heckling!!!!!!

[Well Played]

When they hit a putt 6' by the hole, I like to say "nice shoulder turn" that ALWAYS pisses them off!!!

 

Good stuff!

 

 

When someone blades one and it hits the flag going mach 1 and drops in. Tell them, wow, that was ugly but it had big t****.

 

Also good stuff!

 

 

And let's not leave Happy Gilmore out of this... When you hit it inside of your playing partner's already close approach, "Sooooomebody's clooooooser!"

[Sean2]

Leaving a birdie putt short: "Well, at least you used the right club."

[Pinehurst1999]

Leaving a birdie putt short: "Well, at least you used the right club."

Classic! :)

[golfjunkie]

I play with a couple guys and one brought a guy/jerk with him. the "jerk" just spent over $1000 on new clubs, driver, irons, hybrids, 3 wood. the "jerk" was bragging about his new better game and his new high-dollar clubs.

 

the "jerk" teed it up and proceeded to hit a 50 foot snap hook straight into the ground, he then reteed it up, did same thing, and one more time- hitting 5 in my book, same outcome--snap hook, straight into the dirt.

 

My buddy, looked at him and said, truly serious, "1st time out?" YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A pIN DROP. the "jerk" said "no, i've been out a bunch, just cant dial in my new driver".

 

the really funny part is that the jerk proceeded to duff his next 3 hybrid shots, and said he got a 6 on the hole--a par 5-- he really got a 12. he said he used his 1 mulligan, he used about 1-2 per hole.

[Bombn]

After a sprayed shot..... "Right in the Lumber Mill, Danny" Classic line from Caddy Shack.

[tburchell]

The best I witnessed was a father, and son-in-law, we were on 18 (500yd par 5), and the son-in-law was down a hole, so he needed a clutch drive. The son-in-law kept saying "Ice in the veins, ice in the veins." Then he proceeds to snap-hook his drive, and immediately the father-in-law busts out singing the Rick James classic "Coldblooded." We were all pretty laid back, we all spent 5 min laughing at that.

[Craig1555]

This one seems to apply to any shot left short.

 

"I see what your problem is, your standing too close to the ball after you swing".

[brycerudd]

Right when my brother in law is about to take his back swing I say, "Hey, hang on a sec your tee is crooked" Never fails it makes him hit a low, hot, 60 yard bananna ball.

It even works when he is in the fairway

[duntont]

When somebody in our group hits a sky high ball on their drive, one of us is saying.. " Don't kid yourself, that was a 300 yard drive, 100 up, 100 out and 100 down.

[hzppby]

After hitting an iron or chip shot.. "Go in the Hole!!...........Cause he can't putt..)

[777twist]

I say this to a few of my playing partners who use lots of hybrids on Par 3's... Especially when I end up pin high but way right or left and they are either on or super close to the green.

 

"Nice shot, was that a driver or 3 wood?"

[777twist]

My friend always uses ... "wow that shot has some serious LOFT" ...and then goes on to explain "or Lack of F'ing Talent"

 

I like that one, even when he uses it on me.

[777twist]

"Keep looking at me and I will punch you right in the face!!!"

 

After my 3rd chunk shot and still not on the green... Two of my playing partners are looking at me from the green and in my mind looking at me with pity and disgust. Ok, so I guess it's really not smack talk, but it was funny, as those guys weren't comfortable with me for the next few holes.

[blisgal]

Buddy's 2nd putt is still out - say "USA" (You Still Away)

Buddy hits his putt short -say "the wind came up and blew your skirt in your eyes"

Buddy hits his tee shot short and says "what am I doing wrong?" You say "You're standing too close to the ball after you hit it"

[gotyacovered]

its not your life... its not your wife... its just your money

[Blues Golfer]

I will only put down the ones I've actually said to someone.

After watching someone hit it ob, I said "go ahead, hit again while you're still hot."

"Aside from line and distance, nice putt."

"Hey quit walking so close to my line big guy, you're changing the break in the green!"

"I'd play like that too, if I had your swing."

[funkyfedora]

"Nice putt, does your husband play?"

[alfie]

[quote name='BallSpinner' post='869419' date='Jan 18 2008, 01:24 AM']Before a short putt:

"Knock it close"[/quote]

The above is my favorite of all the bunch... funny, but not too offensive.
I would hate to play with some of u trash talkers. I know I'm not consistent nor very good at golf, so, for me, even though it's all in good fun, I wouldn't like to be hearing sarcastic remarks every time I mess up a shot... I'm tough on myself as it is... No need to have someone else beat me up... I'm here to play and improve, not to get "non-stop" trashing from a playing partner

[forgedforever]

In a friendly match only, to a good friend who has a 10-foot putt: Your next one is good.

[mikpga]

Wow. When did you start swinging like that?

[Skydiver22]

- When a guy is playing bad and asks you to look at his swing... I always tell him its the loft. Lack Of F&$#@ Talent.

I was playing once in a pretty big money game and a guy in our foursome just SH!t the bed on a hole and tapped in for a ten... another guy in our foursome immediately took his hands and spread out his fingers and placed them on each side of his head and started trotting around saying Mooooose.

[Pigboy]

putt left short...
- must have a crimp in your fallopian tube
- i hear they make a testosterone cream you can rub directly on your balls
- i think your mother is calling
- cry it out, b****

chunked shot with a deep divot...
- i think i can hear someone speaking Chinese down there

[kdmtuscani]

One of my favorite ones. "Your loft really kicked in on that one..." "Lack of F.....g Talent" Always a fun one to start out with :b

[bigred90gt]

When someone leaves a putt pretty short, I like my personal classic "Hit it with your purse next time, Sally".

[ChxDigLongBall]

Used to play with two pros a lot, one who absolutely bombed it and the other guy who never poked it past 270. After they both hit driver off the tee, the longer guy would walk up and pause at the shorter guys ball and say, "You know it's pretty wide open out here, you can hit driver on this hole," and then walk up the 50 or so yards to his ball. Always got under the shorter guys skin.

[bigred90gt]

When someone is out, they putt, and they're still out I like to tell a little joke:

You know what every golfer's 3 least favorite words are?

I'm still out.

[arbitrage]

When leaving a putt short:

"Oh, did your tampon fall out or something? You must have been distracted."

and my favorite of all time:

I played with a father and his two sons. The father leaves his putt about 5' short. The older son says "Mom, do you ******?" The father was not to pleased. Me and the sons were red in the face for the next few holes. For the rest of the day, "******" became our "Noonan".

EDIT: ****** = female irrigation product

[Sawgrass]

To a obvious hack who has been ranting about his bad luck: "You're not good enough to get that mad!"

[JJK]

"Still is." Player A replying to Player B (A's partner!), after Player B had just hit a huge block slice about 50 yards ob, and was complaining that that was a brand new ball.

"Haven't seen a shot like that in a while." My buddy's comment when the head of my six iron flew off after a tee shot.

[mbarnocki]

my brother hits a lot of sky balls off the tee with his driver and i always tell him "well you got your 9 iron out the way."

Or after a big slice on a dogleg left i tell people "oooh it plays long from over there."

This one gets my girlfriend fuming. If she hits a putt way by the hole i tell "a little firm there."