Feherty pens his own "hate mail"----hilarious!

Asleep · October 17, 2006

November 2006

It's easier than ever to send me hate mail

By David Feherty

...

Dear Mr. Feherty,

I am still shaking with outrage at the reprehensible and incomprehensible invective you hurled at anyone in earshot during the U.S. Bank Championship. In the old days you would have had something unspeakable inserted into you by an elderly clergyman.

Who are you, you ferret-faced weasel, to call anyone a rat, let alone a bona fide superstar like Corey Pavin? Who has given you (a wretched, bitter hedgehog of a man) the right to vilify the legends of the game? How many times did you win a U.S. Open, you no-talent hack? You couldn't qualify with the 12-handicappers at the first stage with that drunken, epileptic swipe of a move you make at the ball. You look like Martin Short being tasered by an L.A. County Sheriff's deputy.

I number Corey among my closest friends (even though he used to be Jewish and I've never actually met him). I conduct weekly séances for a USGA Rules of Golf study group, and frequently get in touch with dead legends of the game like Deane Beman and Greg Norman. Occasionally we will channel through Corey, who is amazingly effective at elevating us to the next level: the fourth dimension. Just last week we spoke with Judge Smails and Glenn Ford, who, as you are no doubt unaware, played the great Walter Hogan in Follow the Son.

As if it wasn't enough to heap insults on Corey, you then felt compelled to place poor Lanny Wadkins in your crosshairs, you hamster-molesting bastxxx. What has little Lanny ever done to you except make you look good by letting you read the putts (as if you can)? The only break you ever got right was recess in the second grade, you bulbous-nosed Mick. And what is all that moving-boxes-at-Wal-Mart harness crap you wear? Holy David Duke, you look like a stool-pushing Gaelic hairdresser, or Lenny Bruce in lederhosen, you wireless wanker, gliding around the golf course a foot off the grass. For God's sake, at least Lanny Wadkins dresses in a manly fashion.

Hey, I hope you regard this letter as constructive. At least I'm not one of those homophobic Tiger-bashers you hear from all the time. I like people of color, even some of the really dark ones, like Miles Davis and Tyrone Power (although to be honest I'd be pretty upset if my son married someone like that). If you ever get to Yorba Linda, look me up. I'll show you my collection of old balata balls. One of them has a cut in it that makes it look just like the Virgin Mary. It's uncanny. Call me.

Sincerely,

Monsignor Michael "Spatula" Spatchatoli

Name and address withheld due to restrictions at maximum-security institutions.

http://www.golfonline.com/golfonline/featu...1542608,00.html

USNHack · October 17, 2006

Now that's funny! Feherty is a piece of work. :drinks:

skinkman · October 17, 2006

stupid :drinks:

DemolitionMan · October 18, 2006

Gutsy to print that thing considering the p.c. of the world. Steve Lyons got fired for saying a lot less.

dbren1 · October 21, 2006

He may have written it, but the editor decided to publish it. If there is any comeback it should be the editor that ok'd it that gets it in the neck, not Feherty.