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Falling behind in golf but well rounded?


Bizzle80

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Looking for some thoughts from people who have been through this. My 9yo loves golf, but also other sports and activities. This year in 4th grade her schedule has Jiu Jitsu, Tennis, Soccer, Guitar weekly Mon-Thu. I want to give her a day off, but that means golf's not even on the schedule because Saturday she has soccer games too. Nevermind homework.

 

Until recently she could keep up with the top girls, but over the last 6 months I can see she's falling behind. She can hit with all of them, just lacks the consistency and that means a few dropped shots over a round. The other girls are all golf only, most practicing daily (where the consistency comes from I would imagine).

 

I really want her to be well rounded and she enjoys all the other activities, but its clear she will keep falling behind with her schedule. What have you all done, as I imagine there are kids out there like mine...  I am so torn as a parent wanting her to enjoy life and learning, but also not wanting her to fall too far behind her peers.

 

Do I stay the course and let her learn and enjoy everything? Or cut stuff out and make her focus on golf?

 

 

 

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To answer your question, I believe the best solution is asking your 9 year old, what do she wants to do? If she wants to just have fun doing everything let her until she is ready to specialize, but if she wants to focus on golf now, do what you can to support her. Winning now means nothing although most parents and kids want that trophy. Those kids are better and slowly pulling away because they are putting in the work. Personally I wouldn't even sweat that, junior golf is one of the most parent involved kid sport activity there is, and as parents we want our kids to win but sometimes asking what your kid want is the best thing to do, we just need to be supportive regardless. 

 

I have two boys, both plays, one spends about a hour daily with golf, other one is when he is done with his homework and when he wants to practice he practices. Their tournament results show too with the amount of time they put in. My little one is the one that puts in a hour or so daily, in our area we have this one kid that been golfing for a while and spends 4-5 hours a day practicing, he self-studies or homeschool, in tournaments he always edges my kid by a few strokes, but we aren't going to change our practice hours or routine to chase results. My little even asked if he can home school so he can have more time for golf, it was shut down fast by me and mom.

 

My 10 year old shoots around 78ish from the ladies tee 5200-5600 yards. Plays around Par or under in his normal age group 4500-4900 yards. He plays a round 18 holes once a week, Tuesday Thursday range practice about 100 balls, Monday Wednesday he works on his short in our backyard, putting and chipping, each day we limit to about a hour or 90 mins max. Friday we head to our club to practice on their practice green. Saturday he plays 18, Sunday is Funday, no golf related activity at all.

 

 

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We know kids in our age group (11YO) who have done nothing but golf for 5 years, 52 weeks/year, and over 75 tournament rounds per year.  We take time off from golf for spring and fall baseball. Also work in some skiing, other random sports, camping and living life.  Yes, those kids that practice golf every single day will be more refined/consistent.  They may also be prone to repetitive stress injury. However, it is not hard to "catch up" if your kid has athletic ability and skills in golf.

 

That being said, your 9YO should not be made to do any sport. When they get to around 12-13 years old is when they likely start needing to commit to a sport if that is what they want to do. All just my opinion and how the show is being run at my house.

Edited by wildcatden
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As someone who was in a lot of sports as a child, I say ask her what she wants to do, and try not to push her towards anything. I'm extremely grateful that my parents gave me a choice when it came to sports or other activities and didn't try to push me towards one or the other. I personally don't like going the specialized route at an early age.

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That seems like a hefty schedule for 9 years old without golf.  One sport per season or they are just mediocre at all instead of being really good at one.

Edited by heavy_hitter
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Our plan for our son (12 next month ) has been do it all/everything he wants until ~14...then pick one main pursuit, maybe with one other off-season sport to keep busy (i.e. Golf, but play basketball in winter)....I do think keeping involved in a team sport has lots of benefit.  We know a Jack of all trades is a master of none, but believe that he'll be able to "catch up" when that time comes if he can , until then, "hang around".     It's tempting , I question it often with the same concern of him falling "too far behind".  You've all seen it - half his competitive golf buddies either are home schooled now , or half day, so they can golf more.    I've never had a doubt that if he practiced 6 days /week (vs. his usual 3) that he would be better.   

 

I'll add this challenge - my son was good early on (all sports), relying on natural athletic ability and speed.   Never had to work for it.  Now every season the field is leveling as more and more kids focused only on golf, highly instructed, growing strong/faster, etc.   He's not prone to work hard- partly I think because "winning" always came easy.  Waiting for his lightbulb to go off and see that.   His will to prepare isn't quite as strong as his will to succeed.  

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You should go back and read your post. You make several mentions of what you want. Have you asked her what she wants? Make it about her. She'll thrive doing what she loves.

 

From an outside perspective, it sounds like the only thing that matters to you is that she focuses on golf. Does she even want to play golf? Does she want to play at the highest level? Or do you want her to play golf? At the highest level? What sport/sports does she prefer?

 

The only thing that really matters is that she is healthy and happy and enjoys the short amount of time doing this crazy thing called life.

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43 minutes ago, heavy_hitter said:

 

Most kids are too old before they realize their father's advice was correct.

We are oil and water right now.  On the bright side, he FINALLY brought up (on his own) last week that he would like to find an instructor.  I've been trying to shake him for years.  Progress!

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45 minutes ago, shizblam said:

You should go back and read your post. You make several mentions of what you want. Have you asked her what she wants? Make it about her. She'll thrive doing what she loves.

 

From an outside perspective, it sounds like the only thing that matters to you is that she focuses on golf. Does she even want to play golf? Does she want to play at the highest level? Or do you want her to play golf? At the highest level? What sport/sports does she prefer?

 

The only thing that really matters is that she is healthy and happy and enjoys the short amount of time doing this crazy thing called life.

 

 

I should clarify...all the activities including golf are HER choices. She loves golf, has a literal shrine built in her room. I am trying to figure out the balance, because the kid loves to do everything including play, draw, read, whatever... Thats why I'm trying to make sure she has at LEAST one day off to do nothing. 

 

I am trying to figure out as a parent what the right balance is. We made a list and she wrote down what her top to bottom priorities were and golf was first. In my post I stated I want her to be well rounded, so maybe that's my answer and I let her do all and fall behind in the meantime in golf. Its just hard to watch, and I don't think she likes competing and not being as good.

 

Golf was always such a confidence builder for her and now she's still taking podiums in local tours but in middle of pack for bigger events. Probably doesn't help we are competing with some of the best kids in the country here in socal.

 

I don't know...just looking for feedback from anyone been down this road to let me know that not specializing at this age too much is ok...

 

 

 

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My son used to play basketball, soccer, and golf.  He was good at all 3.  I would say at around age 8 he quit basketball and soccer and focused strictly on golf.  I wouldn't say this was really my doing as he just lost interest in the other sports.  I will say my son won a lot from age 7 until about 10.  From 11 on, either my son got worse or the other beginner types were grinding hard and got really good.  Probably a bit of both.  Now that he is 12, you basically need to play a perfect round to win.  This is especially the case given that a lot of other 12 yr olds have already started to develop with big distance gains that come along with it.

 

To answer your question, I would let her do whatever she wants.  You list 5 activities, including golf.  IMO, something has to give.  Maybe pick one or two activities  along with golf.  If 'SHE' wants to eventually play at a high level you are right in that there are kids all over the world practicing/playing everyday while your daughter is practicing tennis, soccer, guitar, etc.  You can't control what they do, but your daughter has to want golf.  If she just wants to play recreationally right now, so be it.  Will she get beat in tournaments by the girls who practice a lot? Probably.  Personally, I am really afraid of burnout.  Winning for us week in and week out is not a concern anymore.  I just want him to be relevant in tournaments. 

 

I've met the both of you and in the end, things will work out.  Golf is a very long journey so don't get stressed about winning or falling behind just yet.  You have about 5-6 to wait. lol 

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37 minutes ago, Bizzle80 said:

 

 

I should clarify...all the activities including golf are HER choices. She loves golf, has a literal shrine built in her room. I am trying to figure out the balance, because the kid loves to do everything including play, draw, read, whatever... Thats why I'm trying to make sure she has at LEAST one day off to do nothing. 

 

I am trying to figure out as a parent what the right balance is. We made a list and she wrote down what her top to bottom priorities were and golf was first. In my post I stated I want her to be well rounded, so maybe that's my answer and I let her do all and fall behind in the meantime in golf. Its just hard to watch, and I don't think she likes competing and not being as good.

 

Golf was always such a confidence builder for her and now she's still taking podiums in local tours but in middle of pack for bigger events. Probably doesn't help we are competing with some of the best kids in the country here in socal.

 

I don't know...just looking for feedback from anyone been down this road to let me know that not specializing at this age too much is ok...

 

 

 

Some times its good for a kid to learn how to lose and be challenged/humbled.  It's hard to get better when you keep yourself as the big fish in a small pond. 

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3 hours ago, Bizzle80 said:

 

 

I should clarify...all the activities including golf are HER choices. She loves golf, has a literal shrine built in her room. I am trying to figure out the balance, because the kid loves to do everything including play, draw, read, whatever... Thats why I'm trying to make sure she has at LEAST one day off to do nothing. 

 

I am trying to figure out as a parent what the right balance is. We made a list and she wrote down what her top to bottom priorities were and golf was first. In my post I stated I want her to be well rounded, so maybe that's my answer and I let her do all and fall behind in the meantime in golf. Its just hard to watch, and I don't think she likes competing and not being as good.

 

Golf was always such a confidence builder for her and now she's still taking podiums in local tours but in middle of pack for bigger events. Probably doesn't help we are competing with some of the best kids in the country here in socal.

 

I don't know...just looking for feedback from anyone been down this road to let me know that not specializing at this age too much is ok...

 

 

 

It's cool as a 9yo, but she isn't that far away from middle school.  Kids change.  They don't need to be over booked or need an "off" day.  Agree with others just let her be a kid.  I would encourage to back off some items. 

 

Your question about golf.  I have three kids, but two that play golf.  Son started playing around 13/14.  Figured if he could make the HS team it would be cool.  He ended up playing Div 2 golf last year on a partial scholarship.  He had to overcome the kids that had been playing since forever.

 

Daughter is probably playing golf next year in college at this point.  Just waiting for the admissions paperwork and Decision in November.  Same thing she started before high school.  We live in a golf rich area.

 

Have seen many ladies drop off the planet around 15 or 16.  They get cars and discover boys.

 

Edited by TripleBogeysrbetter
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2 hours ago, leezer99 said:

I think I’ve shared this before but my son and I were on the putting green one day where I gave him some advice and he grunted at me and dismissed it. The head pro came over a little later and gave him the SAME advice and you’d have thought he was hearing it directly from the ghost of Ben Hogan. 

Doesn’t that drive you nuts?!  This happens all the time with me now.  I think when they get better than you, they turn a deaf ear to anything you say.  What they don’t realize is that, in a lot of cases, the parent is saying something helpful.  Most of the time, I’m saying the exact same thing his instructor says but trying different feels to achieve…

 

 

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Right now my two oldest (9, 11) are still on the almost same exact schedule with activities: Golf, Piano and Tae Kwon Do.  The one thing they do different is a three-hour block where she does coding and he does Lego club--but both are at the same place, same time.  Even with this super streamlined schedule, there's zero time for anything else if I want to keep my sanity.  We already cut out Trail Life/American Heritage Girls for this year, which was only one night per week.  We don't practice/play as much as the top kids in Central or South FL, and the tradeoff is short game inconsistency and the occasional bout with swing mechanics. 

 

As much as I would love to see them truly be able to mix it up with the kids who are coming in top 25 in Worlds every year, the best we can do for now is share a podium with them and occasionally pip them at a USKG Local or DCP qualifier.  I have to be OK with that for now, but that doesn't mean I don't make the most of the time we do have to prepare them for competition... it just can't include playing in two concurrent Local Tours, Under Armor and chase FJT around the state.  These kids celebrating red number after red number on IG every weekend--I tip my hat to them and the parents who make that happen, wondering if can be us eventually.  The chase is part of the fun, right? 

 

Right?

 

Right.

 

I don't know if my daughter will play golf after high school, but I do suspect that coding will help her out at some point.  I don't know if she will keep playing piano, but listening to her bust out a few passable bars of Beethoven's 5th or a Peanuts riff on our keyboard after three months of lessons is bliss.  She's not the best martial artist, but the discipline she's getting from TKD is adding up in other facets of life.  She says she wants to play volleyball eventually, and that could be a great change of pace.  

 

My son, different story.  He wishes we could play every single day and hates that we can't...hates that he loses to kids who play 7-8 events monthly during the summer.  His piano is just as good, his TKD is much better than his sister's, and he's a Lego-building machine (his fleet of brick supercars grows every month)--but he would trade it all to shoot under par.  For his own good, and for ours, that's not going to happen (at least for years).

 

Don't get me wrong, your kid has to practice and play to score well.  But keeping up with the Joneses has to give away to not just keeping your kid balanced, but also keeping the entire family balanced.  

 

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Maybe I’m alone in this thinking but I don’t think there’s any need for a 9 year old to be playing tournament golf. Just let her have fun in the game, assuming you play you can set it up so she competes with you and keep it fresh, exciting and gradually make it more and more difficult for her to win. 

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20 hours ago, leezer99 said:

I think I’ve shared this before but my son and I were on the putting green one day where I gave him some advice and he grunted at me and dismissed it. The head pro came over a little later and gave him the SAME advice and you’d have thought he was hearing it directly from the ghost of Ben Hogan. 

 

This is the very reason I just don't say anything anymore.  Shut my mouth and pay someone else to say it.

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I am GenX.  If you really think I care about what you have to say, I don't.

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20 hours ago, wegobomber31 said:

Maybe I’m alone in this thinking but I don’t think there’s any need for a 9 year old to be playing tournament golf. Just let her have fun in the game, assuming you play you can set it up so she competes with you and keep it fresh, exciting and gradually make it more and more difficult for her to win. 

I kind of feel sorry for kids nowadays. Back when I was 9 my parents just told me to go outside and do something, partly to let me explore things, but mostly to get me out of their hair for a while 😁. I'm sure some people who think they have to schedule every minute of a child's day will think that is bad parenting but, back then both my parents worked hard and they needed rest too. But they were always there when they needed to be.  

Edited by rd1959
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1 hour ago, rd1959 said:

I kind of feel sorry for kids nowadays. Back when I was 9 my parents just told me to go outside and do something, partly to let me explore things, but mostly to get me out of their hair for a while 😁. I'm sure some people who think they have to schedule every minute of a child's day is bad parenting but, back then both my parents worked hard and they needed rest too. But they were always there when they needed to be.  

 

I was just thinking about how when I was a kid I would walk home w friends and play in the street until dinner time.

 

Good advice all around. Going to have to be ok with her not competing with top of fields, but happy that she's experiencing so many different pursuits.

 

 

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7 hours ago, RobS said:

Let her do what she wants as long as it's something positive/fulfilling.  Cutting back on some sports or activities to keep your child from being overscheduled is worthy of consideration but I'd avoid making a child focus on a single activity.  Her golf may ultimately benefit down the road from her participation in other activities and sports.  I'd argue that at age 9, you're not going to fall too far behind in golf by not making it the sole or #1 priority. Removing the very rare kids that show an undeniable talent for golf, you don't really know what you have in a golfer until they start to physically and emotionally mature.  The kid that wins at age 9 may fall back in the pack at age 13.  A lot changes as the kids get bigger, the courses get longer, pre-teen and teen distractions increase and priorities change.  You'll know when it's time to put the pedal down and you're kid will increase their focus and intensity when they are ready and willing.  As a parent, I think the best thing you can do is provide the opportunities, available resources and keep it fun.  If a kid has a genuine future in golf, they will push the process.

 

 

Said so well…. I had a college career in sports and then a short lived minor league stint…… none of the guys I played with were there because their parents pushed them to choose one thing over another. All those guys were passionate and gravitated to the game. 
 

you couldn’t even keep us away from the game. We played 8 days a week. We all also played other sports in high school….. then again…. Maybe that is why my pro career was so short. 
 

let kids have fun. Give them choice.

 

They will naturally press forward. As parents we need to instill values about hard work, handling winning and losing, how to handle feedback and criticism….. those psychological challenges are the toughest part of the game. 

 

Hopefully at the end of the day they are enjoying every minute of what ever activities they choose. 

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