Golf and kids

[jacob7071]

I just asked my wife if she wants to live in a world where I don't get to play golf.  She didn't have to think about it very long.

 

We have one and trying for a 2nd.  Right now I average ~2 golf outings per month - usually one round and either a range session or a 2nd round.  More in the summers with tournaments and fewer in the winter with weather and less daylight.  I suspect golf will decrease some if we have another child.  I tend to play a lot on Friday afternoons when I'd otherwise be at work.  Wife stays home with the kid, so I don't really want to leave her there alone again on a weekend.  

 

One difference I've noticed is, I'm WAY less upset about a bad round.  I'm not playing or practicing as much, so I'm not expecting much.  

[Locked]

depending what industry you are in there can always be some great reasons for Work-golf 🙂

 

My wife sees right through it but I can genuinely say a few of my greater professional successes can be tied back to a round of golf with the right person.  I try and work in at least one "working round" per month.  

[otto6457]

The key to lots of golf and having kids is to get those kids into the AJGA when they turn 6.  Then if they love golf, golf will become all that you do.  Unfortunately, you won't be the one playing.  You will be the cash register, Uber driver, caddy, sports psychologist, and biggest fan that does what you're told.  But you will be intimately involved with golf most every day until they go off to college.

Edited March 1 by otto6457

[jda]

I strongly suggest that you don't do much with your kids even if they golf if you are the kind of person who will go crazy-mom/dad on them if they don't want to stroke 500 putts before bed or just don't care as much as you want them to.  They are not likely going to pay their way through college with golf, even though some do.  If you have any hint that their involvement in the same hobby as you can provide any consternation, then just drop them off at the course/lesson and wait in the car or go elsewhere.

 

If they have a desire, and the ability (most of all the ability) to make some money playing golf (this includes college scholarships since these cost money), then you can get a little mad if they don't invest enough effort needed for what they want... but not too mad.  This is very few kids, though.  Odds are that it is not one of yours even though it could be.  I have division one athletes in my home who beat the odds, but they are few... they also are near 100th percentile in height, strength and speed so genetics plays a large role in this.

 

In a nutshell, don't let a sport ruin a lifetime of enjoyment with your kids.  Be smart and know who you are and who your kids are.  Kids who can earn scholarships or play professionally can be really great, but the drive can also ruin/sour relationships.

[cbrwn425]

I've always averaged 3 rounds per month sometimes more sometimes less depending on what else is going on. Like the others have said it's about compromise and giving her time for activities away from the kid(s). When my oldest was born I would get the earliest time available and typically I was playing solo so I could play 18 in 2-2.5 hours and get home just after everyone had started waking up. Now that my kids are getting a little older (6 and 3) I take one of them with me. After my oldest turned 4 I've taken him with me almost every round. He plays a few holes here and there and then just plays with toys or his iPad but has a blast. I only don't take him when I'm playing money games or the occasional work outing. Soon I'll start taking my youngest as well and that will be interesting but I can't wait.

[GooseHook]

My son’s almost 2 , he was born Master weekend 2022 :). Only advice I can really share is just my own story, since it’s like that with all phases of parenting.

 

My wife and I both had crazy demanding jobs at the time and our son was a legendarily terrible sleeper. In the meanwhile I made a major job change (for the better) but that piled on a lot of extra mental load. Also no one ever told me that both parents can be affected by PPD during the newborn phase. So yeah, I can’t relate to any other parents, especially the other guys at my club who seemed to be playing 10x as me with kids of their own.
 

I posted about 15 rounds last year and was able to mix in some range afternoons and a sim league (post bedtime is clutch). This year though, wife took time away from work to spend more time with him but now he’s a toddler and very demanding of our energy/supervision. I also have to go hard at work to keep things going for us and the future. Our family help is essentially nonexistent so this year will be by far my sparsest golf year ever. 
 

I have this beautiful little mini me who is absolutely hilarious and I get to watch him grow up alongside a Labrador almost the same age. I think I can stand to go a while without a ton of rounds, I just hope I can keep tweaking my work schedule to practice and scratch the itch. 
 

I’ve known several people who’ve been fired from jobs for ducking out and playing golf all the time. Also guys who have gotten divorced when everyone thought the marriage was going great. Just because someone says they’re getting out all the time or appears to be having it easy doesn’t mean they‘re tending to all their responsibilities. 
 

If life feels hard, you’re probably doing it right. 

[Rtojos]

This is a topic close to my heart as my wife and I have always had discussions about balancing golf and family life. Before having kids, I used to golf every weekend. Now that our kids are 5 and 3 years old, our compromise is to play twice a month. Fortunately, I still manage to practice daily on my lunch break and sneak in the occasional "doctor's appointment" round in the mornings. I prefer early morning tee times so that I can dedicate weekends to spending time with my family. Finding a compromise between your passion for golf and quality time with your family is essential.
But trust me, I have definitely over tested waters asking to play on weekends off from golf, I've learned the argument isn't worth the headache LOL. Don't worry golf isn't done for you 😆

[MountainKing]

On 2/4/2024 at 3:12 PM, Golferguy209 said:

Hey golfwrxers,

I’m a new dad to a beautiful baby boy but I love playing golf. I know I’ll get to play when I get to teach my son the game. I’m curious how current dads have negotiated with your spouse to allow you to go play/practice and how frequent that was. I think a fair compromise is one round a month. Thanks I’m advance for your comments. 

 

Just had a kid myself back in January.  This isn't something you should be negotiating.   You both should be able to do your thing and have your lives outside of each other and the kid, which is just figuring out how to balance the schedule.  You take the kid so she can go out and do what she wants on her own and vice versa, then of course make sure you have family time scheduled into the mix as well.  So far 9 weeks in, our individual social lives hasn't drastically changed.  In fact my girl is going out with friends tonight and I look forward to my solo time with my daughter!

Edited March 22 by MountainKing

[Teebs]

A weekend is a long time really. Taking 4 to 5 hours of the 48h isn't a big ask, at all.

 

Just make sure

 

You don't miss anything important

 

You do the housework and take the initiative, don't wait to be asked

 

Leave the house early, be back at a sensible time

 

Rounds and matches are in the dairy

 

You give your partner adequate time away from the baby/child if and when required 

 

Currently, my Wife is off work (without Child who's at School) on a Thursday and Friday - this gives her the chance to go to the gym, meet friends and do anything she wants. When it comes to the weekend, I don't think going to Golf on the Saturday morning is a big ask. 

Everyone needs their 'me' time, despite what other couples and friends may say.

 

YMMV, but don't lose sight of who you are as a person. Even when you have a Child, you still need to maintain your personality and hobbies, you are still a person and not just a 'Dad'..

[bobfoster]

On 2/5/2024 at 8:23 AM, Ferguson said:

 

Same here. 

 

 

OP,

It's not about you anymore.  The key is genuinely letting your wife know (either by spoken word or actions) that you are thinking of the family first.  There is a great journey between now and when you think your son will play.  Love them when they are little.  It doesn't last long.  Before you know it, they are in college or whatever and gone. 

 

x 1000 ^^^

 

Having young kids has a way of both compressing and expanding time. You're often only thinking of the next day (or with really young kids, what kind of night you'll have). But some days can often seem to go on forever. Every day is an adventure in and of itself, and is often planned down to the hour (not saying the plans ever work out, but still, you try). As many have mentioned, there's a huge (relationship-with-spouse) difference between being gone for a quick 3 hour round and a more leisurely 5 or 6 hour round (w/ drinks afterwards). I'm in my 60s now, so if I hit a slow day on a busy course, I've got little stress (and only minor irritation). Doesn't matter whether I make it home at 4, 5, or 6 in the afternoon or decide on a whim to go out to dinner with buddies and get home at 8. That is definitely not what golfing when you have young kids is about.

 

By the same token, while every day seems long and often tiring, in retrospect (from the distance that aging gives), those first few years with kids pass in a heartbeat. You have these aha moments. "How is it possible she's entering kindergarten - seems like just yesterday I was feeding her with a bottle". "How it possible he's starting high school, feels like moments ago I was teaching him to ride a bike". And additionally, also in retrospect, you'll likely look back at those years as some of the best, the most memorable, in your entire life. There is literally nothing else in realm of human experience quite like it. You and your spouse are helping to form a brand new body, mind and soul from scratch. 

 

And golf is patient. It'll always be there even if you don't get to play much for a little while. And if you are lucky, within a relatively few years you'll be back to playing golf - but playing it with your kids. And that's just the bee's knees. 

[Tumadre1337]

I have a couple of teens at home now, I can basically play 9 holes whenever I want without anyone caring too much, but my wonderful wife said she wants to bring a new life into the world within the next couple of years so I'm going to just have to play as much golf as humanly possible until then 🤣

[RoyalMustang]

I heard a great quote last night. 

 

Work-life balance doesn't mean work-life balance each day or even each year. It means over time, things average out. Your duties and responsibilities will ebb and flow.

 

Take life as it comes, golf or work out when you can, not getting too stressed out when you can't get to the course for a week. Of course, if you're working full time while playing on a mini-tour, it's different, but I'm assuming nobody on this thread is looking at golf as a full-time job. I was in that boat as a pro cyclist for a team that didn't race full time. We only raced 35 days a year outside of cyclocross, which is a pretty light load. The road race season fell spring and early summer, while my busy time at work was winter and mid summer to early fall. I could get in my week-long stage races on the other side of the USA and 22-hour training weeks by planning carefully and knew that during the busy season at work, my cycling would be down to riding the long 25-mile route to work as a commute. When I was in slow work-training mode, I'd get in 90 miles before showing up to work at 11am.

 

I kept it fluid and didn't get too up or down if I missed a workout; even though I was on a pro team, the money couldn't even be classified as minimum wage and I raced because I loved racing and my teammates. Performace didn't suffer; I may have been helped by having other things in my life. If I had bad luck, well, it was only bike racing and not the end of things. 

[Ben B]

If your local courses aren't very busy at times, pack em' up and take them with you. If your wife is breastfeeding, ask her to pump a few bottles. Get yourself a nice light stand bag, build a minimalist set, get a jogger stroller that can fit the carrier and off you go. You can easily get in 9 while they nap/sleep. When they wake up, feed em', burp em', change their diaper, put em' back in the carrier and off you go again. There is guy at my buddies club that does this. It's awesome and I wish I had thought of it when my kids were that age. It's amazing what happens to kids when you keep them outside, they are usually much more content and less fussy. With all 3 of my kids, when they would get fussy I'd put them in the stroller and go walking. They'd immediately calm down and most of the time go to sleep. And it's really good for them to be outside in the fresh air. 

[bcjim]

On 3/25/2024 at 12:21 PM, Tumadre1337 said:

I have a couple of teens at home now, I can basically play 9 holes whenever I want without anyone caring too much, but my wonderful wife said she wants to bring a new life into the world within the next couple of years so I'm going to just have to play as much golf as humanly possible until then 🤣

Maybe she just wants you to build her a greenhouse or something. 

[bcjim]

2 hours ago, Ben B said:

If your local courses aren't very busy at times, pack em' up and take them with you. If your wife is breastfeeding, ask her to pump a few bottles. Get yourself a nice light stand bag, build a minimalist set, get a jogger stroller that can fit the carrier and off you go. You can easily get in 9 while they nap/sleep. When they wake up, feed em', burp em', change their diaper, put em' back in the carrier and off you go again.

[dropkicked]

13 hours ago, Ben B said:

If your local courses aren't very busy at times, pack em' up and take them with you. If your wife is breastfeeding, ask her to pump a few bottles. Get yourself a nice light stand bag, build a minimalist set, get a jogger stroller that can fit the carrier and off you go. You can easily get in 9 while they nap/sleep. When they wake up, feed em', burp em', change their diaper, put em' back in the carrier and off you go again. There is guy at my buddies club that does this. It's awesome and I wish I had thought of it when my kids were that age. It's amazing what happens to kids when you keep them outside, they are usually much more content and less fussy. With all 3 of my kids, when they would get fussy I'd put them in the stroller and go walking. They'd immediately calm down and most of the time go to sleep. And it's really good for them to be outside in the fresh air. 

This is quite ridiculous and selfish...  How about just enjoying your infant children and pausing on the golf for a day?  Would you really want to risk your infant child being struck by an errant golf ball?

[Tumadre1337]

11 hours ago, bcjim said:

Maybe she just wants you to build her a greenhouse or something. 

I already did that though 😩

[tatertot]

Compromise = the perfect solution that makes nobody happy.

[Ben B]

5 hours ago, dropkicked said:

This is quite ridiculous and selfish...  How about just enjoying your infant children and pausing on the golf for a day?  Would you really want to risk your infant child being struck by an errant golf ball?

Man, I didn't know spending time with your kid(s) and giving your spouse a break was ridiculous and selfish. Duly noted. 

 

I guess I need to call my parents up and tell them how disgusted I am that they took me to all of those sporting events, vacations at the beach, to hang out with their friends ect...all before I was an age that I could understand and appreciate what was going on. How dare them to be so selfish and wanting to spend time with me while they were doing things they loved. And I can't even believe they put me in that car that had no safety features in a car seat that wasn't really a car seat. I mean I could have been killed! Taking me out in public where. I could be struck by some random object and injured....what were they thinking?

 

All I can tell you is that I am a single parent with 3 kids and everyday I wake them up, get them dressed, feed them breakfast, get their backpacks packed, drop them off at school, pick them up from school, feed them snacks, dinner, hang out with them, color, watch movies, play games, swim, you name it...I give them my entire self. If I want to go play a round of golf with or without them and that makes me selfish....well so be it. 

[klebs01]

20 hours ago, Ben B said:

Man, I didn't know spending time with your kid(s) and giving your spouse a break was ridiculous and selfish. Duly noted. 

 

I guess I need to call my parents up and tell them how disgusted I am that they took me to all of those sporting events, vacations at the beach, to hang out with their friends ect...all before I was an age that I could understand and appreciate what was going on. How dare them to be so selfish and wanting to spend time with me while they were doing things they loved. And I can't even believe they put me in that car that had no safety features in a car seat that wasn't really a car seat. I mean I could have been killed! Taking me out in public where. I could be struck by some random object and injured....what were they thinking?

 

All I can tell you is that I am a single parent with 3 kids and everyday I wake them up, get them dressed, feed them breakfast, get their backpacks packed, drop them off at school, pick them up from school, feed them snacks, dinner, hang out with them, color, watch movies, play games, swim, you name it...I give them my entire self. If I want to go play a round of golf with or without them and that makes me selfish....well so be it. 

I’m with you. I love having my family out with me on the course. Even my 1 year old came along last year when he was an infant. No safety issues at all and it was great family time together. I don’t do that at 8am on a Saturday with a full tee sheet. It’s at 4pm when the course is more or less wide open. The older kids love running around and playing with the ball washers. Getting a kiddie cocktail. Hitting some shots when they want. Quality family time not in front of a screen. 

[bobfoster]

On 3/20/2024 at 12:54 PM, Rtojos said:

This is a topic close to my heart as my wife and I have always had discussions about balancing golf and family life. Before having kids, I used to golf every weekend. Now that our kids are 5 and 3 years old, our compromise is to play twice a month. Fortunately, I still manage to practice daily on my lunch break and sneak in the occasional "doctor's appointment" round in the mornings. I prefer early morning tee times so that I can dedicate weekends to spending time with my family. Finding a compromise between your passion for golf and quality time with your family is essential.
But trust me, I have definitely over tested waters asking to play on weekends off from golf, I've learned the argument isn't worth the headache LOL. Don't worry golf isn't done for you 😆

🤣

 

[SurfDuffer]

On 2/4/2024 at 6:07 PM, Jc0 said:

Why are you looking for a compromise? It's a simple as you have to cover for your wife the same amount she covers for you. So if you practice for an hour or play golf for six expect to be on the clock the same amount when you get home. I pretty much play as much as I want along as long as that rule is followed. 

 

There can be scheduling conflicts but playing/practicing at consistent times makes them easier to deal with. 

 

Lucky for me that at your stage of life my job in commission based B2B sales allowed for a lot of client golf and also afforded me the ability to play and practice quite often wile others were working.  My oldest son showed promise as a golfer early on and began playing with me at 5 years old.  That began a golf journey for the two of us of playing together and practicing together four or five days a week that continued until he finished high school.   In college he split his time between playing with me and his college golf team mates.  Now he is working in the golf industry and we only play together a handful of times a year.  Enjoy it and don't blink.  They grow up fast.

[unclefreizo]

On 2/4/2024 at 7:15 PM, david.c.w said:

Here is my chart from a different thread.

 

 

The kid years are a little exaggerated but not by much.  The only people who can answer this question are you and your wife.  Playing zero golf is not realistic.  Playing 100 rounds is not realistic.  You need to find what makes you BOTH happy.  Marriage + kids is about compromise.  My youngest is now late teens, and I wish I had acted less selfish when they were younger.  I have seen a million soccer, basketball, tennis, lacrosse, swimming, baseball, band, and dance events.  However I was not always present during the downtimes.  The next few years are about you and your family growing together.  Make 100% sure to take care of yourself, but understand that your simple presence speaks volumes to your kids and your wife.  Even if you are not actively cooking/cleaning/reading/playing, being there to support your family, especially your wife, is paramount. 

 

Also, don't say you will be home by 12:30 and roll in at 2:45.  It will not end well.

 

This here is a great post.