Nervous to Post but here goes anyways....

[BeerPerHole]

I destroyed a knee in college, back in the 80s. Got a huge bottle of Vicodin horse pills and was off and rolling. I quit cold turkey and thought it might kill me. But, I quit. As soon as I heard about Tiger I just knew, given his recent medical history. This is one of America's 300 pound gorillas in the room - prescription pain meds.

[gambit]

You guys should try Dilaudid. I had it for surgeries. I think Lindsay Lohan went to rehab for it, so you know it's great.

 

Beginning of August 2015 I was hospitalized on and off for pancreatitis which is extremely painful. Morphine did nothing so they gave me dilaudid and it worked just like that. It was crazy how fast it worked. In January of 2016 I had a whipple procedure done (not pleasant and very painful to recover from). I was able to self administer dilaudid for the first week or so I was hospitalized. It got to the point where I was told I was having full conversations with people who weren't there, but I swore they were. I was having trouble sleeping because people in my dreams turned into monsters. Once I realized dilaudid was the problem I asked them to cut it off. Luckily, I didn't have any withdrawals and that type of high doesn't do anything for me. I've never been a painkiller guy, even when I had tore my ACL/MCL/meniscus at 17. I usually suck it up because I know if I like anything it's hard for me to stop.

[gambit]

OP - congrats on your sobriety. Hats off to you sir.

[Richardcabeeza]

I destroyed a knee in college, back in the 80s. Got a huge bottle of Vicodin horse pills and was off and rolling. I quit cold turkey and thought it might kill me. But, I quit. As soon as I heard about Tiger I just knew, given his recent medical history. This is one of America's 300 pound gorillas in the room - prescription pain meds.

 

I went the cold turkey route, for a medically supervised detox too. After 3ish years of never having been in withdrawals for more than an odd hour here or there it was just about the worst thing ever. What slays me is it is just about the worst you can possibly feel, but is almost certain to not kill you. I also took benzodiazepines heavily back then and while the withdrawals for them aren't really that unpleasant, primarily you're just really shaky, you just might die from them.

 

Initially I did four days in a detox center. Worst. Place. Ever. They're trying to push you to go to sessions and meetings, etc etc when you're on day one of Heroin withdrawal. Also so that anyone in the same situation with a family member knows, make sure they spend an absolute bare minimum of a full 7 days in detox. I was through the absolute worst of the withdrawals at 4 days so they allowed me to go home. I'm good, right? No way. I got home, found the last of my stash and was high again in 15 minutes. Day 4 was still pretty stinking miserable but I was able to play it off that I was fine (meaning I had finally cleaned everything out of my stomach so I wasn't puking or having it come out the other end).

 

At any rate I spent the next 6 months in a horrible place. I was being monitored closely so I rarely had money but occasionally I could save enough gas money to use. Using like that is god awful. At that point using just once was enough to put you into full blown withdrawals again as soon as it ended. Then of course you were dope sick again so you would do just about anything for that next fix. From the day I went into treatment until I finally got clean, I had lost over 50 pounds. Fifty. 5zero. By that point my wife had been through enough with me so briefly moved back in with my mom. I went from owning a grocery store and generally being very successful to broke and living in my moms attic. An addict in an attic. Ha.

 

Finally at that point I had someone that literally wouldn't let me wander off the property alone to support me. I had two children by that time, one an infant and the other under two so my wife couldn't do that. I don't know how many times I told her I was going to a meeting only to find something to use. Either by going the ER/Urgent Care route or buying heroin off the street. It's all basically the same stuff, and if you could feign a painful enough problem the ER would shoot you up and give you an Rx. Once I finally got through a week or so of not using anything life became a ton clearer. Once I realized that being dope sick was truly over, and that I never had to go through that again, the choice was so much easier. Which is why I urge anyone in that situation, either themselves or with a family member, to go a bare minimum of a full seven days. It took me a bunch longer than that to have my brain get back to normal, but at least once I was really not physically withdrawing it was much easier to not use. Statistics show that the longer someone is in treatment the better odds they'll have. For me not using for a full 7 days was what it took. Any less than that and as soon as I could find a way I did. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I was totally fine and recovered in a week. I'm over 12 years in and still nowhere close to that, and never will be. Otherwise I'd say "sure, hook me up" when I have an operation or a kidney stone. I trust myself now, but only in so much as I don't use anything at all. That first time that I say "sure take away the pain" very well could lead me back down a road that I HAVE closed for good. The absolute only time that I will even consider using anything the rest of my life is in a Hospice type of setting. At that point I won't be worried about what I could become because the only thing that I'll be becoming is dead anyways.

 

Thanks all for your well wishes. From some of the silly arguments and stances that I see on here, it really wasn't the response that I thought I'd see. There is a lot more compassion here than is evident at first glance.

[Richardcabeeza]

Forgot to mention one thing. At this detox center that I went to once I had been in withdrawals for a day or so they gave me buprenorphine. It was pretty new at the time and I knew nothing about it. The nurse administering it gave me a couple pills and I swallowed them like you would any other pill. Which then rendered them 100% useless. They must be taken sublingually to have any effect. She obviously knew this and told me to swallow them. I don't wish ill on anyone but I hope that she is no longer in that type of position since it's pretty clear that knowing what I do now, she was not there to help anyone with their problems. That's a pretty low and sadistic move. I'm glad I was able to finally come to my senses, but had that been correctly administered then I may have not been a constant relapse for 6 months and it may have saved my relationship with my wife and even potentially my life. I know that it may seem petty but I obviously wanted to get better back then, I hated who and what I'd become. Maybe that would have made the difference in me getting clean right then and there or spending several months working towards that. Maybe it wouldn't have but it wasn't her call to not correctly administer what she was supposed to. I certainly don't blame the next 6 months on her, don't get me wrong. I own everything I did. It just doesn't sit right to desperately want and need help and to have someone that is supposed to help, do the exact opposite. For anyone not thinking that this was a big deal, I had to talk my mom out of filing a complaint with the state board of nursing. I've seen people lose licensure for less, particularly if there was a pattern of this (there was, my roommate had the same experience). It wasn't a mistake, it was a sadistic decision that she made.

[BeerPerHole]

Man, Richard...that's rough. I remember how I felt. Somebody later told me I could have died and I believe them. My blood pressure went through the roof and the dumb doctors acted like it was a mystery. It was as though nobody knew a thing. Horrible. Never again. I had that knee rebuilt about 5 years ago (25 or so years later) with all kinds of work. I think I took one Norco and that was it. I just grit my teeth and started walking within a week. Was on a bike after a few weeks. I'd hang a towel over my head so the people at the gym couldn't see my face. Still...much better than getting that monkey on my back.

 

And, you shouldn't feel any shame. Just pride and beating it. When I saw that recent footage of Tiger I felt real sadness for him.

[HawkFan03]

Addiction is unfortunately very common. Alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, you name it.

 

My wife's uncle is addicted to gambling. He just lost 8k last Thursday night and even 40k one day. He's not rich either. Lost his marriage over it. It's seriously ruined his life and he can't stop.

 

I also have an addictive personality. I don't drink much anymore but when I did I drank a lot. Liked to smoke the green stuff as well. Luckily I gave all that up before I got married and I don't even like to drink around my 3 kids. Had a tooth removed a couple weeks ago and she was going to give me some pain medicine, I said NO. Video games, porn, my mind likes all that stuff but I try to stay away. :)

[Richardcabeeza]

Addiction is unfortunately very common. Alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, you name it.

 

My wife's uncle is addicted to gambling. He just lost 8k last Thursday night and even 40k one day. He's not rich either. Lost his marriage over it. It's seriously ruined his life and he can't stop.

 

I also have an addictive personality. I don't drink much anymore but when I did I drank a lot. Liked to smoke the green stuff as well. Luckily I gave all that up before I got married and I don't even like to drink around my 3 kids. Had a tooth removed a couple weeks ago and she was going to give me some pain medicine, I said NO. Video games, porn, my mind likes all that stuff but I try to stay away. :)

 

A fair point, addiction is addiction and those so inclined can move from one to another with relative ease. I've always been an "all in" guy in pretty much any endeavor. That can be read as addictive personality, etc. The most socially acceptable addiction I've personally seen (that undoubtedly caused and is still causing serious problems in her life), my wife's mother is a shopping addict. Her husband controlled the finances while he was still alive (probably a good reason for that as I now see it). When he passed away he left her appx 500k in insurance money and savings, a paid off house worth about 100k, two brand new vehicles that were bought with cash (50ish-k), and no debt anywhere in any form. She also makes a decent living as a specialty RN for a kidney specialist doctors office. Within 5 years she was asking my wife to cosign a vehicle loan for her and her house was mortgaged to the max. She bought a new car every 6 months or so, had 3 bedrooms in her house filled with designer purses, shoes, gloves, etc etc etc. She would literally buy pretty much everything that she saw on the shopping tv stations but even that wasn't good enough, she always signed up for the auto replenishment program without even knowing if she liked the items in the case of makeup and things like that. The poor UPS driver literally broke his leg on her porch once trying to deliver all of her daily purchases. Every day was like Christmas morning to her.

 

As the resident addiction person I noticed what was going on very early on with her but since hers was socially acceptable no one wanted to say anything to her. I remember seeing this and telling my wife that she'd be bankrupt inside of 5 years, it actually led to a huge fight between us and I was told I was everything except right. When she filed bankruptcy I was finally allowed to talk to her about it. I could literally see that while not quite the same as ruining her entire life, she was certainly ruining her financial future.

 

As can be expected when approaching an addict about their addiction that talk didn't go exactly as I planned and we barely speak to this day. She's still an active addict and is looking forward to when she can legally file bankruptcy again. It's really sad, she should be retired and living a good life at this point but she'll probably have to work until the day she dies.

 

Please don't read that as me criticizing her. It's not meant in that fashion. I just was able to recognize it and see it for what it was well before anyone else due to my personal experiences. I wish she was able to see it for what it is but since her addiction is something everyone does (buys stuff, not spend 300k a year while making 80k) it's not looked at the same way. I'd argue that it's the exact same thing. I've seen her shopping before and its pretty damn chilling, If you can look at the event as an addiction and not something everyone does. Not everyone makes a livable (easily so in these parts) wage and plans to file bankruptcy as often as the law will allow.

[chickenpotpie]

Yep, addiction is everywhere.

 

I read today that the US is 5% of the worlds population, but uses 80% of the worlds opioids. Let that sink in.

 

I'm also friends with some local pastors, and porn addiction is one of the top things they hear from the rank and file membership as being their big life problem. That's kind of a tough issue too, because while it affects a significant chunk of the member families, it's not something that can really be openly discussed in church.

 

And then there's WRX. For golf addicts, sigh...

[HawkFan03]

I'm also friends with some local pastors, and porn addiction is one of the top things they hear from the rank and file membership as being their big life problem.

 

Yeah it's so easy to access. They say over in Japan (or somewhere over there) that they have a term for young men that don't even date anymore because they don't need to. A couple clicks and you have a thousand women to pick from for the night (or 4 minutes). Can't say I blame them, been there, done that, still do sometimes when the old lady is tired. :)

 

Also doctors in the US are seeing young men with ED because they watch so much porn.

 

Video games are a problem as well, or can be. Some have died from playing for days straight. My son introduced me to some Tank game on our ipads and holy crap I played ALL weekend once, i mean ALL.

[Richardcabeeza]

Everything can be an addiction. When I look at it as a problem, close to or equal to what I went through, it has to cause secondary problems. For me it was forsaking the wellbeing of my family, physically and financially, to feed my addiction. If video games, or music, or TV cause this in someone, they're addictied. My vice was opiates. I still hate myself for the weakness that I submitted to. Deep down I know that I'm stronger than that, but deeper down I truly know that I'm not. My addiction caused pain and suffering to not only me but to those closest to me. It ruined my relationship with my wife, that will never be the same ever again. We're still together, but we have no relationship. I'm ok with that although I'd like for it be better. My choices led us there and since she's not exactly a forgive and forget type, it's my fault. I could go off on a tangent about that but two wrongs never equal a right so I'll respect her position on it. I'm just thankful that I'm still a daily part of my children's lives. I don't see that changing. So long as I keep up the sober end of things. My wife's strong enough as a person now to take them and never look back if I were to slip up at this point, and that no doubt keeps me sober and sane.

 

Any addiction is terrible from what I've seen. Playing a game for an entire weekend doesn't fit that bill as far as I'm concerned. However if you'd have woke up Monday morning and called off work and continued to play, maybe it would be. Especially if that was an all the time thing. Stay well everyone and if you find yourself in a jam, feel free to utilize me as a resource. I've been down that road and have the perspective of BTDT.

[ZAP]

Better to have a story than be a story.

Congrats on getting up off the mat.

[mkmcfrlnd]

Congratulations. I loved your story. I've only been touched tangentially by addiction, with in-laws or cousins of in-laws, but I appreciate your story.

 

While I've never had a personal struggle, other than getting dropped off at home after a few too many at a scramble and having the wife somewhat mad at me, it makes me appreciate that through a couple knee surgeries, a back problem and some wisdom teeth/extraction, I've only ever taken one of the vicodins prescribed to me right after, thrown up and gone to sleep for 12 hours each time.

 

I would assume, like alcohol or tobacco, you have to have a natural ability for it or it just doesn't work. I've sat around in pain after some arthroscopic work on the knee because that one pill made me throw up and it's better to hurt, in my opinion, than have to walk to the bathroom to throw up.

 

Again, I don't want anything I said to take away from your post and i'd like to congratulate you again on conquering your demons. Good on you!