heckling!!!!!!

[CurtisBen]

Also another good one for misses on short putts.

"Don't trip on that tampon string."

[mrnoncontactsports]

A personal favorite that always gets a friend of mine red in the face is when he gets mad just after hitting a shot that he knows is in trouble and I say:

"Wow, you are REALLY going to like that one"

Rather simple but its all in the delivery.

[dlo]

My dad was razzing me about outdriving me one day and told him

"dude, force equals mass times velocity squared. Lord knows if I was carrying as much mass as you I wouldn't even have been able to get out of bed this morning."


With my buddy who hacks it around hits a worm burner i tell him not to worry about it, he hit it flush that time. It was the 50 shots before that were three inches flat that delofted the club.


Whenever there is a missed putt i love to point out the opportunity cost

"dude, don't worry about it, that was only a $20 putt. you'll get it back on the next one. I am sure of it."


I am with you Old Skool, if we aren't talking we aren't having as much fun as possible.

[Grum]

Not exactly heckling....but....

Mos tour bags have companies there logo on the bottom of their tour bags....
my srixon bag doesnt. So its got "SHANK!" stencil'd on the bottom

[Veritas]

[quote name='dlo' post='869901' date='Jan 18 2008, 12:55 PM']"dude, force equals mass times velocity squared. Lord knows if I was carrying as much mass as you I wouldn't even have been able to get out of bed this morning."[/quote]

What about internet trash talking like, Lord knows that force equals mass times acceleration.

[NicholasP]

"For you that's a really good shot"

[dlo]

oh you crazy ivy leagers!!!

you busted me!

in context - a bunch of our guys are old army guys and force times velocity squared was always the ballistics quote thrown around - it is easier to impart more damage by making the bullet faster than making the bullet bigger.

trust me, the joke kills with the fat guys.

what did i quote kinetic energy or some sh%^@?

[rondre3000]

"Next time, put your purse down." After leaving a putt short. Gets 'em every time.


-r.

[jtitleist12]

On a putt that is left short of the hole..."There is still some pizza in that box!"

[hbear]

I always liked the "nice drive" comment after a guy bombs the ball down the middle...and proceeds to mess it up the hole making bogey from 60 yards or something along those lines....

[acantrell]

"Why don't you try aiming at something"... Always a good one for any errant shot. Even better for horrible misreads on putts.

[mat562]

After a particularly wayward drive, the 'wide' signal of the cricket umpire is traditionally adopted by the sniggering non-hitters in my regular foursome...

[fiwiki]

when someone leaves a putt short ... tell them that just like their sex life , its short and not hard enough

[yahtzeeuk]

a nice classic

" only pace and line kept that out bud "

or just to mates " you poxy bas*&£d " works too

nice

[Samsquanch]

[quote name='knollwoodassistant' post='870029' date='Jan 18 2008, 11:15 AM']"For you that's a really good shot"[/quote]

[dlygrisse]

Three more I forgot about:
"The harder you swing the farther it goes"
"Thats the longest drive I have ever seen you hit"
Boy, that was the fastest putt I've seen all day ( say this after you have accidentally hit your first putt too hard )

[Grum]

"Hit it wendy!" is my groups saying when you leave putts short.

[charlesdupuy]

[quote name='mat562' post='871450' date='Jan 19 2008, 04:16 PM']After a particularly wayward drive, the 'wide' signal of the cricket umpire is traditionally adopted by the sniggering non-hitters in my regular foursome...[/quote]


Also really good to use when a playing partner misses a putt quite wide of the hole.

Another good one is 'have a good game, just not as good as mine' as your setting up to hit your 1st tee shot. And 'well out' when your playing partner fats one from the middle of the fairway.

[mat562]

[quote name='charlesdupuy' post='873148' date='Jan 20 2008, 09:29 AM']'well out' when your playing partner fats one from the middle of the fairway.[/quote]

I'll try that one next time out on the course..

I have a suspicion it may rile one of my regular group...

[Rambler]

While putting ... "did that one get caught in your skirt Sally? "

[philfan316]

Scenario:
When someone is slicing the crap out of driver all day.

"Hey can I see your driver?" Then you waggle it and say "Man, this is really whippy."

Scenario:
When someone blades one over the green, from the fairway.

"Ummm, how was your lie?"

Scenario:
When someone knocks it stiff.

"That is a great shot, but there is a reason God didn't want it to go in the hole."

Scenario:
When somebody pulls out a 2-3 iron on 320 yard hole with water, because they are playing it "safe" and then they top it or shank it.

"What happened there? You probably could of hit driver, because you will still be hitting 3 after this one."

[HunterDT]

[quote name='rdbivyleagun' post='869975' date='Jan 18 2008, 01:45 PM'][quote name='dlo' post='869901' date='Jan 18 2008, 12:55 PM']"dude, force equals mass times velocity squared. Lord knows if I was carrying as much mass as you I wouldn't even have been able to get out of bed this morning."[/quote]

What about internet trash talking like, Lord knows that force equals mass times acceleration.
[/quote]

I was going to say something, but you beat me to it! DOH I think you were getting at Kinetic Entergy. 1/2 * mv^2? Bah, this is a golf forum, I'll stop.

[mmarler]

When they hit a putt 6' by the hole, I like to say "nice shoulder turn" that ALWAYS pisses them off!!!

[FairwayFred]

Got this emailed to me and thought you would enjoy.....................

TOP TEN BEST CADDY COMEBACKS

# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"


# 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."


# 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."


# 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."


# 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."


# 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."


# 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game ?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."


# 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."


# 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."


And the # 1 Best Caddy Comment.....

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

[fiwiki]

When someone blades one and it hits the flag going mach 1 and drops in. Tell them, wow, that was ugly but it had big t****.

[mat562]

A low drive that's struck a bit thin but chases along a decent distance is known in my neck of the woods as a 'Sally Gunnell'

i.e. Not very nice to look at, but a good runner.

[Milo]

If it takes more than one shot for your buddy to get out of deep rough,

"Can I have the skin when you've finished killing that snake?"

[joe perry]

how about "NO LOVE"

might heckle a certain guy

[oregongolf]

[quote name='FairwayFred' post='875109' date='Jan 21 2008, 11:11 AM']Got this emailed to me and thought you would enjoy.....................

TOP TEN BEST CADDY COMEBACKS

# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"


# 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."


# 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."


# 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."


# 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."


# 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."


# 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game ?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."


# 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."


# 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."


And the # 1 Best Caddy Comment.....

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."[/quote]

I get this emailed to me every once in awhile.

I still read it and laugh out loud.

Thanks!

[cman]

any time a chip or put goes flying past the hole yell "BITE!!!!!!!!" really loud. The best part is after a while they're scared of hitting it too hard and will continually leave it short.