[TheBear95]

6 minutes ago, Medson said:

Wow. Gotta say I'm surprised by the amount of people who prefer not to golf with strangers. 

 

I play muni, so getting paired with the strangers are part of the game. Most of time we just kept our distance. A few "nice drive" or "nice shots" here or there. I also try to help them look for wayward tee shots. It's just a little thing I do to get a few more steps of cardio in. 

 

Now that my daughter is old enough to play golf. So it is usually me and her playing together. Sometimes, folks will ask about my daughter's game if they have kids or grandkids of the same age. 

 

To be honest, nothing worth mentioning. 

I agree. The most of the time, it is fine. But, every once in a while, I seem to get the guy that wants my life story. Its happened to me the last two weekends. And, all I was thinking was God this would be a better round by myself.

[Mike_Honcho]

i used to mind because i was self conscious about my game...now?  i could give 2 sheets about what someone thinks of my game...let's play some golf.

Edited September 27, 2021 by El Kabong2

[FATC1TY]

I used to worry, but eventually you realized your better than like 8/10 you get paired with. I fully expect on vacation or at a resort course to get paired up. If you don’t, you are in denial and can just go ahead and buyout the 4some. 
 

 

ive played with turds, but I’ve met some cool people, with some neat stories. If anyone is dense enough to not pick up on how the other players are, then so be it. Some guys don’t like the “ehh you were so close “,  or any critique of their shots, or fair “good jobs”. 
 

 

I stay quiet, offer support when needed, and just keep it light. Talk clubs, talk about your surroundings, talk about a trip to course… 

 

 

it doesn’t need to be constant, quiet is respected by all of us. 

[teedub21]

I don't mind playing with strangers but sometimes the pro shop should use a little common sense.  My worst experience was at a resort course in Sun River Oregon.  My buddy and I had a morning tee time at $130 per person.  Getting ready to tee off and here comes a dude with his two little kids who he decided were going to learn how to golf that day.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Why the heck would the pro shop think its ok to send this dude out with us?  Crazy.  After dad trying to teach green etiquette to his sons after they tromped all over my buddy's line and he said something to them about it, they decided to hang back on the third hole and let us go on ahead.  

[Mustard_Tiger]

I sell insurance for a living so I love it when I get matched up with strangers. You wouldn't believe how many people are underinsured!

 

It usually takes me about 9 holes to get their life story out and learn about their hopes and dreams so that perhaps I can help protect them with the insurance they so desperately need. It's always a good time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

jk

[MisterT]

Due to moving around a lot, I used to always play as a single... but eventually would find or form a group that I enjoyed playing with and felt the same about me. Like others have suggested, it's easy to read the audience and adjust your style to enjoy your round and "avoid the interview."

[kmay__]

Interesting to read the different takes on the subject. I don't play nearly as much as I'd like to due to not having people to play with. And the idea of showing up as a single to me feels like I'm then intruding on other peoples time. Like people show up to play golf as a 2 or 3 some, and now by the way your stuck with this guy for 4 hours. I'm not the worse person to be around lol, most people seem to tolerate my existence, but I feel like its kind of imposing on my part.... maybe I'll start booking more as a single, it would be nice to possibly meet some more people to play with. 

 

Like mentioned above the only thing I've experienced that bothers me is the commentary guy, I see my ball going in the trees, I don't need your take on it lol. Or the "Nice Shot" when ya block it into the right bunker. 

[krtgolfing]

21 minutes ago, kmay__ said:

Interesting to read the different takes on the subject. I don't play nearly as much as I'd like to due to not having people to play with. And the idea of showing up as a single to me feels like I'm then intruding on other peoples time. Like people show up to play golf as a 2 or 3 some, and now by the way your stuck with this guy for 4 hours. I'm not the worse person to be around lol, most people seem to tolerate my existence, but I feel like its kind of imposing on my part.... maybe I'll start booking more as a single, it would be nice to possibly meet some more people to play with. 

 

Like mentioned above the only thing I've experienced that bothers me is the commentary guy, I see my ball going in the trees, I don't need your take on it lol. Or the "Nice Shot" when ya block it into the right bunker. 

 

Don't worry about what the others think about you (screw em!)

 

I play probably 90% of my golf as a single. Only had 3 bad instances. The first was a group telling the starter they wanted to stay as a threesome. I don't think I spoke one word to them the entire round.. Incredibly weird. The second was a guy with anger issues. Screamed cuss words and threw clubs. I don't mind cuss words, but when screamed at the top of their lungs we have a problem. The last was a single who played the tips who did not come close to breaking 100. He was incredibly nice, but he never picked up his balls even after double par a few times, and had no concept of pace of play.

 

Most people will be like you who want a 4ish hour round of golf and to have a good time.

[larrybud]

Over all the years of getting paired up, I can remember 5 distinct times it was a nightmare.

 

Of the hundreds of other times, I probably couldn't relate a story because it was just fine and happens so often.

[BlackDiamondPar5]

If it wasn't for being paired up with strangers, about 25% of my golf league would have never become lifetime friends some 35 years ago. 

[bigmoneyp]

I'm with you OP. I don't like being paired up.  Especially when I'm playing with the wife and it's generally time away from the kids and a date. Also even with a buddy if prefer to play just us rather than having to exchange small talk with a random. That said I expect to be paired up playing somewhere nice. I know there are certain places I can play and not be paired up if that it what I'm after. If we're somewhere I know will pair us up I'll just make sure we have a foursome. 

Edited September 28, 2021 by bigmoneyp

[4x4GGG]

I had to play with people recently. I hate it. Mr aggressive guy playing the tips and a nice older guy playing the fronts. They both had carts and I was walking. Most holes the aggressive guy was ready to tee off before I made it up. Mind you, the fairway wouldn't clear until 10 minutes after I get up, but he was ready. 

On 9 I was getting hot and tired. I was first on the green so I grabbed my ball and told them I was going to walk over get a cart and some water. When I get to the club house the group that was in front of us was in buying dogs and waters and beers and figuring out who's paying for what... it was a mess.  The longer I stood there the louder my thoughts got about where my group was. I walked out with no water and no cart and over to 10 where of course the aggressive guy had already teed off and was waiting for me. There was a group on the green. We didn't go anywhere. Literally just took the spot of the group in front of us. 9 more holes of this guy flying up and waiting. I finally went my pace (he was putting out before we finished and going to wait at the next tee.) and pretty much didn't have to wait at any spot. 

I hate playing with people. I will say this guy plays golf like most people in NOVA drive. They floor it from a green light and smash the brakes at the next red light instead of instead of easing up a little and catching every light green. 

[chippa13]

The guy playing the back tees should have been getting there first and ready to hit. That is what keeps a group playing different tees moving the best and out of each other's way. The only exception being if he was a longer hitter who needed to wait for the landing area to clear but the group ahead would be out of range for others in the group.

Edited September 29, 2021 by chippa13

[4x4GGG]

2 minutes ago, chippa13 said:

The guy playing the back tees should have been getting there first and ready to hit. That is what keeps a group playing different tees moving the best and out of each other's way.

Agreed. He was getting to the Tee while we were putting and the group was getting into their carts. They're stil parked at the tee box. We're walking away from the green. He's putting his tee in the ground and waiting the 10 minutes for them to clear the fairway. 

[tacklingdummy]

I play most of my golf at munis as a single during the weekdays, so generally get put with people. I have met a lot of nice people. Most are good people, but definitely some bad apples. Always seems at the turn, the people I started with leave and different people get put with me which is strange. That being said, nowadays I prefer playing as a single if I can if the course is not stacked. And yes, I probably avoid playing golf to avoid playing with people from time to time. The more I go through life, the more I prefer hanging with dogs.😜

Edited October 1, 2021 by tacklingdummy

[LeoLeo99]

On 9/27/2021 at 12:34 PM, Soloman1 said:

Same thing with flying. Rather stick needles in my eyes than fly economy now and cringe when the person in business sits down next to me and starts yapping on and on. Why do people think that they have to "get to know you" on a one-hour flight? They act like we're going to be buddies and have BBQ's together and yada yada yada. Please just sit there and shut up.

 

Many people have forgotten, or never learned, how to shut up.

 

I'm OK playing with strangers and OK playing alone.

 

You would never be paired with anyone you didn't know in Japan in the old days. The possibility of being uncomfortable with anyone dropped to zero.

Reminds me of a very memorable flight I took home.  There were two young Hindu monks at the boarding gate that made me very curious.  I wanted to talk to them to see what they were about but thought that would be rude.  They were bald and dressed in orange robes.  Lo and behold they are both sitting in my row.  I'm on the aisle.  We say hello and after about 5 or 10 minutes the monk sitting next to me says, How are you doing, Leo.  I play if off totally nonchalant.  I'm fine.  And you?  He says he's good and asks if I'm wondering how he knows my name.  Apparently they can't sit next to women and someone at the airline sat them next to me.  We had a great time talking about their religion and I have a standing invitation to attend their temple.

[bobfoster]

Wow. Interesting thread Pomps. Actually sort of surprised me that the answers are all over the spectrum. From "no, hate it", to "love it" to "depends of who I'm paired with".

 

I'm in the "love it" camp. Due to my nearly psychotically unpredictable work schedule, often find myself saying cool, block of time opened up, I can sneak a round in. Know owners and starters at several nearby courses that are happy to squeeze a single in, and have no problem with a stranger joining if I'm in a twosome or threesome. 

 

Possibly because of my Dad - he started teaching me when I was about eight years old. And to him "teaching" meant not just clubs and swings, but the whole larger picture. Traditions, etiquette, politeness, friendliness. He could have a great time playing with almost anyone. Learned golf from a father that saw golf as a fundamentally social game.

 

(Plus, I still remember a conversation I had with him when I was young. Was asking about his job - he was a Ford engineer. He sort of blurted out, off the top of his head, something like "you want to be successful in business - do two things: 1) get a good university degree; 2) learn to play golf". Probably not as applicable now as it was then, but still, golf has certainly helped my career.)

 

I'm wondering whether the variety of responses here falls into a distribution curve similar that of the introvert/ambivert/extrovert curve. Introverts that just naturally find it almost a burden to be paired with a stranger - loathe making small talk. Extroverts that will literally wait a half hour to join a group instead of going out immediately as a single. And ambiverts that are happy to play with strangers and just as happy playing alone. (We've probably all met all three types, and they are actually kind of distinctive.)

 

Personally, I've met a lot of people on courses over the decades that not only became golf buddies I played with in the future, but also a few that became genuinely good friends on and off the course. In my own experience, Dad was right. Half of my pleasure from golf comes from the social aspects of the game. 

 

But I can also easily see how someone with a different psychological orientation would get something completely different from the game.

Edited September 30, 2021 by bobfoster

[ChipStrokes]

On 9/27/2021 at 11:23 AM, Hawkeye77 said:

 

So multiplying your cost of golf times four?  LOL.  

 

if i absolutely want to play alone that day? happily. 

[sui generis]

Golf can show the world who a person is. I've been paired up with all sorts. They come in all sizes from the blowhard PXG playing captain of industry to the Puerto Rican school bus driver who's havin' fun. I think I know who I prefer. 😉

[jlbos83]

I have been paired up many times.  Met a gut that I now play with regularly, and many others that I have very much enjoyed.  Really only recall once playing with a couple of guys that were over angry. Making the same terrible swing, getting the same terrible result, and yelling about it.  Strangely, I think it helped me to just focus on what I was doing, and despite them, I played one of my better rounds.

I would say that the thing to remember is that you can't control the people you get paired with, but you can control how you react to them.  If you have a problem with them, look at yourself, and see what you can do differently.

I used to want to play alone, I wasn't very good (still not very good, but getting closer to bogey golf consistently.)  Then I realized that most of the others were also not very good.  And the good ones were most often pleasant to play with, and also much more focused in their game than being negative about mine.  And, a lot of times, you can learn something from watching them.  Not about the swing, but what shots they choose, and other course management things.

 

[Mustard_Tiger]

On 9/28/2021 at 10:53 AM, kmay__ said:

I don't play nearly as much as I'd like to due to not having people to play with. And the idea of showing up as a single to me feels like I'm then intruding on other peoples time. Like people show up to play golf as a 2 or 3 some, and now by the way your stuck with this guy for 4 hours.

 

 

I don't view it that way at all. The golf course has the right to fill the foursome and take the money that comes from four people rather than two or three. If a twosome or threesome can't tolerate additional golfers in their group they should find 4 people to play to begin with or pay for the extra 1 or 2 slots.

 

That said, I will agree with you that some people feel self-entitled to play as a twosome or threesome. However, the problem is theirs and not mine so it has never stopped me from playing as a single.

 

 

 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Mustard_Tiger

[charli]

At my club I’ll play with anyone. Public course I just won’t play. 

[4x4GGG]

On 9/29/2021 at 8:51 PM, bobfoster said:

Wow. Interesting thread Pomps. Actually sort of surprised me that the answers are all over the spectrum. From "no, hate it", to "love it" to "depends of who I'm paired with".

 

I'm in the "love it" camp. Due to my nearly psychotically unpredictable work schedule, often find myself saying cool, block of time opened up, I can sneak a round in. Know owners and starters at several nearby courses that are happy to squeeze a single in, and have no problem with a stranger joining if I'm in a twosome or threesome. 

 

Possibly because of my Dad - he started teaching me when I was about eight years old. And to him "teaching" meant not just clubs and swings, but the whole larger picture. Traditions, etiquette, politeness, friendliness. He could have a great time playing with almost anyone. Learned golf from a father that saw golf as a fundamentally social game.

 

(Plus, I still remember a conversation I had with him when I was young. Was asking about his job - he was a Ford engineer. He sort of blurted out, off the top of his head, something like "you want to be successful in business - do two things: 1) get a good university degree; 2) learn to play golf". Probably not as applicable now as it was then, but still, golf has certainly helped my career.)

 

I'm wondering whether the variety of responses here falls into a distribution curve similar that of the introvert/ambivert/extrovert curve. Introverts that just naturally find it almost a burden to be paired with a stranger - loathe making small talk. Extroverts that will literally wait a half hour to join a group instead of going out immediately as a single. And ambiverts that are happy to play with strangers and just as happy playing alone. (We've probably all met all three types, and they are actually kind of distinctive.)

 

Personally, I've met a lot of people on courses over the decades that not only became golf buddies I played with in the future, but also a few that became genuinely good friends on and off the course. In my own experience, Dad was right. Half of my pleasure from golf comes from the social aspects of the game. 

 

But I can also easily see how someone with a different psychological orientation would get something completely different from the game.

 

 

Interesting take... 

I don't know how you can classify me, into or extrovert. I work with the public. I get paid to go and be friendly and talk to people. On the clock I have no problem walking into a bay and chatting with strangers and connecting the dots or showing a basic golf swing. I'm the guy that approaches unruly or intoxicated guests. Angry guests in our lobby. I have no issue doing any of that. 

Off the clock... I try to avoid people like the plague. I pretty much hate being off on weekends because I can't do the things I enjoy in peace. Can't bike the W&OD trail, can't golf, can't shop, can't dine out.. there are people out there. If I get off work late I may swing by the bar and grab some take out food. I sit as far away from people as possible. Do you know how often complete strangers try to talk to me? Why? 

But I don't golf to socialize. I golf to golf. I think my biggest issue with pairing is their games. Their habits. Then I stress if my habits are "bad". If I'm walking with friends in carts I'll walk ahead to keep pace. Am I the bad guy? Why is the guy in my group pushing the pace so fast when there's no where to go? Now his anxiety is making me hurry for no reason. Why is the other guy still looking for a ball? How many practice swings does this guy need? Yes I know it's hot out. Yes, I know the course is playing slow. 

I don't know, I just like playing alone. 

[miamistomp]

On 9/28/2021 at 3:23 AM, Mustard_Tiger said:

I sell insurance for a living so I love it when I get matched up with strangers. You wouldn't believe how many people are underinsured!

 

It usually takes me about 9 holes to get their life story out and learn about their hopes and dreams so that perhaps I can help protect them with the insurance they so desperately need. It's always a good time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

jk

 I hope you are just that happy to see them when they make a claim and company doesn't want to pay or they get dropped or rates jacked for no reason except profit margin

   

Or as Woody sang- " In this life you travel, you'll meet some funny men- some rob you with a sixgun and some with a fountain pen"

[double_d]

No I like being paired with strangers, 9 out of 10 times it has been a good experience.