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Awkward situation


slicer365

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A buddy of mine has been playing with us since the start of the season, and he's been using my clubs as if they were his own. I'm not a selfish person, but this has gone on for probably 2 months now, every Saturday. At first it didn't bother me because it made me feel good that somebody likes my club so much, now it's getting at little old. I'm a very passionate guy about my clubs and it appears that he has no concept of what they mean to me. The other day for instance, he tried to fit my V-Steel fairway headcover on my G5 driver. It's stuff like that, that really makes me pissed off. As a bit of a conversation piece we talked and I brought up Golfsmith and the fact that he can get a G2 used for about $200, he then turned to me and said, "that's fine and all, but my next purchase is gonna be a $500 Bow for my new deer lease, and try to get a little ahead in the big rat race of life." You know that's fine and I completely respect that, but that means he's making no efforts in trying to buy new clubs and for the rest of the season, I'm his scape goat. What would y'all do????

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Does he even bring a set of clubs or does he bring them and just use yours?

 

I would talk to him about it. It sounds like he has absolutely no intention of getting new clubs. A good friend will understand. If you do not talk to him about it, eventually, it will hit a boiling point for you and you will blow up on him.

 

Or you can stop playing with him or tell him you want to go hunting and use his new $500 bow.

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Buy him a cheap set of clubs as a gift. Then when you play with him he will feel obligated to play the clubs you got him because they were a gift. or if he doesnt feel obligated guilt him into playing the gifted clubs by saying "what? you dont like the clubs i gave you" when he grabs for one of yours.

Driver: ZX5 MKII 8.5 LS w/Miyazaki Kena Back 6x
Fairway: Srixon ZX MKII 13.5* w/ GD Tour AD M9003
Hybrid: Srixon ZX MKII 16* w/ Nippon GOST

Utility: Srixon ZX MKII 20* w/Nippon GOST
Irons: SRIXON ZX5 MKII 5-AW w/Steelfiber i100
Wedges: RTX6 52* and 56*
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All with Bad@$$ headcovers

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Here's his set:

 

Ping Zing driver

Ping Zing fairways

Ping Imitations with grips that haven't been changed in 10 years

No wedges

A beat to hell Touring Pro Model Spalding by TP Mills

Intec Golf Balls

 

He uses my G5, V-Steels, and Wedges...and now he likes my putter better than his. he also threw my putter at the cart and luckily he didn't dent it up.

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I'm not about guilt trips or getting even. I just wanted to vent and get piece of mind.

 

Which piece did you get? Or was it peace you were after?

 

Seriously, you should "vent" to him. If this person is a good 'buddy', and it appears he would be since you spend every Saturday with him, then why would you not tell him exactly what you posted to start this thread? When I read what you posted as if it was being said out loud, it is a honest, to the point, harmless statement that reflects how you feel and what it means to you. I couldn't think of a better way for you to bring this up to a friend.

 

I understand, it's frustrating, and it's nice to have a place like GolfWRX to vent (and I am not intending to discourage this at all) however, you would be doing yourself and your buddy a favor if you could be more direct; have a real conversation. What's the worse that could happen?

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Just tell him that you have promised your cousin/in-law relative/(someone he doesn't know) the clubs, since they don't have the funds for good clubs. Then just hide them away. I don't have this issue as much because I sell everything I don't regularly use.

 

I have no issue telling my friends and family to lay their hands off my clubs if I think they will cause damage. If it's important to me it should be important to them. If it's not, that's their issue not mine. And I have never had any problems. And I expect the same in return.

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I'm not about guilt trips or getting even. I just wanted to vent and get piece of mind.

Which piece did you get? Or was it peace you were after?

LMAO gotta love the grammer police! I have to refrain otherwise my post count would be through the roof!

 

If it were me it would be simple. Lease the clubs to him in return for a freezer full of venison. Yummy!!! :golfer:

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You should always be able to tell a real friend the truth. No matter how brutal or "honest". When my friends are acting like zip damn fools I have nooooo problem telling them so. And they appreciate it. They know that when they come to me for advice or an opinion it will always be the truth. :golfer:

 

Your friend shouldn't get mad because you're being honest with him. Remember, a friendship that can cease wasn't real in the first place.

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If it were me it would be simple. Lease the clubs to him in return for a freezer full of venison. Yummy!!! :golfer:

 

I shot him an e-mail saying the Real Tree Outfitters selected me for an all inclusive bow hunting trip to the Piney Woods of Georgia. I asked him to borrow his bow, arrows, and binoculars. I haven't heard from him since. I don't think it went over well. Oh well, we are friends. He's a school teacher. I hunt too, but until I can kill bigger than 175 B&C points, I'll just watch and enjoy the scenary.

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Sounds like a tough situation and I understand that you don't want to come off as selfish or a nag or embarrass your friend. One thing you could try is talking about how expensive your clubs are and how your golfing funds are pretty low (blame your significant other, if you have one, or if you don't, make up an expensive discretionary purchase you need to save up for like a huge flatscreen TV) and you need make sure these clubs stay in primo condition for when you trade or sell them.

 

If he doesn't get the hint, you'll probably have to be more direct with him.

 

Good luck. Dana

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Hehe well at the least you have greased the skids for the loaned clubs conversation. Seriously though if he's a good friend he won't think twice about loaning you his bow. If he does simply tell him you have decided to make some bag changes and need your backup set back. :golfer:

 

The southeast seems to have considerably smaller deer than the ones found out here in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. I'm not sure why that is though....

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just look him dead in the eyes and tell him you don't feel comfortable anymore sharing your clubs. No need to be afraid. If he asks why, just tell him you don't need a reason because they are your clubs and you don't have to explain or give excuses since they belong to you, not him. You don't have to yell at him obviously, but just let him know enough is enough. :golfer:

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We have a saying in the shop:

 

"Borrow it three times, buy your own."

 

I don't mind people borrowing my stuff as long as they treat it with at least as much respect as I do. The minute even my very best friend threw my expensive putter at the golf cart, well.....not only would his 'free for three' clause expire but he'd be up poop creek in the 'friend' department as well.

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I like the 3 and done rule, DL5treez. I gave him 3 e-mails yesterday of G2 drivers on eBay selling for $175 BUY IT NOW. Most of them have the crappy PING shafts in them, but the G2 is basically a dressed down G5. I also threw sarcasm at him about the hunting trip drawing and stuff I'll need in order to hunt: like his bow, arrows, tent, sleeping bag, boots, and long johns. He rebutts and says "so why did you enter a draw if you don't have the necessary equipment," it took everything I had to not to turn his question at him.

 

I gotta come to grips with this situation, and either say no and be a jackass or let him use them. If I catch him abusing my clubs again, that's it. Hopefully he got my sarcasm at home later on that night.

 

Very doubtful, however!!! :golfer: (cool)

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My rule of thumb and it has worked with friends is that I do not loan much less let anyone hit my clubs. My buddies now know if I get a new club they want even ask to hit it. It has worked. The reason I did this was I let a friend hit my brand new R7 TP and he hit a huge sky ball and you know the rest. I could not stand to like at it anymore much less hit it. The worst part was he didn't even offer to fix or replace it.

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I like the 3 and done rule, DL5treez. I gave him 3 e-mails yesterday of G2 drivers on eBay selling for $175 BUY IT NOW. Most of them have the crappy PING shafts in them, but the G2 is basically a dressed down G5. I also threw sarcasm at him about the hunting trip drawing and stuff I'll need in order to hunt: like his bow, arrows, tent, sleeping bag, boots, and long johns. He rebutts and says "so why did you enter a draw if you don't have the necessary equipment," it took everything I had to not to turn his question at him.

 

I gotta come to grips with this situation, and either say no and be a jackass or let him use them. If I catch him abusing my clubs again, that's it. Hopefully he got my sarcasm at home later on that night.

 

Very doubtful, however!!! :golfer: (cool)

 

I don't understand why asking for YOUR stuff back is acting like a jackass. Even if you don't use them their yours. He doesn't respect your stuff, or you, he's the jackass. With friends like that......

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The character or lack thereof of ANY person becomes very apparent on the golf course.Seems to me your "friendship" is a one way street.It's time for you to show your character and put up a stop sign.If he gets upset that's his problem,,,and BTW,,,what's with YOU buying clubs[used/cheap or whatever] to make HIM happy.He is responsible for his score,his clubs and his own happiness.

Golf is like life,,,think about it.

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I like the 3 and done rule, DL5treez. I gave him 3 e-mails yesterday of G2 drivers on eBay selling for $175 BUY IT NOW. Most of them have the crappy PING shafts in them, but the G2 is basically a dressed down G5. I also threw sarcasm at him about the hunting trip drawing and stuff I'll need in order to hunt: like his bow, arrows, tent, sleeping bag, boots, and long johns. He rebutts and says "so why did you enter a draw if you don't have the necessary equipment," it took everything I had to not to turn his question at him.

 

I gotta come to grips with this situation, and either say no and be a jackass or let him use them. If I catch him abusing my clubs again, that's it. Hopefully he got my sarcasm at home later on that night.

 

Very doubtful, however!!! :golfer: :D

 

How long have you been friends with this person? How can you not speak your mind to him? The "...it took everything I had not to turn his question at him." boggles me. Does he bully you or something? Are you afraid to lose the friendship if you speak up? I don't get it. (cool)

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No, I've just always lived life as a pacifist. Never really liked confrontation. I played DIII college football and can fight if I wanted to. Anyway, we've been friends for 16 +/- years. He's truly a great guy, but he can be a mooch. He had a hard time growing up, came from a broken home, father took care of him, and he lived in an apartment. I took him under my wing and we played football together ever since the 6th grade. I made him feel like one of the guys despite where he came from. I took him to Rockets games, Oilers games, Astros games, and on vacations.

 

He turned out fine and is successful. Has his own house, a wife, and transportation. I guess my point is I've spoiled him so much, it's hard to draw the line....he has his own clubs and he brings them with him, but he uses my woods and driver, in case I didn't interject that.

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No, I've just always lived life as a pacifist. Never really liked confrontation. I played DIII college football and can fight if I wanted to. Anyway, we've been friends for 16 +/- years. He's truly a great guy, but he can be a mooch. He had a hard time growing up, came from a broken home, father took care of him, and he lived in an apartment. I took him under my wing and we played football together ever since the 6th grade. I made him feel like one of the guys despite where he came from. I took him to Rockets games, Oilers games, Astros games, and on vacations.

 

He turned out fine and is successful. Has his own house, a wife, and transportation. I guess my point is I've spoiled him so much, it's hard to draw the line....he has his own clubs and he brings them with him, but he uses my woods and driver, in case I didn't interject that.

 

Slicer, i can sympathize with you whole heartedly, i have a friend of mine that i have been friends with for 20 years +, and he is a mooch and always has been, from borrowing money for lunch in High School to asking me and getting a job working for me, i had to lay him off because he was one constantly took advantage of our friendship, used company gas card without permission ( to the amount of $3500.00) charged for hours he did not work. Just expected me to hand him the keys to the city ( because we were friends). My point is you have to draw the line somewhere or this guy will suck the life out of you, maybe its only golf clubs right now, but i will bet it will grow if given the chance.

 

Tell him the truth. A little piece of advice, a true friend would not EVER put you in a position that you feel uncomfortable being able to talk about. He is using you, so the only one you can blame is you, he will do it until you stop it. If you don't want to, then its your problem. And you are making excuses for him, he came from a broken home, so what, lots of people do, including me.

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Also, it's not because he can't afford to get new clubs, it's because he chooses to spend money on hunting. That's the problem. He wants to use me for equipment that he would rather not buy.

 

 

You continue to defend and make excuses for him.

 

I guess since you do not want to tell him, i would get on ebay and buy him the exact same clubs you use and give them to him for an early Christmas present.

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Do you guys play for money? Throw penalty strokes at him for swinging your clubs.

 

Maybe he doesn't realize how much of a turd he's being my mistreating your gamers? At the very least you should tell him if you used his hunting equipment you'd treat it better than your own stuff- a key piece to borrowing stuff.

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Try this...

 

Load him up in the car/truck and take him to a local qualified clubfitter, but don't tell him where you are going.

 

When you get there, tell him that your clubs are fitted to you, and that you are going to pay for a fitting session for him. After all, everyone wants to get better, right? He will play better if he has clubs that are fitted for him, not someone else. Tell him that your clubs are for you, and the more he plays with them, the better the opportunity that they get out of spec for you.

 

Let him know that you are genuinely interested in him improving his golf game and you want to help...

 

Ask him how it felt when you asked him for all his camping/hunting gear and tell him that you feel the same way when he asks to hit your clubs.

 

If you guys are close enough friends, he'll understand where you are going and what you are trying to do...

 

Might be the best $50-$75 bucks you've ever spent.

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