Not having fun anymore

[getitdaily]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

I think this is the correct sentiment.

 

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

 

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

 

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

 

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

 

Without offending?

 

This is called being assertive. You don't have to be concerned about whether someone is going to be offended or not by being assertive. I could give a rat's behind whether someone is offended or not because I say no.

 

If I don't want to play in a group then I let them move along. There's too much concern over whether things we say or do are going to offend someone these days.

[Big Ben]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

I think this is the correct sentiment.

 

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

 

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

 

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

 

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

 

Without offending?

 

This is called being assertive. You don't have to be concerned about whether someone is going to be offended or not by being assertive. I could give a rat's behind whether someone is offended or not because I say no.

 

If I don't want to play in a group then I let them move along. There's too much concern over whether things we say or do are going to offend someone these days.

I absolutely agree with that. Lots of passive aggressive banter these days. Days gone bye nobody had there feelings hurt it was accepted. Now everyone has an opinion or argument. At some point in the day we need to be ourselves both good and bad.

[getitdaily]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

I think this is the correct sentiment.

 

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

 

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

 

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

 

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

 

Without offending?

 

This is called being assertive. You don't have to be concerned about whether someone is going to be offended or not by being assertive. I could give a rat's behind whether someone is offended or not because I say no.

 

If I don't want to play in a group then I let them move along. There's too much concern over whether things we say or do are going to offend someone these days.

I absolutely agree with that. Lots of passive aggressive banter these days. Days gone bye nobody had there feelings hurt it was accepted. Now everyone has an opinion or argument. At some point in the day we need to be ourselves both good and bad.

 

I'm willing to bet OP suffers from this. I'm also willing to bet that he's more concerned with being accepted by that group of good players than he is about just playing his game.

 

Seems to me he needs to be ok telling them he wants to play alone and work on things AND not worry about whether he gets that group's affirmation.

[Millbrook]

Why not tell your buddies that your aim is too improve and get to scratch but it's been hindered by the competitive rounds. Say you have the option of playing alone for a while but only joining them for odd rounds without joining in the comp. if they are ok with that.

[MelloYello]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

I think this is the correct sentiment.

 

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

 

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

 

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

 

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

 

Without offending?

 

This is called being assertive. You don't have to be concerned about whether someone is going to be offended or not by being assertive. I could give a rat's behind whether someone is offended or not because I say no.

 

If I don't want to play in a group then I let them move along. There's too much concern over whether things we say or do are going to offend someone these days.

 

 

The domain over which that model of human interaction will produce useful results is not infinite.

 

More explicitly...if you tell your friends to piss off often enough, they're going to start ignoring you.

 

In real life, people don't have access to an unlimited number of "new friends." So you have to balance the give and take.

 

Be assertive, but balance that by being friendly.

[getitdaily]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

I think this is the correct sentiment.

 

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

 

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

 

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

 

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

 

Without offending?

 

This is called being assertive. You don't have to be concerned about whether someone is going to be offended or not by being assertive. I could give a rat's behind whether someone is offended or not because I say no.

 

If I don't want to play in a group then I let them move along. There's too much concern over whether things we say or do are going to offend someone these days.

 

 

The domain over which that model of human interaction will produce useful results is not infinite.

 

More explicitly...if you tell your friends to piss off often enough, they're going to start ignoring you.

 

In real life, people don't have access to an unlimited number of "new friends." So you have to balance the give and take.

 

Be assertive, but balance that by being friendly.

 

Well absolutely. Nowhere did I say "be a jerk". Assertiveness is not rude. It's a nice balance between rude and pushover.

 

A simple "not today guys, I'm going to do some on course practice" or "not today guys, gotta get a quick round in and get home" is the assertiveness I'm referring to.

[MelloYello]

Ain't that what I said, too?

[getitdaily]

Ain't that what I said, too?

 

Yeah. Good/good? Next tee?

 

Lol

[Sean2]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

 

Not because they don't LIKE you, but because part of WHY some guys play golf is the action and the competition. I am that way. I much, much prefer playing for something than playing for nothing. And guys like me tend to find other guys who feel the same way. It's been that way at every club I've ever played at.

 

Only you know that group, OP. But it sounds like to me that you love golf, you just don't like playing for money?

 

That is understandable. I can only go by my experience. Many of the folks I play golf with are younger, and low/mid single digit golfers. They invite me along to play, but know I am not going to put any money down, and they know I will play a different set of tee boxes. I deeply appreciate it because I understand what you are saying.

[TheLarch]

Things that are fun:

Water skiing

Snow skiing

Riding roller coasters

Go karts

 

 

Things that can be enjoyable, but are not "fun":

Golf

 

[Lefthook]

To op,

 

Here’s my suggestion. Suggest a team best ball format. 2 or 3 best balls, depending on the size of the team. Automatic press when a team is 2 down. Then throw in a skins game 1 - 3 dollars depending of how superior the best player is.

 

I lived with this format for 3 years, it started probably 10 years earlier - and I bet they are still playing it. It’s the best money game ever invented, imo.

[bigfatant]

I know how you feel OP. I think trying to perform well all the time is stressful enough. Especially when you know you've played better in the past and especially in pressure situations. Anyway just do whatever you want whenever and remember it's ultimately your choice on how you spend your leisure time.

[A.Princey]

The betting really gets in your head at times, I play so much better with my dad than I ever do/will with my "gambling" college friends.

 

It becomes something more when you're not only thinking about your round, but how well the other group members are playing. Especially if you are playing straight up, man the tension at times is palpable.

[NoTalentLefty]

We use an opt out for our 2 dollar birdie pot. No one cares if someone opts out. If they have a beef with it. they are not good friends.

[msg]

Haha we are in the same boat, my friend. Two weeks or three weeks ago I was playing at a high level. Suddenly I can't hit my driver, then my woods and hybrids followed. Then my irons, pitching, chipping and putting. I can't break 100 at our home course where I usually shoot anywhere from 78 to 85. I don't know what to do and I hate going to the course now. I want to take a break but we have a few months here in Canada before snow comes back. I know what to do to address my swing issues but I cannot do it because of lack of talent maybe? Haha.

 

I don't know but when you play at a decent level and come crashing down, it is difficult to both accept it and to go through the process. Each hole is so painful that I have not played a whole 18 holes recently. I just hope that this is just a bad stretch. I am a few inches away from getting a golf lesson.

 

Like you when I tell my wife about it, she calls me a drama queen. When I tell my buddies how I feel about my struggles, they tell me that I am full of sh@t and to man up and play through it.

 

First world problems indeed. I am thinking of running or cycling again and try golf again next year. It has gotten that bad. We also bet but they have no problem when I asked them that I opt out of it.

[FourTops]

What kind of money are we talking about? I always have $100 cash just in case, but I bargain for as many strokes as possible, or favorable rules. If it's more than losing $100, then I'm out...that's my limit.

[whynotgolf]

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

 

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

 

Not because they don't LIKE you, but because part of WHY some guys play golf is the action and the competition. I am that way. I much, much prefer playing for something than playing for nothing. And guys like me tend to find other guys who feel the same way. It's been that way at every club I've ever played at.

 

Only you know that group, OP. But it sounds like to me that you love golf, you just don't like playing for money?

 

I prefer having a little something on the round...for 10+ yrs I played golf mostly with my best friend. Initially we were about the same scoring level, but at some point golf became more about getting out of the house and less about what he shot for him and our scores started to reflect that week in week out. He didn't want to bet anymore. Nothing personal, but I finally told him I think we're better off not playing for a while. He thought it was about the money...it really wasn't...I just felt my game was stuck in the mud.

 

I started playing with two new guys...better players and the 1st 5 or 6 rounds, it was just golf. I suppose they were kind of feeling my game out. They said why don't we put a little something on the rounds to keep our interest...even though I felt they were a little better than me, I welcomed it and I took it shorts for a month or so, but eventually with practice and more rounds with them, my game raised to their level and now, it's up in the air, any given week, and several weeks we tie, so no money changes hands....the stakes are small. But no one likes handing over even a $1 every week so it pushes us to grind out holes...I've played some of my best golf with these guys as a result.

 

2+ yrs into this, we've now been looking at adding a regular "4th"...to my surprise, a lot of the players we've played with want to be the regular 4th, but have been reluctant to wager...thinking it would take their focus away from golf and make it more about the money...that's precisely why it's a low stakes game...but to each his own. If $5 front, $5 back, $5 overall puts too much pressure on you, we understand, but we'd rather not have a regular 4th that's not in the game.

 

I get the sense the OP is in over his head with his group...if that were me, I'd have no problem saying, I need to raise my game up before I can be a regular with you guys.

[whynotgolf]

What kind of money are we talking about? I always have $100 cash just in case, but I bargain for as many strokes as possible, or favorable rules. If it's more than losing $100, then I'm out...that's my limit.

 

My limit is $20...years ago I played with a guy that wanted to play $50 a side, even up. On that day I had the money in my pocket and felt like I could take him so I agreed....long story short, he lost the front and the back, but he didn't pay me...said he would pay me the next round. Some weeks later, the "next round" occurs and he pays me and wants the same game. I said I'll give you a chance to win back your money, but only what you have on you now, you're putting way too much pressure on yourself wagering for more than you have in your pocket....secondly, I prefer if the round is about the competition...if the stakes are too high, it becomes more about the stakes and that's not why I'm out here.

[Lefthook]

Just enough $ to sharpen the game, and too little to make an impact in the household - except, perhaps for young kids who dream of playing golf for a living. I don’t mind putting a few $ extra in their pockets.

[bladehunter]

If your boys handicaps are scratch and yours is not then get your pops or don't play in there game. That's what the handicap system is for! I'm a 5 and if a 3 said hey let's just play straight up I would laugh at him then walk into the shop and figure out my bumps.

 

Really ? Over two pops ? Must take 3 hours to figure out who gets what and how before you play ? I play in a regular 12-20 man game and we aren’t giving out shots. Rare occasion is someone who obviously needs 4 a Side and wants to call someone out. Then is between those two to figure it out. Anything can happen between a 3 and a 5. That’s like a +2 wanting a stroke From a +3. The answer would be GTFO of here ! Lol.

[Chowdah86]

It sort of hit me out of the blue but suddenly golf has become something i have started to dread. I got back into it 3 years ago and wanted to get back to scratch and have gotten myself down to a 3-to 4 handicap and absolutely hit the wall. I recently joined a club and was excited to join since several of my playing buddies are members but since becoming a member i almost feel like I HAVE to golf. If i sit at home, or workout, or do anything else on a free day i feel like i am wasting money. I honestly only have fun playing alone anymore. Last night I went down to the club around 6 and was excited to play/practice on the course alone and as i got to the tee my playing partners were on their second 18. I felt obligated to join them and on the first tee it was all about what we were playing for. I took a double on 1, double on 2, par on the 3rd and on the 4th snapped a ball OB. They were all hovering around par. I politely told them to play on and that i needed to work on somethings. Once I was on my own i felt peace and went on to play well the remainder of the way, Today i was supposed to play and backed out almost all day i was dreading another competitive round. I really do not know what to do... I am now paying 250 plus a month for a club and seem to be hating the game. I do not want to quit because i absolutely regret when i gave up golf in 2005 and know thats not the answer. Sorry for the vent...lol my fiance would just laugh and make fun of such a 1st world problem.

 

 

 

Your fiance would be correct.

 

I think you've had an existential moment. Look man, Im not sure how old you are. My guess is that you are on the younger side, and I say that respectfully. As you move forward in life, you will be faced with many more existential moments. Moments of clarity, where you snap out of your daily menutia mindset and realize something, big or small. Some of the these moments ahead of you are going to be incredibly serious, relating to death and familiy, friends etc. THrough these experiences, you will gain persepective and ultimately, wisdom. I think, with this one, you just realized that chasing scratch is a pain in the butt, not fun at all. You may have realized that golf isnt always fun. You may be wondering why the heck you are doing it. It can be an enjoyable passtime, but sometimes there are much better things to do with your time.

 

Theres a lot of BS around golf. Websites, forums, paycheck draining equipment, multi-million dollar tounaments, hundreds of years of history and gaudy ceremonies for the so-called greats of the game. With all this BS, it can be easy to forget that its just a silly game that presumably exists for no other reason but to benefit us in some way; To have fun and perhaps to help us grow through its incredible difficulty. As soon as this BS riddled game starts dragging you down, you just need to lighten up and get some perspective. 3 hcp is a hell of an accomplishment. Give it a break. Try someinthg else for a bit and come back to it. Have some fun before you die!

[MelloYello]

You could also just "donate" to a pot each time you play and have an end-of-the-year winner according to best round or something like that. Think of it like Fantasy sports.

 

Let's say you have a foursome of guys. Each agrees to chip in $2 per round. Let's say you each get 25 rounds a year (that's 1 every 2 weeks).

$2 x 25 rounds x 4 guys = $200 to the winner at the end of the year. Bump it up to $5 per round and you're talking $500 to the winner. That's a good prize.

 

At least that way there's no "huge" investment and no pressure if things go off the rails on a particular day.

 

You could even do "monthly" pots as well if you're playing often enough.

$5 x 4 rounds x 4 guys = $80 per month to the winner. That's buys something cool in the Pro Shop.

[A.Princey]

I'll tell you what's not fun, just happened to me 2 days ago. I'm in the best stretch of golf in my last 10 years, right now, and I went to the range 2 nights ago. Most days at the range are a struggle because my swing breaks down after a couple dozen balls(over gripping, getting quick, etc). I got cocky....

 

Anyway, it's hot as hell and humid to boot, my grips are getting slick and I'm sweating my way into a medium bucket. Halfway through, my contact was halfassed, I hit a shank, and I was ready to leave the remainder in the bucket.

 

Well I stood there, looked at the balls still left, and knew right then I wasn't gonna quit and leave those damn things behind. Against better judgement, I continued sweating worse than ever and hit even worse shots to end the "session". Any and all good feelings about how well I've played for past 2 months vanished right with that bucket, damn it!!!

 

I'm a 2 shot, every 5 min kind of player. Hitting ball after ball ruins my swing. Maybe I should ask the range guy next time if I can get 10 balls for a dollar and leave it at that....

 

 

[Hubijerk]

I think you need to have a long honest conversation with yourself as to why you play golf in the first place. I heard Jack Nicklaus say something to the effect that he really didn't love golf as much as he loved competing. I understand that, I feel the same way.

 

Personally I don't play golf for exercise, I exercise for exercise.. I don't do it for the people, I pretty much hate people... I do it for the competition. I enjoy looking at my opponent and seeing him demoralized, knowing he can play as well as he can and he's still going to lose. When I raced bikes I felt the same way, I enjoyed the the pain, I enjoyed inflicting pain, and I enjoyed watching the other riders give up because they were unwilling to endure the same amount of suffering I was.

 

When the day comes, and I'm in my mid 30's now so it's probably not that long off, that I can't really compete anymore at the level I want to, I will just stop playing. I've walked away from the game before, I will again. I actually cannot tell you the last time I went and played just for enjoyment.. Every round is either a practice round or a competitive round.

 

If you want to be a social golfer, you need to change you're golf circle... I have quit rounds when paired with recreational beer swilling tourists, not because I thought any less of them but because there was no challenge for me, listening to them tell me good shot ever time the ball lands on grass get's annoying, and frankly I just wasn't interested or engaged. But yet my circle of solid players can have a few beers, listen to some music, bust each others balls and I'll have a great time, because were still trying to rip each others heart out every hole and while were casually playing for fun, it's still at a much higher level.

[Lagavulin62]

It’s probably just early but some of these responses are so full of bull. Almost as silly as their 350 yard drives. But hey, whatever rocks your boat.

[bladehunter]

I think you need to have a long honest conversation with yourself as to why you play golf in the first place. I heard Jack Nicklaus say something to the effect that he really didn't love golf as much as he loved competing. I understand that, I feel the same way.

 

Personally I don't play golf for exercise, I exercise for exercise.. I don't do it for the people, I pretty much hate people... I do it for the competition. I enjoy looking at my opponent and seeing him demoralized, knowing he can play as well as he can and he's still going to lose. When I raced bikes I felt the same way, I enjoyed the the pain, I enjoyed inflicting pain, and I enjoyed watching the other riders give up because they were unwilling to endure the same amount of suffering I was.

 

When the day comes, and I'm in my mid 30's now so it's probably not that long off, that I can't really compete anymore at the level I want to, I will just stop playing. I've walked away from the game before, I will again. I actually cannot tell you the last time I went and played just for enjoyment.. Every round is either a practice round or a competitive round.

 

If you want to be a social golfer, you need to change you're golf circle... I have quit rounds when paired with recreational beer swilling tourists, not because I thought any less of them but because there was no challenge for me, listening to them tell me good shot ever time the ball lands on grass get's annoying, and frankly I just wasn't interested or engaged. But yet my circle of solid players can have a few beers, listen to some music, bust each others balls and I'll have a great time, because were still trying to rip each others heart out every hole and while were casually playing for fun, it's still at a much higher level.

 

Agree 100 %. There will come a day when I will lay it down and just Coach/ follow my boy on his journey. It my competitive outlet too. And even getting better is a competitive release.

 

And you don’t have to be “ great” to feel that way. It’s all relative. I work in the heat , and get plenty of outdoor time on the farm. So I don’t play for that. It isn’t relaxing. And I sure as hell don’t like most people. Lol. So yes. It’s to compete. Nothing more. When I hit a tall enough wall I’ll quit. I won’t plateau forever.