Playing with unpleasant strangers

[tch_a]

What would you have done?

Played a round on Sunday as a single was paired with a twosome and another single. Things start off well enough but slowly I pick up some real negative vibes from one of the players in the twosome. A few times I would complement him on a good shot and he was unresponsive. Sometimes I caught him looking at me with what seemed like some malevolence. I honestly don't know where this was coming from since there was no incident that I could recall that could justify/trigger this so I focused on playing my game and ignored him without any overt rudeness or attitude.

Anyway, we finish on the 18th everyone shakes hands except when I am about to offer my hand to this individual he seemingly turns away and says nothing to me. I say pri_K loud enough for him to hear me and went about my business. On my way out from the clubhouse I ran into his playing partner and told him I thought his "friend" had been a real pri_ck on the course and that he should think about helping him with his etiquette. I would have spoken to the individual in question directly had he been there but he was not around and I did not want to waste any more of my energy on this individual.

Yes I admit the I found the experience upsetting since it ranks as the most unpleasant experience I have had on a course. This probably explains why I am writing about this several days after the fact.

Just interested in comments on how it was handled and what if anything you would have done differently

[stage1350]

Next time, break off from the group after 9. Tell them you've been suffering from explosive diarrhea and need to go to the men's room for about a half hour. Have the starter pair you up with someone new for the back 9.

[nvr stsfd]

Probably would have done the same. I'm interested in what the friend had to say.

[anth]

Think you handled it pretty well really. Guy must of had a chip on his shoulder about something. Did his partner not shed any light on the issue?

I once played a round on my own and when I returned to my car there was a rather nasty note on the windscreen. I'm not sure what I did to deserve it and I definitely didn't have any run-ins with anyone on the course. It may have been because I parked to close to the guy and he couldn't access his boot (sorry, trunk for you guys). That's just a guess though. Some mysteries will never be solved...

You did well I reckon.

[tch_a]

His partner said he noticed his friends "behavior" on the 18th. He did not go into nor did I ask for details.

[jming]

as long as it didn't disrupt your own game. if it did then i woulda just left after 9 like what one of the other posters said.

i woulda called him a pr__k too. there shouldn't be any tolerance for that kind of crap. too many damn babies today. they need to learn to play nice with others. prolly just pms.

[mrb]

Maybe I'm a little old school, but I firmly subscribe to and believe in the "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" theory. I mean honestly, what good comes of calling the guy names, other than to prove to yourself and the other two players that you are capable of lowering yourself to his level?

I'm not saying I'm a saint, but when it comes to playing golf, I'm there to do just that. I play as a single quite often, and as a result I've been paired up with just about all of the 'characters' that are out there....the father and son, the boyfriend/girlfriend, the family, the "instructor", you name it. At the end of the day, nice or not, I just go about my business. Hopefully I don't offend anyone, and hopefully nobody offends me. But either way, I'm gonna leave quietly and go about the rest of my day. I would hope others would do the same.

[Coach Ritz]

[quote name='tch_a' date='16 March 2010 - 06:18 PM' timestamp='1268781501' post='2320979']
but slowly I pick up some real negative vibes from one of the players in the twosome. A few times I would complement him on a good shot and he was unresponsive. Sometimes I caught him looking at me with what seemed like some malevolence. I honestly don't know where this was coming from since there was no incident that I could recall that could justify/trigger this so I focused on playing my game and ignored him without any overt rudeness or attitude.

[/quote]


I am curious, so I ask you what made you think he was giving off "negative vibes"? Was he just quiet? or was it he didn't acknowledge the "good shot" comments? I am not picking sides in this situation just curious as I have been on both sides at times while playing here in South Florida.

[tch_a]

An intuitive feeling. Nothing specific. There is a possibility that I was mis reading his demeanor but judging by his behavior on the 18th that does not appear to be the case. Is it possible I did something to offend him? Yes but I am not aware of what it could have been and it is difficult to imagine what would justify his behavior

As far as "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" that is a fair comment and maybe name calling is not the most mature of responses. However, I had my hand out and was ready to move on. Sometimes as adults I think it makes sense to confront things and call things out.

[_MS22_]

Personally I think you handled yourself normally and with enough restraint just letting him know you were observant of his being a ****** and you were not akin to it.

As for me I'd just rip into him all round getting real close and saying "NICE SHOT" until he acknowledged me. Being a ***** myself but in a nice way, it usually gets people.

But do not listen to me I've been known to hit through obscenely slow groups, break off from two guys who were terrible and slowing myself and my brother down, and a host of other "uncouth" actions that I am not proud nor regretful of.

[BostonBob]

Bad "vibes" are natures way of telling us that the body has processed important threat information at a rate too fast for the brain articulate it. My experience is that it is best to not ignore these warnings.

At the first sign of malevolence, I would have either addressed it directly or simply left. Life is too short for aggravation.

Bob

[Sawgrass]

I once had an experience akin to that of the O.P.

It bothered me that the joyful potential of my round was ruined, and I thought a lot about it afterward.

I ended up deciding that no good can come from playing along side a malevolent person during a casual round.

I decided that next time I'll just do whatever it takes to get away from the guy, even if it means leaving and going to the range. You're not going to educate a crazy, or come to terms with him, so move into a healthy enviroment without explanaition is my best advice. (In a tournament I'd just use the force to try to beat him and try to enjoy the conflict.)

Fortunately, it's been about 20 years since I had that experience, and I haven't had to put my resolution to the test.

[rankoutsider]

The best thing to do is to ignore the guy completely and then dump them at the turn. You are going to ruin your day even worrying about A-hats like this. He probably just wanted to play as a twosome and was pissed that he got paired up with anyone. Some people are like that. The thing that peeves me, though, is that they still go to the course as a twosome: if you hate playing with strangers, get 3 other buddies or don't play golf that day.

I play often as a single and have had this experience a few times. It is fairly easy to ditch them after 9.

I don't think calling the guy what you called him is anything you should be sorry about. Maybe not how you want to behave in an ideal world, but he certainly deserved that and more. Good job showing a bit of restraint. Perhaps his buddy can straighten him out a bit.

[pingfool]

ALWAYS 2 sides to the story...
right or wrong - i would assume you must have done something the guy took offense to.
some people are sticklers for etiquette.

examine your own actions first...
maybe he was a *****, but MAYBE you did something he felt justified his coolness.

or, maybe he was a *****.

either way golf karma catches up with everybody at some point in time.

[optionstraderbc]

Been in your situation. You never know what is up someones butt. That being said not shaking your hand just tells me the kind of guy he is. Just let it roll off your back.

[rustyputterguy]

Were you there as a single?
I do that a lot and there are some people who think you're intruding when you join a group, which is pretty stupid when you're playing a muni.
I've been given "the look", but typically every things fine afer a couple of holes. Maybe this guy couldn't get over it??

[e fudd]

I use these situations to test my focus. As long as it was just a "vibe" and there was no verbal or physical altercation I would use the situation as a gauge to see how well you can block out distraction. That being said, I WOULD have a problem with the guy not shaking my hand when the round was over. Quiet and sullen--even to the point of menace--is one thing, not shaking hands without any explanation is outwardly disrespectful and I DEFINITELY would have said something about that.

[ap1_alan]

I'm pretty sure most of you disagree with me here... But since this guy just ignored you, and didn't actually do anything or say anything to you, i would suggest perhaps you were out of line

Maybe he is shy, just lacks social skills, or was having a bad day?

Either way, I wouldn't have personally insulted him as you did.

[tch_a]

[b]Maybe he is shy, just lacks social skills, or was having a bad day?

[/b]Perhaps - except that if any of those things were true not sure why he was able to shake my hand on the 1st tee and yet single me out for such treatment on the 18th.

I personally cannot imagine a situation where I am playing a recreational round of golf with a group of people and at the end of the round refuse to show some basic courtesy by shaking hands.

Is there a scenario where anyone considers this acceptable behavior?

On reflection I am comfortable with how I responded though the suggestion that you move on when you don't quite gel with your playing partners is a good one and something I will use if - god forbid - I find myself in a similar situation again.

[mat562]

In the OP's position - assuming that there was no legitimate reason for the bloke to have taken a set against me - I would have made my excuses and left after 9 holes (or whatever convenient point the topography of the course threw up) citing a reason for having to knock off early so ridiculously bizarre, and doing it in such a manner that I was, in effect, quite clearly saying 'you are such a complete **** that I can't stand to be in your presence for a moment longer' in every way other than by speaking the words.

[farmer]

Blow it off and move on.

[bigred90gt]

Perhaps he saw you take a leak during the play of the round, and since you were out on the course, you didnt wash up upon completion? Or perhaps he was just a *****. Just throwing that out there.

[velvet fog]

You should have waited for him in the parking lot with a 9 iron.

[ap1_alan]

[quote name='tch_a' date='17 March 2010 - 05:59 PM' timestamp='1268873983' post='2323825']
Maybe he is shy, just lacks social skills, or was having a bad day?[b]

[/b]Perhaps - except that if any of those things were true not sure [b]why he was able to shake my hand on the 1st tee[/b] and yet single me out for such treatment on the 18th.

I personally cannot imagine a situation where I am playing a recreational round of golf with a group of people and at the end of the round refuse to show some basic courtesy by shaking hands.

Is there a scenario where anyone considers this acceptable behavior?

On reflection I am comfortable with how I responded though the suggestion that you move on when you don't quite gel with your playing partners is a good one and something I will use if - god forbid - I find myself in a similar situation again.
[/quote]


Didn't catch that part from the first post. It does change things slightly.

However just moving on without the insult probably still would have been better. You let this guy get to you (enough to still be bothered by it days later), and you even gave him the satisfaction of letting him know it.

Don't let the a**holes of the world ruin a perfectly good round of golf!

[ScooterMcTavish]

In these types of situations, I like to imagine horrible things about the other person, which makes me feel better.

 

In your case, I believe his physical atrraction to you during the round is what came through as a negative vibe; by three holes, he was strung tighter than a piano string. During the round, this tension continued to build to where he couldn't respond to "Good shot!" for fear of breaking down and crying, or loudly professing his love. Then, faced with the prospect of actual physical contact on the 18th green, he needed to flee before he lost all control of himself.

 

There, feel better?

 

Seriously, I try to laugh off as much of these things as I can. By getting upset with his lack of decorum, he wins, as this is the reaction he wanted to create. By trivializing his behaviour, it highlights it for what it is - immature, and petty.

[rankoutsider]

Scooter--That avatar made my day. I'm still laughing about it half an hour later...

[cAsE sEnSiTiVe]

Since he apparently did greet you cordially on the first tee and then things went south from there, I would have called him on it and asked him if I did anything to annoy him. A lot of times that will bring a person who's been acting like a jerk, to his senses.

Some guys are just hotheads when they don't play to their expectations and really throw a blanket of negativity over the entire group. Been there, experienced that. Maybe you and he differed in your idea of what a quality shot is? I have seen guys who miss a shot by half a groove, only to fume when someone in the group calls good shot. You get some strange ducks out there sometimes.

Chalk it up and move on.

[sooperstring]

This reminds me of a situation recently.

Me and one of my friends went to the course. We don't get to play so much, so it was good to finally get out and play after a pretty brutal winter.. We were paired up with two singles on the first tees, both of whom seemed like nice guys, and off we went.

Anyway, on the third hole, I was trying to hit a fade into the green and strained my shoulder, which really sucked - it was a nice day, and I was looking forward to enjoying being out and playing 18, and early in the day, I hurt my shoulder? But I was determined to keep going - again, me and my buddy didn't get to play a lot and i didn't want to have to quit. So I decided to tough it out.

After a lackluster round, where I hit some pretty marginal shots (even though one of the singles sarcastically gave me a "nice shot" after a thin 8-iron over a par-3 that lucked into holding the green), on the last hole I just wanted to get into the car so I could get some Advil and the same sarcastic d**k who kept telling me "nice shot" when I couldn't hit it as well as I wanted because of my shoulder calls me a *****.

And then, he has the nerve to corner my friend after the round and say that I ruined his round and should lighten up!

God, I hope I don't get paired up with anyone like that again.

[harold baines]

I'm far from a great golfer, but I often play late in the evening and my game looks pretty good to some of those late night hackers

with the OP not knowing the other guy's game, it may be entirely possible that our OP was saying "great shot" when the "*****" had hit a terrible shot in his opinion


it's just part of the game when you play with strangers, some people don't want compliments, or don't want you to talk to their ball when it's in the air, some don't even really want to have a conversation with you as they're just out to golf not to BS with strangers


odds are that the OP did something he was unaware of that pissed this guy off, or the "*****" was just having an off day, or a combo, Definetly the OP took things way too personally.

[mozgolf]

The "nice shot" comment sprang to mind, if the shot was not good in his opinion. That phrase ranks as one of the most annoying things on the course in another thread.

The other thought was if you were playing much better than him, he might have taken the hump over that if he was a bit fragile. Still not an excuse for being a rude a**.