Could Use A Laugh....

[DavePelz4]

We're expanding our business and interviewing some recent college grads for a job in administration. I asked one of our final candidates what they were looking for as a package. The person said, “I'm looking In the range of $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits.” This is a VERY recent college grad from a directional state school.

This is just license to have fun with the person. I said, what would you think if in addition to $150K, we offered 6 weeks vacation, 10 paid holidays, we'll pay 100% of your medical and dental insurance and a give you a company car?”

The candidate got really wide eyed and started smiling and said, "Are you kidding?”

I said “Yeah, but you started it.”

Ah the entitlement generation.

[Bob Cat]

Serious question: Were their shoes untied?

I work with a ~30 year old that, even in a suit and tie, will still not tie his damn shoes.

[DavePelz4]

Honestly don't remember the shoes, sorry. One of the other candidates brought 2 under 5 year old kids and thought they could be in the interview with her.

[Argonne69]

13: I'm such a bad number.

666: Lol. Aw, ain't that cute.

2020: Hold my beer.

[DavePelz4]

Last night, I was watching some old Andy Griffith reruns on the Me TV network. All they talked about was the peaceful town of Mayberry.  Then it dawned on me, why that's the case. All of the main characters are single.  Andy, Helen, Barney, Thelma Lou, Aunt Bee, Gomer, Floyd etc. are not married. The only married character is Otis, and he's smashed 98% of the time.  Maybe that's why it's such a peaceful town.

[RSinSG]

This is a good thread to resurrect. 
 

Two couples we’re playing golf and the wives were standing on the red tees waiting for the husbands to tee off. One husband hits a viscous low hook that hits his wife in the back of her head dropping her like a rock. When the doctor was talking to the man he confirmed the ball hitting her head was fatal, but then said “Upon further examination I located a ball imbedded in her rectum. Can you explain? Husband says “Well yeah, that was my mulligan. “

Edited June 2, 2021 by RSinSG
Spelling

[Murphy76]

A rich man and a poor man are having dinner.

 

The rich man says "I bought my wife a new BMW sedan, and a diamond bracelet.  That way, if she doesn't like the bracelet, she can drive to the jeweler to change it."

 

The poor man said: "I did the same thing!!  I bought my wife an apron and a dildo for Christmas!"

 

The rich man replied: " Huh?? "

 

The poor man:  "If she doesn't like the apron, she can go f*ck herself."

 

 

 

[Murphy76]

 

If Elvis were alive today, what do you think he'd say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Help!!  I'm trapped in a coffin!  I can't breathe!  Help!  Where is everyone??  It's dark!  Help!!"

[DavePelz4]

Last night over a dirty martini I asked Mrs. Pelz a question i've always wanted answered.  I asked her if I was the only one she'd ever slept with.  She hesitated, said she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but the answer was yes.  She went on to say the others had been 9s or 10s with the occasional 6.

Edited July 26, 2021 by DavePelz4

[touch]

 

 

[DavePelz4]

The band "Rage Against the Machine" is requiring concert attendees to be vaccinated.

 

Might be time to update that band name.

[Dpavs]

Just sharing some stuff I've seen recently!

 

 

 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Dpavs

[touch]

 

 

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by touch

[Dpavs]

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. am going to my Mom's place."

l opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold... What the hell is she talking about?'

 

 

Edited December 6, 2021 by Dpavs

[Dpavs]

...

 

Edited December 3, 2021 by Dpavs

[touch]

[DavePelz4]

For the last 4 years since Med started this thread, I've shared that December is the month when Mrs. Pelz's mother comes for her annual reign of terror holiday visit. As per usual, we give each other a bottle of wine that represent the the total disgust warm feelings we have for each other. This year I surprised her with a nice Chardonnay...

 

 

 

She so graciously expressed her thought of me with this fine red blend...

 

 

Can't you just feel the holiday magic?

[DavePelz4]

In addition to golf I love to cook and am a Food Network junkie.  It appears they've run out of ideas for new shows.

 

Last night there was a show with a zombie making Asian food.  The title of the show was "Dead Man Wok-ing."

[airjammer]

Not mine but I thought it was pretty good. 

Edited January 22, 2022 by airjammer

[Argonne69]

A bit of black humor on the course a few days ago here in Florida. Standing on the teebox with my playing partners waiting to hit, and an ambulance goes by near the course with sirens blaring. Without missing a beat, one of them says, "Another estate sale to stop at next week."

 

[sui generis]

A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank to give blood, and the nurse at the reception desk asks each of them what their blood type is. "I’m pretty sure I’m a Type O," says the rabbit.

[Yringa]

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.
He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

[DavePelz4]

Found a course deep in Brazil on a biz trip that only had holes 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 and 17. 

 

It was named Amazon Prime.

[DavePelz4]

On a recent trip to Alaska, I found myself paired with 3 locals.  Nice guys, but my mind was in other places and not on golf.  Just couldn't get Intuit.

[dugue4]

My all time favorite joke:

 

So a baby seal walks into a club.

[Soloman1]

[Hickory4ever]

 

Too close to the truth for most of us here.

[airjammer]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CakSub8Fa3F/?utm_medium=copy_link
 

Clubproguy