CANERICA --- Let's Do This!!!

[ram01002]

Turn on the TV, sit back and watch. We’ve got a lot of problems . . . a lot! Fiscal cliff, partisan bickering, corrupt lobbyists, the Lakers suck, escalating fuel prices, Jar-Jar Binks, wars and conflicts, etc. We need solutions and we need them quick! That’s why I am proposing a merger between 2 great nations . . . the US of A and Canada!

 

I’m putting my own prejudices about Canada to the side to do this! As you all know, the only worse than a Xenophobe is a Canadian. How do I know? I dated a girl from Calgary once and she flaked out on me . . . obviously means that all Canadians are flakes (NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!) Interesting sidenote . . . . MTLJeff actually lives in Topeka, Kansas. Just says he’s from Canada for street cred.

 

Anyways, let’s get back to this merger. Both countries can help each other greatly! Canadians get full use of our beaches, powerball tickets, REAL football teams, and are eligible for Golfwrx giveaways (not to mention the elimination of customs fees)! Americans get to exploit all of Canada’s natural resources, exploit Canada’s national healthcare, and blame everything else on our “neighbors to the north.” It would also be huge in deterring illegal Canadian immigrants from invading our borders and corrupting the economic and cultural icons of Montana and North Dakota!

 

Now, if we’re going to do this, we need leadership . . . STRONG LEADERSHIP! We need someone who understands the needs of the people and who will solve problems the Hooters way (delightfully tacky, yet unrefined). We all need to vote for the Ron Jeremy of problem solving . . . .STAGE1350! His extensive knowledge of all things illegal will help us solve crime, end wars, and trick other nations into giving us their money!

 

 

 

Stage needs a Vice President . . . someone unafraid to ruffle a few feathers, and speak up for the Canadian contingent. Who better than the Ron Burgundy of problem solving . . . Thrillhouse! His wit, sarcasm, love of burritos, and loyalty to Mother England will do more good than a million other Canadians! (sidenote . . . are there even a million of you guys?)

 

Washington DC is obviously located too far to the south, so we’ll need a new capital. Fortunately, there is an organization in Far Hills, New Jersey who hasn’t accomplished a positive thing in 30 years . . . their headquarters will be the new capital of Canerica! Also, Donald Trump is so used to kissing the respective heinies of the Far Hills Blue Blazers that Stage and Thrill are going to get Trump Bedminster as their own private playground. This means . . . . yep, you guessed it . . . . Trump Bedminster is going to be Golfwrx’ own private club!

 

We can do this!! I’ve got a few gears already in motion. Robopti is designing a national flag (Darth Vader holding hands with a dancing gorilla). I have contacted the best musicians from each country (Justin Beiber and Nickelback are working on a national anthem). I need your help! We need ideas on everything else! The DarkOne already texted me that the national color is OSU orange . . . apparently TBowles needs some sort of commitment from Paula Creamer . . . . and MoneyShot is demanding free golf club prostitution. List your demands below and let’s make this dream a reality!

[Gripit_Swiftit]

Bieber and Nickleback are both Canadian....Now Carly Rae Jepsen....she can stay in America.

My only question is why would Canada EVER want to join in on our mess of a country? They have everything you could ever dream of except Summer and warm weather. Their only giant, glaring problem is the entire section of their country speaking French. Well that and permafrost that prevents golf from being played.

Plus I live in Minnesota and all of those filthy Canadian gongshows would cross the border and make Minneapolis the "American Canadian hotspot of the midwest"....I can just picture the bar scene now. Absolute chaos.

[ram01002]

[quote name='Gripit_Swiftit' timestamp='1355503040' post='6068285']
Bieber and Nickleback are both Canadian....Now Carly Rae Jepsen....she can stay in America.

My only question is why would Canada EVER want to join in on our mess of a country? They have everything you could ever dream of except Summer and warm weather. Their only giant, glaring problem is the entire section of their country speaking French. Well that and permafrost that prevents golf from being played.

Plus I live in Minnesota and all of those filthy Canadian gongshows would cross the border and make Minneapolis the "American Canadian hotspot of the midwest"....I can just picture the bar scene now. Absolute chaos.
[/quote]

Bieber AND Nickelback are both Canadian? . . . not a problem!

No worries, I've reached out to Rebecca Black and she will get working on the American side of the anthem!

[mukster]

Yes! Then we can jointly ban ALL reality talent shows! (Except Big Break of course). And we can jointly accept blame for Bieber and Nickleback! It won't be just our problem anymore! And poutine, the most deadly of all dishes, blame can be shared across the continent. Could we have a bit more sun and heat up our way?

[ram01002]

[quote name='mukster' timestamp='1355503953' post='6068353']
Could we have a bit more sun and heat up our way?
[/quote]

OK - - we'll sweeten the pot . . . Puerto Rico will be the 51st state! Non-stop flights from 6 major Canadian cities to Puerto Rice!

[KILLEDBYASHANKEDWEDGE]

Politics, even a weak attempt at political satire, does not belong on a golf forum.

[ram01002]

[quote name='KILLEDBYASHANKEDWEDGE' timestamp='1355506493' post='6068541']
Politics, even a weak attempt at political satire, does not belong on a golf forum.
[/quote]

[Lefty94]

Ah yes the great and wonderful EVEN NORTHER DAKOTA!!!!! I love that place......

They love hockey, curling and Tim Horton's, no one could give a flying F about basketball (which alone makes this the greatest country ever), they have Harvey's and Mr. Big bars...which are all of my favorite things.....

[nbg352]

I think China beat you to our natural resources

[tembolo1284]

Merger...how about usa just invades canada and takes all their canadian bacon?

[tembolo1284]

Just break canada up into a bunch of states. And remove that french chunk from there too.

Those are my conditions. French is BANNED. You can have all the sun and heat you want in return.

Deal?

And that name is a NO.

[stage1350]

As much as I'd like to take office and grant clemency to square grooves, there are too many Cameron fanatics that would be eager to go Lee Harvey Oswald on me.

"If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not wear pants."

[nbg352]

[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355513339' post='6069049']
Merger...how about usa just invades canada and takes all their canadian bacon?
[/quote]
Remember what happened the last time you guys tried that?
Hint: It's the reason the White House is, well, white.....

[bNeill]

On second thought, this probably doesn't belong on a golf forum..

[ram01002]

[quote name='stage1350' timestamp='1355513772' post='6069083']
As much as I'd like to take office and grant clemency to square grooves, there are too many Cameron fanatics that would be eager to go Lee Harvey Oswald on me.

"If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not wear pants."
[/quote]

Stage . . . listen to me. Just got off the phone with Pepperturbo. He's currently on the 16th hole with Bill Gates, the Pope, and James Bond. He is willing to send one of his 6 private jets to your door so we can talk you into running. We NEED you!

[stage1350]

Very well. The plan for my first 100 days in office:

- Send Thrillhouse on a whirlwind tour of all the classic courses. He must drive past fairway bunkers, over doglegs, and play the course in the opposite way that the architect intended.
- Enforce pace of play at gunpoint. Less than 4 hours or you get shot in the kneecap.
- Make every American enjoy Poutine at least once. It's like the Canadian version of crack.
- Make any use of the color lime green an offense punishable by caning.
- Fund school program to educate children that the correct phrase is "Anser style putter."
- Restore the rest of the NHL season...except in Detroit. Screw the Red Wings!!
- Invite Paula Creamer into the Lincoln bedroom and invoke "Executive Privelege."
- Brag to TBowles about said invocation of Executive Privelege.
- Bring sexy back.
- Party and golf again with the Houston group. They just know how to do it right.
- Celebrate with Rush as they finally go into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- Send a set of blades to MtlJeff and make him play them.
- Consult with Ron Jeremy to make a golf themed porno. Balls, shafts, get in the hole, etc. WRX giveaway contest for the most creative title.
- Reintroduce Labatts 50th Ale and make it the official beer of the PGA Tour.
- Fund space program to being back asteroids. Process ore into metal and have Don White make me a badass set of custom grinds.
- Use Justin Timberlake's love of golf to lure more hot chicks to the game.
- Make all Olympic curling teams wear Loudmouth pants. Not just the Norwegians.
- Pardon the guy that attempted to assassinate Justin Bieber. I think he deserves a second chance to be successful with his plan.
- Limit Pepperturbo to either cigars or single malt, but not both. One is enough, you hedonistic bastage!
- Completely abuse the power of the office to get VIP invites to all the OEMs. Bring fellow WRXers with. Tour bags for all!
- Hold contest to find sexiest cart girl on the continent. Make the winner my "Chief of Staff..."





-

[ram01002]

[quote name='stage1350' timestamp='1355518168' post='6069467']
Very well. The plan for my first 100 days in office:

- Send Thrillhouse on a whirlwind tour of all the classic courses. He must drive past fairway bunkers, over doglegs, and play the course in the opposite way that the architect intended.
- Enforce pace of play at gunpoint. Less than 4 hours or you get shot in the kneecap.
- Make every American enjoy Poutine at least once. It's like the Canadian version of crack.
- Make any use of the color lime green an offense punishable by caning.
- Fund school program to educate children that the correct phrase is "Anser style putter."
- Restore the rest of the NHL season...except in Detroit. Screw the Red Wings!!
- Invite Paula Creamer into the Lincoln bedroom and invoke "Executive Privelege."
- Brag to TBowles about said invocation of Executive Privelege.
- Bring sexy back.
- Party and golf again with the Houston group. They just know how to do it right.
- Celebrate with Rush as they finally go into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- Send a set of blades to MtlJeff and make him play them.
- Consult with Ron Jeremy to make a golf themed porno. Balls, shafts, get in the hole, etc. WRX giveaway contest for the most creative title.
- Reintroduce Labatts 50th Ale and make it the official beer of the PGA Tour.
- Fund space program to being back asteroids. Process ore into metal and have Don White make me a badass set of custom grinds.
- Use Justin Timberlake's love of golf to lure more hot chicks to the game.
- Make all Olympic curling teams wear Loudmouth pants. Not just the Norwegians.
- Pardon the guy that attempted to assassinate Justin Bieber. I think he deserves a second chance to be successful with his plan.
- Limit Pepperturbo to either cigars or single malt, but not both. One is enough, you hedonistic bastage!
- Completely abuse the power of the office to get VIP invites to all the OEMs. Bring fellow WRXers with. Tour bags for all!
- Hold contest to find sexiest cart girl on the continent. Make the winner my "Chief of Staff..."





-
[/quote]

This is perfect . . . . also wanted make sure you were okay with wearing a presidential thumb ring in lieu of a crown.

[tembolo1284]

[url="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white"]http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white[/url]

Because you know everything you read on wiki is true.

[b] [url=""]Why is the White House "White"?[/url][/b]
Many people including at least one encyclopedia have supposed that the white house was painted white in order to cover burn marks left by British troops in 1814.

I just finished a guided tour of the White House today, where it was explained that the exterior walls were constructed of sandstone quarried from Aquia Creek quarry in Stafford VA.

The presidential structure was painted white in 1798, (16 years before the White House was burned) in order to protect the sandstone from damage caused by water and winter freezes.

The name "White House" did not become official until Theodore Roosevelt issued an executive order in 1901, although there are many references to "the White House" that predate the war of 1812.

The British did not burn the White house until 1814 in retaliation for some buildings burned by American troops in Canada during the war of 1812.

Although it was not completed until a few years after the presidency of George Washington, it has been speculated that the "President's Palace", "President's Mansion", or "President's House" as it was originally referred to was named after Martha Washington's father's home "White House Plantation" where the first president and Martha had courted.

[tembolo1284]

[quote name='stage1350' timestamp='1355518168' post='6069467']
Very well. The plan for my first 100 days in office:

- Send Thrillhouse on a whirlwind tour of all the classic courses. He must drive past fairway bunkers, over doglegs, and play the course in the opposite way that the architect intended.
- Enforce pace of play at gunpoint. Less than 4 hours or you get shot in the kneecap.
- Make every American enjoy Poutine at least once. It's like the Canadian version of crack.
- Make any use of the color lime green an offense punishable by caning.
- Fund school program to educate children that the correct phrase is "Anser style putter."
- Restore the rest of the NHL season...except in Detroit. Screw the Red Wings!!
- Invite Paula Creamer into the Lincoln bedroom and invoke "Executive Privelege."
- Brag to TBowles about said invocation of Executive Privelege.
- Bring sexy back.
- Party and golf again with the Houston group. They just know how to do it right.
- Celebrate with Rush as they finally go into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- Send a set of blades to MtlJeff and make him play them.
- Consult with Ron Jeremy to make a golf themed porno. Balls, shafts, get in the hole, etc. WRX giveaway contest for the most creative title.
- Reintroduce Labatts 50th Ale and make it the official beer of the PGA Tour.
- Fund space program to being back asteroids. Process ore into metal and have Don White make me a badass set of custom grinds.
- Use Justin Timberlake's love of golf to lure more hot chicks to the game.
- Make all Olympic curling teams wear Loudmouth pants. Not just the Norwegians.
- Pardon the guy that attempted to assassinate Justin Bieber. I think he deserves a second chance to be successful with his plan.
- Limit Pepperturbo to either cigars or single malt, but not both. One is enough, you hedonistic bastage!
- Completely abuse the power of the office to get VIP invites to all the OEMs. Bring fellow WRXers with. Tour bags for all!
- Hold contest to find sexiest cart girl on the continent. Make the winner my "Chief of Staff..."





-
[/quote]

stage are you canadian?

[nbg352]

[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355518547' post='6069509']
[url="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white"]http://wiki.answers....e_painted_white[/url]

Because you know everything you read on wiki is true.

[b] Why is the White House "White"?[/b]
Many people including at least one encyclopedia have supposed that the white house was painted white in order to cover burn marks left by British troops in 1814.

I just finished a guided tour of the White House today, where it was explained that the exterior walls were constructed of sandstone quarried from Aquia Creek quarry in Stafford VA.

The presidential structure was painted white in 1798, (16 years before the White House was burned) in order to protect the sandstone from damage caused by water and winter freezes.

The name "White House" did not become official until Theodore Roosevelt issued an executive order in 1901, although there are many references to "the White House" that predate the war of 1812.

The British did not burn the White house until 1814 in retaliation for some buildings burned by American troops in Canada during the war of 1812.

Although it was not completed until a few years after the presidency of George Washington, it has been speculated that the "President's Palace", "President's Mansion", or "President's House" as it was originally referred to was named after Martha Washington's father's home "White House Plantation" where the first president and Martha had courted.
[/quote]
Washington was burned in August of 1814, during The War of 1812. The war officially ended in December of 1814, with the exception of The Battle of New Orleans which took place in 1815,
Canada has since declared the USA as a friend and the two countries share the longest, ( mostly unguarded ) border in the world. I guess very few Canadians wish to escape to America and vice versa.......

[OUZO Power]

This will not fly.

We don't want weapon scanners in our schools and wannabe thugs running around armed.

We like things the way they are. Even if we miss out on GWRX contests and pay more for golf equipment. But thats ok. Our economy is stronger.

[tembolo1284]

[quote name='nbg352' timestamp='1355520627' post='6069701']
[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355518547' post='6069509']
[url="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white"]http://wiki.answers....e_painted_white[/url]

Because you know everything you read on wiki is true.

[b] Why is the White House "White"?[/b]
Many people including at least one encyclopedia have supposed that the white house was painted white in order to cover burn marks left by British troops in 1814.

I just finished a guided tour of the White House today, where it was explained that the exterior walls were constructed of sandstone quarried from Aquia Creek quarry in Stafford VA.

The presidential structure was painted white in 1798, (16 years before the White House was burned) in order to protect the sandstone from damage caused by water and winter freezes.

The name "White House" did not become official until Theodore Roosevelt issued an executive order in 1901, although there are many references to "the White House" that predate the war of 1812.

The British did not burn the White house until 1814 in retaliation for some buildings burned by American troops in Canada during the war of 1812.

Although it was not completed until a few years after the presidency of George Washington, it has been speculated that the "President's Palace", "President's Mansion", or "President's House" as it was originally referred to was named after Martha Washington's father's home "White House Plantation" where the first president and Martha had courted.
[/quote]
Washington was burned in August of 1814, during The War of 1812. The war officially ended in December of 1814, with the exception of The Battle of New Orleans which took place in 1815,
Canada has since declared the USA as a friend and the two countries share the longest, ( mostly unguarded ) border in the world. I guess very few Canadians wish to escape to America and vice versa.......
[/quote]

I still think you guys hold most of the world's wealth in your canadian bacon. Me want.

[nbg352]

[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355520903' post='6069735']
[quote name='nbg352' timestamp='1355520627' post='6069701']
[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355518547' post='6069509']
[url="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white"]http://wiki.answers....e_painted_white[/url]

Because you know everything you read on wiki is true.

[b] Why is the White House "White"?[/b]
Many people including at least one encyclopedia have supposed that the white house was painted white in order to cover burn marks left by British troops in 1814.

I just finished a guided tour of the White House today, where it was explained that the exterior walls were constructed of sandstone quarried from Aquia Creek quarry in Stafford VA.

The presidential structure was painted white in 1798, (16 years before the White House was burned) in order to protect the sandstone from damage caused by water and winter freezes.

The name "White House" did not become official until Theodore Roosevelt issued an executive order in 1901, although there are many references to "the White House" that predate the war of 1812.

The British did not burn the White house until 1814 in retaliation for some buildings burned by American troops in Canada during the war of 1812.

Although it was not completed until a few years after the presidency of George Washington, it has been speculated that the "President's Palace", "President's Mansion", or "President's House" as it was originally referred to was named after Martha Washington's father's home "White House Plantation" where the first president and Martha had courted.
[/quote]
Washington was burned in August of 1814, during The War of 1812. The war officially ended in December of 1814, with the exception of The Battle of New Orleans which took place in 1815,
Canada has since declared the USA as a friend and the two countries share the longest, ( mostly unguarded ) border in the world. I guess very few Canadians wish to escape to America and vice versa.......
[/quote]

I still think you guys hold most of the world's wealth in your canadian bacon. Me want.
[/quote]
It is pretty good, isn't it? And then there's our maple syrup......

[OUZO Power]

[quote name='nbg352' timestamp='1355522462' post='6069873']
[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355520903' post='6069735']
[quote name='nbg352' timestamp='1355520627' post='6069701']
[quote name='tembolo1284' timestamp='1355518547' post='6069509']
[url="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_was_the_White_House_painted_white"]http://wiki.answers....e_painted_white[/url]

Because you know everything you read on wiki is true.

[b] Why is the White House "White"?[/b]
Many people including at least one encyclopedia have supposed that the white house was painted white in order to cover burn marks left by British troops in 1814.

I just finished a guided tour of the White House today, where it was explained that the exterior walls were constructed of sandstone quarried from Aquia Creek quarry in Stafford VA.

The presidential structure was painted white in 1798, (16 years before the White House was burned) in order to protect the sandstone from damage caused by water and winter freezes.

The name "White House" did not become official until Theodore Roosevelt issued an executive order in 1901, although there are many references to "the White House" that predate the war of 1812.

The British did not burn the White house until 1814 in retaliation for some buildings burned by American troops in Canada during the war of 1812.

Although it was not completed until a few years after the presidency of George Washington, it has been speculated that the "President's Palace", "President's Mansion", or "President's House" as it was originally referred to was named after Martha Washington's father's home "White House Plantation" where the first president and Martha had courted.
[/quote]
Washington was burned in August of 1814, during The War of 1812. The war officially ended in December of 1814, with the exception of The Battle of New Orleans which took place in 1815,
Canada has since declared the USA as a friend and the two countries share the longest, ( mostly unguarded ) border in the world. I guess very few Canadians wish to escape to America and vice versa.......
[/quote]

I still think you guys hold most of the world's wealth in your canadian bacon. Me want.
[/quote]
It is pretty good, isn't it? And then there's our maple syrup......
[/quote]did you know the Feds have a maple syrup reserve? I couldn't believe it. But it's true.