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The Official Saturday Morning Rant (July 10th Edition)

"Restaurant Hell"

 

OK, so we've been eating at home for more than a year and sometimes doing takeout. Maybe it was time to take our long-ago vaccinated bodies out and sit down in a restaurant again and have someone else do the cooking and dishes. Off we went to an Italian food chain called Maggiano's. First time to go inside, but had takeout once and it was pretty good and looked nice inside when I picked it up.

 

Made a reservation and reserved a booth. The person on the other end was polite and cheerful. All set.

 

Show up at zero hour and the host sends us off to be seated by a guy who looks exactly like Garth Algar from Wayne's World (see below - he really did look like this).

 

No worries.

We walk about three feet and he points to a tiny little table right behind the host stand against the wall and a frosted window. I explained that we made a reservation for one of the booths, like all of those empty ones over there...

 

He counters immediately, "Oh, but this table has a nice view."

 

"We reserved one of those booths," I said again quietly, not wanting to make a scene.

 

He insisted that this was where we should sit.

 

Ok, enough of this. I said, "I'm sorry young man, but that's the wrong answer. The correct answer is, 'Yes sir, I'll take care of it immediately.'"

 

We get our booth after jousting with Garth. Let it go and enjoy the dinner.

 

Our waiter with a nasty beard half-covered with a dirty mask shows up. He's full of swagger for some reason. We get a couple glasses of wine. He brings some hot bread and our order is squared away. We're going to split a salad and a spicy red sauce pasta dish. Portions are just too big now for one human to eat by themselves. I'm trying to keep my dinners under 10,000 calories.

 

Mr. Swagger plunks the salad dish onto the table and scurries away. We wait and wait until he walks by and I remind him that we were going to split this salad. Can he at least get us another plate? We get another plate. No apology, just another plate. OK, I think we've successfully maneuvered around the last roadblock of the night.

 

Mr Swagger plunks down the big entree plate and two small plates. We're doing good! He disappears immediately. He has no other tables yet, but he's always gone.

 

We start to put some on the plates and realize that this is not what we ordered. Mr Swagger is nowhere to be found. Since we're sitting next to the congregating area where all the wait staff talk about their lives, their loves, their diseases, their troubles, their hangovers, etc., I ask one if they can find our waiter. I get an eye roll, but at least someone will go find him.

 

Sometimes I just have to take a break, take a breath and reset my mind to understand and accept that this is the new standard of service.

 

Swagger shows up. I tell him that this isn't what we ordered. He asks what we ordered. I told him to look at his ticket. He takes the food away. No "I'm sorry," no "I apologize." Nothing. He says he'll get it out right away. I tell him not to rush, we're not in a hurry. I just want it cooked properly.

 

He brings out the correct entree and drops it on the table, then he's off again to the mystery hang out. No plates, and even better, no silverware, since he took ours when he picked up the wrong entree.

 

Sigh.

 

He's nowhere to be found. I have to ask Mr Eyeroll again to please (we must say "please" and "thank you" to them, lest they get offended) find Mr Swagger. He returns and says he can't find him. He shows up just as the dish has reached that degree of coolness that it's not as appetizing as it looked. He asks what I need.

 

I say nothing. I look at him, then the table, then him, then the table, hoping he might be able to figure this out on his own.

 

Nope. He's totally oblivious to the fact that we have no plates or silverware. What the hell was I thinking? I have to spell it out to him.

 

Sigh. This place isn't cheap. I'm not going to make a scene. They have a special thing where you can order an entree to go for $5 if you eat in and they're delicious. Just heat them up yourself. We ordered two.

 

Right on cue, Mr Swagger brought us the check (he didn't forget the check...) and a bag with the entrees. I just want to leave, so I don't check the bag.

 

And right on cue, we check at home and the orders in the bag were wrong.

 

Another frustration was that sitting right next to each other, we could not hear each other. The music was so loud that no one in the restaurant was talking. Everyone was screaming. No one could hear each other without screaming.

 

Naturally, you cannot talk to, or write to, anyone in the corporate HQ. No phone numbers and no email addresses are on the site. They don't even have a street address because you might actually write a letter to them.

 

They learned their lesson that the best way to stop hearing complaints is stop giving people a way to complain.

 

I called the restaurant the next day. Without going into details, I asked to talk with the manager about my experience there and was told that the manager would definitely call me that day or the next day. That was over a week ago. I guess I'll keep waiting? I'm sure the manager is just too busy and will call me later.

 

It's all me. It can't be them. If it was them, the place would be struggling to stay in business. It's packed every day with people who think much differently than I do. They think it's great that everything is wrong, or they just don't care.

 

I have to learn to accept that this is the new standard of service. Or I have to stay at home.

 

Rant over!

 

 

 

garth.png

Edited by Soloman1
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i don’t need no stinkin’ shift key

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