Traitor Teammate

[5under]

Teammate Helps Other Team But Not Me

I want your opinions on this.
I am in a Wednesday night league and we play as teams of two.
Here is my concern.
I didn't get to pick my teammate.
We were assigned as teammates by the league or golf course staff.
My teammate is friendly, probably overly friendly.
He spends most of the time talking to the team we are playing against/with before during and after my swing, but if I try to whisper strategy to him between the other teams shots and before they address the ball, he puts his finger up to his lips and shushes me.
He even talks to and often compliments golfers on adjacent holes while we are in the middle of working out strategy about our next shots and when I am standing over my shot.
He is more concerned with our oppositions game/shots than his and mine.
He will help the opposing team find there ball instead of helping me look for mine.
I know he is just being friendly, but he takes it to a degree where it is annoying.
I am a friendly person also, but I think there is a time when you have to pay more attention to what you and your teammate are trying to accomplish than what the other team is trying to accomplish.
I feel like, since he is sort of forced to play with and tolerate me every Wednesday, there is little incentive to get along with me, so it's more important that he makes friends with the other golfers on the course.
I'll stop ranting.
You guys get my point.
How should I feel and or what should I do about this, if anything?
What's your opinion?
Thanks

[pickerjohn]

How do you play at night? What is the format?
Sounds like you just got unlucky with the assigned partner.
I don't think I'd play in a league that had blind draw partners,
I played in a Par 3 course night league once, but it was bring your
own partner, and involved a challenge board, last team standing won.
It was loads of fun. I would hate to be assigned a partner not of my choosing,
and this works both ways, as I'm sure they are people who would rather
play with someone other than me. Kind of puts you in a posotion of paying
to play with someone you might not like, or that annoys you.
Anyway, good luck.

[AAL]

Seems to me that this kind of situation will only get worse and will adversely affect your game and enjoyment unless you have a talk with your partner. If he is as friendly as you feel he is, then he should be willing to listen and accept your concerns, and both of you should be able to mutually resolve this "unplayable twosome". Further delay in addressing this situation will only make it more difficult to deal with later on. This would be the time to determine if he is a willing, compatible partner, or has some reason for not wanting to be your partner. If that is the case, then you should both consult the staff to change things or just simply opt out of the league. You are playing because you enjoy the sport. If you continue to play under a false pretense, then the experience could sour your long term perception of the sport.

As for talking while you address the ball, back away, re-set and try again. Do this [u]each and every time[/u] he does this. If he doesn't get the message, your opponents will and they most likely will shush him.

Good luck and enjoy the game, things will work out if you address the situation.

[RookieBlue7]

I'd imagine you both arrive at least a few minutes early, to possibly an hour early if you hit range balls. The next time you do, ask him if you could speak with him. Be adult about it and don't lose your temper or get angry, but politely explain the situation to him and how it is adversely effecting your game, and what you feel are your scores. If he's as friendly as you say, he should get the point. If that doesn't work out, it might be time to possibly ask the management if you could be reassigned a partner and explain the situation to them.

[Sawgrass]

It's a tough situation. I'd try to explicitly ask for his help when you need it and he's helping others instead. And I'd occasionally openly ask him to "Please come over here out of earshot of our opponents so I can ask you a stragegy question without them hearing" so he'll clearly get the fact that you see the game as your team against their team.

I suspect you're right that he's just trying to be friendly to as many people as he can, but making it clear to him how you'd like him to be "friendly" to you may have a chance at working.

[Tmiller72]

It's a Wed Night league, don't take it so seriously. Drink some beer, worry about your own game and have fun.

[Sawgrass]

[quote name='Tmiller72' post='1855625' date='Jul 31 2009, 01:18 PM']It's a Wed Night league, don't take it so seriously. Drink some beer, worry about your own game and have fun.[/quote]

Not taking it seriously and drinking beer is one way to go. Trying hard is another. They just don't work that well together on the same team.

[5under]

[quote name='Sawgrass' post='1855652' date='Jul 31 2009, 01:33 PM'][quote name='Tmiller72' post='1855625' date='Jul 31 2009, 01:18 PM']It's a Wed Night league, don't take it so seriously. Drink some beer, worry about your own game and have fun.[/quote]

Not taking it seriously and drinking beer is one way to go. Trying hard is another. They just don't work that well together on the same team.
[/quote]

I don't get a chance to play a lot of golf.
I might go to the range once or twice between each Wednesday night and sometimes play 18 holes once during the week.
Wednesday night is my chance to see where my game is at.
We play by USGA rules and every stroke counts.
It is the only time I have to turn in my score.
I know my scores will range up and down a little, but it is my goal to get better every week.
I find that I have to take it seriously or my scores will suffer, plus I don't have as much fun shooting double and triple bogie's as I do shooting bogie's, pars and an occasional birdie.
I can drink beer anytime.
I don't think that while I am trying to play the best golf possible is a good time to choose to drink beer and my new talking teammate thinks about it the same way I do.

[Tmiller72]

Ok, don't have a beer. That wasn't the point. The point was to go out and have fun. Just because your partner likes to talk and enjoy himself, doesn't mean he isn't trying. He may totally fall apart if he gets too serious and talks strategy with you between every shot.

On 2nd thought, I agree with the others. Just get a new partner, that would be easier.

[ssp]

Your comment.

I am a friendly person also, but I think there is a time when you have to pay more attention to what you and your teammate are trying to accomplish than what the other team is trying to accomplish.

I think you need to ask yourself - what is your partner and most others on a wednesday night league trying to accomplish? I suspect it is different than what you are.

My 2 cents - you are expecting too much from a Wednesday night league. Every one that I have ever played in was about some friendly golf (beer or not) after work. If you came up to me to talk about strategy as your partner - I would probably bust your chops (in fun) and tell you to just hit the f&^* thing. Then I would bust your chops for hitting a bad shot.

In other words - lighten up.

Just my 2 cents.

[Asleep]

Sounds like a bit of a personality mismatch.

Good opportunity to work on your mental game --- blocking out thoughts of the busy-body partner and just picking your targets and swinging.

[hack]

[quote name='ssp' post='1856093' date='Jul 31 2009, 02:13 PM']Your comment.

I am a friendly person also, but I think there is a time when you have to pay more attention to what you and your teammate are trying to accomplish than what the other team is trying to accomplish.

I think you need to ask yourself - what is your partner and most others on a wednesday night league trying to accomplish? I suspect it is different than what you are.

My 2 cents - you are expecting too much from a Wednesday night league. Every one that I have ever played in was about some friendly golf (beer or not) after work. If you came up to me to talk about strategy as your partner - I would probably bust your chops (in fun) and tell you to just hit the f&^* thing. Then I would bust your chops for hitting a bad shot.

In other words - lighten up.

Just my 2 cents.[/quote]

Yes.

Imagine getting paired up with someone like Rocco. He doesn't talk a lot because he is trying to be a jerk, but because that helps him play.

[Sawgrass]

5under describes his "partner" as letting him down by helping their opponents search for their ball at a time when he need help looking for his own. And some of you tell him to "lighten up."

Informal game or not, I would want more from a partner.

And SSD, if your partner tries to confer with you over a strategy, like quietly asking you for advice on how a putt breaks, you're going to "bust his chops" in fun? Sorry, I don't see the fun there.

I think playing with a partner, and being allowed to ask for and give advice, is a nice change from normal stroke play golf where you're always on your own. It can be interesting to learn how others look at the game. At least if you're paired with someone who's trying. But different strokes for different folks I guess.

5under, I'm glad you started this thread. The variety of responses is interesting. And to me, surprising.

[5under]

[quote name='Sawgrass' post='1856195' date='Jul 31 2009, 06:13 PM']5under describes his "partner" as letting him down by helping their opponents search for their ball at a time when he need help looking for his own. And some of you tell him to "lighten up."

Informal game or not, I would want more from a partner.

And SSD, if your partner tries to confer with you over a strategy, like quietly asking you for advice on how a putt breaks, you're going to "bust his chops" in fun? Sorry, I don't see the fun there.

I think playing with a partner, and being allowed to ask for and give advice, is a nice change from normal stroke play golf where you're always on your own. It can be interesting to learn how others look at the game. At least if you're paired with someone who's trying. But different strokes for different folks I guess.

5under, I'm glad you started this thread. The variety of responses is interesting. And to me, surprising.[/quote]
Sawgrass has a good attitude to have in a teammate.
I have also found it interesting to see the wide range of responses.
I know we are out there to have fun and enjoy it, but I find I enjoy it the most when I shoot a low score and hit some shots I can be proud of.
I understand the Rocco analogy, but even Rocco knows when to shut up.
There is plenty of time to joke around and b.s. when we are having a beer after we play.
Another thing that you guys might want to know that might influence your answer or opinion is that our team is hovering between 2nd and 4th place out of 60 teams and before the round last Wednesday we were in 2nd place 4 strokes out of 1st.
I feel that if either one of us could have shot one stroke less each week for the last month or this upcoming month we would be in 1st place.
I think that if my teammate would focus on our game a little more we would easily pick up that one stroke per week.
As you can probably tell, I am trying as hard as I can each week and I think my teammate tries to hit the best possible shot each time also.
I just think if he would get involved with helping each other find the ball, helping each other with shot and or club selection, not talking to the other team while we are hitting etc..we could pick up that one stroke per week.
I know it's not super important what place we finish in this Wednesday night league, but it is important to me that we don't give away any strokes because we do not work as a team.

Just for a fun note: My teammate sucks at reading putts.
As long as I know that, I can take his read as a grain of salt.
He will have a 10 ft putt that brakes about 6 inches.
I will tell him it looks like it breaks about 6 inches and he will say "Which way?"
I will bite my tongue and say "Toward the cart" or "Toward the lake"
He has confused his left and right up in the past, so I stopped using left and right to describe the direction.
I know I have been playing for 40 years and this is his first year, so I feel somewhat responsible to help him with the game, but I still scratch my head when he can't even read which way a 10 ft putt breaks on a six inch break.
I can understand if it was a one or two inch break.

[bytehoven]

I find I just can't take golf so seriously playing and practicing a couple of times a week. I actually gave up playing when my golf schedule became as limited as your schedule.

Also, with all the emotional baggage you have described, are you sure you are not presenting a negative vibe which your partner has picked up on, in part contributing to his behavior?

I hope you find a solution which contributes to a better league play experience.

[5under]

[quote name='bytehoven' post='1856595' date='Jul 31 2009, 09:20 PM']I find I just can't take golf so seriously playing and practicing a couple of times a week. I actually gave up playing when my golf schedule became as limited as your schedule.

Also, with all the emotional baggage you have described, are you sure you are not presenting a negative vibe which your partner has picked up on, in part contributing to his behavior?

I hope you find a solution which contributes to a better league play experience.[/quote]
Thank You for your hope bytehoven.
If everybody that could not go to the range more than twice a week and play more than one round per week stopped playing golf, that would be the end of most golf courses.
I don't know what the actual statistics are, but I would be willing to speculate that most golfers average less than playing four times per month including range sessions.

I have chosen to reveal my "Emotional Baggage" to you guys here on the forum in hopes that I will receive some insight to help reduce or eliminate my "emotional Baggage".
I have shielded my teammate from my "Emotional Baggage" because I wanted to make sure he feels comfortable and I don't negatively influence his game.
Although I try not to, I could be presenting a negative vibe, but if he was as perceptive as you are giving him credit for, he would have reformed a couple weeks ago.

[5under]

I've got an idea that might help.
I will tell my teammate something like this:
"Dan, I really think we have a chance to win this thing, and I want to be sure to do my part.
I need to average at least one stroke less every week, but to do so I will need your help.
I want you to try to keep the other team from talking when it's my turn to hit and I will do the same for you.
I need you to help watch where my ball flies and lands and help me find it and I will help you watch and find your ball too.
I need to take advantage of having a teammate and sometimes talk about the type of shot and landing area I need to hit or the line of my putt.
I'll help you with your shots too.
I think we can both take a stroke off our scores if we use good teamwork and concentrate more on our game.
Can you help me with all that?"

I might have to tweak the wording a little, but I think this might be an effective non-threatening approach.
I will present it as my problem that I am trying to fix instead of his problem that I am trying to fix.
What do you guys think?
Does this sound like it might work?
Let me know if you think I can say it differently or if there is something I should add to the list of things I need him to help me with.
Thanks.

[Sawgrass]

Start your speach off with, "Joe, I think we really have a chance to win this thing, and I want to be sure I do my part . . . "

Good luck. Maybe you'll let us know how it works out for both of you.

[5under]

[quote name='Sawgrass' post='1859432' date='Aug 2 2009, 02:26 PM']Start your speech off with, "Joe, I think we really have a chance to win this thing, and I want to be sure I do my part . . . "

Good luck. Maybe you'll let us know how it works out for both of you.[/quote]
Thanks for your help Sawgrass, I revised my post and added your opening line that I liked.
This approach is worth a try.
I think it would be improbable for Dan to take offense or get upset with this approach.
It might also help him to realize what it's like to work as a team.
I know Dan will be my first choice for a partner if I ever join a TALK league.

[Rohlio]

These types of problems always happen with random draws like this. For me it just comes down to expectations. A lot of guys in our Tuesday morning mens club are just out for a nice walk, if something goes well they are happy, but they aren't working on their game and winning is a pipe dream for them.

It sounds to me like 5under enjoys himself by taking his game seriously and gains a sense of accomplishment based on his performance. He is clearly matched with a person who gains enjoyment from the social aspect of the game. This is just a partnership destined to frustrate one or both of the people. "Relax I am just having a good time" attitude and "I am here because I want to do my best" are rarely compatible attitudes.

I actually play in the mens club specifically to work on my mental game for my stroke play tournaments. We get paired by handicaps and since I am by far the low capper I generally get paired with people with 28+ type handicaps. So basically it is me against all the other 4 somes of mid cappers. I view these rounds as an opportunity to practice "playing my own game" and maintaining my personal expectation levels while surrounded by poor play/bad etiquette and downright horrible swing/ball flight swing images. I had noticed in my competitive rounds that I played better when the people I was paired with were going low, and I played worse when they were playing bad. So what better way to break this cycle than to play with people who are always playing bad? It is like range balls for the mental game.

You probably don't have too much longer on this particular Wednesday night league, try to make the best of it and use it as an opportunity to work on your focus and ability to perform despite being distracted/annoyed/disappointed/etc. Then make sure the people running the league know you want a new partner for next season.

Best of luck m8

[Hawaiianhacker]

shank a ball into his crotch...