Get me out of my bag!!!

[StixItClose]

Who knew the wife would actually care about my golf bag...

For last year's anniversary, my thoughtful and generous wife (seriously) got me a new golf bag, the black/blue Callaway cart bag we all know and love from Target. We've probably all seen this bag because it's been at every Target and Wal-Mart for the past year. I didn't ask for it, but she noted me looking at bags every time we went to the store and picked it out. I was gaming an old Ping Hoofer from my high school days, so this was a much-needed improvement...

Or so I thought. I gave the bag a year of solid play and I've figured out it's just not for me. First, I like stand bags, even though I don't walk as much as I would like anymore. They're still useful at the range and fit a lot better in my trunk. Second, the pockets in the Callaway are laid out quite weird and my shoes don't even fit in it, even though it's a big bag. I now am cheating on the Callaway bag with the old Ping, swapping the clubs out just before I leave for the course before she can notice. I broached the topic of selling Big Blue and getting a stand bag with the wife and she flipped out! I get it, and I think she's justified, but I don't want to be married to this bag as long as I'm married to her. So I need creative ways of helping her see the light (or creative ways of helping Big Blue meet an untimely demise, whichever is easier). Any ideas?

[arbitrage]

Tell your wife that you caught the bag cheating on your clubs with a newer, younger, shinier club and you went temporarily insane and went after it Elin style. You had to kick the bag to the curb. It was the right thing to do.

[duswalk]

wow.. U are in quite the dilemma..

I would buy a new set of clubs, bag, etc and keep both in my truck so she thinks I am using the bag.

If you have any kids or nieces or nephews you can offer to give the bag to one of them. I mean after all it has been a year and I think we are entitled to at least a new bag every year.

Find a charity scramble that is giving away bags or raffling them and hope you win one and convince your wife the bag you won is twice the bag as the one she got you..

I am glad I am not you brutha..

[highergr0und]

Can you play the exercise angle? Tell her you want to walk a lot more to get exercise and a nice stand bag will provide you good motivation and make the goal more obtainable while the cart bag holds you back. The fact you have the hoofer might hold you back a bit, but you may just have to snap a leg on it to make it work.

I actually just used that excuse as part of a big combination of things to get my wife to agree to joining a country club. It took a good bit of work, but it was totally worth it. The bonus of it all was she let me get a clicgear too.

[duswalk]

[quote name='highergr0und' date='31 March 2010 - 11:51 AM' timestamp='1270050685' post='2352659']
Can you play the exercise angle? Tell her you want to walk a lot more to get exercise and a nice stand bag will provide you good motivation and make the goal more obtainable while the cart bag holds you back. The fact you have the hoofer might hold you back a bit, but you may just have to snap a leg on it to make it work.

I actually just used that excuse as part of a big combination of things to get my wife to agree to joining a country club. It took a good bit of work, but it was totally worth it. The bonus of it all was she let me get a clicgear too.
[/quote]

Jealous of your clicgear!

[swbyps]

This is great! Since everyone is suggesting you lie to your wife, here is my suggestion. "Accidentally" break the zipper on the pocket that holds the balls. You obviously cant have that pocket broken or your golf balls will be falling out. This next part is key. [b]After you go buy a new bag[/b]...tell the wifey how that was a good bag she bought you, how much you enjoyed it, and it served you well over the year.

*DISCLAIMER*
Our wives always seem to know when we are not telling the truth...

[highergr0und]

See, the exercise line isn't so much a lie as a goal that most likely won't get fulfilled. It can easily be chalked up to good intentions gone bad, like 95% of gym memberships

@duswalk.... the clicgear is pretty sweet. It's going out for its first round this weekend if the rain holds off.

[Sweet Baby J]

This is great! Since everyone is suggesting you lie to your wife, here is my suggestion. "Accidentally" break the zipper on the pocket that holds the balls. You obviously cant have that pocket broken or your golf balls will be falling out. This next part is key. After you go buy a new bag...tell the wifey how that was a good bag she bought you, how much you enjoyed it, and it served you well over the year.

 

*DISCLAIMER*

Our wives always seem to know when we are not telling the truth...

 

That would be my route. But instead of breaking zipper... slam the bag on a rock so it breaks the bottom. I mean you have multiple pockets to put balls in, but you can't hold the clubs once there's a hole in the bottom!

 

And no, I have never tried that before.

[duswalk]

If she is blonde you could mysteriously lose the bag while somehow holding onto your clubs.. I only say that because I am married to a blonde.

[muxi87]

This is great! Since everyone is suggesting you lie to your wife, here is my suggestion. "Accidentally" break the zipper on the pocket that holds the balls. You obviously cant have that pocket broken or your golf balls will be falling out. This next part is key. After you go buy a new bag...tell the wifey how that was a good bag she bought you, how much you enjoyed it, and it served you well over the year.

 

*DISCLAIMER*

Our wives always seem to know when we are not telling the truth...

 

That would be my route. But instead of breaking zipper... slam the bag on a rock so it breaks the bottom. I mean you have multiple pockets to put balls in, but you can't hold the clubs once there's a hole in the bottom!

 

And no, I have never tried that before.

 

Funny, before I read any of the replies, I had already decided to tell you to break it. Heck, "accidentally" run over it with the golf cart (just be sure to take the clubs out first).

 

You can always tell the wife that the bag drop/cart guys didn't strap it on the cart properly and when you went to back the cart up the bag fell off and you ran it over.

 

Heck, I saw this actually happen last weekend at the club, so it's 100% plausible.

 

If you want to make it more realistic, put an old wedge or two in there before running it over so you'll have a couple damaged clubs to show as further evidence. Heck, that might even score you a much needed golf shopping trip to buy a new bag AND new wedges!

[78Staff]

Unbelievable. Come on this is a cheap Target/Callaway bag that cost <$100, right? Man up, just tell here you want a new bag. How may pairs of shoes does she have...purses, belts, etc. If you must come us with some lame excuse, just tell her you want to start walking more often and thus need a stand bag. You know, want to get in better shape, live longer, etc.

[StixItClose]

[quote name='78Staff' date='31 March 2010 - 03:17 PM' timestamp='1270063064' post='2353076']
Unbelievable. Come on this is a cheap Target/Callaway bag that cost <$100, right? Man up, just tell here you want a new bag. How may pairs of shoes does she have...purses, belts, etc. If you must come us with some lame excuse, just tell her you want to start walking more often and thus need a stand bag. You know, want to get in better shape, live longer, etc.
[/quote]

I did "man up", and then she wifed up and laid down the law. She's the Timothy Geithner of the house so I can't buy a new bag without her seeing, and then there would definitely be no more "federal bailouts", if you catch my drift.

The exercise angle would work except for a couple of things: she's best friends with the wives of the guys I normally play with so if I don't actually follow through with the walking, she'll hear about it. I love walking 9 holes after work occasionally, but this is Florida and my days of walking 18 in the summer are over. I'll try to think of an angle to make it work, though.

The destruction ideas are great, but have you seen today's bags, even the cheap ones? I'm pretty sure if I ran it over with a cart it would just pop back into place. I'm thinking saber saw or some sort of fire...

[Bogaman]

'Honey, would you believe (insert buddy or co-workers name here) gave me a new golf bag today out of the goodness of his heart. He almost started crying when I thanked him and told him how much I liked it. Now it's not even close to being as nice as the one you got me but I think he would be really, really, really hurt if I didn't use it.'

Or just take a razor blade to it and blame it on raccoons.

[johnnymac2201]

This is a really easy situation to get out of. Buy your wife a new purse. Let her be the one who has to come up with excuses when she doesn't use it anymore, and I guarantee she won't say a word when you start using a new golf bag.

[jsanatx]

or get one of those fearsome looking dogs that Bogaman has as his avatar, put a piece of meat in the bag and let "killer" go to work. i'm sure he'll shread it pieces.

[swbyps]

[quote name='StixItClose' date='31 March 2010 - 04:04 PM' timestamp='1270069497' post='2353298']
she's best friends with the wives of the guys I normally play with
[/quote]


Well, that about settles it. Anything less than the up front truth doesnt stand a chance. Man...how in the world did you guys allow that to happen!?!

[Above the clouds]

[quote name='johnnymac2201' date='31 March 2010 - 11:32 PM' timestamp='1270074776' post='2353481']
This is a really easy situation to get out of. Buy your wife a new purse. Let her be the one who has to come up with excuses when she doesn't use it anymore, and I guarantee she won't say a word when you start using a new golf bag.
[/quote]

That is pure genius.

[chrt396]

[quote name='swbyps' date='31 March 2010 - 12:30 PM' timestamp='1270053055' post='2352731']
This is great! Since everyone is suggesting you lie to your wife, here is my suggestion. "Accidentally" break the zipper on the pocket that holds the balls. You obviously cant have that pocket broken or your golf balls will be falling out. This next part is key. [b]After you go buy a new bag[/b]...tell the wifey how that was a good bag she bought you, how much you enjoyed it, and it served you well over the year.

*DISCLAIMER*
Our wives always seem to know when we are not telling the truth...
[/quote]

But...isn't THAT lying??? Guys..guys..guys. Sometimes...no matter how good of a husband you are...you just have to cover up the truth a little. It stinks that you cannot be truthful...but maybe if you liken it to a purse. A lady doesn't use a purse forever. She switches out occasionally. Play the feminine side of you..no matter how deep or shallow that side may be..and tell her that your "Accessorizing!" She'll get that!

[chrt396]

AAHHH!! I see some other guy came up with the same idea. DARN!! I shoulda read all the posts!!

[kanzaclimber]

[quote name='duswalk' date='31 March 2010 - 01:49 PM' timestamp='1270061345' post='2353020']
[b]If she is blonde you could mysteriously lose the bag while somehow holding onto your clubs.. I only say that because I am married to a blonde.[/b]
[/quote]


[quote name='StixItClose' date='31 March 2010 - 04:04 PM' timestamp='1270069497' post='2353298']
[quote name='78Staff' date='31 March 2010 - 03:17 PM' timestamp='1270063064' post='2353076']
Unbelievable. Come on this is a cheap Target/Callaway bag that cost <$100, right? Man up, just tell here you want a new bag. How may pairs of shoes does she have...purses, belts, etc. If you must come us with some lame excuse, just tell her you want to start walking more often and thus need a stand bag. You know, want to get in better shape, live longer, etc.
[/quote]

[b]I did "man up", and then she wifed up and laid down the law.[/b] She's the Timothy Geithner of the house so I can't buy a new bag without her seeing, and then there would definitely be no more "federal bailouts", if you catch my drift.

The exercise angle would work except for a couple of things: she's best friends with the wives of the guys I normally play with so if I don't actually follow through with the walking, she'll hear about it. I love walking 9 holes after work occasionally, but this is Florida and my days of walking 18 in the summer are over. I'll try to think of an angle to make it work, though.

The destruction ideas are great, but have you seen today's bags, even the cheap ones? I'm pretty sure if I ran it over with a cart it would just pop back into place. I'm thinking saber saw or some sort of fire...
[/quote]

Oh man, this whole thread had me actually laughing out loud.

Is this the bag?

[putt4_66]

[quote name='StixItClose' date='31 March 2010 - 04:04 PM' timestamp='1270069497' post='2353298']
[quote name='78Staff' date='31 March 2010 - 03:17 PM' timestamp='1270063064' post='2353076']
Unbelievable. Come on this is a cheap Target/Callaway bag that cost <$100, right? Man up, just tell here you want a new bag. How may pairs of shoes does she have...purses, belts, etc. If you must come us with some lame excuse, just tell her you want to start walking more often and thus need a stand bag. You know, want to get in better shape, live longer, etc.
[/quote]

I did "man up", and then she wifed up and laid down the law. She's the Timothy Geithner of the house so I can't buy a new bag without her seeing, and then there would definitely be no more "federal bailouts", if you catch my drift.

The exercise angle would work except for a couple of things: she's best friends with the wives of the guys I normally play with so if I don't actually follow through with the walking, she'll hear about it. I love walking 9 holes after work occasionally, but this is Florida and my days of walking 18 in the summer are over. I'll try to think of an angle to make it work, though.

The destruction ideas are great, but have you seen today's bags, even the cheap ones? I'm pretty sure if I ran it over with a cart it would just pop back into place. I'm thinking saber saw or some sort of fire...
[/quote]



Break it. This should work. When it has no clubs in it, press down with all your weight so the bottom is being pressed to the ground. Then try to lean the bag in the direction the pockets go. It should fold between the main part of the bag and the base. Once done so it will not stand straight anymore. When clubs are put in the weight will cause it to tumble over. You certainly can't have a bag that falls over whenever you try and stand it up next to your car, at the range, etc.

[Zooko23]

Have it "accidently" run over by a golf cart!! Then you have to get a new bag

[oregongolf]

Just tell her you donated it to the first tee or to some needy kid who was piecing together some gear.

...then get a Four 5 or Titleist 14-way. Ask for forgiveness rather than for permission. Just do it.

[scratchswinger]

Excuse me for not reading this entire thread. But get a divorce then buy whatever bag you want.

[Oscar]

To summarize:

Your wife holds your money, isn't afraid to voice her opinion(s) and knows what you're doing on the course (via her friends). On the positive side, you're allowed to play golf. Not too bad

Just start abusing the bag as much as you can without doing too much damage at once since it will be suspicious. Let it drop, step on it, get it dirty (very important). Once the bag is sufficiently banged up just tell your wife that maybe it's time for a newer, cleaner one or otherwise your family image will suffer.

Then ask her to help you choose a bag and go to the store together. Use your powers of persuasion to convince her to buy the bag [i]you[/i] like. Enjoy your new bag.

[fore_life]

Do you smoke? If so, you could "accidently" drop a lit cig down the bag, and burn it to the ground.

[mozgolf]

Sell the whole lot, jimmy the trunk of your car, tell her they were stolen and buy a whole new bag complete with an entire new set of clubs. This way you get her to pony up for the new gear and you get to stash the proceeds of the sale for future secretive hoing........

Nothing like a bit of honesty in a caring relationship

[The Humungus]

Really honey......There were these four Ninjas.....

[outwardnine]

Not wishing to thread jack, but I have a similar problem.

I've managed to save some money and intend to get myself a Bushnell V2 rangefinder. I've got some pro shop credit but don't want to pay their expensive prices. Consequently I printed out a page from an internet seller, showing a cheaper price and intended to take it into my club and use that to bargain with the pro.

Unfortunately the wife sees the paper on my desk and says "honey, whats this?" and "£200 is a lot of money" and "we could use that for some stuff around the house" etc etc etc.

I had to lie and tell her I had printed it for a "friend" who was thinking of getting one.

So now I am well and truly stuffed. If I turn up at home with one she knows EXACTLY what it cost and will ask where the money came from (my secret golf club ho-ing stash).

Any suggestions.....................

Actually, can you buy those mind erasing pens like they have in Men In Black?

[Geo]

Me, I'm not a fan of lying. Don't see the upside to it in a long-term relationship...unless you really have to. As for the golf bag, could be that it's too late to fix that, but if you want to address any future problems, here's a little story that helped me out:

Once upon a time, in the land of beruo, his wife used to get him whatever golf thing she thought was neat, on sale, and could be had for whatever she happened to have in her wallet at the time. Then one day, beruo decided to get his wife whatever outfit, shoes or lingerie that he thought was neat, on sale, and could be had for whatever he happened to have in his wallet at the time. As beruo made to know about as much about his wife's fashion needs as his wife knew about beruo's golf needs, this story has a happy ending. But if you want a happy ending to go along with the happy ending, don't roll with the lingerie. You get the wrong size and it'll be taken the wrong way, regardless of whether you size up or down.