The Ballad of the Red Stapler

Myherobobhope · October 24, 2012

it's a slow Wednesday at work, so I figured I'd recount my favorite "Work Blows" story... feel free to chime in or mock me for caring about the loss of my red stapler (Spoiler Alert: This story involves me getting a red stapler, taking it, and then, ultimately, having it taken away).

About a year ago, the stapler on my counter broke or was lost... I don't really remember which. I needed a new stapler though, as my day to day works requires a fair amount of stapling. For whatever reason, staplers are a major issue at my company... they go missing occasionally, and the head of our Admin department freaks out about it... she had refused to let the upstairs order another stapler when they lost theirs... so I figured getting a new stapler might be a problem.

Similar to my golf game, I figured I'd go for broke and ask for exactly what I wanted, and hope for the best... so I requested a red swingline stapler.... I was more interested in the swingline than the red, as swingline staplers are the "Tour Issued" staplers of the Cubicle Dweller's World. Amazingly, my request went through. I had my prized red stapler. It stapled like a dream, and there were no major problems.

The head of Admin was not amused by my antics, and questioned me on why I had a red stapler... I informed her the cost was the same, and it was my preference to have a red one.

About six months later, I was asked to transfer locations... not a big deal, was not a promotion for me... they just needed my expertise (I'm the senior person in my position and f*****g awesome at my job [my job is fairly easy, but I'm still the best]). So on my last day at the old location, I grabbed my stapler and moved over to my current office.

The first week at my new locations, there were some mentions of my red stapler (and EVERYONE referred to it as my stapler) and how the old location was going to steal it back, and so on and so forth.

Two weeks later, the head of Admin comes over for something else... she is downstairs, and walking away, and says "Oh yeah, I need to get the other shops property" and heads towards my desk... I grab the stapler, and she literally rips it out of my hands. I let go, because I'm not actually going to fight over a stapler... and she raises a fuss upstairs about how I "took company property" and that it's the "company's stapler" and not mine. I ask her if she can just take another stapler and leave me mine... which is a reasonably request... it does not go well.

I mention to my manager that she seems to be in a tizzy about the stapler, he doesn't care... he just doesn't want to deal with it.

It's still over at the other location. I've had a chance to take it back, but don't see the point in creating drama again... instead, I started looking for a new job.... that process has taken much longer than I wanted.

The only reason it still irks me is because this lady took away my stapler simply because she could, and knew it would piss me off... Corporate culture seems to be filled with petty little people like her who get enough power to create their own little fiefdom, and then proceed to add nothing to the world.

Oh well. Work sucks.

Onewaggle · October 24, 2012

Amd there were squirrels and they were married.

blaird · October 24, 2012

I have a fond love of the movie office space and it was because of this I ordered me a red swingline stapler a few years ago. Fortunately for me stapler stealing does not occur at my job so it now resides on my desk and is used quite often.

ptjn1201 · October 24, 2012

Now I don't want to raise a ruckus, but doesn't it seem that more of the work pettiness like this stapler drama comes from women? 35 years of working and no guy I worked with would ever raise a fuss over a stapler, and very, very few women. But there were a few who would be so ridiculous, and all were women. And all tended to be long-time employees probably promoted over their heads thanks to longevity and loyalty.

Mulligan26 · October 24, 2012

Sorry for your loss of the tour issued stapler, i bet it felt buttery smooth and stapled 17 staples per second faster

Thrillhouse · October 24, 2012

Dude, I totally feel your pain. Lemme break down the stapler dilemma for those wrxers who have never had the misfortune of working as a cubicle jockey.

1) it's not simply having a stapler that's the issue, it's having one that frigging works. See, every office has a fellow cubicle jockey who orders all your crap out of an office supply catalog, and it's impossible to know which ones are good from the pictures, so you wind up with all these staplers around that don't work, which means that when you get a hold of one that does work you gotta keep hold of it.

2) when people who don't have a stapler need one they grab it off your desk and never return it. It sucks, and there is nothing you can do about it.

3) douchebags, much like us normal folk, need to eat and pay rent too, so you tend to meet them in offices.

4) you do a lot of stuff that seems inconsequential to you that grinds someone else's gears and they remember it forever!

5) it's not all bad. Sending faxes is pretty awesome, the paper comes out all warm and toasty, it's really, really, really........nice.

MattTheTaff · October 25, 2012

This is what I'm "gaming" at the moment: Rexel Matador 2 yellow stapler, Casio fx-82LB calculator and Rapresco 4 staple remover.

The stapler and calculator have been with me for over 15 years. You'll have to prise them away from my cold, dead hands if you try to take them away from me.

I too feel your pain

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Myherobobhope · October 25, 2012

The best part about the red stapler was that it was very clearly mine... thus it stayed where it was supposed to.

I have already lost 2 staplers to others over here.

RW_Shankar · October 25, 2012

[quote name='MattTheTaff' timestamp='1351155811' post='5842961']
This is what I'm "gaming" at the moment: Rexel Matador 2 yellow stapler, Casio fx-82LB calculator and Rapresco 4 staple remover.

The stapler and calculator have been with me for over 15 years. You'll have to prise them away from my cold, dead hands if you try to take them away from me.

I too feel your pain

[attachment=1396131:image.jpg]
[/quote]

Dude - that Rapresco 4 is a classic. I love it in blue. I'm rockin the 3 in gunmetal, but keeping an eye on the bay.