Is etiquette a dirty word in golf these days

[Swingtheclub]

something happened on the course today

I start this by saying I have been accussed of Rabbit ears.

I have not played much lately my health and the cold have kept me away. When I have played its been pretty poorly.

Thursday I played and I saw signs of it coming back so I was looking forward to this morning even though it was about 45 degrees and my arthritis was throbbing.

I ended up playing with two guys I play with every Sunday and another guy I have played with before. I noticed before that he talks a lot .

On the first tee this morning he was talking all the time I was teeing off. On my second shot I backed off three times because of talking a cart moving and bag rattling and he was still talking when I hit. I think he was talking when I was putting as well.

He was chatting away again on two tee when I hit. Then he was chatting no more than ten feet from me when I was trying to putt on two.

Then there he was again as I teed off three standing six eight feet behind me talking. The worst thing was he was engaging my friends in conversation and they are not usually rude.

I turned and looked at him after I hit and I said "Are you going to talk while I am hitting all day?"

He said "Probably " I said "Then I am going to the clubhouse. I pulled my back off the cart and walked to the clubhouse. I never looked back. Put my clubs in the car and went home I have been pissed all day because of it.

A. Was I wrong ?

B. Am I the only one this bugs

C do any of you guys experience this problem


D Have you noticed a decline in etiquette period


Swing

[Johnny]

I dont mind chatting... as long as it's constant... constant noise of anykind does not bug me... but I started golf near a runway for F14's touch and go'in..so it takes an unexpected noise to bother me.

[GetinDAhole26]

I hate when people talk during my swing. If its once or twice, fine. But it does annoy me and makes me lose concentration.

 

I would have done the same thing as you because it is not worth wasting my time if I cant focus.

[drpino]

why didn't you just politely ask him to be quiet while you're hitting and explain that it's common courtesy and etiquette to do so? seems like the most reasonable course of action in this case instead of letting him get under your skin the whole time and stomping off the course like a child. the only one losing out in this situation seems to be you - a ruined and unfinished round of golf.

 

if he refused to be quiet and remained a rude *****, then leaving is the best option but this doesn't seem like an all or nothing situation...especially given that you and your normally polite friends are in the vast majority in the foursome.

[Sean2]

i think you did just fine. the fact that he kept talking showed he lacked common courtesy, and a tremendous amount of disrespect for you.

 

it doesn't sound like you "stomped off", and in any event, the tension caused by your asking him to be quiet would have been there the entire time and probably affected your swing. this was a casual round of golf, you haven't played in a while, and you deserve to enjoy yourself.

 

when this happens to me, i back off and just wait, and wait, and wait. i don't say a word. eventually the person gets the point and shuts the hell up.

[longballjs]

when this happens to me, i back off and just wait, and wait, and wait. i don't say a word. eventually the person gets the point and shuts the hell up.

 

This is the best way - if you say something to them they may ignore you or take it personally and be a bigger dick - but if you stand there and make them realize for themselves that they are an inconsiderate ******-bag - they will get the point

[drpino]

it's all about communicating in a mature and polite manner...kill him with kindness...don't just assume he knows the proper etiquette. after all, what if you end up in the same group with him again on a super busy day where you're dead set on playing and there's no room elsewhere? wouldn't you rather educate him and see he doesn't continue being rude to others and potentially you again?

[BILL12x]

why didn't you just politely ask him to be quiet while you're hitting and explain that it's common courtesy and etiquette to do so? seems like the most reasonable course of action in this case instead of letting him get under your skin the whole time and stomping off the course like a child. the only one losing out in this situation seems to be you - a ruined and unfinished round of golf.

 

if he refused to be quiet and remained a rude *****, then leaving is the best option but this doesn't seem like an all or nothing situation...especially given that you and your normally polite friends are in the vast majority in the foursome.

Well put.

 

The only person that can really ruin your day is you. Sure, others can contribute quite a bit, but being polite and asking him to stop is your best first option. If he continues, I would probably be gone, too, except very little bothers me on the course. I sometimes talk while I'm hitting. I really don't mind if you do, so long as the punchline for a joke isn't in the middle of my downswing! I do, however, understand how annoying it can be to most people.

 

A. Was I wrong ? Not to be annoyed, but you probably could've given him another chance.

 

B. Am I the only one this bugs Nope. - I'd say at least 90% are bothered by this.

 

C do any of you guys experience this problem All the time. I just don't let it bother me. I play with my wife and kids sometimes.

 

D Have you noticed a decline in etiquette period Unfortunately, yes, but I play mostly at private clubs, so I don't see it as much.

[Jimbo24]

When I was a young lad just starting to learn to play golf with my Dad, the very FIRST thing that he taught me was golf etiquette. I owe him greatly for this. So, in answer to your question, yes, there seems to be a tremendous amount of players (usually in a generation younger than us) who have absolutely no knowledge of golf etiquette. They talk while you're swinging, putting, and everywhere else. They walk in your putting line. They leave their cart in front of the green. They don't fix ball marks on the green (Dad told me to fix my ball mark and at least 2 others). The really sad thing is that it's not restricted to the golf course. I'm sure that you've noticed that more and more people just don't have any manners at all when they are out in public. Oh well.....enough of my rant. I hope that you have a better time of it the next time you play. Hit 'em Straight...

[SpinMill75]

Sorry about your experiance.....Etiquette is everything to this great game we play. Otherwise it'd be called _________________.

Football

Basketball

Or whatever other sport you can name.

 

 

I would have been upset too considering his response. However, instead of walking off, I would have just let him play through and pair up with someone with some class.

Better luck next time.

[Swingtheclub]

why didn't you just politely ask him to be quiet while you're hitting and explain that it's common courtesy and etiquette to do so? seems like the most reasonable course of action in this case instead of letting him get under your skin the whole time and stomping off the course like a child. the only one losing out in this situation seems to be you - a ruined and unfinished round of golf.

 

if he refused to be quiet and remained a rude *****, then leaving is the best option but this doesn't seem like an all or nothing situation...especially given that you and your normally polite friends are in the vast majority in the foursome.

 

 

when I ask him if he was going to talk while I was hitting all day. I expected him to say something like oh sorry instead he said "Probably"

 

So how does that make me childish?

[AltusBeliever]

If I didn't know better I would think I was the original poste! I had serious rabbit ears yesterday myself. I find that people are loud, constantly yelling and whooping. The course I play has gas carts (major irritants in and of themselves) but then the yahoos have to talk over the noise of the engine! While I was fuming over this a bunch rides by on HORSES yakking away! However I got over it but we almost had to show some punks some manners when they cut in front of us ON THE THIRD HOLE and then started jacking around. When they rode by us I was preparing to hit my third shot when I heard the cart roaring down the path. I stopped, looked back and the cart slowed down-only for me to hear "what the **** you looking at?". I replied "You". Kids, I was one once and acted the same way probably, yes most assuredly I yelled at old goats and women to speed up. Unforgiveable.

Golf has lost its etiquette as has society.

I don't blame you for what you did. I can only imagine that the rest of the group is saying about you though!

[Swingtheclub]

Guys this was my regular Sunday morning group except for him (we usually have three or four groups) Its a semi private course all of us are members.

 

I have had similar run ins before in the group the fun part is all good players ten or less handicaps

 

I have tried everything to shut people up nice politely asking , yelling at them

 

I am at a point right now where I either want to quit playing or play by myself.

 

The truth is I know the group I play with they will blame this on me.

 

I usually get mad and get over it. I dont seem to be able to let this go.

 

Swing

[spinningwedge]

Dude, I either play by myself or with my 6 year old daughter- I swing from the sublime to the ridiculous.

 

I think you did the right thing, life's too short.

[Boomermike]

Only one right answer to this question, and here it is, in the following sequence: 1) You politely, with a smile on your face, say..."Hey man...I don't know if you know this or not, but you're really not supposed to talk while somebody else in your group is swinging." If he persists, you say "Dude...if you talk during my backswing again, I'm gonna take a chunk of brain out of your skull with my sand wedge."

 

Chances are 99%, from that point, that he'll either quit talking or leave the course himself. Either way, mission accomplished.

 

Unfortunately, the law prevents you from following through on the threat of braining him with a sand wedge, though he would completely deserve it if he persisted form that point. I'd say after that, start talking in his backswing. Or start throwing his clubs in the lake. Whatever you do, "turning the other cheek" is not an option in this case, as it only encourages the idiot to repeat his behavior. He has to be made aware that his actions have a consequence.

[jwfgolfpro]

I start this by saying I have been accussed of Rabbit ears.

 

I have not played much lately my health and the cold have kept me away. When I have played its been pretty poorly.

 

Thursday I played and I saw signs of it coming back so I was looking forward to this morning even though it was about 45 degrees and my arthritis was throbbing.

 

I ended up playing with two guys I play with every Sunday and another guy I have played with before. I noticed before that he talks a lot .

 

On the first tee this morning he was talking all the time I was teeing off. On my second shot I backed off three times because of talking a cart moving and bag rattling and he was still talking when I hit. I think he was talking when I was putting as well.

 

He was chatting away again on two tee when I hit. Then he was chatting no more than ten feet from me when I was trying to putt on two.

 

Then there he was again as I teed off three standing six eight feet behind me talking. The worst thing was he was engaging my friends in conversation and they are not usually rude.

 

I turned and looked at him after I hit and I said "Are you going to talk while I am hitting all day?"

 

He said "Probably " I said "Then I am going to the clubhouse. I pulled my back off the cart and walked to the clubhouse. I never looked back. Put my clubs in the car and went home I have been pissed all day because of it.

 

A. Was I wrong ?

 

B. Am I the only one this bugs

 

C do any of you guys experience this problem

 

 

D Have you noticed a decline in etiquette period

 

 

Swing

 

 

Here is a little tid bit off the USGA web site cincerning golf course etiquette:

 

Consideration for Other Players

 

No Disturbance or Distraction

 

Players should always show consideration for other players on the course and should not disturb their play by moving, talking or making any unnecessary noise.

 

Players should ensure that any electronic device taken onto the course does not distract other players.

 

On the teeing ground, a player should not tee his ball until it is his turn to play.

 

Players should not stand close to or directly behind the ball, or directly behind the hole, when a player is about to play.

 

JWF

[drpino]

why didn't you just politely ask him to be quiet while you're hitting and explain that it's common courtesy and etiquette to do so? seems like the most reasonable course of action in this case instead of letting him get under your skin the whole time and stomping off the course like a child. the only one losing out in this situation seems to be you - a ruined and unfinished round of golf.

 

if he refused to be quiet and remained a rude *****, then leaving is the best option but this doesn't seem like an all or nothing situation...especially given that you and your normally polite friends are in the vast majority in the foursome.

 

 

when I ask him if he was going to talk while I was hitting all day. I expected him to say something like oh sorry instead he said "Probably"

 

So how does that make me childish?

letting it go after the first couple times and having it fester under your skin for the entire round and then confronting him (finally) in a, most likely, sarcastic manner is passive aggressive and the immature way of dealing with the situation. i'm in no way saying he was right or justified but the way you described unloading your bag and walking to the clubhouse in the original post screams "I'm not playing with you guys anymore" like an 8 year old. There are ways to deal with people like him in a mature and polite manner. Granted, if he continues to be a jackWord not allowed then by all means go your separate ways but as I said before at the end of the day I'm sure he's not losing any sleep over the experience and was able to complete his round while you were "pissed all day because of it."

 

I turned and looked at him after I hit and I said "Are you going to talk while I am hitting all day?"

 

He said "Probably " I said "Then I am going to the clubhouse. I pulled my back off the cart and walked to the clubhouse. I never looked back. Put my clubs in the car and went home I have been pissed all day because of it.

Why only after you hit and not before? Why not ask your other playing partners if you're being unreasonable and getting them to agree with you that he was being rude and his "noise making" was a breach of etiquette? If he felt he was singled out by the three of you, I'm pretty sure he would re-evaluate his conduct.

 

I don't in any way think you should have put up with him but what I'm saying is there are better ways of dealing with the situation. You come on here posting about an experience where almost assuredly 99% of semi-serious golfers would agree with you. Is it because you want to feel justified in the way you handled things?

 

edit: i just now saw the post about you having to deal with this with multiple people in your regular playing groups and asking politely and even yelling at them. sounds to me like you just need to find different people to play with...

[Scottyboy1220]

I definitely agree with this. My best friend is my neighbor who lives across the street. He and I are evenly matched when he gets the putter rollin. As of late he has decided on a new way to watch my ball. He likes to wait until I have finished my practice routine and right as I address the ball walk right behind me, he even cuts it close and walks right behind me during my swing. I have told him countless times I would appreciate it if you stand somewhere else. Wanna hear his response? Well where else should I stand. Lets see. See those three other people standing behind me. How bout next to them. And he always does it. Even when I ask him to stop he waits a couple holes and starts again. So tell me if this would be okay. Right before I swing I wait for him to walk behind my ball. Then I back off completely behind my ball right next to or in front of him making him move to the side. Works for me. Its even worked its way into my routine surprisingly

[Ghost_Orchid]

I dont get it, why would YOUR friends talk to this guy while you or anyone else is making a stroke. If someone is chatting me up while someone else in the group is making a stroke, I will 'shhhh' that person. In your situation, you should have asked him to be quiet, if he refuses (like it seems he did), then tell him to play on ahead by himself. Most likely 1 somes are not allowed, in that situation you let the ranger know why you guys let him play ahead. If he still doesnt 'shhhh', then have the ranger remove him. Or finally, its three of you guys, just STOP talking to the fool.

[bassman1308]

The best way to handle this without being confrontational is as AVATAR said, Step back and wait until he shuts up and YOUR ready to hit. Talking doesn't bother me much at all but I used to play with a guy who would say-- you just missed a putt that length earlier in the round didn't you. After hearing this for about the 4th time that year, I backed off the putt and didn't putt until I had the negitive stuff out of my head, which was about 5 minutes. It seemed much longer though. The other guys said nothing, no one had to get defenseive or felt like they had to say something smartazz to save face, and best of all the guys has never said that again and that was over 10 yrs ago.

[hogan64]

It's getting harder to find "golfers" to play a round with. The fact that he said "probably" when you asked if he was going to talk during your stroke, would have sent me back to the clubhouse. I don't see any need to negotiate with him. Find another group to play with.

[mshills]

when I ask him if he was going to talk while I was hitting all day. I expected him to say something like oh sorry instead he said "Probably"

 

So how does that make me childish?

 

There is a difference between:

 

"Are you going to talk while I am hitting all day?"

 

and

 

"I'd prefer that you not talk while I hit my shot. Thanks."

 

I'm in no way defending the guy you were paired with. If you are over, say, ten years old and don't know that you aren't supposed to talk, rustle bags, undo Velcro, cough, sneeze, or pass gas :D when someone else it hitting, then you don't belong on a golf course. That said, if you'd have said something calm and polite and not sarcastic and condescending after the second instance, you'd likely have been able to enjoy the rest of the round. The guy was a jerk, no doubt, but if you'd have phrased your displeasure a bit differently it probably would not have provoked an equally sarcastic response.

 

I also can't understand what the other two players were doing. If I'm paired with someone who starts to talk when another player is hitting, that person is going to get "sssh!-ed" right away.

 

Overall you're probably best served playing with another group.

[Bomb and Gouge]

[BugsyinNC]

Bomb, that was completely uncalled for. The OP asked for legitimate input and you post a self portrait. Grow up.

[Bomb and Gouge]

That's how I legitimately feel. That's just not how adults act.

 

He basically did the equivalent of a little kid "...taking his ball and going home."

 

"Someone was making noise in the golf cart so I went home and cried."

 

Give me a stinkin' break!

[rankoutsider]

I don't think you should have to play with another group. He has to stop his behaviour on the spot. What you should do, though, is after the first time he does it, find a way to speak to him privately about it. Walk over to his ball with him/ drop your partner off whatever, and have a private word about how distracting it is to hear his voice while you are hitting. Mention that etiquette suggests that he be quiet while you hit.

 

Here is what you did poorly, in my view. You called him out publicly with a smartarse comment. That is usually going to get you one in return, which it did.

 

If you would look at this situation from an "outputs" point of view, you failed here: he didn't stop talking, he learned nothing, and you didn't get to finish your round. The other thing you should realize is that your friends were probably left saying something like "He is very tempremental" or "Don't worry, he does that kind of thing...." I guarantee they did not say, "You were being a tool with all that yakking."

 

I will tell you a quick story. Playing in a tournament last year, I was in the bunker, under the lip, on #3. The guys, my clubmates, on the 4th tee were talking about how hot Paula Creamer is (mods, delete that if you need to). Anyway, they were being loud, and I backed off twice. A guy in my group yelled "Block it out and hit your shot" at me. I waited until I was not so mad at him, hit my shot, putted out, and on the way to the next tee I told him that I will hit my shots when I am damn good and ready, and that he has been playing golf long enough to know that he shouldn't yell at anyone on the course. He said I had to block it out. I said the tee box in front of us is still occupied, and I will hit when they are quiet.

 

But I did this all in a private conversation, quickly. He was steamed at me, but 3 holes later he apologized for being a goof. And this guy is a moronic psychopath who no one will play with (part of me hopes he is reading this...); still, he apologized. And I suspect he won't be yelling at his clubmates on the course any longer. That is what I wanted to happen, so that was a success.

 

I can't stop him from saying or doing the annoying thing in the first place, but I can find a way to get him to stop without being tempramental or silly or what have you, myself.

[mypalcollin]

Swing,

 

sounds like something else has your attention while on the golf course, an inability to concentrate on a desired task leaves me thinking that its golf that the frustration funnels through. The mind will do what it wants and to complete a task, you have to ease back into an ability to concentrate. From a long lay off like winter or health related issues, you have to find the swing again, the mental game is the same way.

[Swingtheclub]

Honestly I struggle with concentration when my blood pressure is up or I am not confident in how I am swinging.

 

Then to play well I have to grind my butt off that was my mindset Sunday to grind out a good round.

 

 

But chattering drives me nuts not only does it bother me but it upsets me cause its so rude.

 

What bothered me the most about this was loosing my temper I hate that.

 

One thing though when I asked him if he was going to talk all day I did not mean to be sarcastic or rude . I just wanted to know , and thought maybe the question would give him a hint.

 

As for B and G 30 or 40 years ago I would have simply kicked his a**. Would that have made me less a baby in your eyes . (It would have made me feel better)

 

Problem is I am sixty in two months and the only way I could kick the big bastards a** now is hitting him in the head with a club. Then I am playing monopoly (Go straight to Jail)

 

I talked to one of the guys playing with us and he apologized to me . I will call the other one later today.

 

as for the other guy forget him.

[BILL12x]

I posted on this earlier, but I'd like to add one more thing.

 

I used to let everything bother me on the course, if I heard someone two holes away, or if the ranger drove by, if someone talked, etc.

 

One day, I was playing poorly and was in a foul mood. Everything from my swing, to the ranger, the cart girl driving around, etc. was pissing me off. Then I looked over and saw several non-native people hip deep in the water pulling weeds on the 12th hole and I had to think to myself - "What the heck am I b!+ching about!" It's a weekday in January and I'm playing golf in shirtsleeves. Life doesn't get much better than this!

 

Since then, I have not once snapped a shaft over my knee or thrown a club. Talking doesn't even bother me anymore. I play golf to have fun. Yes, I take the quality of my play seriously, but the main reason I play is for enjoyment. I was a 9 handicap when I came to this realization. Since then, I dropped my handicap to a 2.

[ram01002]

Honestly I struggle with concentration when my blood pressure is up or I am not confident in how I am swinging.

 

Then to play well I have to grind my butt off that was my mindset Sunday to grind out a good round.

 

 

But chattering drives me nuts not only does it bother me but it upsets me cause its so rude.

 

What bothered me the most about this was loosing my temper I hate that.

 

One thing though when I asked him if he was going to talk all day I did not mean to be sarcastic or rude . I just wanted to know , and thought maybe the question would give him a hint.

 

As for B and G 30 or 40 years ago I would have simply kicked his a**. Would that have made me less a baby in your eyes . (It would have made me feel better)

 

Problem is I am sixty in two months and the only way I could kick the big bastards a** now is hitting him in the head with a club. Then I am playing monopoly (Go straight to Jail)

 

I talked to one of the guys playing with us and he apologized to me . I will call the other one later today.

 

as for the other guy forget him.

 

If you continue to foster your reputation as a grumpy grinder with rabbit ears, you'll find yourself playing alone in your own foursome quite frequently - - problem solved!