Good Senior Golf Joke

[Guia]

Did you hear the one about the Senior Golfer who

[MadGolfer76]

I had a good old guy joke, but I forgot.

I do remember a Buddy Rich story (who was both old and grouchy), though. It seems as if the short-tempered and impatient Rich, attempted golf with a few of his Hollywood friends, and made it about as far the 8th hole before firing his "final" shot into the pond. In typical Rich fashion, he picked up his clubs and threw them right in after the ball and stormed off over the hill to the parking lot.

At the turn, his playing partners spotted him marching back down over the hill to the pond, thinking he was coming back to give the round another try. To their surprise, Rich trudged into the pond, retrieved his golf bag, pulled his car keys out of the bag, and then threw the bag even further into the pond and stormed off to the parking lot again, finally leaving.

[MKSmith]

Playing a round with a friend and our wives, they walked to the forward tees and hit their drives and moved off to the side, to allow the men to tee off. I hit a liner that caught my wife in the temple and killed her. A week later I received a call from the coroner and he had a few questions for me. He had read the report and I had claimed that my tee shot had hit my wife in the head, but during the optopsy a golf ball was found buried in her rectum. I asked the coroner if the found ball was a Pro V1 #8, he said "why yes"...Yeah, that was my provisional...

To the young man that asked if marriage is that bad? If you like having money in your pocket and the ability to golf when you want, buy golf equipment on an impulse....Not so much and I got a good one

[teevons]

Nine Rules for Bedroom Golf


1. A player shall furnish his own equipment for play,normally one club and two balls.

2 .Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole

3. For most effective play,the club should have firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

4. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole

5. The object of the game is to take as many strokes necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in denial of perversion to play again.

6. It is considered bad form to begin playing hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced payers will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying attention to the well formed mounds and bunkers

7. Players are cautioned to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

8. Slow play is encouraged, however ,players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

9. It is considered outstanding performance ,time permitted, to play the same hole several times in one match.

[GatorNate11]

The bedroom rules of golf has to be one of my favorites.

[FLOGMR]

Note to "Mods"...I see that the problem is NOT solved...this thread still keeps dropping off my "Watched topics"

[MrParr1Noid]

[quote name='RM Golf' timestamp='1317614978' post='3617561']
Note to "Mods"...I see that the problem is NOT solved...this thread still keeps dropping off my "Watched topics"
[/quote]

Please post your inquiries / complaints here: " [color="#1C2837"][size="2"]Website Help, News & Feedback"[/size][/color]


Thank You

[FLOGMR]

It is not an inquiry...it is a notice that there is still a problem with the forum. This is the problem that you said was fixed a short time ago....just a note to let you know it is NOT!!

[texastee2]

Another husband reluctantly agreed to play with his wife in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club. At a 'blind' uphill 150 yard par 3 the wife was teeing off and the husband and other gent waited at the side of the green to watch the shots. His wife hit a beauty that stopped 8 inches short of the hole. "How close is that dear", she shouted. "It's the length of my pr**k away", he called down to her. "Well leave it for a short while", she shouted...."it may fall in"!!

[FLOGMR]

[i][b]Christmas Foursome [/b][/i][i][b]
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it.
Number 2 guy say “My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf" and she said......................................



"Take a sweater".[/b][/i]

[idrive]

My boss phoned me today

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I

haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm in the foursome behind you."

[GatorNate11]

Haha nice one iDrive.

[tembolo1284]

[quote name='idrive' timestamp='1324535526' post='3974515']
My boss phoned me today

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I

haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm in the foursome behind you."
[/quote]

that's funny. Would be horrying to experience though.

[teevons]

An elderly man goes to see his shrink dressed in only cellophane underwear and holding a golf club. The shrink walks into the room and elderly man says , hello doc, how are you? The doctor says , I am fine thank you, but I can definitely see your nuts!

[pdx5]

[color="#800080"][size=2]
[/size][/color]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]A gentleman finishes his shower in the men's lounge after playing a round[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]and to his dismay [/color][/size][size="5"][color="#800080"]discovers he left the locker key in his car parked outside.[/color][/size]
[color=#800080][size="5"]Having no access to his [/size][/color][color=#800080][size="5"]clothes, he decides he will just wrap a towel around his [/size][/color]
[color=#800080][size="5"]waist and walk over to his car to retrieve locker key.[/size][/color]
[color=#800080] [/color]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]However this guy has a large girth and the towel will not fit around his waist. So he decides he will just wrap the towel around his face like a mask and make a run for[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]the parking lot. As he is running through the lounge, the 3 ladies sitting at the bar [/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]enjoying adult beverages watch the naked man running through there.[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]
[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]The first lady whispers "Surely that was not my husband".[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]The second lady says "Not mine either".[/color][/size]
[size="5"][color="#800080"]The third lady says "Hell he is not even a member here, must be a guest".[/color][/size]

[GatorNate11]

Bahaha. Poor chap, must have been a cold shower.

[NoPro]

[size="2"] [/size][u] Will I Live to see 80?
[/u]
Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am over 70).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a .......?'

[Redhill]

My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm in the foursome behind you."

[DaSportsGuy]

Hahaha! That would be the end of you!

[MadGolfer76]

= Epic Fail...

[360_CS]

LOL

[FATC1TY]

When I was in transition from one company to another, I would leave work for the hell of it the middle of the day, and go play. I played EVERYDAY. Go in around 8:30, leave around 11, and go play. Of course, I also didn't care if I pissed anyone off because I was just about running the place, and they needed me more than I needed them at this point in time.

Pretty good times.. They'd call and need me, I'd tell 'em I was busy. I'd have everyone in my foursome stop beating balls and laughing, and get serious.

Till I came in one morning, and the interim GM asked me what I normally shoot. Made it even better that me and the only sales guy in the company left everyday, and he thought the sales guy was out doing calls and visiting customers. Little did he know, we just played golf and got paid everyday.

No one said a word about it!

Funny your boss was behind ya though!

[asong77]

Guys, unless I misunderstood, the title says golf joke. In any case, either way, hilarious!

 

My former boss always used to "work from home" during the summer. Meanwhile, whenever I called my boss's cell, I would always hear the unmistakable THWACK of tee shots in the background...

[GatorNate11]

Those weren't tee shots, that was simply aggressive stapling.

[MileHighClub]

My boss phoned me today.

He said . . . .

Never mind.

[DaSportsGuy]

[quote][size="2"][color="#060000"]A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"[/color][/size][/quote]

[azglfr]

Q. What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A. The golfer goes --- whack-----xxxx!

[MrParr1Noid]

Q. What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

 

A. The golfer goes --- whack-----xxxx!

 

Good One !

[starrman77]

I certainly related to this one. [url="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9nndS22Qda0?rel=0"]http://www.youtube.com/embed/9nndS22Qda0?rel=0[/url]

[MrParr1Noid]

Don't we all...