heckling!!!!!!

[hzppby]

Two more of my fav's

Someone putts and is still away: (Wow that was a USGA putt!!; other person says huh?, U Suck Go Again!

Leaves a putt short; You say, what happened your putter get caught on your tampon string!

[therusty]

After a lucky shot -> Nice shot, A**hole.
After a bad shot ->Oooh -You're going to need to hit the ATM today
After you've outdriven the chump ->Some reason you laid up, [email="p@ssy"]p@ssy[/email]?
After a good drive, missed green and a 3 putt -> Drive for show, putt for nothing
Before player goes into the high grass -> Did anyone tell him about the snakes?
When looking for a logo ball near the water -> You playing a ball with a fish over it?
After you sink a straight putt and chump is lining up his -> Wow that broke more than I thought!
When trouble really should not be in play -> Don't let that [tree/water/bunker] bother you.
When chump keeps using your club selection to help his-> confidently take the "wrong" club out of your bag, then switch after he hits a bad shot, or purposely take an extra club and do a 1/2 speed swing.
When chump can't chip and is just off the green -> You gonnna putt that? (they should, but the implication is you woudn't)
Chump's ball in a difficult lie -> You got a club for that shot?
After a flop shot that does not work -> PHIL!
During the putt back swing -> That's good.
MC Hammer says: You can't putt that!

[steveh1591]

i love playing mind games haha

cus im one of the longer hitters at my club, if im hitting a wedge into a 150 yard par 3 i usually turn around to my partner...
me: "What you take there, 9 iron ??"
them: "no, 7"

the classic somebody's clooossserr!

nice lag!

saw someone mentioned the sally gunnell reference earlier to a low running shot

after a topped/roofed drive that ends up nowhere...
"well the most important thing is that its found the fairway"

and in a junior match in the summer on pretty much every hole one of the guys we played against kept saying "this for the half ??" or "this one for par," particularly on my partners putts as he is only 13. he did this on pretty much every green once we went 3up, they came back and on 16 i had a 3 footer to go 1up, there he goes again and i bladed it past and then missed the return putt and we went 1 down, i won 17 with par, and although ive never considered doing it in a match i decided to give this guy something back, as we walked up to the 18th tee (we were away) i said to him, "looks like a pretty narrow drive" i hit mine down the middle and he nailed it left into the trees, his playing partner shanked it, and i made par and we won 1up, he was pretty quiet as we walked off the green

[therusty]

Heard a good one on the radio that will work on the course.

When the cart comes by order a beer for yourself and say "and that ****** bag over there will have a vinegar and water"

[Babydaddy]

This is the best.
Everyone of us has our bad shot, that creeps up at the worst possible time.
Make up a clever jingle about your friend's bad shot and sing it to them. Because it's a catchy jingle, they won't be able to stop singing it in their head.
My buddy and I did this on the 18th of a Dastardly Nicklaus course last year. My jingle for him was "Hook- Hook, Hook Dive, Hook- Hook Hook Dive" in a hip hop kind of cadence.
His for me was "FLARE, Ahaaa, FLARE, NOT NOW" song like Flash Gordon by Queen.
Of course, we both hit the opposite shot after we had our jingle sung to us.

This is the gift that keeps on giving.

Noelsy

[Ronzo]

[quote name='Babydaddy' post='1971424' date='Sep 25 2009, 11:45 AM']My jingle for him was "Hook- Hook, Hook Dive, Hook- Hook Hook Dive" in a hip hop kind of cadence.[/quote]

Since you're a Queen fan, would't that fit well to "We Will Rock You" if you eliminated the first "Hook"?

[murph182]

"Does your wife play, too?"

Explanation: my friend is an idiot. I once said to him the classic "does your husband play, too" comment. Because his brain is not so good, he never fails to mess it up. So now, in our group, asking if your wife plays is understood to be a dig at both your manhood and the intelligence of this borderline retarded individual.

[ahl3bomber]

Does your husband play golf?

[Par Fore]

When someone, okay usually me, hits a big high fat drive I say "you use your 60* driver?"

[GaijinGolfer]

I got one that I heard when Charles Barkley was on the Bob and Tom radio show. He told the story that one time he was playing golf with Tiger Woods and Tiger said to him, "Hey, you see where they're building that new super K-Mart?" Charles said he looked around and was like, "Super K-Mart? No, where are they building a new super K-Mart?" To which Tiger replied, "Between my ball and your ball."

[longballguy]

"U.S.G.A. Rules, my friend"

"Whadya mean by that, what did I do"?

"U Suck, Go Again"!

[moegolfer11]

the sadam hussien... you leave it in the bunker couldnt make it out the first time.

[deadsolid...shank]

I play with two guys who have fought the shanks for years. When they have that dreaded 20-30 yard chip shot, if we are feeling particularly cruel, we always remind them to "be careful, you could shank that one..."

 

As someone who has yearly bouts with the shanks, I can truly say you guys are nasty, may your 300 yard drive down the middle land in a big ole' divot.

[DieHard519]

If your buddy hits a putt way past the hole you just sarcastically say, "Good distance though, right?" to which they usually reply with laughter.

[razorbird]

"If you're gonna keep crying about it, just hit another one..."

[ultra45]

we always used to flip the driver over and make shot gun action/noises to "reload"

[scotty01292]

[quote name='dlo' date='18 January 2008 - 07:20 PM' timestamp='1200684024' post='870037']
oh you crazy ivy leagers!!!

you busted me!

in context - a bunch of our guys are old army guys and force times velocity squared was always the ballistics quote thrown around - it is easier to impart more damage by making the bullet faster than making the bullet bigger.

trust me, the joke kills with the fat guys.

what did i quote kinetic energy or some sh%^@?
[/quote]

F=ma (Force = mass*acceleration)
F=mv^2/r (Force = (mass*velocity squared)/radius) (Central force - Circular force)
Ek=1/2mv^2 (Kinetic energy = 1/2*mass*velocity squared

Hope that clears it up for you

[Todd York]

When someone says "I should've gone for it in two" or "hit the 5 instead of the 6", the best response is "Yeah, and if my aunt had the balls she'd be my uncle" usually gets a laugh or two.

Or an approach shot that has been fanned 30 yards right or left of the green, a sarcastic "Go in!" usually works.

Similar remark as a previous poster's, "Why don't you just take two weeks off and then quit" when someone asks for advice.

The good-natured smack talk is what I love about the guys I play with.

[farmer]

The nice guys I play with say things like bald, birdleg dickweed. Put your hat on, the glare is blinding. You're so old it doesn't matter that you're ugly. Putt it. Why would you ever hit it there? I would never hit a shot like that. Was that fat or are you gardening? This is just a sample, and considerably cleaned up.

[amerza18]

Wasn't really heckling, but a friend of mine was talking about how his wife was pregnant. Another guy in the group said "Congratulations, do you know who the father is?"

I laughed so hard, missed a 2 footer for par.

[mcfet]

not a dry eye in the house...

[redlabel]

If some misses a shot just ask them, "what club did you try to hit there"

[redlabel]

Best comeback line I've ever heard anywhere.

We're playing in a scramble and playing fivesomes. Our group includes a husband and wife and there's been a little drinking going on.

The husband forgets himself a bit and when the beer cart goes buy with 2 pretty attractive gals in it, he says "Boy, I could go for some new stuff."

The wife quips back with, "Brad, if you had two more inches you could be in some new stuff, when we get home"

At first I was dumbfounded, then after thinking a bit I fell over laughing.

[takafam]

Right after they hit their tee shot with Driver say "WOW!! that sounded different is your epoxy breaking up." then stare at the head of their club and walk away.

[razz11]

My regular playing partner and I got paired up at the clubhouse with a father and son duo and had to play the round with them. It was a Sunday in mid-April last year and they both kept talking about the son's prom being that Friday... They were both pretty cool, laid back, and both very good golfers. It was about the 12th hole and the son lips out a 10-footer for birdie. The father calmly asks, "prom date sucked this year huh?" The son replied with, "shut up, what?" Father then goes on to say, "All lip no hole...." I couldn't stop laughing and after that I don't think either of their mouths stopped for the rest of the round. It was a good day!

[ronstars]

Leave a putt short and you get this: "Pull that string from between your legs before your next putt Alice!"

[Milo]

The most biting trash thrown at me was the simplest.

I was having a good round and 18 at She Shan is a par five with a water bound green. I hit a perfect drive and then a perfect lay up right on my number; it was clear to the group that a birdie was going to top off a pretty much perfect round. I hit the wedge about five inches fat and the ball plopped into the lake way short of the beach.

The buddy closest to me just stared at me with disgust, said, "You w@nker", turned his back and walked away.

I was still cracking up when signing for a bogey.