The Dreaded "Clubhouse Pairing"

[FATC1TY]

Who's THAT guy!?

I guess I've never put much thought to it, but was reminded today about it because I ran into a fellow who put me off as "odd".

From my limited years of playing, from public muni, to semi-private, daily fee, resort, country club and private courses, I've figured it out that there will ALWAYS be players who don't want to play with strangers.

Now, I see the same people at my club day in and day out, and while I'll play with just about anyone, I've ran into people who do not want to play with anyone outside of the comfortable little group, or their one bud.

I paired up with 2 guys one weekend, and while it was less than pleasurable, or ideal, I enjoyed playing and we made it through without any hiccups. This one guy was out behind us with his toddler son. His son wasn't playing but would swing a club on the tee and then go back to the cart. I invited the guy to join us for a complete foursome since it was REALLY slow out that afternoon.

He declined and made a comment that I found rather rude.. "I'll pass, you never know who you'll end up playing with, so I'm okay."

While he is being honest, and truthful, I thought it was odd to hear someone say that.

So I run into him again today. He's playing with a friend I assume, I'm behind him, he lets me play through, and I made the comment that I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. Assuming most people will invite you to play, rather than just stack up behind the person you just let play through if they can't go anywhere.

Anyways, next hole, they run into me because of the large groups in front of us. They both start chatting it up, talkin' shop, drinkin' beer while we are waiting.. I hit, and offer for them to join, and get no response back.

They stayed behind me until I played through 3 groups and broke loose to finish the afternoon out.

Guy didn't seem like a terrible player, so I don't know why he was so against playing with someone else.

Are you like that? Do you know people like that? Is it more or less likely for people from a muni course, or a private club to accept or decline an invite to join? Are people just shaken by the fact that a stranger gets up close and personal to your game? Who knows!

[MadGolfer76]

If he had his kid with him the first time, that is the reason why. I am pretty choosy about who I let sniff the air around my daughter. The second time, he was just being a dick. Should have had the manners to say "no thanks." If people decline once with me, I never ask them again.

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='MadGolfer76' timestamp='1306727159' post='3271858']
If he had his kid with him the first time, that is the reason why. I am pretty choosy about who I let sniff the air around my daughter. The second time, he was just being a dick. Should have had the manners to say "no thanks." If people decline once with me, I never ask them again.
[/quote]

That I understand. I certainly would be the same way as well. More so, I'd be more worried about my kids hearing the mouths of some of the younger guys. I was paired with some guy I thought might have been early 20's at the best, and one of my first thoughts when I walked back to invite him to join, was to remind those kids to keep it down with any vulgarity.

I've never really had a bad experience playing with someone though. I tend to err on the side that people still show respect and gamesmanship on the course, and your less likely to run into "that" guy.

[mp69]

I kind of understand the response of the guy the first time around, but when he didn't respond the other time that was just rude. In my experience when I've played with my gf and I don't have a foursome and get paired up with people or eventually have people join us as the course gets backed up, majority of the time it ended up being a bad experience. Mostly it has been etiquette issues like one group we let join us wouldn't wait for my gf for her to tee since she was the only girl and as soon as they teed off they just kept going to their ball. Actually that same twosome just kept going to their ball every chance they got and kept hitting even though we would wait for them, but they didn't reciprocate. When they first did that they apologized, and we said it was okay, but that in no way meant "go ahead and keep doing it". Had another 2 older gentlemen join us one time and they kept talking the whole time and holding us all up, but they mentioned "we" had to pick up the pace even though my gf and I were the ones waiting for them. Once had another couple that we were paired up with and they were being very obnoxious and kept bragging how good they were since the husband was a golf coach. The bragging stopped after after 2 holes because I got a eagle on 2nd hole and my gf was scoring better than the guy too. Also, it was kind of annoying that the starter paired us up with them, when they were walkers and we had a cart and they held us up because they spent so much time looking for their balls that we ended up not being able to finish because it got too dark out. Had another guy that kept talking constantly while we were hitting so didn't have any quiet time at all constantly making comments, not to mention he hit many shots that would go less than a foot though he would yell at the ball to "sit" when he bladed a pitch shot (which seemed to be his pitch shot) and so on (got really annoying hearing comments for every single shot for 13 holes). it really didn't annoy me that he wasn't a good player, but rather for every single shot he took there was comments (that's why I bring up the bad player part because he had that many more comments), and every single shot we took too. Had another guy that didn't care about walking on peoples lines on the green, and would also talk as you're putting as if he was trying to hinder you. My gf and I love golf for its enjoyment, challenge, serenity, and civility of the sport, but when people just don't know golf etiquette or in general have manners, it just spoils our mood and the enjoyment of being on the golf course. Now, when we are just playing together, we try not to play with others because "you never know who you'll end up playing with". If we are starting with people, and its not packed we just let the other twosome play first if it's ok with the starter. Also, now I try to refrain from letting people join if it's backed up too because it's worse in a way when you play well, let some other twosome join that spoils your mood, then you loose your concentration because of it, and then play worse as a result.

[mozgolf]

Sounds a bit weird to me, sounds like you were better of not playing with him.

[V-twin]

I . I play from the tips and when I do play as a single most who are playing from the mens or forward tee's will let me go thru without asking me to join, I think its just a comfort thing.

[Vendetta7]

I don't like to play with strangers. I go out to play with friends and enjoy my time with them, and from my experience, strangers tend to infringe on that.

 

Then again, I don't like sitting next to others when I take my wife to the movie theaters either.

 

Truthfully, though, I need to get better about playing with strangers. Most of it has to do with confidence in my own game and expectations of myself.

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='V-twin' timestamp='1306745916' post='3272152']
I . I play from the tips and when I do play as a single most who are playing from the mens or forward tee's will let me go thru without asking me to join, I think its just a comfort thing.
[/quote]

This I agree on. I will mix it up from time to time. I play the championship tee's, and will move forward to the mens tee's, or back to the tips.

Normally I run into guys from the mens tee's and they'll let you play though.. If it's 3 guys, I certainly won't attempt to join their group. Thats rather awkward to jump into a group and be the odd man out in most cases.

[FATC1TY]

I don't like to play with strangers. I go out to play with friends and enjoy my time with them, and from my experience, strangers tend to infringe on that.

 

Then again, I don't like sitting next to others when I take my wife to the movie theaters either.

 

Truthfully, though, I need to get better about playing with strangers. Most of it has to do with confidence in my own game and expectations of myself.

 

I used to be hung up on my ability and wasn't thrilled to play with strangers.

 

I used to hate getting paired up when I'd go out as a single when I was starting to play. To the point where I just didn't play period.

 

I'll play with anyone these days, and when I do go out as a single, I'm actually HOPING I get paired with someone some days.

 

I just hate when the starters tells me on the 1st tee to jump on a cart with a stranger. That does bother me, but rarely happens.

 

By the way.. If you want confidence.. Just look around at the majority of the people playing around you. They aren't exactly killin' it. I've played with guys who beat my socks off, and people who shot more for 3 holes than I do for 9.. No one batted an eye at my ability or lack there of.

[JJK947]

I would probably classify as one, but I would never be rude in declining to play with someone. If I am out there keeping score I like to play fast and walk fast, etc. I just don't enjoy myself when I get paired up with someone or a group of people who lag behind the entire time take a ridiculous amount of time over every shot, etc.

Also, I know it is kind of a stuck up thing but the one thing I can't stand is looking for other peoples balls. I am a fairly good player and I keep the ball in play, if it is a casual round not for handicap, I will just drop a ball, I don't expect strangers to have to search for mine either.

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='JJK947' timestamp='1306781709' post='3272852']
I would probably classify as one, but I would never be rude in declining to play with someone. If I am out there keeping score I like to play fast and walk fast, etc. I just don't enjoy myself when I get paired up with someone or a group of people who lag behind the entire time take a ridiculous amount of time over every shot, etc.

Also, I know it is kind of a stuck up thing but the one thing I can't stand is looking for other peoples balls. I am a fairly good player and I keep the ball in play, if it is a casual round not for handicap, I will just drop a ball, I don't expect strangers to have to search for mine either.
[/quote]

You know, I hate to look for other peoples balls as well. I keep the ball in play as well, and when I do send one off line, it's generally pretty darn gone and OB.

I'll walk over, or ride my cart over and glance, but I'm not spending more than a second to look.

I'm not interested in high stepping it through the woods and grasses and into the creeks for your ball.

[Par72]

[quote name='FATC1TY' timestamp='1306783388' post='3272900']
[quote name='JJK947' timestamp='1306781709' post='3272852']
I would probably classify as one, but I would never be rude in declining to play with someone. If I am out there keeping score I like to play fast and walk fast, etc. I just don't enjoy myself when I get paired up with someone or a group of people who lag behind the entire time take a ridiculous amount of time over every shot, etc.

Also, I know it is kind of a stuck up thing but the one thing I can't stand is looking for other peoples balls. I am a fairly good player and I keep the ball in play, if it is a casual round not for handicap, I will just drop a ball, I don't expect strangers to have to search for mine either.
[/quote]

You know, I hate to look for other peoples balls as well. I keep the ball in play as well, and when I do send one off line, it's generally pretty darn gone and OB.

I'll walk over, or ride my cart over and glance, but I'm not spending more than a second to look.

I'm not interested in high stepping it through the woods and grasses and into the creeks for your ball.
[/quote]



I agree, I just never know how to deal with this on the course. If the rest of your group is looking for balls on most holes do you just kinda stand there or sit in your cart? Can you respond if they say something to you?

I like to ride so i find in this situation ill just kind of sidle my cart up, give a quick glance and then reaffirm that we wont find it. The big problem is that I have bad eyes and will often loose balls in the rough or if they go anywhere near trees, and often could use the extra eyes...but marshes and forests is another story.

[JJK947]

[quote name='Par72' timestamp='1306786060' post='3272957']
[quote name='FATC1TY' timestamp='1306783388' post='3272900']
[quote name='JJK947' timestamp='1306781709' post='3272852']
I would probably classify as one, but I would never be rude in declining to play with someone. If I am out there keeping score I like to play fast and walk fast, etc. I just don't enjoy myself when I get paired up with someone or a group of people who lag behind the entire time take a ridiculous amount of time over every shot, etc.

Also, I know it is kind of a stuck up thing but the one thing I can't stand is looking for other peoples balls. I am a fairly good player and I keep the ball in play, if it is a casual round not for handicap, I will just drop a ball, I don't expect strangers to have to search for mine either.
[/quote]

You know, I hate to look for other peoples balls as well. I keep the ball in play as well, and when I do send one off line, it's generally pretty darn gone and OB.

I'll walk over, or ride my cart over and glance, but I'm not spending more than a second to look.

I'm not interested in high stepping it through the woods and grasses and into the creeks for your ball.
[/quote]



I agree, I just never know how to deal with this on the course. If the rest of your group is looking for balls on most holes do you just kinda stand there or sit in your cart? Can you respond if they say something to you?

I like to ride so i find in this situation ill just kind of sidle my cart up, give a quick glance and then reaffirm that we wont find it. The big problem is that I have bad eyes and will often loose balls in the rough or if they go anywhere near trees, and often could use the extra eyes...but marshes and forests is another story.
[/quote]

Sometimes it is hard to find your ball even just in the rough, especially in the late spring when the grass starts getting thick and they just mowed it.

If someone hits one that is going to be hard to find I will usually just let them know where I though it went as we start walking from the tee box. If my ball is on the other side of the fairway, I wont bother going over to help look, but if I am nearby than I will give a quick look over of the area just out of courtesy.

This sort of situation really puts me out of my rhythm and I try to encourage a quick conclusion.

[stianvm]

Aslong as there is a slot, i play with everyone. People in their 70s or like today, 3 unknown junior pros with a average hcp of +1.5 . I am a 12. I even played from the tips for a first ever.

Thats the great thing about golf, you can play with all walks of life, with all stories to share. Those who doesn't see that miss out imo.

[turbo4door]

I've been on both sides of this honestly.

When I first started playing, I would play with my friend. He was weird about getting paired up with people so we usually tried to go out as a twosome since the course was usually pretty slow. We would occasionally get paired up and it was never a big deal. Never been paired with a rude person or anything.
Now that my buddy doesn't play golf any more I found myself as a single a lot of the time in the afternoons. I actually hope to get paired up in that situation. It takes my mind off the bad shots and usually get compliments on the good shots which is nice.
We may not always hit it off or have great conversation, but I think it helps me keep my head in check. I've met some really cool people playing golf (even some old ones who were terrible at golf).

As far as asking or being asked by others to play in the middle of a round, I don't mind either way. I'll ask if its just me, or me and someone else. I've been turned down before, no big deal. I like to think its because they've seen me hit shots and are afraid! LOL
I've also been asked to play along and 99% of the time I will join. Only skip out if they are really slow.

[FATC1TY]

Interesting posts on the whole thing, from both sides.


When I run into people, or people run into me out on the course, I'm not always trying to pair up. Plenty of times I'm out dropping balls, rolling a few extra putts, or chips.. Or even play 2 balls off the tee.

I'll play behind people until they wave me through, or ask me to join. In most cases, I'll play through unless asked to stay, at which time it's my decision to stay, and polite if I have the time, or the desire.


I guess I'm just left shaking my head about people who seem so scared to play with a stranger, even for a few holes. Sure, the 1st tee is rather awkward, the whole intro, and first shot of the round, but once it all calms down, I enjoy the break in the action; rather than me driving, racing to my ball, hitting the approach, the green, and back to the cart.

Then again, my playing partner has never played a round of golf alone, or without anyone he knows very well, so I have no idea.

[GatorNate11]

If I'm out as a single, I'm not that big of a fan just because I like to play my own little mind games with myself. Now if I'm out just playing, not that concerned with scores or whatever, sure, no problem with that. Or if I'm with a buddy or something, no issue getting paired up either. Sometimes I just prefer to be out there alone haha.

[teejaywhy]

Amazing the self importance some people possess.

[J Jack]

Very interesting thread.

In the OP, I actually thought the guy was being self-deprecating in his first comment, like "be careful asking me to play with you cause I'm really bad" or something like that.

The only time being paired bothers me is when I want to BS with my good buddies but we don't want to be crude in front of strangers. Or smoke cigars. Or sneak 6 Orange Whips inside the beerzooka. Or do any other manner of things that I should have stopped doing 20 years ago.

[Greenie]

I posted this in a similar thread last yr. and got reemed out pretty good because I prefer not to be paired up with strangers.

I have played golf for many yrs. I get paired regularly. I can say maybe 40% of those rounds were enjoyable and the people were decent to be around and to play with. To say that I am rude and selfish is understandable. I have been paired with a guy that shot 160, a guy that shot 130 and spent most of the time looking for balls, a guy that wrecked a cart, a guy that tore the undercarriage out of a cart ( that I signed for), a guy that broke a windshield on a cart ripped it off and threw it in the woods, people that ride up by the greens, people that get drunk, people that smoked pot, people that throw clubs, people that broke clubs, a guy that threw his driver up in a tree, I have been made to skip holes because of slow play due to the pairing, a guy that talked on his cell phone the whole time, a guy that talked the whole round while others were taking their swings, an insurance saleman that used his rounds to try and sell insurance, a guy that broke a windshield on a car, one that broke a window on a house, one that wanted to fight me because he thought I was putting the moves on his girl ,and one just last week that threw the flag stick and scuffed up the greens. In all of those instances I was polite and unselfish to play my round being paired with these people. Somewhere along the line you realize all you are doing is pissing away your greens fees to accommodate others or the norm . So yes I am a bit uptight now and selfish. I am not knocking any single that shows up to play. But in some cases I see why someone is a single. Do I to show up on a busy morning and expect to be paired up? Yes. Do I sit back and be polite and not say anything if the person is a jerk. Not anymore.......


I can understand why someone would prefer to not be paired up. At the same time that doesn't mean someone should be rude when asked if they wanted to join up.

I geuss I just have bad luck with pairings. Since my post of last yr. I was paired up once since then. We were a threesome and they paired us up with a women. Long story short she was given a coupon for a free round, had never played before and shows up prime time Sun. as a single to use it. She was nice but you could imagine our round didn't go well.

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='tjy355' timestamp='1306849864' post='3274625']
Amazing the self importance some people possess.
[/quote]


By who? The people who refuse to allow others to join them, or to join other groups? Or those that get upset because people won't join them, or allow them to play through?

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='J Jack' timestamp='1306873180' post='3275520']


The only time being paired bothers me is when I want to BS with my good buddies but we don't want to be crude in front of strangers. Or smoke cigars. Or sneak 6 Orange Whips inside the beerzooka. Or do any other manner of things that I should have stopped doing 20 years ago.
[/quote]


Thats how I feel if I'm playing with buddies. If someone wants to play through, sure. If we are in the mood, or the midst of acting like idiots to each other, then we won't invite someone. Farting in someones backswing, or making crude jokes at/or around each other with the company of a stranger is rather crass.

[generalbolg]

Not to threadjack, but what bothers me more is when I'm a single, and get stuck behind a slow two or threesome. The course is completely open in front of them, and instead of letting me play through, they ask if i want to join them. always an awkward situation when you come back with, "I'd rather just play through."

[Rockminer]

FWIW i enjoy golf for many reasons, but the best reason is the silence. I love going out by myself and listen to nothing but nature. Some of the best times i have had in golf are quiet times by myself. No distractions, no awkward conversations just me the ball, and the birds. Going with my friends are different. We know each other and have conversation as such. Being paired with or joining strangers is a crap shoot. Lets face it, it's not getting easier to find polite enjoyable fun to be around strangers at the course. At least not the munis i play. Private clubs may be different.

[Greenie]

[quote name='generalbolg' timestamp='1306956614' post='3277945']
Not to threadjack, but what bothers me more is when I'm a single, and get stuck behind a slow two or threesome. The course is completely open in front of them, and instead of letting me play through, they ask if i want to join them. always an awkward situation when you come back with, "I'd rather just play through."
[/quote]


Your reply wouldn't bother me at all and I wouldn't give it a second thought. In my group it is usually three of us. When the situation comes up you mention, I am usually the first person in my group to ask the single" if they would like to play through" and then throw in "or you can join us if you like". Most of the time they just want to play through. If they choose to play with us it seems to always work out well. It is the forced pairing from the club house that usually ends up in disaster for me.

[FATC1TY]

[quote name='generalbolg' timestamp='1306956614' post='3277945']
Not to threadjack, but what bothers me more is when I'm a single, and get stuck behind a slow two or threesome. The course is completely open in front of them, and instead of letting me play through, they ask if i want to join them. always an awkward situation when you come back with, "I'd rather just play through."
[/quote]

Thats why I've always worded it, "You can play through, or join us, whichever you'd like."

Keeps it easy to say, "Nah, I'm trying to finish quick to make it home, or I'm just messing around and would rather not."

[FATC1TY]

Speaking of which..

I was at another semi private course the other week. I was a single, got a time, went to warm up, and was told in the clubhouse I was paired with a twosome.

Cool... So I'm down there, no starter or anything, and my time comes and there are two middle age guys on the tee box. I ask what time they had, and replied that I did as well. They gave me a cross look, and I said, if you guys wanted to play alone thats fine, it's not super busy out, I'll putt for a while to let you get off the tee and fairways.

They replied back, "Sure that sounds good, it's slow out because a group of women just tee'd off in front of us, I'm sure we'll run into each other, and we will see you out there."

Uhhhhhhh.. Really? I'm going to be driving right up the back of your cart in a matter of 5 minutes, I'm sure you'll see me out there.

I ended up waiting behind these jacklegs the entire front nine. Never looked back, never waved me through. Infact, while waiting on the same tee box as them, they never once even tipped a hat, said hello, waved or acknowledged anyone was out there.

Glad I didn't get to play with them for more reasons than one.

I was just laughing at the whole first conversation I had with them.. Too scared to say no, so they brush it off and say we'll all join up "out there when we run into each other."

Never heard that on the 1st tee before!

[JCLJorgenson]

I typically go out as a single golfer, otherwise I would not get enough golf in.  I rarely have issues partnering up with other folks, but I have found that most people that would rather not partner up with a stranger are also guys that cannot break 100.  I just think having a stranger play with them adds to their pressure and potential embarassment.

[havoc01]

i to go as a single and get partnered up with all sorts of plp but i dont mind

most of the time ill play what ever tee their using

i like talking to strangers (lol) while playing, you never know just might get you that 100k job

[ZBigStick]

Golf is a gentleman's game, and some golfers are just socially retarded.

You can tell a lot about a person's character by playing just one round of golf with them.