Any golf one liners not posted before?

grumpy123golf · February 7, 2006

just a couple of 1 liners from uk. apoligise if any have been posted prior :drinks:

A ADOLF HITLER - TAKING TWO SHOTS IN A BUNKER

A ARTHUR SCARGILL- A GREAT STRIKE BUT A POOR RESULT

A KATE WINSLETT-A BIT FAT BUT OTHERWISE PERFECT

A CONDOM-SAFE BUT DIDNT FEEL GOOD

A SISTER IN LAW -YOUR UP THERE BUT YOU KNOW YOU SHOUDNT BE

A KATHY FREEMAN- ITS UGLY BUT ITS STILL RUNNING

A KATE MOSS -A BIT THIN

TAKING A GERRY ADAMS- HITTING A PROVISIONAL BALL

A NIPPLE LICKER- A SHOT THATS OPENS UP THE HOLE

A DIEGO MARADONA- A NASTY FIVE FOOTER

A SALMAN RUSHDIE- AN IMPOSSIBLE READ

A ROCK HUDSON -THOUGHT IT WAS STRAIGHT BUT IT WASNT

A LADYBOY- LOOKS LIKE AN EASY HOLE BUT ALL MAY NOT BE WHAT IT SEEMS

PUTTING LIKE A GYNAECOLIGISTS ASSISTANT - SHAVING THE HOLE

Damo75 · February 7, 2006

just a couple of 1 liners from uk. apoligise if any have been posted prior :drinks:
A ADOLF HITLER - TAKING TWO SHOTS IN A BUNKER
A ARTHUR SCARGILL- A GREAT STRIKE BUT A POOR RESULT
A KATE WINSLETT-A BIT FAT BUT OTHERWISE PERFECT

A CONDOM-SAFE BUT DIDNT FEEL GOOD
A SISTER IN LAW -YOUR UP THERE BUT YOU KNOW YOU SHOUDNT BE
A KATHY FREEMAN- ITS UGLY BUT ITS STILL RUNNING
A KATE MOSS -A BIT THIN
TAKING A GERRY ADAMS- HITTING A PROVISIONAL BALL
A NIPPLE LICKER- A SHOT THATS OPENS UP THE HOLE
A DIEGO MARADONA- A NASTY FIVE FOOTER
A SALMAN RUSHDIE- AN IMPOSSIBLE READ
A ROCK HUDSON -THOUGHT IT WAS STRAIGHT BUT IT WASNT
A LADYBOY- LOOKS LIKE AN EASY HOLE BUT ALL MAY NOT BE WHAT IT SEEMS
PUTTING LIKE A GYNAECOLIGISTS ASSISTANT - SHAVING THE HOLE

;)

I'll be taking a few of them with me next time I play ;)

villa · February 7, 2006

I'll just add another one from my local course.

After you've thinned your drive 150 yards down the 1st fairway:

It's like f***ing your Sister - It's down there but you're not proud of it.

primetimer006 · February 7, 2006

when whoever your playing with leaves a putt short its funny to say "meow" if they don't get it tell them they are a p***y for leaving it short

100% of the putts that dont get to the hole dont go in

stevelegend · February 7, 2006

hitting a poor putt or chip is always followed by me shouting I have the touch of a blacksmith. A great shot is always followed by the strike of a king shout

sillysack11 · February 9, 2006

a couple of gentlemen my friend and I got paired up with used this line after one of them sky-balled a shot 75 yards out, off the tee...

"That shot was like an elephants arse! It's high and it stinks!!"

Jer-Jer · February 9, 2006

One of my friends always says this when you hit a bad shot..."Way to go King S***"!!!

Golf Xcellence · February 10, 2006

Here are a few

After a drive that was hit very solid but in the entirely wrong direction...

a lot of postage............no address

I know I can play better than this - but I never do

After hitting a crappy shot that ends up working out. "She wasn't pretty, but she had big t****!

I was just in Myrtle Beach and a friend pushed one dead right and yelled "hit a tree". It did, then he yelled "get out of the bunker". He turned around and said " you know it's a bad shot when it's gotta listen to two things

Fred Couples was playing in a Pro-Am with some jerk who was slamming clubs, swearing, carrying on. When he asked Freddie what he thought, Freddie looked him straight in the eye and said "I think you aren't good enough to get that mad"........

. your partner hits a duff shot and you say 'Theres a bit of s**t on the end of your club'

He looks down at the clubhead and so you quickly say 'No the other end'

Hop&Stop · February 10, 2006

My one friend loves to call his ball a "Cheap Cambodian Wh***" after he misses a putt.

I usually just say the first expletive that comes to mind. I can get pretty good at throwing those 4 letter words around.

Some of the stuff you guys have come up with is great.

I especially love when your buddy hits a terrible drive and you tell him they make his clubs in a men's model too.

:D

Sandy_Hook · February 11, 2006

The son-in-law shot. It's not too bad, but you were always hoping for something better.

I once hit a putt to within a couple of feet, looked hopefully at my dad, and asked "Good?", he said "Not bad." Naturally I missed the two-footer.

After a not-too-bad shot, my caddie told me, "That's as good as you can do with that swing you've got."

faaaayduuur · February 11, 2006

After a good tee shot that runs a lot, that ran like a dog in a chinese restaurant.

when u hit it fat u can say i hit hit it like my 7th grade girlfriend

tpalmer · February 11, 2006

I was playing with a guy who hit several shots fat and after the last one, he said "I think I'll go home and smack my wife". I said why and he said, "cause I'm hitting everything else fat today". Ouch !!!