How about a rules question?

Inspired by the following video by Mr Bean (no, the other Mr Bean).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nu1obOBTuIYou are refereeing at the US Open. Tiger calls you over for a ruling - his ball has come to rest in the short rough in the midst of a rapidly melting ice cream and there is a sad child holding an ice cream-free cone close by. How do you rule?

play it as it lies, then kid gets a cone

Get the kid a new cone.

What flavor?

was it a waffle 'house' cone?

Golf Rules Question flavour.

In that case, and that flavor case only, I would call the melting ice cream mess an immovable obstruction due to the unreasonable effort required to satisfactorily remove it.

Umm, could the caddy gently pour some water onto the ball, quickly melting the ice cream but not moving the ball?

Curiously, one frigid winter day, i was whitewater kayaking in northern Tennessee and came onto a similar issue. In the boat I wore a wet suit with a big zipper down the front which became totally frozen. At the take-out a friend urinated onto zipper to free it, and me.

Probably public urination not possible in Tiger's situation.

Innovative but not a legitimate situation for cleaning the ball before the ball is lifted.

And what happens in northern Tennessee really should stay in northern Tennessee.

Oh what the heck, I'm not afraid to be embarrassed:

Of course that's Mr. Bean - loved you in Four Weddings And A Funeral. ;-)It's not lactose intolerant boy's ice cream (I'm assuming this course doesn't have a free drop away from frozen yogurt eaters rule).It's not artificial, so I don't think it is an obstruction.Play it as it lies.Edit: Oh crap, it's Tiger. Free drop!Edit No. 2: well, I guess it is "made" so I'm out, lol.

Regarding your #3, I had no idea that ice cream grew naturally in Australia, and I therefore stand corrected.

Yep, grows in refrigerators, a diverse ecosystem.

They don’t call it the land down under for nothing.

Like spaghetti grows on trees

Because this is undoubtedly a warm day where upon the ice cream is melting (as stated in the original question) the ball will undoubtedly continue to move, albeit very very slowly) as the ice cream melts. Because melting is a natural force the player must wait until the ball has stopped moving under the influence of the natural force and then play it as it lies. (rule 9 generally; see also under tongue in cheek rulings)

Even more painful to watch is the live harvesting of meatballs.

R10.1d, Ex 3 says we may play a ball moving in water. Rules and Interpretations

If this had been a Popsicle instead of ice cream I would absolutely agree, but as R10.1d is explicitly limited to a ball moving in water in keeping with the spirit of the rule I do not believe it would apply here despite milk being about 87% water. Might be good to ask for a ruling though as I could see how this could be a gray area. :)

Also it makes me wonder, if the player is allowed to hit the ball out of the ice cream while it is melting, would it substantially increase the sweet spot on the club face?

Correct, 87 per cent water doesn't cut it for the definition of known or virtually certain, 95 per cent is required. Perhaps if it were a popsicle...... but I'd need to take professional guidance on that.

I also suspect the stroke you wonder about would actually generate quite a lot of sweet spots, not limited to the club face.

I'm 100% certain that ice cream is mostly water. It's water plus milk (which is mostly water) plus sugar and flavorings.

Nope, nope... no pure water is added in the making of ice cream. See a common recipe for ice cream below-

2 cups heavy cream 1 cup whole milk ⅔ cup sugar ⅛ teaspoon fine sea salt 6 large egg yolks So, I still think in keeping with the spirit of the rule we have to consider ice cream as being distinctly different than water. After all, if we keep breaking it down, water is mostly hydrogen, but I wouldn't try to ignite any fires with it. That said, given the amount of eggs that go in it, my thought process would be completely different if we were talking about a scramble rather than individual stroke play.

"Ice cream is composed of water, ice, milk fat, milk protein, sugar and air."https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_cream#Composition

If you're lactose intolerant, this should be considered a dangerous situation.

The adult person is about 60% water, which by the same logic would suggest that you could hit a ball off a moving person so, in keeping with the spirit of the rule, I just don't think that is what was intended.

R16.2 is limited to animals only right, so are you suggesting that ice cream should be considered to be a dangerous animal? Also as long as you don't clean your club with your tongue I don't think there is any real risk of "serious physical injury."

Ice cream = milk = cows = animals = danger. Do the math!

(Or just refer to post #7.)

I use common core math so...

Ice cream = milk = Cows = steak = dinner... I think the only danger is to the cow :)

Perhaps, only if the person is melting.

Look up John Haigh, the acid bath murderer. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Haigh

So basically, other than for a few players with really caustic personalities, only on really hot summer days? Makes sense.

It's nice to have the occasional Rules question from time to time.